PAST. YEAR 2011 (26 YEARS OLD)

Hey. Lee Dong Hae here. This has been the day I’ve been waiting for a long time. I’ll finally be discharged.

Inside the army, I did really well. It was filled with hardships and things I didn’t look forward to, but this is the place where I had realized how important it was to serve my country.

Inside this edifice… I still couldn’t help but to think of her… Even if she asked me to forget her… I couldn’t help but to think how she was. I didn’t want to admit this sometimes.

As time passed by, the pain gradually suppressed. I gained confidence. I became an optimist again. I left what I have in past, and determined to live  a new leaf now. But still, I know I couldn’t forget her. Deep in me… somewhere in the bottom of my heart… I know… and I think I still love her. I know I need to face the truth that everything about us was just history. She’s not mine anymore.

When I got out the army, I saw a woman by the tree not to far away from the gates. Though I couldn’t see her clearly, she was wearing a white dress, looking at me with a smile. She waved a hand at me, like she was the fairy of happiness.

But in few seconds, I recognized her.

Song Hae Ra?

I rubbed my eyes and checked again if what I was seeing is true. But the woman disappeared.

It must be an illusion.

“DongHae! Dude! You’re free!” I heard a voice shouted. I turned around and let go of my luggage I was clutching. I ran and hug my friends who were coming for me. Hee Chul and Ki Bum. Jong Woon hyung and uncle were behind, smiling at me. I could sense that they were really proud of my accomplishment. But then I saw someone else beside them.

It was my neighbor, Cho Kyu Hyun.

“Hyung! Dudes! Uncle!” I greeted and we chatted for a while. 2 years was too long for us not to have done things together like hanging out. Their lives were already successful, riding the waves of life. They were obviously happy.

“Wait, someone wanted to see you. Your cousin met him back at Incheon. You were his friend, according to him.” Ki Bum informed. KyuHyun, with a huge grin, approached me.

“How are you?” I asked as I gave him a quick hug. We high-fived. “Man, I missed you.” I added. He chuckled.

“Who wouldn’t miss hanging out with you beside the lake?” He laughed. “Anyway, I came here because I wanted to handle you something.” He added. He gave me a white envelope. The same handwriting. The same name. Chills were sent into my spine.

I quickly opened and didn’t even ask how he got it.

 

December 2010.

Lee Dong Hae.

 

                                    Hello! How are you? I heard you got enlisted into the army. Probably, you’ll read this when I’m already gone. I just ask you that you’d read this letter until the last sentence, even if I know I have hurt you.

 

Do you still remember those times when we were still kids? Didn’t we wish in the grotto? Since then, I’ve really liked you. My leaf, it sank, right? Because I know that it will be impossible for my wish to have come true. My wish was for us to be together forever. Because I know that my days were already counted. Yes, since when I was a kid, I already have an ailment in my heart. The doctors said that I won’t be able to live much longer, so for the first time, I left you to be treated in Seoul.

 

But then I also didn’t stop looking for you. I’m sorry if I have always been leaving you. It was because I was trying to forget you. Because I thought if I’d always try and leave you, you’ll forget about me… even if I said you’d wait… and I’d wait. But I know to myself I just can’t watch you being hurt. I would always come back for you because I don’t want you to wait.

 

I don’t want you to have a painful experience just because I left the Earth. That is why I’d always go far away from you. But I just couldn’t.

 

I… I really didn’t actually go to Europe. I lied. I was watching you from afar inside the airport, until I’d see you found the necklace. It pains me to do so, but it was the only thing I could do so you’d not be furthermore hurt. Because during that time… the seconds… the minutes… the days of my lives are coming into an end.

 

Oh, so then this is it. Good Bye! I just wanted to tell you that I have and will always be loving you… and I’m officially letting you go. This is it… Father is already waiting for me above. I love you so so much, Dong hae. Thank you for teaching me how to love.

 

Until next time.

 

                                                                                               

                                                                                                            Song Hae Ra.

Maybe that’s why when we were still young… she wasn’t allowed to go outside. Because she’s sick… and she will be hurt if she’d meet some people she’ll learn to love… only to find out that she is going to leave sooner than them.

I cried. How could I not see this coming? I couldn’t do anything but to wipe the tears off that started to damp the paper.

“How did this get to you, KyuHyun? Where is Hae Ra?” I asked. My friends became worried at me.

“Because Hae Ra is my friend… and I live here in Seoul, actually. She sent me to Incheon so that I could accompany you, and because she doesn’t want you to become lonely. Sorry for lying, Dong Hae.” He answered.

I stared back to the letter. My uncontrolled tears were starting to ruin it.

“If you’d ask the place where she was buried, it was beside the lake. This was her request.” Kyu Hyun added.

I gazed at the tree where I had seen her earlier, and I saw her again, waving her hand at me… smiling. Just like earlier.

But in just one blink of an eye, she vanished. Even if I know that it was an illusion, everything in that moment felt real.