I really enjoyed the ride back to Joon’s house, but I kind of missed the feeling of having someone to hold on to. Regardless of that person being Kikwang or not, I still liked wrapping my arms around something so warm and welcoming. It really made me miss my grandma. Does she still miss me? What if she’s forgotten all about me after all these years? I mean, her memory is slowly dying, and I wouldn’t blame her for forgetting about me.

I decided to go visit my grandma at the nursing home. It was a fairly long drive, but I was pretty sure Joon wouldn’t have really minded if I took a little detour before returning his bike. Besides, if he were to get mad at anyone, it would be Kikwang for letting me take his bike in the first place.

I arrived at the nursing home and went over to the lady at the front desk.

“Jun Minyoung,” I said to her. “Is she here? I’m her granddaughter, Jun Hyosung.”

“Ah, yes. Follow me,” the lady replied, leading me towards my grandma’s room. As I peaked inside the room, I felt my heart sink. My grandma looked more brittle and weak than before. She still managed to put a smile on her face, but it just made my heart hurt more. If I kept going on like this, I would eventually end up like her – waiting for life to pass.

“Hyosung...” she mumbled, holding her arms out as I bent over to hug her.

‘Hi’ was all I could say at the moment.

“You still remember me?” she asked. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I never forgot about you,” I smiled. “How are you?”

“I’m still as wrinkly as usual,” she said, trying to force a laugh. “What about you? Do you have a boyfriend yet?”

“Of all things to talk about, you ask about my love life?” I chuckled. Seeing her smiling, even in a lonely nursing home, made me wonder how she is able to cover up her solitude all the time.

“In about ten more years, when you get married, I want to be the first one to know about your wedding,” she said.

“I...” I didn’t know what to tell her. What was I supposed to say? Could I just bluntly say, ‘I can’t tell you when I get married because I’m going to kill myself before that happens’?

“So you don’t like anyone at the moment?” she asked.

“Not really,” I shrugged.

“No one is courting you right now?” she said with a cheeky smile.

“Yah, no one ‘courts’ these days,” I laughed. “But I haven’t really found anyone yet. I don’t really plan on getting a boyfriend.”

“Aw, you should try spending time with someone,” she replied. “What about that boy that lives on your street? Oh, what was his name...Joon?”

“You know Joon too?” I grunted. “How come I’m the only one who never knew about him until yesterday?”

“Your mother and I thought it would be fun to see you two meet on your own. Your mother especially hoped that it would be ‘fate’ for you two to meet,” she replied with a chuckle. “She can be so silly sometimes.”

“Yeah, well...Joon has a girlfriend already,” I mumbled.

“Well I think he’s missing out,” she winked. It was amazing how interested my grandma was in my life. It was like her weak body couldn’t even bring her down or restrain her when it came to talking to me about my life.

“You are such a teenager,” I laughed. “Honestly, don’t count on me getting a boyfriend any time soon.”

“I, for one, think that you’re going to get married. I’d bet my life on it – that is, if I had enough life left in me to bet on,” she said. I could see her forcing a smile after saying those words. It killed me inside realizing the truth behind them. After all, her life could go at any moment, and it scared me.

“Yah, don’t joke around like that,” I replied, trying to hold back my tears. I didn’t need another replay of what happened a few years ago. My mother and I visited her when I was still in elementary school, and whether I was dumb at the time or not, I was at least smart enough to realize my grandma’s suffering at the nursing home. It wasn’t that we didn’t love her - it was that we couldn’t afford to take care of her every day. It would have been too costly to pay for everything, or hire a caregiver to take care of her while my mother was at work. I don’t know if my grandma knew the reason for putting her in a nursing home, but I could at least hope she did.

“Listen to me...Even if I die within the next ten years, I want you to write me a letter about your wedding plans. Send it across the ocean – and I’ll find a way to get it,” she added, handing me a small sheet of purple paper. Her fragile hand quivered as she handed the paper to me. “Promise me that I’ll be the first one – promise.”

“I...um...I promise,” I replied. I felt my eyes getting watery. She was so oblivious about what was going to happen in two years, and as guilty as I felt, I didn’t have the heart to tell her about it. I couldn’t handle it anymore, and decided to leave.

“I have to go,” I said, getting up from my chair.

“You’re leaving so soon?” she frowned. “It hasn’t even been ten minutes. I was really looking forward to talking to you.” Her eyes were pleading for me to stay. It wasn’t even the same pleading look that I would get from my mother almost every day. This time, it really hurt.

“I’ll come back another time. I promise,” I smiled, turning around before the tears came in.

As I walked out of the nursing home, I kept reminiscing on that look of longing from my grandma. I didn’t know when I would come back, but I definitely wouldn’t be returning within the next week or so. Seeing her suffer in that tiny room was the reason why I didn’t want to waste the last few years of my life going through that sort of thing.

I tried wiping my puffy eyes with my jacket sleeve with no luck. Lifting my head from my sleeve, I saw a handkerchief in front of my face.

“Why are you crying?”

“K-Kikwang?” I muttered. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have work?”

“My shift ended a few minutes ago. I just had to take the bus and make one delivery in the area since someone quit unexpectedly,” he replied. “I was about to catch the bus that just passed, but I recognized Joon’s bike and assumed that either you were stupid and had it stolen, or you just took a detour out of fear of telling your mom you quit on your first day of the job – which I might add, would be just as stupid.”

“I don’t have time for your jokes,” I grunted, getting on the motorcycle. “Which might I add, aren’t very funny.”

“You’re repetition of my words and dry humour isn’t as funny either,” he chuckled.

“Ugh...” I rolled my eyes and was ready to rev the engine.

“Wait,” he paused.

“What do you want now?” I sighed. I was hoping for an apology.

“Can I get a ride? I really don’t want to walk home.”

“...Whatever.” I threw the other helmet at him and revved the engine.

“I want to drive,” he demanded.

“You’re joking, right?” I asked. I took a deep breath and sighed. “You know what, do whatever you want. I’ve had to go through a lot of crappy stuff today, things couldn’t possibly get worse.”

“Did something happen at the nursing home?” he asked as we switched places on the motorcycle.

“No, in fact it was the happiest moment of my life seeing my grandma all alone in there,” I said sarcastically.

“Is that why you were crying?” he asked. I didn’t bother replying and just wrapped my arms around his waist as I sat on the motorcycle, resting my head on his back before he could notice tears falling from my eyes again. I didn’t care if he found it awkward – I didn’t really have the strength to move anyways. In the midst of all of this, I heard the engine turn off and felt his body turning around.

 “What are you-” Without a word, Kikwang took his thumb and gently wiped a tear from my eye.

“You’re not the only one on this earth with issues,” he replied. “There are people far worse off than you.” I didn’t know how to respond to him. His sudden act of kindness and sincerity left me dumbfounded.

“You don’t have to pity me, you know,” I replied. I didn’t want him to think I was weak, because I’m usually not like that. “I don’t want you to pretend that you want to be my friend.”

“I don’t care if you want to be my friend or not,” he said. “But I’m not letting you cry. It’s just out of courtesy, so don’t stress over it.” My tears dried up, and I was finally able to look at him properly.

“Where was this courtesy back at the restaurant?” I scoffed.

“You were overreacting over something futile,” he answered. “You seemed like a stronger character when I first met you, so I didn’t expect you to break down and quit.”

“Oh...” was all I could say.

“Sure, now you realize you were wrong,” he said. “Alright, I’ve had enough talking for today. We need to get home.”

As he was about to start up the motorcycle again, I stopped him and grabbed hold of his arm and said, “Wait.”

“Hmm?” he asked.

“Was that really all out of courtesy?” I asked. “That ‘cool-guy’ act you put on at the restaurant...is that just something you use to cover up someone who’s actually really nice? Or are you bipolar?”

“Didn’t I tell you I’m tired of talking and explaining,” he sighed.

“Or are you just avoiding the question?”

“Fine, do you want the douchebag type of answer you’re expecting?” he sighed.

“No, I want an honest answer,” I replied. “If you really are a d*ckhead, then by all means, give me a douchebag type of answer. I just want an honest one. I want to know if you really are a genuine person – I hate it when people try to put on some sort of show by pretending to be a completely different person.” I was really hoping that he wouldn’t prove to be a jerk, and instead, give me a sincere answer. I thought that maybe after this, some sort of friendship, or at least acquaintance type of thing could develop, because for the past few minutes, Kikwang seemed like a nice guy.

“You want the honest answer? Fine, but you asked for it,” he said.

“Do you promise to tell the truth?” I asked.

“Do you promise to believe me?” he replied.

“Er...I guess so,” I nodded.

“Alright, then the real reason why I didn’t want to see you cry...”

“Yes?”

“...was because I didn’t want you to ruin my leather jacket.” He wiped the tears off of his leather jacket with a handkerchief and started to drive us home without a word.

Well I guess I got my answer...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

sorry if i'm making Kikwang seem really bipolar xD it's just part of the plot :p umm..i'm not sure when the next update will be because i have projects in all my classes (and my stupid teacher puts me in groups with the dumbest kids in class *facepalm*) and right after that, i have my exam week coming up.. but i'll try to find some time to update :D