Kikwang and I planned to go on our ‘date’ two weekends after our meeting in the park. He decided that it would be really fun to go to a carnival that was coming to town - and as cliché as I thought it was, I didn’t mind. In fact, I was pretty excited for it.

“Hyosung, make sure to wear something really pretty,” my mom said, poking her head through my bedroom door, once again.

“I know, mom,” I sighed, rummaging through my messy closet.

“Don’t wear anything frumpy,” she added.

“I know, mom,” I repeated.

“And I think it’s going to be hot later, so don’t be afraid to show some skin,” she said. “Maybe you could wear that red tube top and pair of short-shorts of yours!”

“Yah, what do I look like, a stripper?” I snapped.

“It doesn’t hurt to add some appeal,” she pointed out.

“Seriously mom, I get it!” I shouted, throwing a random top at her. Removing it from her face, she examined it and smiled.

“This is a really cute halter top. You should wear this to your date,” she grinned, tossing the top back to me.

“It’s not even a big deal,” I replied. “We’re just two friends going to the carnival.”

“Haven’t you seen these types of scenes in movies, or read about them in stories?” my mom sighed happily, placing her hands on her heart. “Carnival dates are always so romantic. You can go on the Ferris wheel or a roller coaster and have him comfort you!”

“Yeah, well, this one isn’t,” I replied. “And I’m not even scared of heights, so you can’t expect me to get scared on a ride and hang onto him for my dear life.”

“Yah, why are you being such a killjoy?” she frowned.

“Why are you being such a teenager,” I grunted. “I swear, you’re more excited about this date than I am.”

Actually, the truth was, I was actually ecstatic over this date. I just couldn’t let my mom have the satisfaction and go crazy over me finally going on a date with a cute boy. I could tell my mom was about to say something again, but luckily, the doorbell rang.

“Can you get that?” I asked, still going through my closet.

“That’s probably your father,” she sighed. “Remember, pick out something nice!”

“Yeah, yeah,” I murmured. “Just get the door, please.” I was so glad to finally have my mom leave the room. Two minutes of silence was all I really needed to pick out a decent outfit. Taking one last look at the t-shirt in my hand, I started changing, without knowing that someone was coming up the stairs.

“Hey, Hy-HOLY CRAP!”

 “What?” I questioned, raising a brow.

 “PUT A DAMN SHIRT ON!”

“Oh, don’t be so immature,” I sighed. “Have you never seen a girl in a bikini?”

“But that’s a bra!” he pointed out.

“Explain to me how it’s so different from a bikini top,” I chuckled, crossing my arms. Kikwang just looked at me, dumbfounded.

“Well, you know...”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I smirked. I threw my pillow at him and said, “Here. Use this to cover up your sensitive eyes while I finish changing.” After closing my bedroom door, I laughed to myself, thinking of how clichéd this day was turning out. He was being so immature about this that I actually found it kind of unattractive...

...so why was my heart still beating quickly?

“Are you done changing yet?” he called from the other side of the door.

“Uh, yeah, just hang on a bit,” I replied, fixing my shirt. “Alright, you can come in.”

“You look cute,” he smiled, “But I must admit, you wearing that bra looked pretty y.”

“Oh, so now you decide to get flirty,” I laughed. “You better not turn into a ert.”

“I’m not like that,” he assured. Reaching out for my hand, he looked at me and said, “Let’s go!” We ran out of the house before my mom could catch me and try to convince me one more time to wear some revealing outfit. I knew she was just trying to help me, but I tend to draw a bold line on a lot of things.

“I have to ask...Why are we going to the carnival?” I asked. “Don’t you think it’s a pretty cliché idea?”

“Well, we can always cancel the date...”

“No, no, no, it’s fine,” I stuttered – I think I sounded a little too desperate. I tried removing my hand from his grasp in order to cover my flushed face, but he just held onto it tighter.

“You’re an interesting person, Hyosung,” he chuckled. “And to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to smile this much around anyone for a while now.”

“I just wish I didn’t have to look weird in order to get you to smile,” I muttered.

“I find your method pretty adorable,” he smiled.

“I’d come up with a witty retort for that cheesy line, but frankly, I can’t seem to think clearly these days,” I sighed. After walking for a few more minutes, we finally arrived at the carnival. I knew I talked about how unoriginal the date would be, but I couldn’t help myself from smiling as we approached the large gates.

“That excited, huh?” Kikwang smirked.

“Pfft...no,” I snorted. He raised his brow at me and smirked as I just stood there with an embarrassed look on my face, “...That sounded really unconvincing, huh?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he beamed. “I’m pretty excited too. I haven’t been to a carnival in a long time.”

I was really hoping that this date wouldn’t turn out to be similar to my date with Joon. In fact, I was actually getting pretty worried. I mean, we’re just friends, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he told me that this was all a joke at the end of the date.

“Kikwang...” I muttered, stopping in my tracks.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“Do you really want to be here with me today?”

“Why would I be here if I didn’t want to do it willingly?” he asked.

“It’s just that I was worried that-”

“I’m not like Joon, Hyosung,” he said sincerely. “And I know I’ve only known you for a few weeks, but I’m already certain that I would never want to do anything to hurt your feelings.”

“R-Really?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “I even talked to Joon about what he did.”

“He must’ve gotten pretty mad, huh?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t care,” he said. “I’d rather see him get mad at me than see you being upset because of him.”

“You really didn’t have to-”

“Yah, I don’t want to get all serious before our date even starts,” he laughed. “Let’s go play some games!”

I couldn’t believe how fast the day went by. Before I knew it, it was already getting pretty dark outside, and there weren’t as many people at the carnival than this afternoon.

“I can’t believe I didn’t win anything yet!” Kikwang sighed in frustration.

“You have a pink pig,” I pointed out.

“Only because you gave it to me out of pity,” he grunted.

“There’s no need to go into details,” I laughed.

“It’s like you’re the man on this date – You even helped guide my aim on one of the games,” he frowned.

“It’s not my fault that you have poor gaming skills,” I teased, putting some cotton candy in my mouth.

“Ugh, this is so frustrating,” he groaned.

“You’re not having fun?” I frowned.

“I am,” he assured. “I’d just have more fun if I had the chance to impress you in at least one game.”

“Aw, well you’re cute for trying,” I smiled cheekily. “But I can’t believe you got scared on the roller coaster.”

“Yah, I’m scared of heights, okay?” he frowned. “To be honest, I only went on because I thought you would be more scared and I would have to comfort you like in those movies.”

“Oh gosh, you sound just like my mother,” I chuckled.

“But it sounds cuter when I say it,” he winked. I pushed him playfully and ran towards another booth with a shooting game.

“I want to play- Joon?!” I dropped the water gun and just stared at him.

“Hey, Hyosung,” he smiled.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“I volunteered to work here,” he shrugged. “You’re here alone?”

“No, she’s on a date with me,” Kikwang interrupted. “A real date.”

A real date...Why did my heart start beating so fast?

“Yah, I already said sorry for what happened,” Joon protested.

“Yeah, you apologized to me, but not to the person who actually deserves it,” Kikwang said. I think it was one of the only times today when he actually had a really stern look on his face.

“Look, I didn’t think it would actually hurt her feelings that much,” Joon said.

“Well it did – so I’d like it if you apologized,” Kikwang replied. “I know you’re my friend, but acting like a jerk isn’t cool, and what you did was completely uncalled for.”

“Kikwang, you don’t have to do this,” I assured him, holding onto his arm.

“I want to,” he replied, not breaking his glare at Joon.

“Ugh, seriously...” Joon grunted. “Alright. I’m sorry, Hyosung.”

“Yah, what kind of apology is that?” Kikwang snapped.

“Kikwang, really, it’s okay...” I was starting to get worried about where his anger was taking him. I really didn’t care about it anymore, and I just wanted to spend the rest of the day with Kikwang.

“No, it’s not okay!” Kikwang yelled.

“Kikwang, please, that’s enough!” I pleaded.

“Yeah, you heard her,” Joon said. “You’ve never been so worked up about something as stupid as this.”

“Shut up!” Kikwang snapped, grabbing Joon’s collar. “How do you not notice that your girlfriend is a clingy gold-digger who only sticks around because you buy her stuff?”

“You’re just jealous of the fact that I have a hot girlfriend,” Joon smirked.

“I bet you don’t know anything about her,” Kikwang retorted.

“When did this even become a conversation about Jiyeon anyways?” Joon snapped. “Let’s just forget about this whole thing and start over.”

“You think it’s that easy, ?!” Kikwang yelled.

“What the hell is your problem?!” Joon yelled.

“Kikwang, let’s go,” I insisted, dragging him off. I kind of figured there would have to be some sort of twist because the date seemed too good to be true. I led Kikwang over to a couple of trees near the outside of the carnival and sat him down.

“Let go of me,” Kikwang insisted.

“Kikwang, calm down, please,” I said softly.

“But-”

“Just take a deep breath,” I said. He did as I told him and leaned back against the tree.

“Sorry...”

“Alright, star talking,” I said. “What the hell were you doing back there?”

“I don’t know...” he muttered. “It’s nothing, just forget it.”

“That was not just ‘nothing’,” I protested. “Now talk.”

“I feel really strongly when it comes to justice,” he replied. “I couldn’t just let Joon take advantage of you like that.”

“He wasn’t taking advantage of me necessarily...” I pointed out. “And I really didn’t mind it too much.”

“But I care about you.”

“...You do?” I asked in shock. “But you barely know me.”

“I know you enough to care when someone hurts your feelings,” he replied. "You're really different, Hyosung - and I can't get enough of seeing you. I know it might seem like I'm avoiding you sometimes, but I just don't want to seem clingy or annoying."

"So back at the nursing home...when you told me to stop crying on your jacket..." I mumbled. "...was that a lie? Did you actually care?"

"Would you believe me if I told you that I couldn't fall asleep that night after hurting your feelings like that?" he replied.

"R-Really?" I was really speechless at the moment.

"Hyosung, I've been interested in getting to know you for a while now, but I hate getting really close to people," he replied. "...It just usually ends up in disaster."

“But I still don't understand...I mean, you’ve known Joon longer,” I said.

“Do you not want me to care about you?”

“I do,” I replied. “I’m just not used to relying on people to look out for me. It’s always kind of been me fending for myself. Even if my parents are around, I don’t really like having them decide things for me.”

“Doesn’t it get lonely?” he asked.

“Well...I guess so...” I muttered. I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that having this kind of attitude of complete independence was how my grandma ended up in the nursing home. She didn’t want to have to rely on my parents to do everything for her, but instead, my parents just let her live the rest of her life in the nursing home.

I guess I didn’t realize it until Kikwang pointed it out, but my eyes started to water.

“Are you crying again?” Kikwang said, interrupting my thoughts. I quickly wiped my eyes and shook my head.

“I’ve never been this weak before,” I sighed, frustrated with how I was acting lately.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he assured me.

“I honestly don’t know what’s coming over me,” I muttered.

“Hey, do you think it would be too soon if I...umm...”

“If you what?”

“Kiss you.”

KISS ME? What was I supposed to say? I admit, I wouldn’t mind kissing him, but I really didn’t think it would get to this point.

“You want to kiss...me?” I asked.

“Is it weird to do that on a first date?” he chuckled nervously, scratching his head.

“No, it's just-"

“I knew it was going too fast,” he sighed. “Sorry, I asked.”

“No, I mean, I want to kiss you!” I said, almost too quickly. “Er...I mean...”

And with one quick movement, he planted his lips on mine. I really didn’t know what to do – I’ve never been kissed before. But as I was starting to get into it, I realized something: If Kikwang was so afraid of getting close to people, what's going to happen when he finds out I'm going to kill myself after two years? I mean, I'm not just going to back out of my plan over a guy I just met a few weeks ago. 

All of these things started cramming together in my mind, and I didn't know what to do. I pulled back from the kiss and lowered my head.

“I don’t know how to kiss,” I muttered, looking away.

“I don’t care,” he whispered, lifting my chin to get another kiss. 

"Kikwang, wait," I mumbled. "Stop..."

I couldn't stop him - partially because he was too strong, and partially because I was just too gutless to tell push him away anyways. I really felt awful, and I couldn't even focus on what was going on.

What if he found out? I'm just burying my own grave right now.

As we were getting lost in the kiss, his hand travelled down my back towards my back pocket, until his hand came across a piece of paper in my pocket.

“What’s this?” he asked, taking the piece of paper.

“It’s probably just trash,” I shrugged.

“My Life-Long To-Do List...” he read. “What is this, Hyosung?”

Crap. I’m done for.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yay back from Muskoka~! I think this is one of my longest chapters so far 8D *throws confetti*

Thank you so much for the support, everyone! Your comments really motivate me, and I'm so glad to have awesome subscribers :) <3

- Liana