Jessica’s POV

I couldn’t see him again. As much as I knew it would kill me inside, it would kill me more to let him close and watch him suffer. He’d move on. He’d forget about me and move on. I’d never have to come to this town again.
 

Oh who was I kidding? Just thinking that knocked the breath straight out of me.
 

It was over. Everything I’d worked towards to build up this image, it was pointless.
 

I tried so hard, tried to build myself up, tried to prepare myself for that moment and I thought I had it. But one touch and everything came undone in his hands. I was putty, and he could mould me however he wanted. It was hopeless, I couldn’t fight him. And he struck me as the type that wouldn’t give up.

Well, screw that. I hadn’t ruined my life by being a just to let him change it all in a second. As soon as he knew about me, that would be the end. He’d never want to be near me when he knew. Just like everyone else, he’d run.

Everyone ran from me.

Everyone ran from the dying girl.

Donghae’s POV

My mum had managed to drag me from my room to eat dinner tonight. I hadn’t eaten anything else for a few days. It didn’t seem to fill the hole inside me. Nothing did.

Sometimes Siwon would have this look, this pained look or this sad look; faraway and thoughtful. It was whenever Tiffany wasn’t around and I knew it was when he missed her. Sometimes I break things. Sometimes I wished it was Siwon I was breaking when he looked like that. My anger had been uncontrollable for the past few days and I’d taken it out on anything in my way.

It wasn’t fair.

He wasn’t allowed to look that way. He wasn’t allowed to miss her. He saw her every day, got to hold her, kiss her, be with her. I wouldn’t even get to meet my mate again. It wasn’t fair and I hated him.

I hated her. But she wasn’t here. She never would be here. I hated her.

The silence in the room was almost as deafening as the screaming in my head. Almost. My wolf was howling. I wanted to scream, I wanted everyone else to feel this.

I wasn’t sure how much my parents knew. My mother stole silent glance at me, pity glances every few minutes. I didn’t need pity from any of them. None of them understood.

“Mum,” Sungmin grumbled. I turned away and continued to push the food around on my plate as I shut their voices out. My wolf was howling to be free, to rip and tear and run and slash and bite and hurt.

I needed to be free. I was trapped. I was suffocating.

And I couldn’t get her face away. Her face. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to be able to, the way she was hurting me. But this… this curse just made the pain all the more unbearable at the thought of her hurting.

Suddenly, the temperature in the room seemed to drop. It was suddenly even more silent. Everyone seemed to stop breathing. And from one word… Sungmin had told them.

My mother dropped her fork with a loud clatter, and at the same time, fell open. Dad was staring at the table, unmoving.

I turned my head to look at Sungmin. He was watching them desperately, switching from one parent to another.

He was gay.

And he’d said it. Oh, how different it was to hear the words. And any moment now…

“You found your mate?!” Mum shouted at the same time as Dad.

“You’re what?!”

There was silence again as mum’s comment seemed to have been washed away by the air. Dad’s tone hung in the hair like a noose. He was angry.

Funny thing, I’d never really branded dad as the discriminative one. Then again, I supposed he’d never branded his middle son as the gay type. None of us had. But there was nothing they could do.

In that moment, I was actually happy for the distraction, albeit a tense one. Mum had tried her hardest to stop me from running off in the past few days, and now I had my chance.

I pushed away from the table as the shouted started up again, this time not in my head, and quickly slipped into the garden.

“Where you going?” Siwon asked from behind me. I didn’t turn to him; I didn’t trust myself not to lash out at him if I saw that damn sad look once more.

“I’m escaping,” I whispered, too quietly for him to even hear, before I took off at a sprint into the trees.

The feeling rippled over me, slowly at first and then like an elastic band snapping back into its own shape, I was me again, I was my wolf. I turned and howled. I howled for myself, I howled for her. I just howled because it hurt.

And then I ran. And the wind against my fur seemed to brush everything away. Not for good, but for now, just for this moment, I was free.

Jessica’s POV

We were leaving tonight. We’d been scheduled to stay here for a week but I’d convinced the rest of the guys to move on. I hadn’t slept properly since that night. As much as I tried to convince myself it was this lousy hotel bed, I knew better, it was knowing he was close, in this same town. I could almost still smell him. It was making me lose myself.

I sighed and threw in the last of my dresses before zipping up my suitcase. I carried it out and handed it to Baekhyun asked as he ruffled my hair. I swatted him away and sighed.

“Yes, can we please go now?” I asked as I pulled my sunglasses on over my eyes, trying to shield my face, although I knew the guys had already seen I’d been crying.

“Why so eager Jessie bear?” Kris asked as he took one last slurp of his drink before throwing it away and climbing into his jeep. I climbed up after him. I settled into a seat in the back beside Luhan who had his earphones in.

“This town. You know I hate quiet places like this,” I grumbled.

“Sure we do. Jay like’s to party!” Baekhyun sang from outside. I narrowed my eyes at him. I hated when he called me Jay. It’s a horrible name. I mean, I know I wasn’t exactly lady-like but it was hard to be when you lived with four other guys. I hated it when he automatically thought of me as one of the boys.

Kris laughed silently up front before starting the jeep and pulling out of the hotel car park. Baekhyun followed in his car, with Kai. I sighed and rested my head against my seat, suddenly glad that I was sitting next to Luhan. You could always count on silence when you were with Luhan. For a drummer, he was awfully font of quietness. And sometimes, I loved him for it.

As we reached the border of the town, I felt my stomach turn and my chest clench. This was it, I wouldn’t get to see him again… I was really leaving…

I coughed as I suddenly found myself short of breath. I quickly took a deep lungful of oxygen but as usual, it seemed to seep right through and out of my skin.

“Hey,” Luhan soothed as I felt his hand on my back. “Hey, calm down Jess, you’re okay.” He said quietly as I gasped for breath. I quickly fumbled for my handbag, struggling to get it open.

“What’s wrong?!” Kris asked suddenly.

“She can’t get her breath,” Luhan said with a frown. I yanked my inhaler out and fumbled to use it.

“, Jessica!” Kris yelled.

“Kris, calm down,” Luhan said warningly. Kris gripped his head and sighed. I tried to calm down and focus on breathing, but it didn’t help when Kris got angry at me.

Kris was the only one. He was the only one who knew what was wrong with me. Not including doctors, he was the only one who knew I was dying. Not even my mum knew. And that was how it would always stay. No one needed to know.

Kris had found out by accident when he’d found my medication and seen my scar in a private place that no one else had ever noticed. He’d only noticed because he’d been sober. It had just happened, I’d been upset and he’d comforted me. One thing led to another and we’d ended up going too far.

But the worse thing was I hadn’t stopped it. Once he’d found out my secret, I felt so close to him. I confided in him about everything. And he was always so warm and comforting that it didn’t feel wrong to lead him on that way.

I knew he cared for me, more than he should, more than a friend should. And I suppose it didn’t do any good that our physical relationship hadn’t stopped when I found out. But being with him, it was a way to escape.

Once Luhan was sure I was okay, and my ‘Asthma attack’ was over, he settled back in his seat and replaced his earphones.

“Why haven’t you taken your pills today Jessica?” Kris asked angrily, but quietly so as not to disturb Luhan. I scowled and shook my head at him.

“You know why. They make me sick,” I said gloomily. He glanced up at me through the rear-view mirror.

“It doesn’t matter. If the outcome is good, they’re worth it,” he said firmly. I looked away from him and shook my head. “Stop it!” He hissed angrily.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like all hope is lost!”

“But it is! Can’t you see?! It is! The medication is only making me worse! I’ve lived like this for so long and I just want to give up, Kris! I just want to give in! It hurts,” I said desperately as I felt the tears spill over.

“Jessie, talk to me. Tell me what happened. What made you suddenly want to give up?” He asked quietly, staring at me with the saddest expression I’d ever seen him use. I stared down at my hands in my lap as my tears fell over them.

“You’ll be angry,” I muttered.

“No I won’t, I promise.”

“I know how you feel about me, Kris. And I’m sorry because it’s been so wrong of me to let us carry on the way we have been.”

“Don’t. I know you don’t feel the same Jessie. You don’t have to tell me again,” he said sadly.

“I found my mate, Kris,” I said quietly. “And I don’t know what to do.” He glanced up at me slowly through his mirror, his face now blank.

“You found him?” He asked quietly. I nodded. “In that town? That’s why you wanted to leave…”

I nodded. “Yes, because he can’t know. He can never ever get involved,” I said. Kris laughed a humourless laugh.

“I suppose that proves it then,” he said insensitively. My head shot up and I frowned.

“What?” I asked quietly, having not understood his sudden harsh tone.

He ignored me.

For a while, I thought he wasn’t going to speak again. He carried on driving, watching out at the empty road ahead. Then quietly, almost so I didn’t believe I heard him, he spoke to me.

“I won’t let you die.”

I'm sorry for causing so much pain to our lovely HaeSica, but I just love the angst them (: Their moments will be coming soon!