Title: 1/5

The purpose of a title is to attract a reader's attention and draw them in to read your foreword. However, your title did not catch my interest at all, due to the fact that it is too long, not capitalized correctly, and in the wrong tense. When stating titles, you must capitalize the first letter of every word except articles, which are words that are used to indicate a reference to a noun. (ex: "a", "am", "the". Give me the book. ['the'[article] specifies which book[noun]) Not only is your title capitalized incorrectly, it's also in the wrong tense. It should be in past tense, as the story is told in past tense. Lastly, titles should limit up to five words to keep it simple. Wouldn't it be tiring to say, "Hey have you read the fic 'I fall in love with my husband'? 'I fall in love with my husband is a nice fic."? It's up to you if you want to change your title, but I highly suggest it. If not, your title should be 'I Fell in Love with My Own Husband'.

What to not put in titles:

-Excessive punctuation (ex: "Who are They??" one too many question marks)

-Emoticons (ex: "Zelo Death.....:'(" the emoticon is uneccesary, there are too many periods, and the title gives away the chapter)

-Spoilers": (ex: "Kai is Back." Now I know that Kai is back and I don't even have to read)

-Excessive capitalization: (ex: "HYORIN AND HIMCHAN" Too obnoxious)

I'm only giving you a point because it has to do with the story. 

Foreword: 5/10

First off! This is important! A "heroine" is a female hero. What you have in your foreword is "heroin", which is a highly addictive drug derived from morphine. You should change it immediately because you don't want your readers thinking Jaeyoung is a drug lol. 

Excessive capitalization is a big no no! Please use correct capitalization in your foreword! Reading the froeward makes me feel like I'm being yelled at from all the big letters. 

A foreword  is meant to give the reader an insight on what the fic is about, not the whole plot. You practically gave away almost all of your plot in the foreword alone! Just by reading it, and judging by your title, I can tell what will happen and how it ends without having to read the fic! I suggest revising your foreword to something more vague. 

Appearance: 0/5

This is the one thing I always stress over when reviewing fics, do not color your text.

Coloring text is a big no no in the writing world! It's unneccasary and distracting at the same time. There is no need to highlight and color! Especially with dialogue, you need to explain who is saying what and how he or she is saying it instead of coloring the text. Explaining how a person says something adds more emphasis to the mood of the scene.

So instead of having "Oppa, you're in Seoul? Your background is so noisy." in purple to refer to Jaeyoung, you should emphasize that t is Jaeyoung who is speaking while conveying how she says it, "Oppa, you're in Seoul?" Jaeyoung mused, sitting upright immediately, "Your background is so noisy."

Also, please don't add so many pictures! Add them in the author's note if you insist on having pictures! Keep in mind that it's not a picture book, rather a written story.

Plot: 7/20

I admit the plot has its own twists, but other than that the plot is quite common. I've seen so many arranged marriage fics here on AFF and many end the same way. At first the female lead and the male lead don't get along well, but after some unnecessary drama they revela their true love for each other and live happily ever after. The plot is just too unoriginal. Try coming up with original plots that the audience haven't read before. That will surely attract more attention. 

Mechanics: 0/20

I apologize for the quick assumption, but I am guessing you're not a native English speaker?

I'm afraid your grammar and spelling need some work. 

Grammar rules you must apply to your writing:

-Space after punctuations. After you finish a sentence or adding a comma, you place a space right after. Notice how there is a space after each of my punctuations. 

-Keep your tenses uniform. I find parts in your writing where you go off the designated tense. Your fic is supposed to be written in all past tense, but I find you going off into present tense.

      *Examples: 

       -Instead of "Circumstances make you come here and you can't turn back now." it should be "Circumstances made you come here and you can't turn               back now." 

       -"Son, let's head home." My Mom call out to me." "Ne Umma." I obediently stop building the sand castle and went to my mom. ('call' and 'stop' are present              tense while 'went' is past tense. There should only be one kind of tense throughout.")

      *A reference to tenses:

       (past tense: I ran to school. I cooked the rice.)

       (present tense: I run to school. I cook the rice.)

       (future tense: I will run to school. I will cook the rice.)

Make sure you keep your tenses uniform!

-Capitalize proper nouns. Always capitalize names and 'I'.

-Indicate belonging with apostrophes. When saying what an object or person belongs to use the ' sign. (ex: your mother's colleague.)

Characterization: 10/20

I could infer some the characters' personalities through their dialogue, but for the most part you did not spend too much time describing the characters out of dialogue. Other than the comments of what the characters would say, you didn't take much time to describe the character's personalities within written paragraphs or passages. By adding more insight on the characters' personas, the audience can connect to the characters more, so characterization is important. 

Flow/Style: 5/15

Events are falling way too fast! One second Jaeyoung's uncle is asking who Jaeyoung is and the next he's there to pick her up. And one second Kai calls to say he's back, and the next he's at Jaeyoung's doorstep. There has to be explainations of time passing in between! Maybe add a snippet of Jaeyoung going to fix up or something and then Kai shows up or something. It can't just be too sudden or else the flow will feel too rushed. And if you plan on explaining time passing do not use "five minutes later" or "after buying..." as a shortcut because it does not help the flow.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

It was alright. I feel like I would've enjoyed it a lot more if it was written cleaner. 

Total: 30/100