16,687 words and 41 word pages, and I swear I don’t count my little words at the beginning and end of the chapter. Oh my god ! It’s the longest chapter I ever wrote in my entire life, English and French melt ! I could cut it, but in my mind, this chapter must contain the following informations so I didn’t. Hope you will enjoy, and please tell me what you think about it !

 

When AJ came back to his friends, he was welcomed by the cheers. He collapsed in the sofa, between the red haired Irish and the blond princess.

- Yo bro’, you have a touch ! exclaimed Chad.

- I would say a touchdown, Jason said. That girl seems to be addicted to you.

- Lucky you dude ! said Cameron with a smirk.

- You hide from us that you can sing, pouted Stella, giving him a little slap on his shoulder.

- Yeah… I don’t mean to. It’s just that it never came in the conversation.

- Hey AJ, will you call her back ? asked Alice mischievously.

- I don’t know, said the latter. Maybe… he added with a smirk.

Everyone understood the reference and burst out laughing. Everyone expect Ivy, who hadn’t said a word.

- Hey, said Max while coming to them, it’s midnight. Sorry guys, but I must throw you out to close the coffee shop.

Everyone whined, but they still get up from their seats and said goodbye to the boss after going out in the street. The cold winter blow makes them shiver. While Stella was adjusting her scarf, AJ tighten his coat around him, Alice put her gloves, and Cameron jump on the spot hoping it will keep him warm.

- So what do we do now ? asked Chad. Someone’s ready to go partying ?

- I pass, AJ said. I’m tired.

- Yeah, me too, Ivy said.

- I have to get back too, Stella told them. I promised to my boyfriend to call him today and because of you guys, and didn’t see time and I completely forgot. I will try when I came back or he would be mad.

- The Chicago boy ? Cameron asked with a grin. Hell, that’s why I’m single. I don’t want to be accountable to anyone but myself, and in a way, be in a relationship is an attempt to freedom.

Stella pulls out her tongue.

- You are simply jealous because I’m the only one here who is in a relationship ! You guys are all single ! she laughed at them, joking.

AJ felt bad at this moment. Ok, he wasn’t in a conventional relationship, but still… Kyuhyun was his boyfriend. He was his first love, the first and only person with who he had been in couple. Even if he was mad against him and tired with all the lies they built themselves through, he was still with him. He still misses him. And most of all, he still loves him like crazy. Since the first time they met, he has loved him. And until now, this feeling hadn’t change a bit.

- I’ll go too, muttered Jason. I need to rest.

- Ok, you guys won. We get back ! Chad said.

- Halleluiah ! screamed Alice, relieved, which makes all of them laugh.

AJ stopped thinking about Kyuhyun on the way back. Talking to one another, joking around, be with his friends was a way for him to forget his heartache and live in the instant. He learned that with them. And he was really thankful for that.

When he came to his room, he consulted his phone. He had a voicemail in this afternoon, but since it was from Kyuhyun, he didn’t listen to it. But now that he saw it again, he doubts something was wrong. Since he received this at 01.PM, it was 03.AM in Seoul. That interpellate him. Kyuhyun would never call him at such time, unless if something was wrong.

And this though make him worried. Yeah, he knows perfectly that he had erased every text message, voicemail, e-mail from him without heard or see them. He had cut the contact between them in the most drastic way since almost two weeks. He did that because it was his only way. AJ perfectly know himself. He knows very well that if he read one of his texts or listen to Kyuhyun’s voice through the voicemail, he will yield and call him back.

He had done everything to keep his mind busy and off from Kyuhyun. Since the end of the semester came, he study hard for his exams and be around his friends the rest of time. Strangely, that works. Even if he still though of Kyuhyun every single day, it was less often and less painful.

But right now, he doesn’t know what to do. An inner battlefield rage between his mind and his heart. AJ had pass two weeks listening to his brain, but now his heart, which pump faster with worry and guilt, made him doubt. And this time, his heart won. So AJ took a deep breath and listened the voicemail.

“Hey AJ, it’s me… Something’s awful happen…”

AJ was close to heart attack. Those words, this painful voice… What happened ? What he have done ? (AJ refers to himself here)

“Remind you when I told you that if Eunhyuk and Ryeowook break up, none of them will put the group at stake…  I was dead wrong. Tonight, ah, tonight… Ryeowook would have find that Eunhyuk cheated on him and he… he’s gone ! He leaved the house, he lived us, and I don’t know if we ever be able to be a band anymore !”

AJ’s heart break when he realized that Kyuhyun was crying. AJ never saw him cry. Kyuhyun was always strong for both of us, because even if AJ was strong, when it comes to Kyuhyun, he turned to such an emotive crybaby.

“Eunhyuk swear he didn’t, but even if it’s true and all of this is a huge misunderstanding, he did something that hurt Ryeowook deeply, even if he didn’t mean to and didn’t realize it when he did. The point is that while I saw them breaking apart, I understand one thing. Sometimes we can say or do things which means nothing to us but hurts deeply another. So…”

AJ could hear through the voicemail that Kyuhyun took a deep breath at this moment.

“I’m sorry AJ. I’m sorry if I said or did something that harmed you. I never, ever mean to hurt you. I don’t know what I’ve done, but I know you’re not the kind of guy who will cut the contact without reason, and that I must did something horrible to make you mad at me so much, especially when I know you’re not the resentful kind. And when I saw you with this girl in that club... I felt like turning crazy. AJ, I love you. I love you so much that I die without you. I feel dead each time I realize the emptiness of my heart without you. So please, I beg you on my knees, just forgive me. Forgive me for my own sake. Forgive me and let’s have a new start. Call me back, please. I love you AJ, and I will never stop.”

On that, AJ heard the dial tone, indicating that the message was over. He sat on his bed, dumbfounded. He was in state of great shock. First, he was sorry for what’s happened to his lover’s band, but that was not the main point.

He was really moved by what he just heard. He wiped his tears away and tries to calm his sobs. Finally, Kyuhyun realize it. Even when it was bad that he must have seen his hyungs break up to came out the conclusion he had hurt him. He apologized and even said he was ready for a new start. He even claims that he loved him, and how much he did.

 AJ was really happy for that. But something was wrong, and his little genius brain makes it lit again and again. Kyuhyun said in the voicemail that he turned crazy when he saw AJ with a girl in a night-club. AJ remembered that. It was a few days ago (chapter 13). But how Kyuhyun have known ? Damn, AJ was in New York, and Kyuhyun in Seoul. How the hell he came to know that ?

Visibly, he had no way to know that call the main concerned. Good thing, AJ wanted to stop that stupid Cold War. I had what he wanted anyway. And most of all, he wanted to know if Kyuhyun was ok, listening his voice, told him he loved him no matter what, that he will forgive and forget everything. Looking at the empty bed in front of his own, he felt lucky that Chad decided to get somewhere tonight.

AJ watched the time. It was really late for him, but it was lunchtime in Seoul. He called and waited anxiously after the first dial tone. What he was supposed to do ? What he was supposed to say ? It had been two weeks already. What can he say ? Strangely, for someone that everyone called a genius, AJ felt very stupid. Kyuhyun was his boyfriend and he didn’t how to act with him. He was weirdly anxious and frighten, but at the same time, he had this kind of good hurt in his stomach.

- Yobuseyo ?

- Hey… AJ said softly, contrasting with his heartbeats who reached faster. It’s me…

There was a silence. AJ even looked at the screen of his phone to see if the call was cut, but no, it wasn’t.

- Kyuhyun… are you still here ? he asked, his voice came weak.

- Yeah, I am. I just… I was really shocked to hear you… It’s been a while and…

- I heard your voicemail, AJ cut. Are you ok ?

- Yes, I’m fine… now that you called me, he finished, his voice no more than a whisper, but AJ heard.

- Does the situation get better with your hyungs ?

- Sadly not. Ryeowook doesn’t come back, and we are all really worried. Right now Eunhyuk and Donghae locked themselves in Hae’s bedroom while Shindong clean the (carnage) Ryeowook put in their own, Siwon go to church to pray for things get better, Yesung and Sungmin go God know where and Kangin is in SM headquarters to warn us if Ryeowook came there. Everything is a mess right now. The manager is running around, looking for Ryeowook, and Lee So Man must do the same in his office. SM canceled our activities for today, but since tomorrow, we will have to do our schedules and let nothing show.

- I’m sorry for your group, AJ said with sincerity. I mean, I don’t know your band mates personally,  but this actually kind of happened in U-Kiss, so I know more than anyone how much it’s hard when members break up and tiring the group apart. I feel sad to know you guys pass through it.

- Yeah. The atmosphere is horrible, and I’m almost scared of getting out of my room.

- Go home then, AJ said.

- I don’t want to fetch Taemin back there, Kyuhyun said, strangely bitter.

- What ? How could you meet Taemin at home ?

- Because you gave him your key.

AJ’s brain started to run really fast.

- Kyuhyun, if you know that Taemin have my key, it’s that mean…

- I bump on him at home.

- What ? screamed AJ through the phone.

- I found Taemin at our place, and when he saw me, he wasn’t long to come to conclusions. Lee Taemin knows for us.

- How ? When it happened ?

- When I came from China. Two weeks ago. When you cut contact with me.

- But why he didn’t tell me ? Why he didn’t say anything ?

- He didn’t speak to you about it ?

- No ! I didn’t know he knew for you, for us… I don’t understand why he didn’t tell anything to me…

-  But I told you. I send you a message…

- Yeah… hum… I kinda erase everything from you the past two weeks.

- What ?

- I was mad ! I didn’t want to have something from you, especially when knowing it will make me wanted to call you ! I know that I’d been childish, I realize that now. I’m sorry for what I put you through.

- AJ, if Taemin didn’t tell you and that you didn’t know with my text what’s happened, why the hell you send that video to Taemin ? If it wasn’t for make me jealous and drove me crazy, why did you send this to him, and why he use the SM screen to show it, to make sure I saw ?

- What the heck are you talking about ?

- The video which show you in the nightclub with this girl !

- What ? Is there a video ?

 - Yeah, and I wanted to say a few words about it… I turned mad when I saw this, so mad. Seeing this girl stick to you… I was furious against you ! How the hell you let someone else than me touch you ? What were you thinking ?

- It doesn’t meant anything ! It was just some girl in a night club and we danced together. Nothing happened !

- I turn angry again when I rewind to see how she touches you, clung to your neck… I was so mad, and I thought that Taemin raised you against me and show the video on purpose to drive me crazy.

- Taemin would never do that, AJ replied, starting to getting upset. He is like a little brother to me ! He would never do something which might hurt me !

- Taemin is convinced that I make you suffer. He did everything he can to provoke me. Yesterday, when I asked for explanations about the video, he said I was not worth of you ! I can’t stand this little brat. Next time I will damage him with more than a slight punch on his face !

- You punched him ! Are you crazy ? How dare you ! I forbid you to rise a hand on my brother again, or you will be accountable to me, understand Cho Kyuhyun ?

- Come on AJ, is not even your brother…

- Yes, he is. And I forbid you to say otherwise ! I will kill you if I ever heard that you hurt him !

- Stop quarrel with me for God’s sake ! The more important to know is how Taemin had this video and planned all to make me crazy. If it wasn’t you who send it to him and tell him to do as he did, then who, huh ?

That was a good question. AJ calmed down and breathe. He can’t believe what he just heard, it was too much true to handle for one night.

- Kyuhyun… AJ muttered after a long time.

- Yes ?

- You still love me right ?

At this moment, AJ could have swear he heard him chuckled.

- Yah ! I should be the one who asked that ! My boyfriend is at the other edge of the world, avoiding me, going to night clubs and having fun with some random girls… If you ask me if I still love you, what am I supposed to say ?

- Just answer, AJ cut, not really in the mood for Kyuhyun’s childish temper.

- Of course I still love you, you pabo !

- I love you too, AJ said, smiling, immediately smoothed.

- Aish ! It’s been so long I dreamed of you saying me this…

- Yah, I’m still mad at you ! You were the first avoiding me when you were in China, surely too busy or too surrounded by your band mates to pick up your phone !

- That’s why you get mad ? Are you silly ?

- No, I’m not. I already told you that I can’t stand lies. I only did it for you. In a way, Taemin is right. It’s true that you make me suffer. Hiding me as your little dirty secret.

- AJ, come on ! Don’t bring that back !

- Why I wouldn’t ? This is the main problem in our relationship, and you know that.

- Please babe, don’t start with this. I don’t want to argue with you right now.

- Ok, I’ll give up the subject… for now. Make sure that when I came back, we will speak about it. You know, since I am in New York, I realize that more than one girl will show me proudly as her boyfriend.

- More than one ? Kyuhyun said with a suspicious tone.

- Yes, more than one, AJ chuckled. So be aware of it.

- Hey ! Being on the Atlantic side drove you crazy or what ? Did you forget to who you belong to ?

- Anyeo, I didn’t. But you know, in the Atlantic side… many try to steal my heart… he frighten him.

- I don’t worry too much. Your heart stayed here with me.

- Yah, you snooty ! Don’t take me for granted or else…

- I would never take you for granted. Above all not when you are so far away, unreachable, and you acted like you were single… he pouted.

- Hey, I’m single… officially, he insisted on that point, chuckling.

- Kim Jaeseop, you’re an evil gremlin !

- From someone who’s called Evil Maknae, I won’t be offended.

- So that’s mean that we get back as before ? Kyuhyun asked.

- Why do you ask ? AJ replied.

- To be sure.

AJ can’t hold a smile.

- Yes. We get back as before.

- Great ! One good thing in this day. If Ryeowook could show up, it will be perfect !

- I hope he will get back soon and that everything will settle down.

- I hope so. And I missed you, by the way.

- Yeah, I understand that while listening your voicemail.

- Don’t you miss me ?

- To be honest, my semester exams is coming soon so I was busy studying and my friends here are very entertaining so I didn’t think of you that much… AJ said.

The silence which responds to him make AJ burst out laughing.

- Oh my God ! I can’t believe you buy it !

- It’s not funny ! Kyuhyun said, visibly annoyed.

AJ calmed his hilarity and became serious.

- I thought about you every day… It’s true that I try hard to keep me busy to get over the thought of you, but… even doing it, something, somehow, always brings me to you.

- I prefer that…

- Because you are snooty.

- Stop with that. I’m not.

- Yes you are.

- No I’m not.

- You are !

- That’s not true !

- Yes.

- No !

- God, I can’t believe you’re so childish ! My boyfriend is three years elder than me and sometimes I feel like I’m the mature one in our relationship !

- Yes, I’m the eldest, so show more respect !

- Tell the guy who don’t even speak formally to his hyungs !

- Aish ! Some are even worse than me !

- Sometimes I ask myself how we manage to stay together almost a year with that dog and cat relationship ! We passed our time nagging each other !

- We have fun, didn’t we ?

- Yeah… I think it’s because of that I’m still with you.

- Nope. It’s because I’m a God.

- So I should break up with you because it’s been five month I didn’t have .

- No no  no ! That’s not what I meant !

AJ laugh and his gaze met his alarm-clock.

- Kyuhyun, I will let you okay ?

- Why ? What I’ve done wrong ?

- Nothing. It’s just 01.47AM here and I’m really tired. I must sleep a bit if I want handle my journey which will start in five hours.

- Ah, I understand… I will let you sleep then…

- Kyuhyun… whispered AJ.

- Hum ?

- Can you… sing something for me ?

AJ didn’t know why he felt the sudden urge of Kyuhyun singing for him. Maybe because of Danielle. A stranger sang for him. Why his own boyfriend wouldn’t ?

- What to you want ?

- The one you did in Immortal Song… AJ said, trying to remember the name of the song.

- I did a lot of songs on Immortal Song… Kyuhyun pointed out, sounding amused.

- To much ! AJ shouted, finally catching the name.

Kyuhyun chuckled while hearing his answer.

- You’re so cheesy…

- I didn’t ask you to review my choice but singing, AJ said with a yawn.

- Alright, Kyuhyun compelled.

AJ leaned on his bed, on soft smile on his lips while he heard Kyuhyun’s sweet voice singing just for him, only him. He had the feeling that he turned back time, when Kyuhyun sang for him until he fell asleep in his arms.

 

It was lunchtime when Ryeowook opened his eyes. Not that he was asleep, no. He had passed the whole night crying, and his eyes were puffy and painful. He sat up slowly, like in a second state. The first thing he realized was that he wasn’t in his bed.

“Yeah, I crushed to Do il place last night…” he remind himself. 

He came out of the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed and extended his arm to grab his phone. He turned it on to notice more than fifties missed calls, messages and all. Most of them were from the Super Junior members who assisted at the scene last night, but he even get calls from Heechul and Leeteuk who were at the army, and even Kibum which he hadn’t heard for ages. Even the SM seems alert because he had also missed calls from his manager, nothing abnormal back then, but more frightening, from his producer and big boss of the company, Lee So Man.

- Aish !  he said while rubbing his hair. I forgot him… I should have acknowledged the fact he won’t let me go that way… I must go to SM headquarters now… At least to pick up my stuff and cancel my contract…  Ah, Kim Ryeowook, what are you going to do ? he sighed.

 

Since yesterday, Soohyun asked him to not go out, Kevin had waited since today. With Dongho’s help, he had gone discretely to meet his friend for lunch in that trendy tea shop in the mall they both loved. Even he the latter was a bit late, Kevin didn’t mind. He needed time to make up his mind.

- Hey ! greeted Taemin while he sit down in front of him. Sorry for keep you waiting, I had a shooting at the over edge of the town and traffic was a mess.

- Don’t worry, it’s fine, smiled Kevin.

- Did you order something yet ? asked the brown haired.

- No. I was waiting for you.

- Oh, that’s nice ! So you don’t mind if we order something first ? I’m really hungry.

- Ok, let’s do this.

A bit latter the waitress came to take their command.

- I will take… said Taemin, looking at the menu, hesitant, hum… the royal salad with peanut sauce, a piece of salmon, leeks and goat cheese pie and a big bubble tea with green tea, mango flavor and tapioca balls.

- Ok, and you sir ? she asked Kevin.

- A jasmine tea please. I’m not that hungry, he says to Taemin who frowned.

- Get it. I’ll be right back.

When they get their command, Taemin looked at him.

- On the phone… you said that you must talk to me… Taemin say while eating.

- Finish your meal, smiled Kevin. I’ll tell you anyway.

- Kevin, you scared me… muttered Taemin.

After the lunch, Taemin drank slowly his bubble tea and Kevin his own drink.

- Hey, that’s awkward, Taemin said, cutting the silence which settled between them. Tell me what’s going on !

- Taemin… it’s… difficult, muttered Kevin, biting his lower lips.

- So, why do you call me ? asked gently Taemin, who don’t want to push his friend.

- Because… you’re the only one who can advise me since… You passed through it too…

- Ok… Tell me what’s wrong. I will do my best to advice and support you, but I have to know what’s happen to you.

So Kevin started to talk. He told Taemin the same story he told Dongho. How him and Chad start to talk to each other, how a simple chat became a flirt, and how much he was confused right now.

- I don’t know exactly when it started, but I feel attracted to him. And I know it’s bad toward Eli but… I can’t put an end on this chat relationship. I mean… I like him. It’s really confusing, and I feel so bad that every time I talk with Eli, I always became angry, shouted to him, just because guilt consumes me.

- Do you still love him ? Taemin asked very seriously.

- Yes, I do, whined Kevin. That’s why it’s so awful. If I didn’t love Eli anymore, I will end our relationship. If I was sure I love Chad more than I love him, I will break up. But what’s killing me is that I don’t know ! I don’t know what I feel, I don’t know who I love the most, I don’t even know if I love Chad or if it’s just something we built through texts and won’t exist in reality ! I’m completely lost, my brain is a big blank and my heart a mess.

Taemin was in deep though. What Kevin confessed remind him a similar event, almost a year ago. At that time, he was in the same state as Kevin. Completely lost in his own feelings, he didn’t know to whom turn to help… He was scared of what he felt, because it seems so wrong to him at that time.

He was with Minho, but they didn’t see each other because at that time, Minho started to act in drama and he was very busy. Taemin felt like leave aside. At that time, he met him. He was so different than Minho, in so many ways. But he had a thing, this thing that makes Taemin’s heartbeats going faster.

He didn’t know how long they flirt when Taemin realize that something was wrong. That he started to feel something he shouldn’t. But it was there, no doubt. He felt something for him. Something real, touchable, which became stronger each time he saw him. And it felt so wrong, because he was with Minho since almost three years, and he loved him. He doesn’t stop, not once. Even if he fell for him, he loved Minho as much as before.

This period was paradoxically one of the most beautiful and painful in his life. Beautiful because when he was on his side, he simply forgot everything. They would walk in hidden pathway of a park, holdings hands, talking playfully or just enjoy the presence of the other.

But when he gets back to his dorm, he would feel dirty, guilty, and the pain crushing on him lived him breathless. Because of his own failure, he would argue with Minho on every single thing. The atmosphere between the shining SHINee was horrible.

Taemin and Minho couldn’t speak without shouting to one another. The Jongkey couple had a terrible argument because of us, and right back it turned to a terrible fight with Jonghyun supporting Minho and Key on Taemin’s side.

After that, Key turned suspicious and asked him what’s wrong because he knows that it was Taemin who started every fight, but Taemin didn’t want to tell him what he did, he felt too ashamed. So he had a fight with Kibum too.

After that, no one wouldn’t speak to him because they were afraid of his anger. Everyone seems to have given up on him. But not Jinki. The leader avoid arguments and fights. Each time, he will rest neutral and didn’t take the side of no one. When three of SHINee’s members started to avoid Taemin and stopped talking to him, he took the reins.

 

*********************************FLASHBACK*********************************

One night, when the others went to the cinema because they have a free time, Taemin was curled in his bed, crying softly against his pillow when he heard someone knot at his bedroom door. He sat up, surprised. He was persuaded that everyone left, leaving him alone. Who can blame them after all ?

- Taemin ? Can I speak to you ? said a sweet and soft voice behind the door.

- Onew hyung ? Taemin said in disbelief.

- Can I come in Taemin ?

- Yes hyung.

Onew came inside and sat to Key’s bed to be in front of him.

- What’s going on Taemin ? he asked, still as soft and kind as normally.

- What do you mean Onew hyung ?

- I mean that I know you Lee Taemin. It’s been four years now that SHINee is born, and since four years, I live with you, I learn to know you, and I really consider you guys as my family. So I know for sure that something’s going on with you, and I want to know what. If you tell me, I will be able to help you. I just ask you to trust me. Can you do that ?

Taemin burst in tears and Onew pulling him in his arms, saying that he was there, that he will always be and that he wouldn’t let him down. So Taemin confessed. He said everything to Onew, except the name of the guy for whom he fell. And Onew didn’t cut him, nor reproach him anything. When Taemin finished his story, he let him go from his arms and his hair gently.

- I won’t put the blame on you Taemin. And it’s true that since the beginning, Minho and you were in an open relationship. Although that, you must be honest with him. You must tell him what’s going on. After that, you will be free to proceed as your heart decides, but you have to tell him what’s happened to you. He has the right to know. He deserves to know.

With those words, Onew had no idea of how much he relieved him. For the first time, Taemin knew what he’s gonna do. That night, he waited for Minho with his hyung next to him. While the three remain SHINee came back from the cinema, Onew take his leader voice and send Jonghyun and Key in the elder room while Taemin said to Minho that he needed to talk to him.

The discussion they had that night will remain forever in his head. It was really painful, because he each words he said seemed to destroy Minho. He remembered that he sat on his bed while talking, and that Minho walked in the room like a lion in cage. He remembered Minho’s face, and how much he was hurt. He remembered that Minho requested, required and screamed the same thing :

- Who is he ?

Taemin shook his head in denial.

- Tell me who he is !

- No ! I won’t !

- Why ? Are you scared for him ?

- No ! I’m scared of scandal ! I’m scared of you putting yourself in trouble ! That’s why I won’t tell you anything about him ! You don’t need to know something that will hurting you more than I already did !

- So what do we do now, huh ? What are you going to do ?

- I need some space to think about it, Taemin said. I need to know what I want. And actually, right now, I don’t know Minho. I won’t lie to you. I don’t know right now... My feelings are messed up and I can’t proceed like this. I need time to figure it out, and proceed according to my heart. I’m sorry to make you endure this Minho. I know you are a great person, and I know that you love me. But… sadly, I came across a bridge, asking myself if I still love you as much as before.

- So you need time and space to decided our future, that’s it ?

- Please Minho, don’t make it difficult for me…

- I won’t. Take your time to think and figure it out. But don’t ask me to stay by your side while you did. It’s just… too painful to handle.

While that, Minho get out of the room and the apartment. Taemin had known after that he go to a bar and get drunk, hoping alcohol will help him forget his wounded heart.

*****************************FLASHBACK ENDING******************************

 

- Taemin ? Taemin ? Kevin said, waved his hand in front of his face.

- Ah, sorry Kev… It’s just that… when I heard you talk, memories came back.

- So what should I do ? Kevin asked.

- I would say to you what Onew hyung said to me : you must be honest with him. You must tell him what’s going on. After that, you will be free to proceed as your heart decides, but you have to tell him what’s happened to you. He has the right to know. He deserves to know. I mean, how long Eli and you are together by now ?

- Almost five years, Kevin said with a guilty grin.

- Oh God ! That long ? Taemin screamed, amazed.

- Yeah… Kevin admit. We both are from the first U-Kiss band, before Hoon and AJ joined us. And you and I know each other because of AJ, so… But yes, it’s been almost five years, since U-Kiss started in 2008 and we start being together while we were trainees.

- Wah ! I know that you guys were in relationship since quite a time, but I didn’t know it was five years...

- Eli and I came from United States to join U-Kiss. We felt close at first because of that. When he doesn’t know how to say something in Korean, he will ask me… And it started like that, a simple friendship. Until… he asked me out in the most awkward way… I laugh again while thinking about it. But he had always been sweet and kind to me. He always considers me like a treasure, the most important thing he had… I… I feel so bad to feel that feeling for Chad… I feel like I betray him…

Taemin took Kevin’s hand and with the other, wiped his tears away.

- Kevin, I’ll tell you how I did to consider my feelings. After I confess everything to Minho to have no misunderstanding, I leave my dorm. I go to my omma and oboji’s house. I stay in the calm and peaceful refuge which family offers. Meanwhile, I hang out every day with him. We spend a lot of time together, but we were careful because we were both superstars and also, I admit, because of Minho.

Kevin nodded, understanding.

- Weeks turned to a month, then two. And one day, he received a proposition for a job overseas. I said to me that I have to make my mind up now. He had a week to give his answer, and he said to me that he will refuse it if we became kind of official and accept it if I said that after everything we lived together, I found that I loved Minho more than I loved him.

The chestnut biting his lower lip and Taemin gave him a sad smile.

- This week passed so fast that I even didn’t realized it. The day before he had to give his answer, he picked me up and we go to the park. We lean on the car hood, looking at the stars. We used to do that often, and I liked it. He told me once that when it’s full moon, no matter where you are on the earth, if you hold your hand up and close one of your eyes, it’s never bigger than your thumb.

At this moment, Taemin couldn’t help but smile like a fool, reminding his own memories.

- At the beginning, we talked normally. But he became serious and asked me : “Taemin-ah, have you make up your mind already ?” I said that I didn’t. He suddenly sat and took something out of his coat’s inside pocket and handed it to me. It was a plane ticket. I was dumbfounded, but he only smiled sweetly to me. Do you know what he said to me that night ?

- No, but I bet you will tell me, Kevin said.

- He said something so cool and mature that it made me love him even more. He said “Taemin-ah, don’t think I want to push you while giving you this. Since you don’t clear your mind now, I will accept this proposition. With this” he said by showing the ticket, “you could give me your answer until the last second by passing the airport gates. If it’s positive, I will cancel everything and rest in Korea. If it’s not… I guess I would take this plane then.”

Kevin looked at Taemin in shock, his mouth wide open.

- It’s not the best, warned his friend. He also said “Taemin-ah, I love you. I really do. But I won’t stick on you if we don’t share the same feelings. I have no regrets. What we lived together, no one could take it from us. And even if our ways must separate, we still have beautiful memories to remind us.”

- Wah ! Kevin sobbed, almost crying again. It’s so beautiful…

- Yes… He always had the ability of saying such things that moved my heart.

- What did you do then ? Kevin asked.

- You know it. I came back to Minho.

- The details please ! Kevin begged with puppy eyes.

- God, I almost forgot you were such a gossip boy… Taemin sighed, smiling.

- I won’t tell anyone. It’s just… I think maybe it’s kinda help me…

- Ok, I’ll tell you everything. I passed all the night awake, trying to figure it out. I even started to think about moving on, because I was sure that if I break up with Minho, I couldn’t live in the dorms with him anymore. I stay up all night and when the morning came, I have no answers, just a big headache. I was still as lost as before when my oboji came to my room.

Kevin nodded, attentive.

- He sat on my bed and after rest silent a little time, he said “Taemin, you know I consider you like my own son. And I think time is come for you and me to have a father/son talk. I feel like you might need your oboji’s advices.” I sat up next to him and he started to say : “Taemin… since you were a little boy, running out of the streets behind Jaeseop, I have known that you will be a source of covetousness. You have always been too beautiful to handle. Even the most severe and cantankerous of all the people would fell under a single smile of you. And I promised myself long time ago that I will always do my best to protect you. That’s why I’m harsh on Minho, as I will be on someone else. Because you are my son, but also one of the purest person I ever known. You were and yo