[REVIEW] Calling meow0101
(⌒▽⌒) ✽ Aspiring Heaven | Graphic and Review Shoppe || OFFICIALLY CLOSEDCalling meow0101
Reviewed by: inSHININGspirit
Title
I liked the title, short, sweet, simple and full of suspense. It also had to do with the story, so full marks!
5/5
Foreword & Description
Uhmm.... The description was really good. There was a lot of suspense, which I totally loved. (Okay I'm going to ignore the grammar mistake there, but only FOR NOW. Wait till the section on grammar) I was going to press the number 9 on the keyboard, but I suddenly the word 'vampire' came out in bold, bright red font. And I was like "NU-UH YOU AIN'T GETTING AWAY WITH THIS". Vampire? Seriously, are you a Twilight/Eclipse fan?
I know I know, vampire fics are the new trend, but I myself feel that such fics about self-sacrifice for love and all are really overused on AFF. GAHHHHH they're basically rip-offs from Twilight and Eclipse.
7/10
Characterization
Uhm... This is like a really short fic. So this is rather hard for me to gauge since it wouldn't have much elaborate plot development, much less character development. But well, I liked the way the vampire Soyeon was described, and how Myungsoo was rather badly affected by this, so here's the score.
originality (15/15): 9
It definitely is NOT an original plot. I have read one-too-many plots about one of the two mains becoming a vampire and the other party has to sacrifice for them blah blah and then sometimes the tragic Romeo-and-Juliette "You die, I die with you" ending and everyone kills themselves in the end. The only thing that saved you was the was the ending, which I quite liked for some unexplainable reason.
plot (15/15): 8.5
Since originality was already talked about in the previous section, I'm going to talk about the believability of the events that took place in the story. I will go chapter-by-chapter.
*I'll be looking chapter-by-chapter, so I'm not going to include anything revealed later in the story which affects the grading of the chapter I'm talking about.
Foreword and description. Yes, I'm looking at that too. No, this chapter was good and believable. I applaud you for making the time in which it happened in 1783. This was when civilisation was not as good as ours currently, so their belief in vampires and all would probably be very strong. Many authors often miss this out, and furthermore they set the story in Seoul. Vampires in Seoul. Yeah right...
Chapter 1, okays. Let's talk about the possibility of Myungsoo knowing how to put makeup on better than his girlfriend. Uhm... Aren't girls supposed to know how to put makeup? Yeah, I know you can argue that the world's best stylists are men even though women are the one who put makeup on everyday, but shouldn't she at least know the basics? Second thing, sunset... Hmm... Unless you live by the horizon/sea, you definitely won't be able to see it. Oh wait! Since it's already at night, why would he want to put makeup for her, knowing that it's dangerous to go out at night.
Chapter 2. The first paragraph kind of comvinced me that Myungsoo looked more like a vampire than Soywon, who, by right, is the vampire. Also, why would Myungsoo keep on trolling his girlfriend with almost-kisses and then pull back? It's almost as if she has bad breath which is why he doesn't want to kiss her. Okay, forget what I just said, I was just kidding. Yeah, but it's quite irritating that he keeps trolling her. If I were her I would have slapped him already. The next bit, about her going out to buy his present. Okay, first thing, how can he not be able to stop her? The argument that they are near the door is not legit. It was said that she had walked to her bed. I mean, no matter how small your house is, you definitely won't place your bed next to the door right? That's just... ewww. All the dust from outside comes in from the door and that's where you sleep. Uhm... That's very smart of you. Then again, the fact that she is able to point and run to the window, shows some space in the house, so obviously her house isn't THAT small. Next thing, why would she live alone, especially in a town with vampires at night? Even the bravest woman on earth wouldn't do that. Only the dumbest people on earth would do that, because they are basically courting death by doing so. Okay, then going back to the going-out-of-house-to-buy-present thing, doesn't she know that there are vampires lurking around at night? Why would she even bother going out? Surely she wouldn't go roaming the streets to buy a present, since ALL shops would be closed due to the vampires. Okay, I really love the part where he tries to savage his last attempt to beatify her despite the fact that she is already dead. It makes it sound like an angst story, which I really am a big fan of. And just when I was enjoying it, suddenly he uses chicken blood for her lipstick. Did I tell you? I'm eating my lunch now, to be specific, chicken teriyaki rice. Thanks so much. That aside, the story went on, until Myungsoo decided to look in the mirror. He really really looks more like a vampire than Soyeon was even before makeup /shudders Okay anyways, kissing a vampire? Uhmm... Why would be even want to do that? And plus didn't he just use chicken blood for her lipstick? How inviting can her lips even be? It should smell like rotting meat probably. Then it goes on to say he eats a lot of pills to supplement his haemoglobin (or as you spelt it, hemoglobin. Both are right anyways) Uhmm... I don't think vampires survive on haemoglobin? In fact, let me tell you what haemoglobin is. Haemoglobin is a red pigment that is found in red blood cells. They can carry up to 4 oxygen atoms at any one time. The reason why people take supplementary pills (there are many types btw) is because of anaemia, which means the red blood cells have an abnormal shape, so they would not be able to effectively carry enough oxygen per cell, so more haemoglobin per cell would help (to some extent) to ensure enough oxygen is supplied to the body. (I feel like I'm doing a bio thinking question now) I would really like to clear the misconception that taking haemoglobin can help to increase blood levels. First off, blood is a tissue and its volume cannot be increased by taking supplements; the only way to do so would be a blood transfusion. And secondly, THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS HAEMOGLOBIN PILLS. And anyway, I don't think vampires drink blood because of the haemoglobin; it wasn't really said why in the first place (according to my knowledge). Wait, did I miss out on that? Why would he seldom eat meat? Wait a minute. At the end of chapter 2, it was mentioned that every night has become his favourite part of the day, when she so-called 'wakes up'. Uhm... Shouldn't he be sad also? Instead of being his favourite part of the day, it should have been bittersweet. Yeah, I agree he should be happy that she is 'awake', but to see your loved one as a vampire, is quite painful you know. It's like she's a zombie, so-called half-alive, or undead, living off people's blood.
Chapter 3, okays, so wait... You mean Myungsoo is still alive? After such deep cuts? You do know that by cutting your arm so many times so deep, it's likely that you would have cut an artery. Okay, blame the producer of the MV for the unrealistic graphics. If you cut your arm, deep or not, there will definitely be blood oozing out already. Now the thing comes when you cut so deep. It would most likely have hit an artery, and due to the high pressure, a lot, a lot, A LOT of blood would have spurted out. Yup. You read it right, blood would literally spurt out, or at least gush out. It wouldn't be as clean as seen in the pictures. Next thing, cutting your arm like so many times, you would have died. He wouldn't be alive. It's impossible for him to live. Oh and I need to say something, vampires, are kind of called the 'living dead', or if you play MMORPG games, they're classified under 'Undead'. So one defining thing about them is that they would have lost all form of memory. Not even an item from the past can help them to gain it back. And furthermore, they wouldn't know what they are doing. They simply lose all reasoning, and ability to think, much less even have feelings. A seeing a photo frame to help patients who suffer from amnesia regain their memories, but hello, you're talking about an emotionless and mindless vampire here.
7/10
Spelling / Grammar
Let me give you a tip. Never ever, like EVER, make grammatical mistakes in the description or foreword. It pisses off some readers (like me).
"That supposed to be their 3th anniversary... and his birthday. But because of a present, they can't celebrated it. Not because they are break up already... but the girl he treasured the most is not longer alive. No, she is not dead. She just become a Vampire."
Like really, the moment I read it, I felt like flipping the table. No joke. Even if the story has atrocious grammar, the foreword is what gives the reader an "intro" to the story, so if you already make such mistakes there, it's not very nice.
Plus, along in the story, the thing is that there were quite a number of grammar mistakes. I'm kind of busy now, but if you really want to know what errors you've made just PM me kays? :) I won't eat you.
12/25
Flow
The pace of the story was really too fast. Maybe more could have been done to elaborate on Soyeon's POV instead of just telling Myungsoo's side of the story from a third person POV, if you get what I mean. This way, it'll add more content to the story too.
6/10
Enjoyment
I'm sorry I'm totally going to mark you down for this. The pictures in the second and third chapter really killed my enjoyment. Yeah, I know it had to do with the story and all, but the pictures of wrist-cutting and all were just really disturbing. Oh btw, did I tell you? I'm eating my lunch now.
And this is rather disturbing content. Shouldn't you consider rating the story as M? It's not really nice for people below 18 to be seeing such stuff and thinking that it's cool and all. In case you didn't know, let me tell you, IT'S NOT.
3/10
Total: 40/100
Reviewer's note:
OMG so sorry for my harsh tone in the review I was really disturbed by the images ><
In the poster, I have to say this. Myungsoo looked more like the vampire than Soyeon. I guess it was because of the texture used, that gave this blank feeling in Myungsoo's eyes, so looking at the poster it felt like Myungsoo was the vampire, as compared to the cute smile of the girl.
Oh and btw, all three chapters were short, so you could actually combine it into one chapter as a oneshot..
Owner's note:
Thanks for requesting.
Don't forget to credit us:
Aspiring Heaven < reviewer >
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