Calling kpopfan3

Reviewed by inSHININGspirit

Title (5/5): 5
Totally matches the story!

Foreword & Description (10/10): 8
The suspense was there to keep me reading on. 

Characterization (10/10): 6
I could kind of imagine the change in Zelo's behaviour due to the vast difference as said. But as you know of the "show-don't-tell" technique, if you use that I feel that your characters would become more real-to-life.

Originality (15/15): 12
There have been quite a number of letters on AFF, but the idea of finding a purpose in life is new and I quite like it.

Plot (15/15): 8
There's not much of a plot, or a story per say. The story went too fast and the plot wasn't properly developed. 

Spelling/Grammar (25/25): 17
There weren't many grammatical mistakes, but the phrasing was a little awkward at some places. Like for example, the first sentence, me and friends had to read it a few times to understand what it was trying to say. A more natural way of putting it would be "Before we became men, ...".

Flow (10/10): 7
The story flowed well and it was logical, but still it was a bit too fast. 

Enjoyment (10/10): 8
I could feel the agony and pain of Jongup. But then again, the plot was a bit too fast so it left me wanting to see the plot develop when it didn't.

                                                                     

         TOTAL:71/100

                                                               (Sorry I'm rather strict with my reviews >< )

Reviewer's Note :

The poster... uhmm... could be a lot nicer. The texture doesn't really match the pictures, and there are too many pictures too. Sorry for being so blunt, but whoever did the poster seriously needs to work on their blending. Your story is nice, but sometimes a not-so-nice poster turns people off. Afterall, it's the first thing they see after the title.

And I don't really get the idea of fate making Zelo commit suicide. Fate is something that is more of making people meet or accidents happen. Commiting suicide is a choice, not fate. Then again, it's my opinion. Maybe you could explain it to me :)

Also, there were a few weird sentences here and there. Like "People at our school didn't believe the misconceptions of us, rather they made them up for whatever reasons." Uhmm... I still don't understand what you were trying to say :3

Last thing, are you a deep thinker? Like usually people would write more of friendship or love for such a pairing, but you chose to write something so deep and profound. I never thought of one's purpose in life as making others smile, so I want to say thank you for making me realise that *bows 90°* (maybe that's my purpose in life too) Sometimes I tend to think about such things too... we should talk someday xD