Baby U Are

At night, Seoul was still a busy place. It was so unlike Jeonju. At this hour, usually the only thing he can hear was the sound of his bike. Here, there were still cars honking and food being fried and simmered for the people on night shift.

Dongdaemun was Seoul’s night market. He had heard about it at school and decided to check it out. There were people asking him to buy all kinds of things. He was actually surprised at this, since he had never seen people work like this during the evening. His eyes would wander to the stressed faces of the vendors and would speculate if these people had equally worked this hard during daylight as well.

He finally found a small alleyway that gave off this sweat, salty and spicy flavor. The essence of different street food merged into a variety of flavors and flooded his nostrils. It made his mouth drool.

His stomach turned and made this sickly noise that told him he was hungry. One ahjumma heard this and laughed. “Ahdul! Ppalli meogeo!”

“Kamsahamnida.” Leeteuk bowed slightly and pointed at the boiling stew that the ahjumma was cooking. “Igeo mwoya?”

“Ah, Gopchang!” The ahjumma smiled. She also pointed to the other things she served on her stall. “Tteokbokki, Tteokgalbi…” She enumerated several others as well but Leeteuk’s eyes were fixed on the mouth watering jeongol in front of him.

“Give me a little, Ahjummanim.” He pointed at the stew. She nodded and asked him to sit down on the counter while took a bowl to make him a serving of her own brew of the spicy beef casserole. When she finished preparing it, she handed it to him. “Kamsahamnida.” He repeated.

“Not enough?” The woman asked.

“Aniyo, gwenchanayo.” He said as he dug his way into the soup.

The middle aged woman looked at him. “Are you having girl problems, Ahdul?”

Leeteuk looked at her, surprised. Did it show on his face? “Why say that, Ahjummanim?”

“I’ve seen a lot of young boys like you in my life.” She said, while she made red chili paste. “You love this girl but she doesn’t love you back, am I right?”

Leeteuk chuckled, curious as to what kind of wisdom a woman who lived in the streets knew about love. Indeed, she must’ve seen a lot of boys with similar stories. “Well, she acted as if she was interested in me. I mean, I brought her flowers and we went out on dates. Then she told me that she was in love with someone else.”

“Did she tell you that she loved you?” She asked.

Leeteuk kept silent, tongue tied at her question. He stirred the chewy cattle intestines of his Gopchang to buy himself time.

Taeyeon never directly said ‘I love you,’ before that night. He assumed she wouldn’t be the clingy type like Tiffany. He looked back on the days they still had each other and his thoughts hits him like a truck.

Because neither did he.

“Did she?” The Ahjumma asked again.

“Well, we weren’t exactly a couple yet.” Leeteuk admitted. “I was still courting her.”

“You say courting… So she still has a choice to say ‘no,’ right?” The woman asked as she opened a bottle of Soju and poured him a glass. She was smiling as she placed it next to Leeteuk’s food. “On the house.”

Leeteuk head bowed at the friendly street vendor. “You’re too kind, Ahjummanim…” He bowed. “But still, kamsahamnida.”

“Ahdul.” She called affectionately, like she was giving advice to her own son. “Unless she is tied down with another man, I don’t think her decision for you to stop meant that you should stop loving her as well. I can see so much hate in your heart. It’s not healthy to keep that there.”

What if I told you she’s tied down with a woman? He thought as he took a bite out of his food. “I don’t know, Ahjummanim. I think she just doesn’t like me.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Isn’t it implied?”

“Don’t view love as something flat.” She explained. “If you look at love with your own eyes, you’re as good as blind. Try to feel what she feels. If you can understand her, you can withstand everything. You'll see love as something round and ongoing, despite hardships.”

Was Taeyeon looking for someone who can shower her with affection, just like Tiffany does? He wasn’t the type of guy to do any that and if he did, it was only on special occasions. It wasn’t in his image to look head over heels with someone even if it was obvious that he was completely smitten with the small blonde locked girl.

Leeteuk’s thoughts wandered on what he might’ve done wrong during the course of their time together. He admitted to be harsh at times but never to the point that anyone would hate him. Maybe he wasn’t just Taeyeon’s type at all but if that was the case; why did she let him follow her around like a lost puppy?

“What if I find out that what she really wants is someone else?”

“Ah, don't compare love to a two sided blade.” She shook her head. “The important thing is that you know what is inside her heart as well as yours. If you know that but things still didn’t work out, then you can walk away with a smile on your face.”

For some reason, this comforted Leeteuk. He took a big swing of the Soju and downed the prickly hot sensation down with a few pieces of beef. The Ahjumma was happily washing dishes with her back turned to him. He wondered if this was the same thing she said to the men who she claimed she has ‘seen already’.

He took out his wallet and placed 20,000 won underneath the bowl. He finished his drink and took one last bite out of his half eaten Gopchang. Leeteuk then began to walk away with his new found resolve.

Taeyeon’s heart, he wanted it so badly that he had forgotten to reflect on what she felt rather than what she is. Taeyeon the radio star? The campus crush? No, she was more than that. She was this person that had sky high dreams and her share of disappointments. She was a person who had her own set of moral codes and ideals. Most of all, she was this person who had all her love to give and wasn’t afraid to show it.

Kim Taeyeon. He more he hated, the more he fell so deeply in love with her. He wanted to her to say the words he wanted to hear; even it took him everything that he is.

… And even if it costs her friendship with Tiffany.