Halo

Tiffany cut the waffle in bite sized pieces. She had always prepared food like this for Taeyeon. She did it for Siwon when they were alone but she never done it in front of others.

She had never really rationalized why, but she was only completely consistent if it was Taeyeon.

When Taeyeon craved for something, Tiffany would buy it for her. When she needed something, she’d magically have some in her bag. She babied her on all ways possible for a friend.

And Taeyeon appreciated this. For the short blonde, Tiffany’s attention meant love. Her parents, as well as her brother, Jiwoong, were always busy in the clinic. She couldn’t talk to them. She couldn’t talk to her little sister Hayeon either. She was too young to relate to the problems they had.

Tiffany, on the other hand, felt needed in Taeyeon’s presence. Being the youngest, she was pampered and was given a lot of attention; but she was never given the sense of being wanted. Her father was always too busy and her older siblings followed in his footsteps. The with her sister meant that while she was busy building her career, Tiffany would be busy playing around as a kid. Her brother, on the other hand, was more supportive; but the gender difference also meant she couldn’t be completely honest with him as well.

This family setting usually left Tiffany alone with her mother.

During those times, her mother would ask her to sing or play the piano before bed. She would snuggle next to her when she fell asleep. Tiffany didn’t understand why her mother needed so much rest or why she was never present on family get-together’s. Her mother's weakness was something she accepted as a child. She was so innocent that it didn't occur to her that her mother was deathly ill.

She was eleven years old when she died.

Eleven years old… She was alone when it happened. There were people taking care of her, yes; but she knew they interacted with her because they were paid to give her care and attention. What she craved was a person that needed her around. Someone what would die if she wasn't there, she knew it sounded selfish but that was what she felt like. She can give all her love to that person only and she would survive. 

She then went to a state of voluntary muteness for about four years, speaking only when deathly needed. Being separated from her mother depressed her so much that she attended counseling for more than a year. It even went to the point that she didn't go to child counselors. She needed psychologists.

It was then decided that Tiffany would be placed in better care if she lived with her family back in Korea.

It was hard for Tiffany to leave their house in Los Angeles. She never stopped crying about it as being with her father and siblings only stressed her more. During that time, her immature mind can only think that these were the same people that left her mother. Jeju wasn’t the place she can put her feelings away. It just isn’t.

His brother, Leo, suggested if she can live in one of their houses in Jeonju instead; her father, not knowing what else he can do for his daughter, agreed to this in the condition that Leo or Michelle would visit her every weekend.

Tiffany was enrolled in the Academy from then on.

“Miyounah.” Taeyeon tapped Tiffany's hand playfully as she scrolled through the pictures. “The apartment is really nice.”

“It does? I had to tell Daddy that the University is a short commute from here.” She smiled. She was one who picked their dorm. “Did you see the shops around here? Aww, yeppuda!”

Taeyeon opened . She was about to tell her off. She knew Tiffany picked their dorm because of the place had high end stores around it. Before she can voice it out though, Tiffany promptly placed a piece of waffle in between her teeth. Taeyeon clenched shut, preventing Tiffany from pulling the fork away. 

“Chincha? You want to do this?” Tiffany asked.

Taeyeon kept her jaw locked but mumbled a ‘We haven’t done it in a long time.’

So Tiffany tried to wiggle the fork out of Taeyeon’s mouth. Both laughing at the how ugly their faces looked while they pushed and pulled.  When they finally got tired of laughing, they leaned on the their seats, panting heavily.

“Daddy brought all of the appliances.” Tiffany turned her iPad towards her best friend. “He told me to pick out furniture and that’s what I’m doing.” She said, flicking her fingers back and forth to reveal a long list of tabs and bookmarks for tables and chairs.

“I’ll be OK with anything you pick.” Taeyeon said, sipping her coffee while chewing a piece of waffle she took herself. “But don’t go overboard. You don’t have to buy expensive stuff. Just buy something that works.”

“I want pink.” Tiffany responded while she returned the tablet to her hands. She completely ignored Taeyeon’s last comment. It was a shame that the pink version of things usually cost more than the other colors. She never knew why that is though.

Tiffany pretended to sweep pass the pictures she collected. There was silence between them. Taeyeon was busy eating her food. Or maybe she was waiting for Tiffany to open the subject. She couldn’t tell if was just pretending as well.

“I…” They said in unison. “Let me tell you something first.”

When they needed to talk about something serious, it usually started with this. From here on, they knew where this conversation was going.

Tiffany took the first move. “Why did you come to Seoul a day early?”

“Does it matter?”

“Taeyeonssi, look… I’m glad that you’re here but I couldn’t even pick you up at the station because I was with Leo. You made me worried.”

“I wasn’t complaining.”

“I don't care if you were. I haven’t even put any food in the fridge yet.”

“What's the problem? We can always buy some. I'm eating right now, aren't I?”

“Kim Taeyeon!” Tiffany scolded, finally snapping and bringing an end to Taeyeon’s defiance. “What happened at home?”

“Nothing happened at home.” Taeyeon lied, “I dunno. I just missed you.”

“We’ve been apart for two days.” She raised her eyebrows while her hand went to grab Taeyeon’s. “Something happened, right?”

Taeyeon scratched her head. So what if it’s only been two days? If she missed her, she missed her. And what’s wrong in arriving earlier than usual anyway? Was she hiding something from her? “You’re worried about useless things.”

“Taetae.” Tiffany began playing her friend’s fingers. “I really wanted to fix the place up for you before you arrive.”

Taeyeon brought her best friend's hand from across the table and kissed it lightly. "Just being with you is perfect enough."

Tiffany smiled weakly. She was unconvinced at Taeyeon’s answer but decided to let it go.

“Saranghaeyo.” Taeyeon kissed her friend’s hand.

•••••••

A motorcycle blazed through the streets of Jeonju. One, then two, then several after followed.

There were stories of boys who run through the streets at night, a secret group of men who relayed messages for the rich and powerful in the province Jeonju. There weren't many people here as compared to other cities. So when they hear that deafening roar, people know who they were, that they meant business and that you’re a marked man if you hear them outside your house.

People who actually get to see them only saw the blur of their lights. Their wheels painted the road during each turn. It took them a short trip to reach their destination. The mansion like house of the owners of Jeonju Medical Center, where Leeteuk leaned on his own motorcycle, waiting. When everyone got there, they removed their helmets and bowed to the boy.

"Jungsu." Eunhyuk called, tossing a small bag towards their leader.

Leeteuk wore a hooded top that covered most of his face. His helmet was at his arm while he tapped his feet. He snatched the bag in the air and felt paper inside it. Money? He thought. When he opened it, there were at least three hundred bills of different denominations. Leeteuk didn't bother to count it. Instead, he zipped the pouch and lifted it in the air. "Mworago?"

"Profits from the last race." Donghae answered. "Hyung, we heard you were going to Seoul tomorrow. This is our gift to you. Use it wisely."

Leeteuk secured his helmet on his motorcycle. His sudden decision to leave for Seoul early apparently spread like wild fire. He went up to them and slammed the money on the pavement. "You think I need this? You called me out here for this?"

"Ya! Ya!" Eunhyuk pulled Leeteuk away from Donghae. "Geez man, we were just trying to help you."

"I don't need any of your help!" Leeteuk shouted. "I am Park Jungsu! Does it look like I need help?!"

Heechul clutched the handle of his motor and made his engine roar. This made the three stop before their conversation heated up. He controlled everyone's attention now. "Leadernim, don't act so tough. Since Siwon left, your mood swings became worse."

Leeteuk let go of Donghae's collar, with the intention of grabbing Heechul's instead. But everyone's engines roared, and he had to control himself. Even as the leader, he couldn't possibly handle eleven men... Or ten, since Siwon left.

Eunhyuk picked up the money from the ground and forcefully placed it on Leeteuk's chest. "Hyungnim, we can only rely on you. Please bring Siwon back."

Leeteuk didn't know what to say.

"Everyone is stuck here in Jeonju. Some of us are going to college but there's a lot that won't even study." Heechul said, placing his helmet on his head and lifting his windshield. "You, on the other hand, can leave this awful place and actually reach something."

We're counting on you. 

Leeteuk opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep while packing his things. It only happened a few hours ago but he couldn't help but think that his friends’ trust was misplaced.

It was true. He was the only one in the group who had his life ahead of him. Everyone was going to be left behind. He won't be back permanently until he finishes med school. That would take at least a decade to finish!

After Siwon left, everything just went awry. He knew what was happening behind the scenes. Tiffany and Siwon loved each other and cried for each other when no one was around. In school, Tiffany was labeled as a heartless monster that shut Siwon off at the sight of a scandal. Sometimes, he would hear rumors in the cafeteria.

"I heard Siwon left because he made Stephanie pregnant.", "Oh my god! I wonder if that's the reason why he left Seoul too?", "Tiffany's family would never agree to having a child, I bet she had an abortion or something."

Leeteuk would 'accidentally' spill his drink at those girls. He didn't like people talking about his friends that way.

One thing he can't figure out though, was Taeyeon.

He would think Taeyeon, as Tiffany's best friend, would try to console her. Though they did spend more time with each other because of Siwon's absence, there weren't any heart-to-heart talks or late night partying to release the stress. They would resume their day as they usually would, not minding the gossip that tainted their images. 

Taeyeon just kept it cool.

She would hear things and just laugh about it. Students who also missed Choi Siwon would come up to her and tell her off. She would stay silent the whole time. When Leeteuk asked about what she really felt about that, she would smile and suddenly ask for ice cream. Buy it for her or not, she'd move to the next topic.

Leeteuk didn't know if he would classify her actions as bravery because she doesn't break down and cry like other girls would; or if it was cowardice because she didn't want to face the problem head on.

It didn't matter though. It wasn't his place to poke in their business anyway. He instead focused on this he could control, like his own relationship with her.

A week before graduation, Leeteuk decided to set something special for her; he brought flowers and chocolates, booked the best seats in the cinema and took her to fine dining at Yeokssa, one of the Hwang's many establishments.

After dinner, he led her to the hotel's veranda. He held her hand tightly as they watched the stars from the roofed balcony.

"I'm glad you took me out. It was very sweet. I felt like all my pent up stress is gone." Taeyeon said.

Leeteuk was glad, but he didn't respond to it. He wanted her to be surprised at his last and final gift to her tonight. He balled a little black box in his pockets.

"You know..." She said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I think I figured out why you came looking for me."

"When?"

"During the dance."

Leeteuk kept his mouth shut. Why did she have to bring this topic up just when he was about to ask her a very important question?

"You thought I burned the tree, right?" Taeyeon said, letting go of his hand and instead crossing her arms. She looked at him straight in the eye. All of a sudden, Leeteuk couldn't see the sky or the romantic background that the hotel had. He can only see Taeyeon's beautiful face in the dim, almost candlelit light. For the record, it wasn't a good thing.

"Why do you think I would do something like that?" She asked again. "What do you know?"

The boy was surprised at Taeyeon's sudden aggression. "What are you getting at?"

He saw Taeyeon swallow. Did she have something to say to me? He thought.

"Jungsu, if I..." Taeyeon stopped, hesitating for a moment before finally locking eyes with him again. He was not prepared for what she was about to say. "If I… had past relationships before... Would you care?"

"I would." Leeteuk admitted. "But I promise, I can get over things like that. It might take a while but..."

Taeyeon cut him off by hugging him. They stayed like that for a minute. During that time, he couldn't breathe. He felt the heaviness of her words as it sunk inside him, digging deep in his masculinity and feeding on his insecurities. When she pulled away, he noticed that his coat was wet and that she was silently crying in his arms the whole time.

He quickly took his handkerchief to damp the small girl’s tears, carefully, so that her none of her mascara would get to her eyes. They heard a small thud on the wooden floor. Taeyeon automatically picked it up and stared at it.

"This...?" She asked, holding the little black box on her dainty hands.

Leeteuk held her shaking hands and guided her fingers into opening it, revealing a ring made of white gold. "Kkum." (Dreams) He read the embedded letters.

He could feel Taeyeon's legs getting weaker because her heels shook though the wood. He led her to one of the loveseats, never letting go of her hand. It was a shame that he didn't get in one knee like in the movies. He wanted her to experience that; but heck, the ring was already illuminating the frames of her face.

"Taeyeon, I... Would you..." He nervously said. "Can I be your boyfriend?"

It didn't even take a second for her to react as Taeyeon closed the box and instead, kissed his forehead then his cheeks. Her other hand hovered at the back of his neck, making sure he stayed still as she caressed him apologetically.

He knew what her answer would be the moment she shut the box from his hand, but that didn't stop him. He knew what he felt for her and was willing to fight for it.

That was when he let go of her hand, not caring that the box fell on the floor and rolled away to who-knows-where. He didn't care anymore. She was right in front of him, but why did she feel so distant? It was like her heart was somewhere he couldn't reach, owned by someone he can never size up to. He grasped the side of her face, pulling her to him as he kissed her rosy pink lips.

Here he was, taking the most beautiful girl out to a romantic date and all he could think about was his inadequacies. What did he lack as a person? He gave her everything. He was with her when she felt alone, took her out on dates, asked her parent's permission, accompanied her everywhere she asked. He never said no to her. He was even willing to make changes if it meant securing her as his partner. She knew that. She had to!

Then again, giving it your all was never a guarantee that that person will like you back the same way.

He was kissing her. Yes, out of love; but also out of hate. All at once he felt it, his passion building as he moved his lips with her. Taeyeon led me on. He wanted to bite her lips so she would know how frustrated he was at her; but he held himself back. Refreshing his thoughts that this was a girl he had to respect and treat with care.

In the end, you still can't bear to see her hurt, can you? His conscience laughed.

He felt Taeyeon squirm from her seat and he knew that this magical moment would be over in a second. His closed eyes would wake up to the truth that he couldn't have the girl he wanted; and that this kiss would soon become another memory.

He pulled away. Taeyeon was crying again. He saw her lips move but nothing came out. He embraced her, placing his ears near to hear what she was saying. He heard her say two things:

"Mianhaeyo." was the first.

He wanted to say that everything will be OK. And that he can handle everything the world can throw at them for a long as he's with her. They can be at war with the world and he would fight until he ran out of breath. He wanted to beg, because he'd already fallen so deeply in love with her and that leaving him right now would've cost him everything he was building. He wanted to voice that out but he couldn't. He didn't know why his thoughts don’t translate well to words. He can feel his eyes burn as he waited for Taeyeon to kill his feelings for her once and for all.

"I'm in love with Tiffany." was the second.

What? He thought. Did he just hear that right? He pulled away and looked at her with inquiring eyes. Taeyeon didn't waste time for her getaway as she quickly jumped to her feet and headed inside the building, somewhere she didn't have to see his tears and that he didn't have to see hers. He didn't have time to react to what she just said.

When he imagined them together, the only problems he thought were having nosy people poking in their business or schedules keeping them apart, normal things that couples experience and argue about. But what did he know about this? It hadn't occurred to him that Taeyeon was a lesbian even though she acted like a tomboy all the time. To him, it was a charm she had; but if it was for real... Can he love a girl like that? A girl who likes girls as much as he did?

He punched the wall. Can you, Leeteuk? He asked himself. He buried his hand in his hair and pressed his back against the wall. "Kim Taeyeon, why..." He whispered, his tears freely falling from his eyes. 

Leeteuk was angry, more than ever. At Taeyeon, for not telling him she had feelings for her best friend, when clearly their relationship was leading to commitment. At Tiffany, because she hid it from everyone, from him and Siwon, since when did fall in love with each other anyway? Before they were met, or before he started courting her?

… During?

He grabbed things he can either slam against the wall, or toss towards the swimming pool. He was on a rampage. The other guests reported this and the staff tried to stop him. It took at least four people to pin him down.

He was trashing his arm around, tossing his body against the men that held him. His eyes caught the box that fell on the floor when they kissed and his hands immediately dove in.

“Mianhamnida.” He cried. “Mianhamnida.”

In the end, he only blamed himself for not minding how close the two were from the beginning.