I was feeling a bit better when we got home but Chanyeol insisted on that I should rest. I did what he told me to but I couldn’t sleep. I just laid there thinking. The feelings I had when I was hugging Kyungsoo were real and the images that I remembered were too. It wasn’t Chanyeol in those dreams that I had it was someone else. A person I used to know but I still couldn’t remember who he was. That person was important to me somehow but why? How was he related to me and my past. I felt sad that there was an important person out there who I had completely forgotten. Another thought struck me, what does Kyungsoo have to do with it? It couldn’t be that he was that guy could it? If he is how come I don’t remember him at all and he doesn’t seem like he knows me. Does he? After a while my thoughts became blurry and I fell into a deep sleep.

It’s this place again and the bunny is back. It really does look similar to the one I have now. Aww it’s talking again, what is it saying? I can’t hear it clearly...wait now it’s back to singing. It’s that melody! I recognize it, I’ve heard it before. Nana na na nanana nana~

Do you like it?

Yeah, the melody is beautiful...wait...who are you?

This time I’m going to see your face. Please let me see your face. No why are your face so blurry..ooh I’m starting to see more clearly now..that face... you’re...

“Kyungsoo!”

I woke staring at the ceiling. I was breathing heavily and my heart was beating really fast.

It’s not possible. I don’t understand, the guy in my dreams is Kyungsoo? No, it can’t be...he is gay or is he?..Ok, take a deep breath. Maybe it’s because of what happened at the park. My mind is playing tricks on me. Gosh why is this happening to me..

“Did you call for me?”

Chanyeol came into my room, he was wearing an apron.

“Erhh...uh no I didn’t.”

Phew, he didn’t hear me. He must have been in the kitchen cooking.

“Really? I could swear that I heard you call for me. It didn’t sound like my name but who else would you call for hahaha.”

“Right. Maybe I did call for you. I just woke up so I’m not sure what I said. Are you cooking something?”

“Oh yeah, I’m cooking juk. It’s better that you eat something light. Give me ten more minutes and I’m finished.”

Chanyeol was on his way out and seeing his back made me feel the urge of hugging him. I hurried up from my bed and ran and hugged him from behind.

“Hey what’s..”

He didn’t finish the sentence but he turned around and hugged me back. He probably knew that it was one those moments when he should just stay quiet and don’t ask questions. It reminded me of how much I loved him which is why I was so scared now. I was afraid that I might lose him once I regained my memories. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to remember things now, so far it hasn’t done any good. Instead it made me confused about my feelings. I refused to admit it up till now but deep down I had known it for a while. The guy in my dreams whether he was Kyungsoo or not...I think I loved him or maybe I still love him... If I remember who he is things will change, I just know it. A part of me didn’t want to remember because that way I could still love Chanyeol without a doubt but another part was telling me that it was important that I regain my memories. It’s not important not only for me but also for that person.

For now I don’t want to let it go. At this moment, Chanyeol is still the most important person to me. I love him. That’s what counts, right?...

~ Three days later ~

I haven’t done much the past three days. Besides eating and sleeping I did all I could to keep my mind off the returning memories. I thought that I wouldn’t remember anything more if I didn’t think about it. Spending time with Chanyeol helped during the days but during the nights I was afraid of falling asleep. I forced myself to not fall into a deep sleep and dream anything and so far it worked. The bad sleep made me really tired during the days though and it worried Chanyeol. He suggested that we should go outside and do something which I eventually agreed to. Maybe some fresh air would make me less tired. We decided on a picnic in the park near Chanyeol’s apartment so I prepared a basket of snacks and went over there around lunch time. He wasn’t by the gate where we were supposed to meet because I was a bit early. I didn’t want to go to his apartment and risk seeing Kyungsoo and decided to wait for him here. When I still didn’t see him when it was time I called him.

“Oh shoot, it’s already time? Sorry I was busy preparing something for our picnic and forgot the time. I’m not done yet. Actually why don’t you come up and give me a hand. Kyungsoo was supposed to help me out but he isn’t home right now.”

“Umm ok, I’ll be right there.”

Knowing that Kyungsoo wasn’t home puts me at ease. I went up to their apartment and opened the door which was unlocked. A strong smell of freshly baked muffin hit me as soon as I entered the hall.

“You’re baking muffins?”

Chanyeol came out of the kitchen and smiled brightly at me.

“Yup, it’s your favourite blueberry muffin. It was going to be a surprise but when I took them out of the oven just now I realized that I should have put the blueberries in the mixture and not in the forms. Now they’re are all burnt because the heat was too strong at the bottom. Baking isn’t my thing~”

I couldn’t help laughing seeing him standing there looking a bit disappointed by his mistake.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh but hahaha...so what do you need help with?”

Seeing me laughing made him happy. I realized that I hadn’t been laughing for a while which made me feel bad. I was such a bad girlfriend for not realizing that my unhappiness must have made him unhappy too. I had dragged him into my dark and depressed world without noticing it. The thought of him constantly trying to cheer me up these past few days brightened my mood.

I should stop worrying about things and pick myself up. From this day on I’m going to try really hard to move forward. Whatever happened in the past should stay there. If it decides to catch up with me then so be it. I’m going to face it when the time comes without a fear.

“I don’t think we can do anything about the muffins now but I need to go down to the basement and get a blanket. I just realized that I put all the big ones there. Can you throw away the muffins while I’m getting the blanket?”

I went to the kitchen to look at the muffins that he had made. They actually didn’t look bad at all and you wouldn’t have noticed the burnt blueberries if you didn’t pick them up and looked under them. I was curious of what the non burnt parts tasted like so I took a bite of one of them.

Hmm not bad. They actually taste good. It would be a waste to throw them away. We can still eat the non burnt parts. He made them for me and I don’t want his efforts to go to waste.

I brought the batch of muffins to the dinner table and put some of them in the basket. Looking into the basket I saw that I had forgotten to bring napkins. I went around the apartment looking for napkins but I couldn’t find any so toilet paper was the only thing left that we could use. When I was going to the bathroom I passed Kyungsoo’s room. I stopped outside of it and looked in. The room was quite messy and it wasn’t tidy at all like last time I was in there. There were bunch of things spread out on his bed and one particular thing caught my attention. I had seen it before in my dreams....the bunny stuffed animal. My instincts were telling me to not take a closer look at it but my heart said otherwise. I slowly walked into his room and my heart started to beat faster. There was a box on the floor besides the bed and I recognized it from the day Kyungsoo moved here. It was the box he was insisting on carrying himself.

So the things on the bed is what was in that box?

My eyes were fixated on the bunny and I saw that my hands was were shaking when I picked it up. The moment I picked it up I just knew that it belonged to me. An image flashed through my mind. I was holding that bunny in it and listening to it talking. I instinctively pressed lightly on the bunnies nose.

“Hrm..Happy birthday my Honeybunny~ I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday but when I saw this I knew that it was perfect! Since you love to hear me sing I’ve decided to record a song especially for you~ Wait a second I just need to clear my throat haha. Erhhmm..rhm.. ok before I start I just want to tell you that I love you. When you see this bunny is the same as seeing me when I’m not by your side, ok? Not that I’m not going to be by your side forever already hehe. Once again I love you forever~”

A voice began to sing, it was the same melody as I’ve heard many times before in my dreams. Not only in my dreams but also in real life. I couldn’t hear the lyrics in my dreams but now I could hear them perfectly fine. Not that it mattered anymore because I knew exactly how the lyrics went. As I held the bunny listening to Kyungsoo singing I noticed something else on the bed. It was the notebook and there was a photo of me inside it. The other half that had been cut off the Chanyeol photo.Tears were falling down my face and I couldn’t move. My vision started to spin and my legs couldn’t carry me. I fell down to the floor.   

~ O ~