I’m back in that place but no one is here. I’ve definitely been here before, over there is where the kitchen should be. I knew it! Someone is cooking food? Is it me? Need to turn off the stove. Where is Chanyeol? Why can’t I remember where this is...

I can hear someone singing again, it’s coming from the living room. Who are you? I can’t see you clearly but you look familiar..is it you Chan..

I woke up. My head was hurting a bit but that wasn’t the most important thing on my mind right now. The dreams I’ve been having up till now were strange but not this strange. The recent ones felt so real and not like dreams at all..more like memories.

Are they a part of the memories I’ve lost? Is my memory starting to come back or are those just dreams that seems real. But if that person in my dream is Chanyeol then it can’t be my memories...I feel that I’m missing something. Something important, without that I’m not complete..what is it?

It was already Monday and Chanyeol came and picked me up as usual. I told him about my dream and he suggested that we should go and have me checked at the hospital just in case. I could tell that he was worried about my health because this was my second time having a headache in a short period of time. I promised that we would pay a visit to his dad later today and he called his dad to make an appointment. I couldn’t concentrate in class because I kept thinking about my dream and the feeling of that I’m missing something. I wanted to remember what it was but my brain wouldn’t let me no matter how hard I tried. During lunch I met up with Chanyeol but I didn’t have any appetite at all.

“You only had a piece of bread this morning. Do you want me to order a light lunch for you?”

“I don’t feel like eating. I’m not hungry. Where is Kyungsoo by the way? I thought that you said he was going to have lunch with us today.”

“He left a bit early from class and said that he would meet us here. It looked like he had something important to do though, maybe he won’t come. But don’t you change the subject. You have to eat something. I’ll go and order a lunch and I’ll share it with you ok?”

“Ok..”

Chanyeol went to buy lunch and not long after he left Kyungsoo showed up. He sat down by our table and placed three lunch boxes on the table.

“You must be really hungry if you’re going to eat all that.”

“It’s not only for me. It’s for you guys too. Eat it while it’s still warm.”

“Still warm..you went home and cooked lunch for us? Why?....I mean it’s really nice of you but Chanyeol just went to buy lunch and I don’t have an appetite. I really appreciate that you cooked for us though.”

“Try it first before you say anything. Maybe you’ll want to eat after tasting it. Come one, try it.”

He opened the lunch box and placed it in front of me. It was just regular kimbap and pajeon. I really didn’t feel like eating but it would be really rude to refuse it since he went through the trouble making it for us.

“Oh I almost forgot the dip sauce for the pajeon. Here try this first.”

I took a piece of the pajeon, dipped it in the sauce and put it in my mouth. At first I thought it tasted nothing because of my loss of appetite but suddenly I felt this salty and sour flavour filling my mouth. I didn’t know how to describe it but it tasted absolutely amazing. It was like I’ve been wanting to eat this for a long time and it made me feel hungry. I wanted to have more of it. I looked at Kyungsoo with a confused expression.

“What did you put in this? It tastes really good. Gosh you really are an amazing cook!”

I could see that my praising made him really happy because he had a big smile on his face and looked content.

“I’m glad that you like it. As for the ingredients..it’s a secret!”

That made me even more curious but I didn’t bother to ask him more about it. I started to eat again and by the time Chanyeol was back I had already finished half what was in my box. At first he pretended that he was mad that I made him by lunch but decided to eat someone else's lunch box. I apologized to him and said that I was going to eat what he bought too. He burst out laughing when he heard that and told me that he was just joking. He wasn’t mad at all instead he was glad to see that I was eating. After finishing the lunch boxes that Kyungsoo made we also shared the lunch that Chanyeol had bought. We were all really full after that lunch. Full but happy. After the lunch we talked about hanging out on the coming holiday. Starting next week after this exam week we would have two weeks free. Chanyeol suggested that we should gather our closest friends and make a trip to Lotte World. That way we could introduce our friends to Kyungsoo and let him into our little friendship circle. I called my two best friends and Chanyeol called his best friend which all of them said yes. I was so caught up in planning what we should do besides visiting Lotte World that I forgot all about my worries for the doctor's appointment. But they came back when Chanyeol reminded about it after school.

We took a taxi to the hospital as planned and I was worried during the whole ride. I thought of the worst case scenario, that it was something wrong with my head like a tumour or something. Having Chanyeol beside me made me feel more calm though. We went to his dad’s office and he decided to perform a CT scan on me. The results wouldn’t be out for a couple of hours and so we took a walk around the area. Chanyeol probably sensed that I was worried about the results so he tried to cheer me up. We went back to all the places that we used to go to when I was still hospitalized. That brought back memories and we had fun talking about them. The call from his dad about the results came when we were sitting in the hospital cafeteria having a snack. We went back to his office and I was holding Chanyeol’s hand the whole time. I could feel that he was starting to worry too when we sat there waiting. He held my hand tightly and I could feel his palm sweat.

“The results came back normal. There is nothing wrong with your head.”

It wasn’t until I heard that I noticed I had been holding my breath the whole time. I let out my breath and I could feel that Chanyeol did too. He loosened his grip a little bit and looked at me with a big relief on his face.

“Have something happened lately that has affected you emotionally? Because that can be the reason for your headaches and dreams.”

“Not, what I know of...”

“Worries can be another reason. Have you been in a lot of stress?”

The only unusual thing that has happened lately was the incident with Kyungsoo and I have been worried about him. It’s all good now though.

I decided not to bring it up because that would just sound silly. The things that has happened were probably all misunderstandings anyway. Talking about me worrying about another guy in front of my boyfriend’s father wasn’t the best thing to do.

“Yeah, maybe all the school work has made me a little stressed lately. I have a question about my dreams though. Is it possible that they can be pieces of my memory coming back? They don’t feel like dreams at times but they’re always so blurry. My dreams weren’t like that before.”

“It is possible. There are still lots of things that we don’t know about the brain and there have been many cases of patients that have lost their memory suddenly remembering things again. For the most part it’s when they’re exposed to something that triggers it. However it’s better to let them come back to you naturally so don’t force yourself to remember. Putting too much emotional stress on yourself can create headaches and also other mental disorders. If those are really your memories just let them be, don’t think too much about it, promise me that okay? Also don’t put too much pressure on yourself, I want my future daughter-in-law to be happy and healthy.”

“Yes, okay. I promise. Thank you abonim~”

“If there are any other problems or if you’re feeling unwell don’t hesitate to call me, understood? And you take care of her, Chanyeol-ah~”

“Dad, you don’t have to tell me that. I would do that even without you asking me to.”

It was already late when we finished our visit and we decided to have dinner with Chanyeol’s dad before heading home. This day ended happily for me, I was glad that I was healthy and excited that I might be getting my memories back. I hadn't thought much about it before because I thought that I would never remember but now when it might happen I had this really strange feeling inside me. What would it feel like to remember everything, would it be happy or sad memories and will it change anything about me and who I am now....

~ O ~