Chapter 13 – Don’t Hide

 

 

 

            “Unnie! Hurry up! We’ll be late!” Saera exclaimed from below the stairs as she waited impatiently for me who was obviously not as psyched as she was in attending this stupid performance thing. The last I wanted, was to go out of my coop and face the rest of the world; even though I knew I had to face it someday or the other, I choose the other.

            “Relax chick, it starts in an hour” I sighed as my steps lazed over to her jitty output.

            “But still! You know I hate to be late!” she groaned.

            “Relax will you. Why the hell do you want to go so badly? Who’s performing that’s so important?” I scoffed below my breath.

            “Trust me unnie, they are extremely important! Especially one of them!” she winked and I rolled my eyes,

            “Saera, you’re delusional” I chuckled as she hit me playfully and we left for the bus stop.

 

 

            As we boarded the bus my brain decided to take a trip down memory lane. The first time I’d ridden a bus with Jongin. I remembered the way he sat, the way his eyes sparked at something of his interests, the way his lips curved into a small, drowsy, lopsided smile. It was a day I could’ve actually said I had clean fun and didn’t have anything to worry about. Such a delicate memory from such a simple action.

            Why did love have to happen? Why did things have to happen the way it did? It just proved what a horrible person I was. Why did I have to have dance practice with him? Why did he have to take so much interest in me? Why smile at me with that longing for attention? Why stare deep into my eyes, my soul, my heart? Why reach out to me? Why? Why? Why? I can’t seem to understand how one could even like a person as myself. I sound so emo right now but nothing makes sense anymore.

            I don’t want to see him again. I can’t possibly meet him. I wish him the best on his life without me. I want him to live freely and smile for the world, not for me. I'm not worthy of such beauty.
 

 

 

            “Jongin! You have to perform!” Joonmyun sighed at the younger who was deadpan on not performing.

            “I’m not performing hyung” he said strictly.

            “But—” before he was able to finish his sentence, Luhan entered and shoved a white envelope in front of Jongin’s face.

            “Read it” he commanded.

            “What is—” Jongin was cut off.

            “Read. It” Luhan demanded once more as Jongin took the envelope from him and pulled out a long letter.

 

 

Dear Jongin,

                        Are you angry? Are you sad? Does your heart hurt? My heart hurts. Before I say anything else, I am writing this letter to relieve myself from the pain of falling in love. I broke your heart, I played with your feelings and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect you to love me. I don’t want you to love me. You are torturing yourself by doing so. You are perfection and I am a blemish in your life. I don’t want to hurt you, I want what’s best for you and what’s best, is for you to find someone who will love you so much you get sick of their love.

                        I’m sorry Jongin, I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Honestly, I never thought life was meaningful. I always hoped one day I would fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. Sometimes I wished I was sleeping beauty, with no prince. I didn’t want to wake up. But then you came, you came and kissed my broken soul, healed my life and made me want to life again. You make my want to wake up every morning with the joy of listening to the birds sing tunes that melds with the wind. I get goose bumps by just the mention of your name.

                        I was finally able to open my eyes and look around me. You cannot believe how much you have changed me. But what did you do? Nothing? You did everything. You accepted me when I was certain everyone deserted me. You hugged me when I rejected myself; you wiped my broken glassed tears and left me with a feeling so exotic, I felt as though even cloud 9 wasn’t as heavenly. I was able to breathe again; after being suffocated by the memories of the past. So many things you did.

                        You showed me the meaning of living. Even though I did beat your so badly in the games; it felt wonderful! I love the way you stare at me with that intensity. I love the way you make my toes curl and my heart race by your subtle movements. To put it simple, I think I love you. Funny isn’t it? I love you so much but I can’t seem to bring myself to express it.

                        To me, you represent freedom and happiness. I want to be with you all the time; I want to go with you everywhere. There are so many things I want to do, I feel like crying when I realise how foolish I sound. Its true Jongin, I really like you, a lot. My heart yearns for your love and my body yearns for your touch. At night, I am unable to sleep, because whenever I close my eyes I see your face, smiling to me with that beauty so rare it makes me jolt upright and frown.

                        I love you so much, even if you count each grain of sand around the world it still can’t compare to my feelings for you; I need you just like fish need water, I want you just like Plankton wants the secret formula. Will you reciprocate my love? Will you hold me in your arms tight enough and never let me go? Will you promise me a relationship that will work? I can’t promise you any of the things suggested. You are off my limits. You have shone light into my life that has been clouded by a serrate of darkness. You are the beauty and I'm a beast but all I know is...

                        Kim Jongin, I love you.

 

                                                                                                                                    ~Jiyeon

 

 

            The letter fell from his hand as tears streamed his face. His hyungs who hovered over the male and also read the letter were now in the same position as their younger. Even the stone faced Kris was down to his last straw and trying to wipe the tears that threatened to fall. Jongin was frozen to his seat. Luhan who’d read the letter beforehand, made his way over to the boy and tried to get him to talk.

            “Jongin?” he called but he didn’t hear him.

            His mind was flustered and everything was just foreign to him. She loves him… so why did she push him away? What is she so afraid of? The main point was… she loves him. Jongin grabbed his hair in frustration before pulling on it harshly and letting out a loud moan of pain.

            “Hyung!” Sehun grabbed his hands and pulled them off the older but Jongin just collapsed onto the maknae, sobbing softly into his chest.

            “S-s-she…” he tried making words but nothing came out right.

            “We know hyung, we know” Sehun rubbed the tanned boy’s back in small circles as the others gathered around and also tried comforting him.

 

            “Jongin, she will be there for the performance” Luhan said after a hour of listening to Jongin mope about and re-read the letter, over and over.

            “W-What? How do you know that?” he asked confused.

            “I just know” Luhan smiled smugly at the younger.

            “Hyung! Don’t joke with me!” Jongin pouted.

            “I’m serious!” Luhan was now the one to pout.

            “Then what do I do?” Jongin sighed.

            “You will have to perform” Luhan said as Jongin frowned and looked off.

 

 

            “I’m not seeing her” Kris said to Luhan as they got ready backstage to perform.

            “You guys are on in 5” the host said.

            “! Keep looking!” Luhan cursed.

            “Hyung! What if she doesn’t come?” Sehun asked earning a tap from Joonmyun.

            “Be positive maknae” he lectured.

            “Wae?” Sehun pouted before running off to complain to Kyungsoo.

            “Ok boys, you’re up!” and that was their cue.

            “Jiyeon, where are you?” Luhan mumbled with a worried stare into the crowd before following the others.

A/N: OMG~! so the letter is out and where is Jiyeon? next chapter or the chapter after might be the last :) Do I still have readers? LOL