Chapter 11 – Don’t Punish Yourself

 

 

            Everything went numb. I wasn’t able to move. Jongin… in the hospital? Leeteuk immediately pulled out his phone and made a few calls before hurrying outside. I quickly followed him, my brain scattered as I did so.

            “Hyung, you should hurry, I’ll take care of the kids” an unfamiliar face ran up to him.

            “Thanks Donghae” he patted the boy’s back before turning to me.

            “You coming?” he asked. I barely nodded and trotted after him.

           

            Oh god Jongin… what did you do? Why are you doing this? Please be ok. God, I don’t ask much from you, but please, don’t let anything happen to him. Please. We got into his car as he drove to Seoul’s National Hospital. My heart drummed in my chest as I prayed. Please be ok. Please be ok. My mother is a Buddhist and I remembered one of her prayers, chanting it in my head, over and over. I didn’t know how to respond or how to even speak. As Leeteuk mashed the brakes he quickly unbuckled his seatbelts and jumped out of the car. I followed suit.

 

            “Kim Jongin” he spoke to the receptionist. Tapping his foot eagerly, he waited impatiently as she searched for his name and room.

            “Room 0114, 3^rd floor” she said and we dashed over to the elevators. I couldn’t control myself. I wanted to cry, scream—everything in one. My emotions were all over the place. Why were so many things happening at the same time?

           

            As we turned the corner, the sight of Jongin’s friends worriedly seated outside the room cause my steps to slow to a stop. I couldn’t go there… what would they think of me? I don’t belong there… urgh. Dammit Jiyeon! Hiding behind the wall I carefully slumped against it and to the floor. I just know they won’t be able to accept me for breaking his heart. Digging my nails into my palms tight enough, I closed my eyes and buried my head into my knees.

            When the doctor came out, I stretched my neck to listen.

            “He’s fine for now, we gave him medication but his body is still unstable. He needs to eat properly and take care of his health. Try not to let him stress for the next few days or else his condition may worsen” he said to them.

            “Can we see him?” they asked.

            “Sure” he allowed them to pass before leaving.

 

            I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you god. At least he’s better but… still, I'm so distraught about it. Jongin…

 

 

 

            Jongin’s eyes barely opened to adjust to the lighting in the room as his friends walked in. With a weak smile he tried to fix himself on the bed but his arms could’ve barely moved.

            “How are you feeling?” Kyungsoo asked taking a seat next to the younger’s bed.

            “One in a million” Jongin joked as the other shook their heads.

            “Aish, don’t scare us like that!” Minseok groaned before ruffling the boy’s hair and slumping against Luhan.

            “Sorry hyungs and Sehun” Jongin laughed frailly.

 

 

 

            “Jongin, I don’t know what happened between you and Jiyeon…” Leeteuk finally spoke up as he neared the boy.

            Everyone turned to look at him as he spoke. They knew of his past and somehow, they felt as though Jongin was in the same position.

            “—but don’t let her go. Trust me” he stared at the boy as Jongin looked out the window.

            Jiyeon. Her name rang through his ears.

            “I think you guys should talk it out” Kris spoke up agreeing with his hyung.

            “And if you don’t do something about it, I will” Luhan sent a playful glare at the younger but Jongin’s face remained expressionless.

            “Oh come on hyung, even my face doesn’t look like that when I’m not smiling.” Sehun joked causing the room to erupt in laughter.

            “Sure Thehunnie” Jongin mocked the maknae’s lisp earning a pout from the latter.

            “Hyunngggggg!” he whined and everyone just laughed.

 

 

 

            Look at me, pathetically hiding behind a wall and cowering from my troubles and worries. How pathetic can I get? I wanted to run into the room and embrace him so tightly but I couldn’t. My dumb conscience kept me back! I'm so stupid, sitting in a corner as I regretted everything in my life. Jiyeon, you messed up so badly. I hate this. My thoughts were cut when I heard the sound of familiar voice. Standing to my feet I walked over to one point in case they saw me as they passed the hall and hurried over to the elevators.

            Inhaling deeply, I slowly made my way over to the room. My body moved on its own; opening the door I peeked in and saw his eyes closed as his chest moved up and down to show signs of his breathing. Stepping inside, I gently closed the door behind me and walked over, taking a seat on the chair beside his bed. The room was dark with the exception of a small lamp shade beside his bed that gave off light. Chewing on my lip I stared at him. He looked drawn out and sick. His tanned skin was now pale and the veins on his eyelids were visible enough to match his appearance.

            I lifted my hand to his face and gently caressed his cheek. God alone knows how sorry I really am. Lifting my hand to his hair, I carefully brushed his bangs away from his face and ran a finger down the side of his perfectly contoured face. Such a beauty, why are you punishing yourself for me? Am I that worthy? Don’t do this to yourself Jongin. Standing up, I found myself proceeding to do the forbidden. My head lowered to his, and just before our lips touched, I shifted away and lightly pecked his cheek.

 

            “I love you Jongin” I whispered.

           

            Home was a mess. Mom and dad were away on a business trip and Saera had her friends over, leaving me, alone, in my room, drowning in misery. Oh god. My head hurts, but my hearts feel as though it has been ripped away and chopped up. Groaning to myself, I walked downstairs and made my way to the kitchen when I heard the doorbell ring. Furrowing my eyebrows I walked over and opened the door curiously. As the door widened, so did my eyes.

            “Um…” I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out.

            “Jiyeon” I recognised the person as Luhan, Jongin’s friend.

            “Wh-what do you want?” I cleared my throat awkwardly and kept a straight face.

            “Can I talk to you?” he asked.

            I chewed on my lip before stepping aside and allowing him in. Guiding him into the living room, I allowed him to sit while I got him a glass of juice. Taking a seat opposite him, I propped myself and waited for him to speak.

            “What was it, you had to talk about?” I asked, swallowing and fixing my face into something that lacked expression.

            “Do you know someone by the name of Lee Saeli?” he asked. I felt myself choke on my spit as the words escaped his lips.

            “L-Lee Saeli?” I tried playing it off calmly. H-how did he know her?

            “Why?” I asked confused.

            “I don’t know what relation you share with her, but if she’s the reason you are punishing yourself and Jongin, please, don’t let her corrupt your brain” he spoke.

            I cleared my throat and looked away.

            “That’s not it” I blinked as my hands got sweaty.

            “Then what is it?” he asked.

            “It’s not what you think. I really don’t have the same feelings for Jongin” the words left my mouth with such bitterness, I felt as though I had to brush my teeth for almost 10 times before water had no taste.

            “Really? You really expect me to believe that?” he chuckled severely.

            “It’s up to you to believe what you want. I'm just stating the facts” I said and once more avoided his gaze while managing my poker-face.

            “Don’t lie Jiyeon-ssi. Anyone can see how much you love Jongin, as much as he loves you” he directed.

            “You’re silly. That’s not it” I lied.

            “Then look me in the eye and tell me, you don’t love him” he order.

            I lifted my gaze to meet his but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

            “See. You can’t, because you love him” he smirked.

           

            “Hey unnie, have you seen my—oh! Anneyong!” Saera paused and greeted Luhan as we turned to look at her.

            “Hello” he bowed.

            “Unnie who is this?” she asked, totally captivated by his pretty face.

            “Nobody—“ I said quickly but he cut me off.

            “I’m Jongin’s Hyung” he waved and sent her an angelic smiled.

            “Oh… I’m Jung Saera” she smiled shyly. Really?

            “Well, he’s leaving now” I said and opened the door for Luhan as he sighed and walked over.

 

            When we reached the door he turned to look at me.

           

            “Don’t punish yourself. Jongin needs you” he said before exiting the door, “…and I know you need him too” he spoke leaving. I stood there frozen to the spot.

And now i'm happy to announce that the story will soon be coming to a end! Yay~! But no one comments so i dont know if i actually have readers >.<