chapter 7
the good wife
that night changmin went straight home ,he was pretty tired and didn't want to meet jessica ,while he was in his car he couldn't forget joohyun's face when he shouted on her ,she was pretty scared and shaken ,her eyes full of tears - it killed him somehow - .Yunho had told him over the lunch, how he found his wife kind and beautiful ,how he was lucky to have her , he was uncomfortable when yunho praised her , he was jealous ,but he didn't let it appear ,so he just acted cool ,he was so good at hidding his emotions ,this past few years ,he learnt how to hide his feelings ,his reactions to people ,to jessica ,to his parents , ..
...but with joohyun it was hard to hide , he wanted to scream and tell her how lonely he was ,how hard it was but couldn't ,he'll risk to expose his darkest secrets but couldn't because he knew she leave him after that
and he couldn't imagine it .
when he finally entered his apartment ,the lights were still on - joohyun was propably awake - but she wasn't ,she was sleeping on the sofa peacfuly -the tv was still on - she fell asleep while watching tv ,he got closer to her and kneeled in front of her
" I scared you today ,didn't I ?" he murmured so she couldn't hear him " I overreacted , I didn't want you to see me like that" he touched her cheeks gently with the back of his hand , she shivered by the cantact of his cold hand but didn't wake up " I can't tell you how much I am - I - " he sighed without finishing his words " my little innocent joohyun ,if you knew how corrupted I am " his smile faded " you'll leave me ,I need you ..even if you hate me " he got up ,went to the closet and took a blanket to covere her thin and fragile body .
he was feeling like crap ,he had to drink so he could forget ,drink and drink ,he sat on the floor next to joohyun holding a bottle of Scotch " I wish I can tell you " he murmured to her again with a voice barely audible ,he was tired of this game ,tired of lying . he thought about jessica and what happened in the past ,that cold night of december...
"you won't leave me not after what happened ,I thought you loved me " jessica was crying her heart ,he stood there with shaking knees " sooyeon-ah ,I .." he sighed what could he tell her ? after what happened ,after what he did " I thought you love me ,don't you love me oppa ? " she sobbed harder , he got closer and sat on her bed" of course I do " he wasn't so sure anymore" shh ,don't cry please " he smoothed her hair ,trying his hard to comfort her " I am here ,I will be with you for ever " he closed his eyes ,he made a hard choice again " I love you oppa ,I am so sorry I didn't take care of him I..." "shh ,it's not your fault ,I am the one to blame " he hugged her to earse his dirtiness of her ...
the bottle was empty ,but it didn't erase his pain , he was so good at faking his feelings that he got confused many times ,he thought that the world was dark but when he laid his eyes on joohyun the first time he saw the light ,the light that had been missing in his life , he thought that his life was unfair but joohyun changed his vision ,her life was much more unfair but she didn't complain ,he never saw her cry , always smiling and cheerful .she treated him well despite his actions towards her. in his eyes she was perfect , he reached for his poket and took a small peace of paper that he found in his lunch box today
I might be breaking the rules by putting this note in here ,but I really wanted to write something to cheer you up changmin
don't work hard and enjoy your meal ,I cooked for you many vegetable and put an extra portion of fried egs I saw that you
eated alot of it at breakfast .
ps : oemoni said that you loved ginger tea so I made some for you ;) eat well and stay healthy
seo joohyun .
how could he do such bad things to an angel ? he felt more bad after her note " I am sorry joohyun-ah ,really sorry " he lowered his face into his hands and cried silenty , praying that she won't leave him alone in this dark world .
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