Heechul never spoke to Hankyung or Siwon for the rest of the night. By the time Hankyung emerged from the VIP room, Heechul seemed to be functioning normally behind the DJ stand. His commonplace behavior wasn’t surprising to Hankyung. No matter what was going on inside, he never let it effect his performance. The fans came first and foremost within his mind, and it wouldn’t do to ruin their party with his inner turmoil.
 

    The only people Heechul acknowledged were the other members. He’d lean casually upon Leeteuk’s shoulder and whisper secrets loudly to Donghae. Every time Heechul went out of his way to ignore him, Hankyung’s heart cracked a little more. Siwon, on the other hand, would just roll his eyes sarcastically and wink at Hankyung. He had no idea how bad things really were. To Siwon, Heechul’s little discovery was nothing more than an extra person privy on his and Hankyung’s now non existent relationship. How could he ever imagine the reality of the situation?
 

    Back at the hotel later that night, Hankyung lay upon the bed with his head buried in a mountain of pillows. This was a complete disaster. He should have gone to Heechul first. How could he have been so stupid? Breaking it off with Siwon was supposed to have been the simple part. They didn’t have the emotional attachment he and Heechul had. In the end, Siwon had understood that and things between them seemed to have shifted back to normal.
 

     But, Heechul was another story. Hankyung’s feelings in that department were as complicated as collage calculus. Nothing ever made much sense. On one hand, he cared for Heechul more than was appropriate. One wasn’t supposed to have such thoughts about his best friend. On the other hand, the look upon Heechul’s face tonight had said it all. He felt the same, but it didn’t matter anymore.
 

        As the first hint of warm tears began to sting Hankyung’s swollen eyes, there came a soft knock upon his door. The last thing he wanted to do right now is talk to anyone. But, What if it was Heechul?  
 

     “Hankyung…?” Leeteuk’s soft voice whispered through the door. “Hankyung can I come in?”
 

    Hankyung rose slowly from the bed and shuffled towards the door. “Yeah, hold on.” He croaked, voice cracking from the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks.
 

     “Are you ok?” Leeteuk questioned, stepping through the door and closing it softly behind himself.  
 

   “How did you know?” Hankyung questioned, staring at his leader through tear filled eyes.
 

    “The look on Heechul’s face when he came back to the DJ stand said it all. Plus, you looked like you were about to burst into tears the rest of the night.” Leeteuk replied, embracing Hankyung in a comforting hug. That was all it took for him to loose it. Hankyung let himself weep pathetically into Leeteuk’s chest as they slid gently into the floor. Suddenly, his legs couldn’t hold him any longer.
 

    “Have you spoken to him yet?” Leeteuk whispered, rubbing Hankyung’s quivering back in soothing circles.  
 

    “No,” Hankyung answered weakly. “How can I? He’s not going to want to speak to me ever again after what just happened. I mean would you?”
 

    “I should say Heechul’s not one to hold a grudge and things are going to be fine. We both know that’s not true.”
 

    “I know. I messed up big time. I was just trying to figure myself out, you know. I was feeling home sick and lonely being. It was like I was in a room full of people and utterly isolated at the same time.”
 

    “Yeah, I know how that feels, trust me.” Leeteuk sighed. “There may be thousands of people around you chanting your name, but do any of them know the real you? “
 

    “Exactly,” Hankyung agreed, sitting up and leaning against the wall opposite of his leader. “Then here comes along two gorgeous men who both know the real me and except me for who I am. I just got so confused. I put the entire band in jeopardy.”
 

    “No,” Leeteuk corrected. “You are not the only person involved in this chaos. Heechul and Siwon are just as much to blame.”
 

    “I guess you’re right, but that doesn’t fix things now does it?”
 

   “As I see it, Heechul’s the only person you need to worry about right now.  Unlike Siwon, Heechul’s been hurt. He wasn’t in this for a good time, no matter what he told you.”     

      With that statement hanging in air, a sickening realization washed over Hankyung. How had he been so dumb?  Of course Heechul wasn’t in it for fun. He put his entirety into everything he did, no matter what it was. That’s how he lived his life. A little piece of him went into everything he did. Heechul had given Hankyung a piece of his heart, however unintentionally it had seemed, and he had stomped it into the ground.
 

    “,” Hankyung stammered. “, , …!”
 

     “That about sums it up.”  Leeteuk agreed sympathetically. “The question now is, what you are going to say to Heechul when you see him?”
 

    “I’m going to avoid him forever.”
 

   “Not an option. We’re traveling in a tour bus the size of a closet. You’re going to run into each other eventually.”
    

     For some reason the tour bus felt more crowded than usual as the band sped towards the last show. After tonight they’d have a whole month off before starting to record songs for the new album. Hankyung hoped to avoid his conversation with Heechul for at least one more night. It could wait until they got home, couldn’t it?
  

   “So,” Siwon began, taking a seat across from Hankyung at the bus’s breakfast booth. “I just talked to Heechul.”
 

    “What?” Hankyung cried, franticly looking up from the magazine he’d been reading.
 

    “Yeah, I explained everything to him about what’s been happing between us the past few months and he seems to understand. Now that it’s over, he didn’t see the need to make a big fuss. So, there’s nothing to worry about.” Siwon explained, turning Hankyung’s magazine around so he could look at it.
 

   “Are you sure he seemed ok with it?” Hankyung questioned breathlessly. He could just imagine the horrible things Heechul must be thinking about him after his conversation with Siwon. Any way you spun it, he came out looking like the bad guy.
 

    “Hey look some celebrity crashed their car running from fans,” Siwon stated, pointing at picture on the page. “You know that could happen to one of us someday, running from a mob of screaming girls and then BAM!!” Getting hit by a car seemed like a great idea to Hankyung at the moment. It defiantly was a better option then facing Heechul again, who just happened to be making his way from the back of the bus to where they sat.
 

    “Hey Siwon,” Heechul smiled, deliberately ignoring Hankyung. “You want to hangout after the show tonight? I hear the hotel we’re staying at has a bar.”
 

    “Sure,” Siwon smiled. “We could have an end of tour blowout. Hankyung you should come….,”
 

     “I’m sure Hankyung has better things to do than hang out with us.” Heechul interrupted sarcastically. “There’s got to be at least one band member you haven’t….,”
 

     “I get it.” Hankyung stopped Heechul before he could go any farther with his remark. Anymore detail to that statement and Siwon was bound to catch on. He’s wasn’t stupid. “I Think I’ll spend my night resting. We have any early flight tomorrow.”  Hankyung finished, rising and heading for the back of the bus. He spent the rest of the trip locked inside the bathroom with a fake stomach ache.



     “That was pathetic,” Leeteuk sighed, sitting down next to Hankyung. They were due on stage in ten minutes and Hankyung’s stomach was twisted into so many knots he could barley stand. So, He sat in the tiny backstage hallway with his head between his knees.
 

    “What was?” Hankyung questioned trying desperately to stop his head from spinning.
 

    “Hiding in the bathroom for 4 hours,” Leeteuk laughed. “I have to admit, Eunhyuk and Shindong found it quite amusing. Heechul looked….,”
 

    “Angry, vindictive, spiteful, irate, bitter….,” Hankyung filled in.
 

   “Hurt and a little worried,” Leeteuk corrected. “He’s hurting Hankyung. I can see it, but he still worries about you. He’s either crazy or…,”
 

    “Don’t say it. It will only make me feel even worse.”
 

    “I don’t think you need my insight to help you feel worse. You’re doing a good job of that all on your own. Look, I know this situation seems bad and it may get worse, but you need to pull it together or we’re all going to pay for it. I can only be your shoulder to lean for so long. After a while you just become whiney and pathetic. You made a mistake, deal with it.”
 

    Hankyung picked up his head from between his knees and stared up at Leeteuk in disbelief. “That was a bit harsh don’t you think?” Hankyung croaked.
 

    “But…,”
 

    “But, I needed to hear it. Again your insightful wisdom astounds me. Is there anything you can’t do?”
 

   “Cook,”  Leeteuk smiled. “I can never manage not to burn my toast in the morning.”  Hankyung couldn’t help but smile at the image of Leeteuk putting out his flaming breakfast with a fire extinguisher that was now forming in his head. “Now that I got you to smile, why don’t we go entertain some people. That’s what we’re truly here for anyway, isn’t it?”


     Returning home after a long drawn out tour was normally a great source of joy for Hankyung, not this time. Instead of having a greatly appreciated break from the Heechul/Siwon situation, he was now living in the middle of it. Sharing an apartment with his two best friends had sounded like a great Idea at the time.
 

   The only way he could ever hope to resolve this situation and keep the band from tearing itself apart, was to leave. He had to do it. It was for the sake of the band and his sanity. Heechul would get over it eventually, but he couldn’t do it with Hankyung hanging around. They needed space.
 

    Hankyung figured he had a month to figure things out before he made any rash decisions. He didn’t want to quit the band, but if it was the best option he’d have to take it. At the moment all he had decided was he needed to get out of this apartment and find some room to breath.
 

     Maybe, Leeteuk would let him stay with him? Or maybe he’d call him a pathetic coward and make him face his problems like a man. After their last conversation, the latter seemed more likely. It can’t be that hard to find a cheap place to crash for the next few weeks.  Hankyung made a mental note to check the newspaper for available apartments, and began gathering his belongings into the set of boxes he’d picked up at the store earlier.
 

    “Hey,” Heechul’s voice called from the direction of the kitchen. “We’re out of milk again!”

    Hankyung tried to ignore Heechul’s irritated sounding voice. It had been his turn to do the shopping, but he hadn’t seen the point. He was leaving anyway.
 

    “Whose turn was it to shop this week?” Heechul yelled again followed by the slamming of cupboard doors.
 

    “Hankyung’s,” Siwon answered from what sounded like the living room. “He went out this morning. I figured he was picking up the shopping list.”
 

     There was the sound of heavy footsteps before an angry looking Heechul appeared in Hankyung’s open doorway.

      “There’s no milk for my cereal.” Heechul exclaimed giving Hankyung a frustrated glare. “Where did you go this morning, if not to the store?”
 

    “It doesn’t matter.” Hankyung answered, shoving pair of shoes into a box labeled ‘closet stuff’.
 

    “Of course it does. I have a bowl full of cheerios waiting to be eaten and….,” Heechul’s sentence trailed of as his eyes began darting around the room. “What are you doing?”
 

    “Packing,”
 

    “Why? Where are you going?”
 

    “I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I can’t stay here anymore.”  Hankyung sighed, trying to concentrate on packing. He didn’t have the courage to look at Heechul’s face. There was brief moment of awkward silence as Heechul stood motionless in the doorway and Hankyung kept mechanically shoving cloths into his box. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Heechul stepped inside and shut the door behind him.
 

    Hankyung took a deep breath and slowly moved his gaze to Heechul’s face. The look it held wasn’t exactly what he had been expecting. Heechul stood before him with utter blankness upon his face. It was as if whatever he was feeling was being hidden under a mask of nothingness. The result was unnerving.
 

    “You are not going to leave.” Heechul stated firmly.
 

    “Why not?” Hankyung questioned, trying for the same authority Heechul’s voice had possessed.
 

    “Because we are not going to let this situation you have created tear the band apart.”
 

    “That’s exactly why I have to leave!” Hankyung screamed, knocking the boxes off his bed. “I can’t stand to stay here in this
silence any longer. It’s driving me insane!”
 

   “Would you keep your voice down?” Heechul whispered fervently. “Do you want Siwon knowing just how messed up you are. I’m betting he won’t be so happy about your little arrangement either!”
 

    “Maybe he should know? Maybe we should tell him? He was involved too! We all were!!! It’s as much you two’s fault as it is mine that all this happened!”
 

    “Oh, no you don’t!” Heechul began, voice rising to match Hankyung’s. “I will not be blamed for your scumbag behavior. I wasn’t the one sleeping with two people at the same time. I wasn’t the one laughing while he toyed with his friend’s emotions! I am not an object to be played with Hankyung! It was real for me and I thought it was for you too, but apparently I was wrong!”
 

    “It was real!” Hankyung screamed. “I mean It is…,”
 

    “No, I don’t want to hear it. On second thought, maybe you should go?”
 

    “Fine by me, I’m already halfway packed.”
 

   “I mean now, Hankyung!” Heechul whispered heading towards the door. “I’m going for a drive to clear my head and when I get back, you better be gone.” With that Heechul disappeared down the hall. After a moment Hankyung heard the front door slam.
 

    “So, is there something you guys haven’t been telling me?” Siwon stated, appearing in Hankyung’s doorway.