∞

He was ready to set his head phones on when something catches his eye. On a kids park a person is sitting on a bench with his face buried in his hands and he’s most certain to know who it is so he approaches to confirm his doubts. As he goes closer he realizes he’s right. He saves his ipod and sits next to him in silence. The boy doesn’t even look up as he starts talking.

“We had a fight.” Yixing hums and puts a hand on his back to sooth him. “I don’t understand him. He knows I like you.” It feels like a slap across his face and he’s sure it felt even worse to Sehun to hear such words.

“Jongin…”

“No,” he sits up. “save it. I know you don’t. I know I’m stupid. I know I’m a ing bastard that only tries to ruin people’s lives.”

“Jongin.” He really wants to say something.

“I’m sorry.” It’s meaningful and Yixing doesn’t see the need to torture him. He doesn’t see it as Luhan and Wufan. As mischievousness. He saw his behavior as someone fighting for something he wanted.

“I don’t blame you, you know.” And he really doesn’t. Why should he? He was the one feeding his expectations anyway.

“You should. I was an idiot and your boyfriend really looked like he wanted to kill me. I guess I deserve it anyway.”

“No you didn’t. It’s not all your fault.”

“I would’ve kept going even if you told me you had someone.” Yixing stays silent for a bit.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Sehun. He’s upset. He says I’m not behaving like I used to.”

“Is he right?”

“I guess.”

“Can I tell you something Jongin?” The boy nods in response. “I don’t think you really like me. To be honest I think you’re just a teenager looking for love in the wrong places.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I might not know you that well but the way you looked at me wasn’t the same way you looked at something you loved. Maybe lust or something alike.”

“How do you know that?” Yixing laughs. Because Jongin doesn’t see things, just like everyone else actually. Or maybe it’s just him who pays closer attention to little things.

“The way you dance. Your expression. Probably the most passionate I’ve ever seen on someone. It’s something you truly love.” Jongin lowers his head.

“That doesn’t mean I like you any less.”

“It doesn’t but I know you don’t. Just don’t convince yourself of something that isn’t true Jongin.”

“I know I could’ve loved you.”

“At one point you would just realize you see me as a friend.”

“Why are you analyzing me?”

“I’m not. But is it nonsense what I’m saying?” Jongin doesn’t answer and this just proves he’s right. That what he’s been saying is true after all and not even Jongin’s stubbornness can deny it.

“Do you love him?” He says after a while of no sound but the wind blowing. It’s hot but feels nice nonetheless. Yixing thinks about what he asked and even if there should be a reason not to, he answers it anyway.

“I do.” Jongin hums and smiles.

“How does it feel like?” Yixing looks confused at him not fully understanding what he meant with that question. “To be in love.” He smiles because is such a question that if he had to be honest doesn’t really have an answer but he figures might as well try and put out what he feels.

“Butterflies.” Now it’s Jongin’s turn to look skeptical.

“Butterflies?”

“Yes. Everywhere. Dancing. Every time you lay eyes on him. It’s like…” There’s really no words he can find. “…your brain doesn’t work. And then your heart drops so suddenly it feels like you might faint and everything feels so warm…” he starts daydreaming because he thinks of Wufan as he speaks. “…and you don’t want him to stop but it gets so hard to breathe you think you might not survive after that kiss…” he sighs with a smile on his lips reminding every single kiss he’d given Wufan. From the very first unblemished to the last and imagining the more to come. He wants it so bad. He wants to see him so bad it physically hurts him.

“I don’t think I ever felt that way in my life.” Yixing considers his words and pats his knee.

“You will.”

“Do I deserve it? I treat everyone like .”

“Well. Being a moron is part of a man’s life no matter who you are. There’s always something we screw up.”

“I screw up everything.”

“Then change. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and change. At least you recognize it. Is there someone you treated worse you’d like to apologize? Start with that person.” Jongin looks at him. “I’m sure it’s not me, Jongin.” He answers as if he asked a question. He knows who Jongin should apologize to and he prays that the boy knows it as well.

“I never thought he took my words seriously before. We joke around so much and it’s like…we’re as close as it can get, we’re like brothers and I never thought he…I thought he’d tell me if something was bothering him but he bottled it up and screamed at me…and he cried. I never saw him cry before.” He exhales. “I tried to hug him, I felt bad, but he didn’t let me. At some point I thought he would hit me, I saw so much hate in his eyes…but in the end he didn’t tell me what was bothering him. He just kept saying I was selfish and an idiot. It’s all he said on repeat.” Yixing is looking attentive at him.

“You should ask him.”

“I’m not sure what I did and I seriously doubt he wants to see me right now. That’s why I didn’t go after him. It could have made things worse and he told me to my face not to follow him…I thought it was better not then.” Yixing has almost the urge to tell him about Sehun's reasons but it's a matter between the two and he knows he shouldn't interfere.

“Doesn’t matter how hurt he is. If you go talk to him it’ll mean you care and then he’ll know you do.”

“I don’t want him to hate me. I really don’t know what I’ll do without him. I mean we jump into everything together. I-” Jongin chokes and Yixing waits for him to finish but he doesn’t. His eyes are glassy and there’s a chance he might start crying. Yixing doesn’t know what else to do to help him. He’s said all the boy could do to solve things now it just takes Jongin to brave up the nerve to take action.

“He’s special to you.” Jongin doesn't talk right away.

“He’s my best friend. Heck he’s my only friend. I wonder what keeps him around me.” Yixing sighs as he knows the answer.

“You really should go talk to him Jongin.” The boy muffles a sob, turns to smile as a cover up and it’s there Yixing sees the persona Jongin tries so hard to hide. A cute scared boy that needs to cry but doesn’t because he thinks he needs to be strong.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Not treating me like everyone else even if I’m an idiot.”

“But a cute idiot right?” Yixing laughs and Jongin follows. It feels good now. It feels easy and he just hopes everything works out for him. As they say goodbye there isn’t any intimate gestures revealing they’d be friends by now. Jongin merely touches his under arm and smiles at him before leaving.

∞

Practically all talk here. lol. Okay so...I was thinking about doing a short side story to this latest chapters. Their fight and their talk because Jongin is going to the dorm and he'll try to talk to Sehun. And because Yixing won't see any of that I thought of writing the side story from either Jongin or Sehun's pov. What you think? I'll only write it and post it after I finish this one though. I have to focus on Kray now lol.

I'm feeling like this fic is one of those soap operas that don't end. And omg I read the thing from the begining it sounds like an anime XD I kept picturing them as anime characters xDD anyway...