He had the entire confession in his head. He’s ran it over in his mind over and over. All the possibilities, all the words that would be said, he had already anticipated. He thought he knew every imaginable outcome. But he was wrong.

            Yongguk walked up to the campus, holding the giant bear she had been wanting for a while. He raced up the steps and stopped suddenly. SWAT teams were running around, holding out their large guns. He looked around, confused.

            He grabbed someone by the shoulder. “Excuse me, officer. What’s going on here?”

            The person shrugged him off. “There’s a gunman on a rampage on the campus. He already attacked the art hall. You need to get off the campus or get to safety.”

            Yongguk stopped in his tracks. The art hall. She was an art major. She had classes in the art hall. He ran in the opposite direction the officer had indicated. “Hey! Come back here! You cannot go there!”

            But he wasn’t listening. He had to make sure she was okay. As he neared the hall, the row of defense became thicker and he couldn’t see anything. All he heard was shouts and cries. Yongguk turned to a classmate, his face was streaked with tears, “What’s going on?”

            “It’s Soohong. He showed up during class and started arguing with the teacher.” Another round of gunshots broke his words and he dropped onto the floor, grabbing onto Yongguk. Fresh screams pierced the air and the SWAT officers moved in closer, charging into the building where people were streaming out and flames were lit in the background.

            He landed on his left cheek and winced as rock cut into his flesh. “We have to move,” his classmate whispered.

            Yongguk shook his head. “You need to tell me what’s going on.”

            “Soohong pulled out a gun and went on a rampage. Everyone had to evacuate. I don’t think anyone in his art history class was spared.”

            Yongguk’s heart squeezed. Art history. Today was Monday. She had art history at ten. He glanced at his watch. It was only half past ten. “What do you mean nobody was spared?” he snarled.

            But the young man was at a loss for words. The ambulance arrived by now, along with fire trucks and all the noise blocked out any words he may have wanted to say. Yongguk stood in the lawn, and swayed slightly. Medical assistants rushed past him.

            A dark mass of people came out and he saw the offender between a huddle of officers with their guns drawn and pointing at him. He was cuffed and there was blood all over his body. Yongguk wanted to vomit. But the words that had been spoken before echoed in his head.

            “I don’t think anyone in his art history class was spared.” Yongguk glared at the madman, with his triumphant sneer and his mouth moving with whatever profanities he must be uttering.

            Yongguk charged. He ran across the lawn, pushing past the officers, kicking people out of his way. He wanted a go at him. He wanted Soohong to feel pain, physical pain and maybe if he could get away with it, Yongguk wanted to shoot him in the head.

            But he was lifted and hauled away from the proceeding. Three officers had to take him away. “Sir, you need to calm down,” they ordered gruffly.

            It was only when they let him go that Yongguk realized he had dropped the teddy bear. By now, survivors and bodies in general were being taken from the building. The firefighters worked to put out the fire and stretchers were being carried out one after the other.

            Blood was everywhere and once in a while, he saw a body covered completely with a white sheet. Yongguk leaned down and grabbed the teddy bear, lying abandoned on the ground, and ran into the building.

            Nobody could stop him if they tried. And they did. But his grief had given him a supernatural strength. Yongguk barreled past people and repeated the classroom number he had made himself remember the day before. “144A, 144A.” He found the room to be completely blocked off.

            “Let me through,” he begged the guard but the man shook his head grimly.

            “It’s a crime scene there.”

            “I have to,” he plead but was interrupted by the people who were exiting. They were holding stretchers in their hands. Yongguk recognized the gauzy peach scarf, peeking out from a white sheet. A  completely covered white sheet, he realized, a beat too late. He flung himself over the body.

            The officers started but he shook his head. “Let me say goodbye,” he requested. A woman officer, softened, and shrugged. There had been plenty of friends who had acted the same way.

            Yongguk peeled back the white sheet and felt relief. At least he had left her face unscarred. Her face was pale, but she always had a pale complexion. He wiped away a dribble of blood and tucked her hair back. Her eyes were closed and his heart panged. He had hoped to see the dusky brown one more time.

            Yongguk swallowed his sobs and carefully placed the teddy bear in her arms. He gently pulled her arms out from her sides and placed the large stuffed animal between them. Then he kissed her gently, their first and last kiss.

            “I wanted to tell you I love you. But I guess, your spirit will have to hear it now.”

            When the newspaper articles came out, Yongguk didn’t read them. He didn’t listen to how the trial went. It didn’t matter ifSoohong had been a psychopath, a murderer, a lonely depressant. What mattered was in his selfishness, he had lost Yongguk a part of his life, lost so many people parts of their world. 

requested by friedt0fuu

just a little change~