I sat by the bench beside grandpa’s bed, holding his hand. Taeyeon fell asleep on the couch last night while I stayed up all night. Taeyeon’s parents were home. Jiyong… I think he was home too.

I had been waiting for grandpa to wake up but he hadn’t since then. I was already getting nervous. I didn’t get a blink of sleep because I was afraid that the moment I wake up, grandpa would be gone. Although I knew that this negativity wouldn’t do me any good, I still didn’t want to risk anything.

However, I was already getting tired. My eyes were dropping a few times but I fought it. When finally I decided to sleep, grandpa’s hand moved under my hands.

“Grandpa…” I said, fully awake now.

And as I did, Taeyeon jerked awake and ran to my side.

“Grandpa… you’re awake?” she asked, her voice croaking.

As we waited in anticipation, grandpa’s eyes slowly opened. After they adjusted to the light inside the room, his lips lifted into a smile. He lifted his hand and placed it on top of mine.

“You and Taeyeon stayed here all night,” he said.

Unexpectedly, a tear fell from my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. He woke up. Although I wasn’t sure until when, with the news by the doctor, I was still glad that he did.

“Grandpa…” Taeyeon cried as she stood up and hugged him. “I was dead worried. Please don’t make us worry again. Grandpa, don’t leave us.”

She was literally wailing like a kid. As I was feeling uncomfortable, I gave the two of them time. Taeyeon had been crying all night last night and I knew she wanted time with him.

But before I left, she said something that caught my ears.

“Grandpa, I won’t get married yet. I promise you, I’ll take care of you from now on,” she said.

My head whipped towards them.

“Grandpa, I promise you, until you get well, I won’t get married. Even though it would take years,” she said.

Grandpa raised his hand and her hair. “Taeyeon, my dear, don’t worry about me. I wouldn’t take long anyway.”

“Grandpa, don’t say that,” she said, still crying.

“It’s true anyway,” he chuckled as if it was a normal thing to say. “Taeyeon, stop crying. I won’t die… not just yet. I will stay strong for you…” he trailed off and stared towards me. “…and for your Dara-unnie.”

“B-but…” she sniffed.

Still staring at me, he continued. “I want to see at least one of you to get married.”

I dropped my gaze. He was insisting Taeyeon to push through the wedding. I didn’t have a reason to stay anymore. And so I left the room.

It was during lunch time when Taeyeon told me that she was going home and I would take her turn on watching over grandpa. With a heavy heart, I stepped inside.

He was still awake, since this morning. Although he looked older than the last time I saw him, in his eyes, he was still very much alive.

“Sit here, my granddaughter,” he said, motioning on the bench beside him.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?” I asked instead.

He shook his head and motioned for me to sit again. I did and I just stared at him until he smiled.

“You called me ‘grandpa’ this morning,” he said.

I looked away and I felt my cheeks heat up. “I…”

“Have you forgiven me yet?”

I bit my lip back. “I had forgiven you since a long time ago,” I said, eyes still away, until he held on my hand.

“Thank you,” he said. There was silence afterwards until he continued. “I want you to be happy.”

“I won’t be happy anymore,” I said truthfully. “You’ll be gone,” I said frankly, although it hurt me and there was already a lump in my throat. “And the only guy I had loved all my life will get married to my sister. You even gave them your blessings,” I said. I couldn’t help but to sound accusing.

“You failed to read between the lines, dear,” he said, making me stare back at him. “In this battle, either of you will get hurt. That is a given already. But it’s not a reason to give up.”

“After you convinced her to push through the wedding, you’re telling me not to give up?” I asked, totally confused.

“I told the both you, ‘I want to see at least one of you get married,’ although it would hurt Taeyeon, I wanted it to be you,” he paused. “I had seen you hurt all this time. I think you deserved to be happy after all you’ve gone through. Although it would be unfair in the part of Taeyeon, it would be more unfair on your part if she gets married to Jiyong.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say anyway.

“You love him. And obviously, he still loves you too. The only thing that was getting on the way was the wedding with your sister. Your sister deserves to be happy too but I don’t think her married life with Jiyong would work out if she was the only one who’s in love. It wouldn’t be a happy married life if it wouldn’t work both ways.”

“You’re telling me to snatch Jiyong…” I said.

“I’m telling you to not give up.”

“I had given up already.”

“You didn’t. It’s just your pride talking. And your heart knows the real truth. You hadn’t given up yet,” he said. “I want to see both of you happy. And I think this is the way.”

I looked down, thinking through all the things that he had said. I didn’t want to admit what my heart wanted to admit – that what he said, that everything he said was true.

With the thoughts giving me a headache, I decided to change the topic. “I’m sorry for being a hardheaded granddaughter. I must have given you a headache.”

When I looked up, he shook his head, still smiling. “No need to be sorry for anything. Everything was my fault anyway. I was the one to apologize and it feels so good to know that I had been forgiven. Now I can finally say that I can cross to the other side happily and with a light heart.”

“Grandpa! Don’t say that!”

He laughed lightly, which was actually mixed with a cough. “Hearing you calling me grandpa and you even forgiving me, I would be happily living in heaven. I just hope they would accept me after all the things I had done.”

“Grandpa!” I was already crying, but since I didn’t want him to see me, I bowed down and buried my face on the blankets.

“I’m joking, Sandara,” he said, my hair while I was still crying. “I’m just so happy.”

I didn’t lift my head anymore. I just cried and cried. The knowledge of him already dying was heartbreaking. And the fact that he had accepted it already added to my anxiety that anytime he would be gone.

“Although I am suffering with this illness, I am still happy,” he said his voice somber. “Not everyone is given the chance to grow old. And I appreciate and thank God for every single day that he had given me. And, at least, before living with God above, I had this chance to be with my granddaughter.”

I lifted my head when his hand stopped my head. He had his eyes closed already. And if it wasn’t for the ECG indicating that his heart was still beating, I would have panicked and thought that he was already gone.

Two days before the wedding…

Everyone had been busy the past few days. Everyone had been running here and there. I was too, because I was part of the team. Because of my designer skills, I also helped at the reception venue. I had time because I was already done with the outfits to be worn.

Two days before the wedding… everything had already been prepared. Everyone got the chance to rest. In my case, I was more restless.

Grandpa’s words had been ringing in my ear since I left that room. I was tempted, I admit. I wanted to do what he said so badly. But I was afraid of hurting my sister. But what if I followed grandpa’s words and what he said about Taeyeon not being fully contented and happy with her married life will be true? What should I do? I felt like everything would happen based on the decision that I would do.

It was stressful.

As the wedding rehearsal finished at around seven in the evening, everyone went off to take dinner. I was left in the church. I told them I wasn’t hungry but I just wanted to be alone. I needed some time to think, some time to be with myself.

And so I cried.

What decision should I make during those two days? What would happen two days after?

I hadn’t noticed the time but when I got up from the piano chair and stared at my watch, it was already eleven in the evening. I had fallen asleep, like I usually do. It was true what they say. Old habits really never change.

As I decided to leave and go home, my phone rang. “Hello?”

“Unnie,” it was Taeyeon. Loud music was blasting on the background and she was trying to be heard on top of the noise. “My friends organized a party tonight. Come to my room now.”

“Party?” I asked.

“Yes. It’s funny actually. We made it different as we combined the bridal shower and the bachelor’s party. We’re one of a kind,” she said while chuckling. “Anyway, just come by. It’s fun.”

I drove towards the condominium complex, somehow confused at how Taeyeon handled the recent situations. Even though grandpa was still in the hospital, it seemed like he wasn’t. She handled it as if it was just a normal happening. Unlike Taeyeon, since that day, I practically lived in the hospital. Grandpa would once in a while ask me to go home and rest but I didn’t want to. And due to my stubbornness, I won over him. And the thing was… I think Taeyeon had been acting like normal because she actually thought that grandpa was willing her to proceed with her wedding and actually complied with it.

It was actually that… or… it was just because I didn’t want her to do it. Maybe I was just bitter because somehow, the wedding day became the D-day wherein the battle would officially begin. I didn’t want that feeling.

As I arrived at their room, I was immediately amazed at how it was transformed into a club. Guys and girls alike were dancing through the blast of music. And the smell of alcohol filled the place.

“Unnie!” it was Taeyeon. I waved at her as she ran towards me and pulled me towards her friends. And the drinking began.

With the bottle on hand, I slowly went out of the room. The blast of music was already giving me a headache, or was it because I was just too drunk? I didn’t really have an idea but I think it was the latter because as I walked, my legs crisscrossed.

I didn’t know where I was heading to but I found myself on the rooftop. The night air blew through me and I shivered. Before I could even take a step, I chugged on another swallow of the alcohol I brought with me.

As I walked towards the railing, I thought the world was spinning. I was drunk. Okay, I admit it. But, whatever.

I stared up at the sky and laughed. “The stars are falling.”

“You’re just too drunk,” a voice said beside me.

I looked to my side and I couldn’t seem to recognize the face. But the voice was too familiar. Maybe because I was too drunk that my brain couldn’t match the voice with someone familiar. And even my sight was clouded.

I blinked rapidly and as the sight before me became clearer, I laughed again. “I’m having hallucinations.”

He creased his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re not Jiyong, are you?” I asked, pinching his cheek. “You’re not here with me, are you?” and then I laughed again. I raised my bottle to let ‘him’ see it. “This had gotten in my head tonight. But, I won’t stop dri—YA!”

And then ‘he’ suddenly snatched it from my hand. “You’re not drinking anymore.”

“Aish, even the hallucinations seem real,” I said as I felt defeat and dropped to the ground, hugging my knees closer to my chest and resting my forehead on my knees, hiding my probably flushed face from the cold and from drunkenness.

‘He’ sat beside me too. Wow. The hallucinations wouldn’t really go, eh? Aish. Let us just go with the flow.

“Dara…” the hallucination said. “I want to talk to you.”

I chuckled. “Talk.”

“I knew the truth. I had heard it from Teddy. But I couldn’t seem to get a chance to talk to you this past few days,” the hallucination sighed. “I never thought that that was what happened. I thought you just left me without a word and without a reason.”

I chuckled again. “Left you, eh?”

“I heard it all from Teddy. And I’m upset. If I could turn back time, I would.”

“Turn back time,” I repeated. Those words feel real to my ears.

“And since I knew the truth already, I would like to say,” he paused for a while. “I still love you.”

I was about to chuckle again. But as the brim of my eyes stung with tears, I couldn’t. Those words didn’t just seem real. They are real.

With shock, I lifted my head and stared at the hallucination I thought at first. Yes, he was real. Those perfect eyes, nose, lips, cheeks… they were real. He was right in front of me and he just told me…

That he still loved me…

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i would like to thank my sweet dongsaeng akosierika for this awesome poster.