I was lying at Donghae’s chest, listening to his heartbeat and steady breathing. After a while, when I was sure he was already asleep, I got up from bed. I grabbed a sweater that was resting on the couch, my purse, and some money. After a while, I stepped out of my room.

I carefully and silently closed the door behind me. But when I was about to take another step forward, an unwelcome sight met me.

Taeyeon had her hands on Jiyong’s nape as it looked like she was whispering on his ear. It was either that or another unwelcome idea that I hated to admit. It actually looked like they were kissing.

Panicking and not wanting to be found out, I stepped behind me but I bumped into something, causing my purse to fall and make a noise.

I cursed under my breath as the cleaning Ahjumma who was actually pushing a cart while I was stepping back bended forward to pick up her own things that fell, as she apologized repeatedly. She also helped me with my purse to which several things inside spilled out.

“Oh, unnie,” Taeyeon said.

I looked up. “Oh, hi,” I greeted, avoiding Jiyong’s gaze. “I was just—“

“You’re going to smoke again?” Jiyong asked.

I creased my brows at him in confusion and then looked down at the things that the Ahjumma picked up. One of the things that spilled out was actually a pack of my unopened cigarettes. I looked up again just to see Taeyeon’s eyes fixed on Jiyong who was staring at me. She then stared at me too with an unreadable expression.

“Oh, health-conscious eh,” I said, chuckling awkwardly. “You better rest now, Taeyeon and Jiyong-ssi.”

“Are you going somewhere, unnie?” Taeyeon asked.

“I was just going to get some air,” I said.

Taeyeon nodded. “You should rest too. Jiyong and I were going to sleep now.”

“Together?!” I blurted and regretted it the next second as I covered my mouth. “I mean…” I thought an alibi. “…yes, of course you’ll sleep together since you’re already engaged right?” I said, chuckling awkwardly again.

I mentally smacked myself as I thought how gibberish I sounded right now.

“Oh, no, unnie, you got it all wrong,” Taeyeon said, waving her hands in front of her, red from embarrassment.

I raised my brow and smirked. “Well, you should now. You’re engaged. Younger people than you even do it.”

I saw Jiyong standing stiff on his spot and I knew I hit the bull’s eye. I pissed him off.

JIYONG’S POV

Now what was she saying so suddenly? She wanted me and Taeyeon to sleep together? Was she challenging me?

“We’re not like you,” I snapped, referring to the fact that Donghae and her sleep together all the time.

She crossed her arms on her chest. “I’m not the least bit affected, Jiyong-ssi. At least we’re adults,” she said and then her expression on her face changed. “Omo, don’t tell me you’re…” she trailed off. “…gay?”

I clenched my fists tightly. She was really challenging me. I knew it.

“U…unnie, of course not, Jiyong is not—“

I cut Taeyeon off when I grabbed her wrist. “Let’s sleep in my room then, Taeyeon.”

“What? It’s alright if you—“

“No, it’s okay,” I said as we turned to my room and opened the door, leaving the defeated and pissed Dara outside.

“Jiyong,” Taeyeon called as I sat on the couch. “I’ll go back to my room.”

“No. we can sleep here together. It’s not like—“

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you two but you don’t seem to get along, Jiyong. If what Dara-unnie said pissed you off and you wanted to prove her wrong, don’t drag me into this. I know you’re not gay or whatever, just—“

“Taeyeon,” I cut her off as I walked towards her and caressed her face. “I’m not doing this to prove anything to her. Let’s just sleep,” I said as I walked towards the bed.

It wasn’t like I was going to do anything to her anyways. We would just sleep.

As the clock ticked by, with Taeyeon on her side of the bed and me lying on my side, my hand wandered to the inside of my shirt, pulling something out. As it was already out, I opened the locket and stared at Dara’s smiling face in it.

It was the locket I bought along with the one I gave her. I wonder if she still used it like I did. I never took it off since then.

 I kissed the locket and brought it closer to my heart. Was it really over?

DONGHAE’S POV

I woke up to cold sheets beside me. I got up and saw it empty. I immediately got dressed and looked for Dara.

It didn’t take me long as I found her on that same bench I found her with that bastard. It was already two A.M. and here she is, drinking on a cold night air.

Without hesitation, I went closer to her and sat beside her and the five empty cans of beer.

“Drinking alone, eh?” I asked.

She stared at me, shocked, not noticing how I approached her a while ago. I stared back at her. If I expected her to be too drunk that she would look haggard, I was wrong. She was still beautiful as she is, her hair tied up in a messy and high bun, and it looked like she wasn’t even that bit drunk even though she already consumed five cans of beer and another one on her hand. She even had another bag of cans beside her.

“What brought you here?” she asked. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Wasn’t I the one who should ask that? Are you okay?”

She looked away and stared ahead. “I’m fine.”

“Liar,” I said.

“Excuse me?” she asked, incredulous.

“Dara… three years of being together and you still think you could fool me? You’re thinking about…” I trailed off, not wanting to say his name. “…him, right?”

She deeply sighed as I noticed her hand clutching on something hanging on her neck. And I instantly knew that it was the locket that he gave her.

“Donghae, sometimes it’s easier to just say ‘I’m fine’ even when you’re hurting inside than to explain to the whole world why you are sad,” she said. “But… I hate to admit it, you’re right. I never would have thought this would happen to me, Donghae, to us.”

To us, she said. She referred to Jiyong and her.

“And looking at our positions right now, I decided to let go, I decided to forget and be selfless for my cousin,” she continued. “I tried moving on. I tried forgetting what we had, even though it was hard. I tried to be happy, for my sake, for Taeyeon’s sake, and even for yours,” she said, staring at me.

I just stared at her, willing her to go on.

“He told me how he missed me, Donghae. He told me and listed all the things he missed about us and it hurts so damn much hearing them from his mouth,” she said, tears falling on her cheeks. “He makes it harder for me to move on and forget about him. He was cruel. It was so terrible, what I felt a while ago,” she continued, her sobs getting in the way of her speaking but she still continued. “I missed him too. But I couldn’t just say it. The world forbids me to. What can I do? I so badly wanted to tell him how I missed him too, how I still loved him despite me leaving him. I missed being in love, Donghae. But every time I remember how it hurts, I rather choose to miss it.”

She cried louder and I took it as a cue to gather her on my arms and hug her. I cooed her as I her back and she sobbed while leaning her head on my shoulder.

“Sometimes, I think, that no matter how much I miss him, it’s still wiser not to have him back. Less tears, less pain, much better,” she said. “But there’s still a part of my heart not wanting to let go and keep on holding on. But that would mean hurting other people around us. Taeyeon, her family, and you.”

My hand stopped his back as she included me.

“It’s just too much, how one’s actions can define what would happen to many other people. It’s just too unfair,” she said, her tears soaking my shirt, but I didn’t care. “It’s too tiring and it’s painful.”

I had my eyes wide. Dara sure was a strong girl, going through something like this and thinking of others way before herself.

“I’m tired,” she said after a while, her voice turning into a whisper. “It’s too tiring, especially when you’re no longer sure if there’s still something to hold on to.”

I sighed, not knowing what to say.

“I’m tired. I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.”

I breathed in before I decided to speak, “To be happy, sometimes you just have to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what’s coming next,” I said. Although I wanted to add that she just had to stay with me and I would make her happier, I refused to be taken over by my selfish side. “You might not know what would happen between you and Jiyong,” I said, a lump forming in my throat saying his name. “But I’m sure if fate originally destined you to be together, you will always end up being together. No need to rush things. Great things usually take more time.”

As I finished what I said, she cried harder, actually, wailed harder, like a primary school kid who just lost her lollipop to a bully.

“Sssh… it’s alright now, babe,” I cooed. “You’re fine. Tell me you’re fine.”

“I…” she paused, taking a hiccup. “I… I’m not yet fine,” she said, crying harder, making me her back to calm her down. “But I’ll be fine. Not today, not tomorrow, but I’ll be fine in time,” she said, sobbing.

“Good girl,” I said as I leaned away and stared at her perfect face stained with tears. “Be fine soon, alright?” I said, ruffling her hair and then wiping the tears on her cheeks with my fingers, while she was still sniffing like a kid.

DARA’S POV

As Donghae fell asleep, I got up from his chest and sighed deeply as I wiped the tears that I never noticed fell from my eyes. I stared at the digital clock as it said 7:49 AM. I hadn’t slept yet since Donghae and I returned to my room three hours ago.

I turned around to make sure that Donghae was still asleep and thankfully, he still was, judging from his steady breathing.

I turned back and then pulled something from under my bed. My tears almost burst out from my eyes when I saw it – the scrapbook Jiyong made for me at our 100^th day. He gave me this when we were still in high school.

I opened the colorful scrapbook and by the time my eyes met the first note, I chuckled lightly.

                What are you? You’re creeping me out.

I almost broke out laughing as I read the first note I had ever sent Jiyong that time. It was the first ever I sent him after his three post-it notes on my locker. I remembered how I changed my mind several times while tearing it off my locker and then posting it again, and repeating the same actions until I decided to post it finally.

I turned around, covering my mouth to make sure that Donghae wouldn’t wake up. He didn’t, thankfully.

I turned back to the scrapbook and then turned the page into the next note.

                Oh, you won’t give up, will you? Who are you to order me to smile? Are you a clown? You’re just creeping me out. What are you really? Santa Claus? Daddy-Long-Legs?

I broke out a chuckle and then covered my mouth again. As I did, I noticed my cheeks were actually wet. I traced my fingers and found out that I had been crying. I hastily wiped them off as I changed the page.

A picture of Judy Abbot and a shadow of Daddy-Long-Legs from the My Daddy-Long-Legs anime popped out, shocking me. I almost forgot how Jiyong made this, how I was surprised at how creative he did this, more creative than what I gave him.

As I remembered the past, more tears pooled out of my eyes. I covered my mouth to avoid a sob but one managed to escape.

A speech bubble was with the pop-out pictures. Judy Abbot said: “What are you really? Daddy-Long-Legs?” it was an excerpt from my second note for him, while the shadow of Daddy-Long-Legs said: “If you want, then, will you be my Judy Abbot?” it was from his note, which was in reply to my previous one.

I sobbed more as I remembered how I bumped on Jiyong that day and how he was even denying that he knew who Judy Abbot.

I turned the next page, my hand still covering my mouth and tears still falling. More and more tears spilled as I turned the pages and read the notes and remembered every story behind the notes.

As I reached the last page and read the last note: “If that’s case, then, I love you Mister Stranger,” tears eventually fell to the scrapbook, staining it as the colors spread beneath it.

I hugged the scrapbook to myself, crying harder, my mouth still covered uselessly because I knew my cries were already loud enough for Donghae to hear.

As if on cue, I felt Donghae’s arm hugging me from behind, cooing, and whispering some “It’s alright,” on my ear.

I don’t know why I still do it – reminiscing my and Jiyong’s memories together. When I miss him, I reread the scrapbook or open my locket that I still used for seven years. However, I had never cried harder than this before.

It hurts.

It damn hurts.

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