How long was it?

How long was it again?

How long was I just standing there, staring at him, still not wanting to believe that he was right in front of me?

How long was I making a fool out of myself?

This was totally unexpected.

Kwon Jiyong? My Kwon Jiyong? He’s Taeyeon’s, who was actually my cousin, husband-to-be? He will be the one who will get married to my cousin? He will be the one to give Taeyeon some cute little Taeyeon’s and Jiyong’s?

I just stood there, my eyes wide, frozen on my spot. I refused to believe that he was in front of me, looking oh-so-handsome than the last time I had seen him. it would have been more romantic if he appeared right in front of me like he did now while welcoming me in his arms and then I would be running towards him, crying, and then he would whisper to me how much he missed me and that he loved me so much, with a background music playing, imagining that we were not in the restaurant but in the middle of a field of flowers with the sun high up and the wind blowing through.

But no…

He was standing right there, right in front of me, with the woman he would soon get married to, her arm curled with his.

Instead of being a romantic scene in my life, it was a heartbreaking one. And I was sure, I would break down anytime, making a fool of myself while admitting that he was the first love I was referring to and that I was against their marriage.

But again, no. this is for my family. This is for my cousin. I needed to stay strong, at least, to appear strong. And then, later… yes, later… I would have another drinking session and convince myself that it didn’t happen. I could do that. Yes, I could. If that would be the only way that I could escape this fate temporarily, I would do it.

Suddenly, there was a finger snapped in my mind and I brought myself to smile and pull out my hand for a handshake.

“I’m Sandara Park,” I said, failing to sound as if I was alright. My voice was shaking, and I stared down at my hand as it was shaking too. When I thought he wouldn’t accept my handshake and before I could put it down, he grabbed it and gave an abrupt shake.

Thankfully it happened too fast as he pulled it right away. If he didn’t, I might have pulled him towards me and hugged him to me.

“You must be Taeyeon’s grandfather,” Jiyong said, shaking the old geezer’s frail hand. He made it look like it was their first time meeting.

I hated it. He had met me and the old geezer. He totally acted that it was our first time meeting. And he didn’t even say hello or hi or any greeting with a smile while he shook my hand. Was I that hated?

He sat beside Taeyeon as all of us prepared to order dinner.

For the whole half hour, I sat there, totally an outcast. Jiyong, Taeyeon, and her parents were having a conversation, laughing sometimes, kidding and joking here and there, while eating.

I just sat there, observing each and every move he made. I watched how he chewed his food, how he smiled at the joke Taeyeon remarked, wiped his mouth, brushing his hand through his hair.

“Aren’t you hungry?” a voice beside me said.

I jumped a little from my seat and stared at the source. It was the old geezer. I stared down at his hand, as it was over my hand. I abruptly pulled it away and stared at the other people on the table. They were all staring at me, including Jiyong.

“You haven’t touched your food, unnie,” Taeyeon commented.

“Oh, I haven’t?” I said, smiling timidly. “Then I’m going to eat now. Eat up. Don’t worry about me.”

“We’re finished eating,” Taeyeon’s mother said.

I stared at their plates and they were empty. I mentally smacked my head as I made myself a fool again.

I picked up my spoon, my hand shaking. It slipped off and fell to the floor.

“Omo,” I gasped as I bended down to pick it up. In the process of getting up, my head hit the table. ‘Aish, seriously.’

“Are you alright, unnie?” Taeyeon asked.

I smiled bashfully. I avoided Jiyong’s gaze as I didn’t want to humiliate myself more. Then my phone beeped.

I opened the text message and read it.

                Hey. I’m home. The shooting got cancelled. Aren’t you coming home? Your things aren’t here. I missed you.

I lifted my head and met their curious glances. “I need to leave. I’m needed.”

“That quick?” Jiyong asked. It was his first time talking to me that night. And I was tempted to jump on him and hug him and give him some butterfly kisses on the face. But I didn’t… of course.

I willed myself to answer. “Yes. It was a text from an employee of mine. It seemed to be an emergency,” I said, turning away to leave.

“We’re meeting tomorrow,” Taeyeon said before I could totally leave. “Tomorrow morning. A family meeting.”

I nodded and left.

I quickened my pace towards the parking lot. It was a good thing that I brought my car to Seoul even though I wasn’t sure I would be staying for long.

I got on my car and fastened my seatbelt. As I started the engine, I chanted to myself, “Don’t cry. Don‘t cry. No tears. No tears. Imagine some unicorns and rainbows in front of you – the things that are beautiful and colorful that makes you happy.”

Again and again, I repeated them. But the tears started falling while I was driving and soon, it blurred my vision.

I abruptly stopped the car, my head thrown  forward, towards the wheel. I did not lift my head though. I stayed at my position, letting all the tears fall.

A car honked behind me and I jumped in surprise, causing my phone that was on my lap to fall. He drove past me, complete with a curse yelled towards me.

I shifted my gaze at the phone that was ringing on the car floor. I hastily wiped the tears off my face and cleared my throat. It was from Taeyeon. So I picked it up.

“Unnie? Are you sure you’re not eating? Come back. You should have eaten even just a spoonful. You did not even touch your food,” Taeyeon ranted on.

I breathed in before speaking. I was afraid that my voice would sound shaky and she would find me out. “I’m not hungry, Taeyeon,” I said, glad that my voice wasn’t shaky at all. “I really need to go. It’s an emergency,” I said before I hung up, not waiting for her to protest.

I sighed as I let go of the phone, letting it fall at the floor again. I leaned my head on the stirring wheel and sighed deeply again.  More tears came out. But through my blurry vision, my eyes caught something.

A skimpy dress that I had been keeping here in my car in case I needed to wear it quickly.

JIYONG’S POV

How long was it?

How long was it again?

How long was it that she left?

How long was it, though, that we met as she smiled at me and shook my head as if nothing ever happened between us? As if seven years ago, she did not leave me so suddenly?

This was totally unexpected.

Sandara Park? My Sandara Park? She’s Taeyeon’s cousin that she kept on telling me about but was too busy grieving over the fact that Dara left me, to even pay any attention to what she says? She’s the one who I was supposedly to get married with if ever she took the business after her grandfather, who I may say is present tonight too?

I didn’t know she was Taeyeon’s cousin. Taeyeon’s surname is Kim. Why isn’t Park? Except for her full name and age, I never knew anything about her, maybe that’s why. I never even knew that she worked under the Park Corporation.

I sat there, eyes fixed at nothing in particular, frozen on my seat. Seven years ago, she just left, just like that. Tonight, she just left, just like that. And just like seven years ago, I didn’t know where she went, I didn’t know why she left, I didn’t know what was going on inside her mind.

I wanted to go after her. I wanted to just pull her by her wrist and then hug her just like what we see on romantic movies when two lovers reunite after long years of being separated. But because I was in a tight and very difficult position, I couldn’t do any of that. I was helpless, hopeless, and useless.

“Right, Ji?” Taeyeon interrupted my thoughts.

I stared at her, oblivious of what she said. “What? Oh… yeah.”

“Why? What’s wrong? You’re pale,” she commented.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“You’re phone is ringing,” Taeyeon’s mother noticed.

I stared at it as it rang. It was from Teddy-hyung. He had been bothering me since Dara left. That guy is creepy, I tell you. He must be around somewhere. He even told me to just follow her. I ignored each and every of his texts. Why would I want to follow her? Why would I want to follow someone who broke my heart when she left me suddenly?

“Let it ring,” I said nonchalantly.

Taeyeon grabbed my phone and pushed the green button and then shoved it to my ear. “Talk to him. It might be an emergency.”

I stared at her as she smiled at me – that smile that totally knocks every guy’s feet, that smile that makes every guy crawl out of their caves thinking it was the sun that shone on them, that smile that makes every heart beat out of their ribs. But that smile wasn’t as beautiful as Dara’s. That smile didn’t knock me off my feet, made me crawl out of my shell, and made my heart beat out of its ribs. I didn’t get any effect she did on other guys.

That was because she wasn’t Dara.

Taeyeon’s expression changed into a confused one. “Aren’t you talking to him?”

Then I snapped back into reality and now heard Teddy-hyung’s rant, making my ears bleed. I covered the mouthpiece and turned to the people on the table. “I have to take this. Please excuse me.”

I stood up and walked outside where no one would hear my conversation.

“YA! Would just stop it?!” I shouted, my voice rising out of anger.

“Why would I stop? I can’t just sit and watch my young master being lost as he silently regrets not going after his love of her life!”

“I am not regretting not going after her, okay?! So stop it!”

“I know you are. You are almost making the flower at the middle of the table melt because of your stare, you idiot! Excuse me for calling you that but I just need to wake you up from your denial!”

“I am not denying anything! It’s true that I don’t want to follow her, alright?! Why would I want to follow someone like her? She’s not worth it!”

“I can’t be fooled with your words, Jiyong! They’re just words! Anyone can say that! I know your heart says otherwise. I know you very well to believe in your words. So go and run for her. I know you want to see her and hug her and kiss her and cuddle with her and—“

“YA! Would you just stop that?!” I shouted.

“—and touch her face and massage her toes and pull her into your arms and—“

Finally, I snapped as I realized that what Teddy-hyung said was true. So I ran inside to properly say goodbye to Taeyeon’s family.

“I have to leave,” I said, bowing, and left, not waiting for their affirmation or protest.

I ran towards my car I ordered Teddy-hyung to buy before I came home and started the engine.

I drove off and cursed loudly.

Teddy-hyung was right. I wanted to kiss her, hug her, and touch her face… I wanted to do everything I used to do to her before. Seven years was long enough. Seven years was torturing enough. Seven years was too painful that I couldn’t even believe that I was still alive today.

Seven years… that long…

Damn it!

I missed her!

And I still love her!