December 26th, 2008.

                 

To my dearest hyung,

                    

                     

Oh god hyung! >///< there are so many things I have to tell you! So many happenings and I can’t content myself in not telling them to you! ^^ I’m so happy! :D how was your holidays? Did you enjoy it? Did you go with auntie? I think she really misses you! I heard uncle has been better but has to go to the hospital frequently! Hurry and go home soon hyung!

I’m sorry I didn’t write in two months hyung, but truth is that these lasts weeks have been really exciting for me! ^^ Kyuhyun and I have been going out frequently, almost thrice a week, sometimes we just sit down and chat together until morning comes and some others we go to the park and read a book, each with his own… being together is really meaningful hyung. Every time it feels like a date and I can’t help it, I’m giggling while writing this! >///< I don’t think I will be able to get over him hyung, I don’t want to either! :D

So he invited me to have a date go out on December 24th, I didn’t even doubt on saying yes since I thought this time we would go together –you know, with Sulli, Hae and everyone else-, since you know, is a date that you usually share with the one you love, Christmas!

So when I arrived to the meeting point he was alone and when I asked about everyone else he said there was none, that he only wanted to hang around with me! Ah hyung! I blushed so hard! >///< good thing it was cold outside so my blush seemed to be it was for the weather. I could hear nothing by heartbeat! I was so nervous but so happy! ^^

We walked by the streets, it was snowing lightly so the night was beautiful~ there was a lot of people so we unconsciously decided to go to the same park we used to go almost all the time; it was almost deserted to it was calm. We sat down on the bench and hyung, it was really cold! >///< since I flinched at the coldness he looked at me worriedly and asked me if I was fine, when I told him that I was, that I was just a little cold, he smiled and gave me his scarf! Ah hyung! It smells so good! Am I a ert? Well! I don’t know! But seriously hyung! It smells really nice, a manly and mysterious scent, I wish I can have the scarf for my entire life, or better yet, Kyuhyun.

We continued chatting and he suddenly asked if my hands were cold, well, of course they were cold! I forgot my gloves! But before I could answer him, he grabbed my hands and held them between his saying something like ‘I’ll warm them up for you’. I don’t think he knew what he was doing to my poor heart!

After some more minutes (were they hours?), he just looked at me and smiled sweetly, yes hyung, the same smile that melts me and makes me smile back like an idiot, and his eyes, those chocolate eyes were looking at me, only me and I felt special, I felt like the most important thing in his life for a few seconds, maybe minutes, I don’t know… That smile and those eyes, those lips…

His lips, I couldn’t turn away from them, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to lock our kiss together but… what if our friendship was ruined because of me? What if I never seen him again? What if he’s disgusted by my actions? Should I just be happy with what I have instead of wanting more? Hyung, those lips, my eyes were glued to them, I wondered how it would feel to kiss them… I threw away all my questions and finally closed the distance between us; I closed my eyes and I was right, they were soft.

It lasted just a few seconds before realizing my own actions so I backed away quickly. I couldn’t believe myself! When I covered my mouth with both of my hands was when I finally realized that we were still holding into each other, I looked at is face. Shock? Disgust? Surprise? Was it a good surprise or a bad surprise? I was scared hyung, really, really scared of what could happen… I’m a coward, so before finding it out I stood up and disposed myself to run away. I couldn’t face this…

But then he grabbed my wrist and I found him standing in front of him, we were really close and my heart was pounding inside my chest. Hyung, he kissed me again, I was dizzy, I was drunk by his lips and scent, I wanted to keep kissing, I wanted to be held by him.

So when his hands held me by my waist I lost myself and kissed him back, I never thought kissing would be that sweet, he hugged me tightly as our lips danced together and midnight bells sounded. I pulled him closer by the neck and he didn’t reject me, instead he kissed me with more intensity than before.

Every touch, every kiss, every sweet word, I lost myself in his embrace, I craved to feel his skin and I didn’t object when he took away my clothes slowly and kissed my entire skin. I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t want to end it, I didn’t want to stop. The only thing I desired was for him and only him to be with me. That night hyung, that night I moaned his name and he moaned mine, we were connected, we were one. I wish that moment lasted forever.

When I woke up he was still hugging me tightly hyung and I think we were in his apartment, I don’t quite remember how we got there, the only thing I remember from that time is that I didn’t want him to let go, I wanted to stay like that for the rest of my life. Then I heard him laugh softly and he kissed my hair, we were still so I became suddenly shy… hyung, we made love together! >///< (sorry, I still can’t get over it.) The first thing he said to me that morning was, and I’m quoting, ‘thanks for giving me the happiest night of my life’. Hyung! I gave him happiness! :D So I’m really happy as well.

The rest of the day we spent it cuddling and kissing and feeding each other, ah~ I had never felt like this before hyung. Is this the real love? The real happiness? I can become drunk from these sensations! He’s so sweet and loving, he always tells me that I’m beautiful and that he would like to see me every morning after waking up. Was he reading my mind? Does he know that I actually love him with all my heart?

And then he told me that I should smile all the time… that he loves seeing my smile and that he would kill to see it every second for the rest of my life. Am I being too easy hyung? I don’t care anyways! xD

At night he took me to my own apartment and he gave me a kiss goodbye, it felt so right hyung, I know is wrong but I can’t help to feel happy, I want him for myself, even when he is not, I want him to be mine.

Hyung… am I crazy? It’s okay if I am… I hope you’re as happy as me hyung! Please take care of your health! Is cold outside! (though I feel the warmest inside…) ^^ I love you hyung, let’s meet soon!

                  

Love,

Hyukjae.

                  

PS: Hyung, did you know? One in five long-term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others… Will this work hyung? Being together even when he has a girlfriend? Am I just the ‘other one’? What if he actually loves Sulli so much and I’m just fulfilling his lustful desires? Hyung, I’m happy, but I’m also scared…