You watched the boys for a minute before noticing Luhan standing a ways off from the general happiness, looking at Sehun with an unreadable expression. The maknae was now jammed between Baekhyun and Chanyeol, usually solemn face now grinning widely.

 

You detached yourself from Sooyoung.

 

"Hey," you said softly when you'd approached him. He gave no sign of acknowledgement.

 

"You, er, going to be okay?"

 

Still nothing. You scratched the back of your head awkwardly.

 

"Uh, okay. I'm just gonna go then. Sorry if I disturbed you or something." You turned around to leave when, to your great surprise, his hand caught yours.

 

"Wait."

 

You turned around to face him again, waiting for him to continue. The usually cool and composed boy seemed to be fighting some sort of internal battle. Then he sighed, scuffing his shoes on the cement steps, not looking at you.

 

"Look. I know that I've been," he paused, grimacing as if he couldn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth, "kind of a jerk to you, but...I mean," he paused again, letting out a breath of frustration, "I don't mean< to be."

 

You were speechless, shocked that he was saying this. 

 

"I'm really grateful to you for everything you've done. I appreciate the fact that you're actually trying really hard to help us, even though you obviously don't like the tracks very much," he continued in a rush. "I'm sorry that I've been so rude to you. I just...have a difficult time trusting people."

 

He laughed humourlessly.

 

"Sorry, it's a horrible excuse-"

 

"No, it's not horrible at all. Nobody would blame you for not trusting easily after a past like your- oh, crap," you cursed yourself as Luhan's head snapped up, his eyes suddenly cold and sharp.

 

"What did you say?"

 

"I- uhm...nothing?"

 

"How did you find out," he ground out, in a tone that was less question than demand.

 

You were completely taken aback by the glare that you were recieving. You never knew Luhan, sweet-looking, pretty Luhan, could pull off a look rival to Kris's scowls.

 

"I didn't pry or anything, if that's what you're thinking," you shot back defensively. "I was just grumbling about you to Sooyoung and Jessica, and they told me because they thought it'd be better if I understood where you were coming from."

 

"Right. Understand me better," he sneered.

 

"Look, I-" you began, but he turned away.

 

"Save it. I don't need your pity, thanks."

 

"Luhan-"

 

He snorted. "I actually thought you were different. But you're just like the rest of them, gossiping behind our back. What other sob stories did they tell you, huh?"

 

"What-"

 

"Whatever. You know what, I can't believe I even considered-" he laughed again. "Forget it. I was a stupid fool. To believe that you actually cared..."

 

"I do c-"

 

"SHUT UP!" 

 

The sudden outburst from him stunned you into silence. You couldn't remember the last time someone had shouted at you like that. Nor could you remember the last time you had felt so intimidated. The look Luhan wore was ugly and did not look at home on his face at all. It was horrible mixture of loathing, hurt, and distrust. It was the look of a wounded lion - something that you wanted to help, but terrified you enough not to approach.

 

If it had been anyone else that had exploded at you, you would have had no problem giving them a piece of your mind (or fist, for that matter). But this wasn't someone else; this was someone you had interacted with, someone you had taught, on a daily basis for the past few months. This was someone you thought you could have called a friend.

 

And this is why you should have kept your distance, you idiot. Emotions always messed you up.

 

Before you could formulate a retort at yourself, Luhan continued his tirade.

 

"You don't care. None of them do. Hell, maybe you're even better, since you show just how much you don't care so explicitly. You obviously don't want to be here, doing this. They all put on fake smiles, when all they want us for is money. We're just replaceable placeholders to them. They couldn't care less," he let out a derisive noise somewhere between a cry and a laugh. "Humans are disgusting. Sometimes I wonder what the point of all this is. Or even if there is one-"

 

SMACK.

 

Abruptly, Luhan found himself looking in a direction 90 degrees left of where he was gazing a second ago, his right cheek stinging smartly. He raised a hand to touch the tender skin, before staring back at you with wide eyes.

 

You, meanwhile, were breathing hard, forcing yourself to remain still and not land a few more punches on the moron imbecile ignorant fool misled boy in front of you. Inhale, exhale. 

 

"You are going to listen to me very carefully. First of all, never say something that utterly stupid again. Never say that living is pointless. Don't even think it. You know you're living for a reason. You're living for a purpose. If you don't think that you have a purpose, find one. Remember that you're still breathing. You can walk and speak and whether you realize it or not, you have people who care about you. I think you know that you do though. And you have a reason, or perhaps a person to live for - that you're putting up with all of this bull for," you paused to take in a breath.

 

"Stop feeling so misunderstood and alone. Everyone that you've met, everyone of your sunbaes. Every single one of them has been through in their lives at some point. Why else do you think they're in this ed up business? The ones you've met survived. Some didn't-" you paused for a second, shutting your eyes briefly, something that Luhan caught.

 

"Anyway. The point is, yes, this is quite a hellhole, which is why I worked so hard to leave. And obviously, I wasn't the happiest little girl to be practically forced back. I was a in the beginning, because I didn't want you to like me. I didn't want to like any of you. Emotions in this job . Fat lot of good that did, because I started to care anyway!"

 

"You don't c-!"

 

"Yes, I do care! Despite my better judgement, despite all rationality that is screaming at me not to care," now it was your turn to chuckle bitterly. "You know why?"

 

Luhan said nothing this time.

 

"Because I've been in your shoes, when I thought naively that this was just about racing. Because I remember what it was like to step into this without knowing. Because I remember how it felt the first time I had a gun pressed to the back of my head. Because I remember how it felt to lose friends right in front of your eyes. Because I don't want any of you to go through that! Because I don't any of you to wake up one morning and step out to find another's body in the gutter!" you tried your best not to scream.

 

"Because I've attended enough funerals in my life already," you whispered.

 

There was a strange moment of silence between the two of you as you stared at each other, while the ruckus and noise from the still celebrating boys seemed to swirl around you, never really penetrating your bubble.

 

Coughing a bit to clear your throat, you turned around to leave the rather suffocating atmosphere.

 

"But...how can I trust you?"

 

The utter brokeness of his voice stopped you.

 

"Every time I believed someone - every damn time - when they said that things would get better, that they were different, that they wanted to help-" he choked out, staring at the ground. "Every damn time - " he laughed shakily and shook his head. "Never. Lies. All of it."

 

"I want to trust you. I want to believe you. But I just-" he sighed, and looked up at you helplessly. "Can't."

 

You unclenched your throat forcibly and felt that constrict your heart even more, then marched towards him until you were face to face. He returned to examining his shoes.

 

"Luhan. Look at me," you stated firmly, despite the tightness in your throat. He did as you asked, and for a moment you wished you hadn't. You could see all the doubt, insecurity, confusion, fear, and pain swirling in his eyes like a hurricane. And it was more heartbreaking than any amount of tears could ever have been. You forced yourself to continue.

 

"I'm not going to promise that none of you will get hurt again. I can't see the future. But what I can promise, and I do promise - I swear that I am going to try my damned hardest to keep all of you safe. I swear on my own life. You don't have to trust me, or even believe me, right now. But I hope that I can earn that trust over time."

 

Luhan searched your eyes for a hint of deceit, but all he saw was raw, fiery determination. He still couldn't consciously bring himself to believe your words, yet he now felt oddly comforted. Maybe, just maybe, this time...

 

He nodded. You smiled, and it was so brilliant that he couldn't help but return it.

 

"Okay then. Now why don't you go rescue Sehun from the Happy Virus monster." You clapped him on the shoulder as you made to walk down to the track.

 

"Jinhye...ssi."

 

You turned around to look at him for a third time. This time however, it was to find him slightly red-faced, staring around awkwardly while walking down the steps after you. You tilted your head in an unstated question.

 

"Can I...I mean, do you mind if...I..," he coughed, blush darkening. You stared at him in confusion.

 

"Can I...hug you?" Suddenly he wished that he a sledgehammer would suddenly appear above him and drill him six feet under as he watched your eyes widen in surprise. He didn't know why he asked that. That is, he couldn't find a rational answer for the question. All he knew was that your presence had suddenly gained a comforting aura, and that he wanted some form of physical comfort right then. He wanted someone to wrap their arms around him without the need to say anything. He felt so oddly, emotionally after that conversation, and he wanted some form of tangible shell to cover that up. He shook his head - his thoughts confused himself.

 

Meanwhile, you were still frozen in astonishment. 

 

"I...never mind. Forget I said I anything. It was stupid. Forget I as-" but he was cut off as you threw your arms around his neck.

 

"Silly. All you ever have to do is ask."

 

Luhan felt his lips stretch slowly into a grin. He wrapped his arms around your back slowly.

 

"Thank you."

 

 

Little did you know that another pair of eyes had been watching your interaction. He stared in silence as the two of you drew apart, you then bounding down the rows of benches to tidy up the mess they had left on the lawn. Then he trained his eyes on Luhan as he walked back up to them. Luhan noticed his stare, and paused.

 

"What were you talking about?" he asked, careful to maintain an impassive expression.

 

Luhan smirked a little at the look on the other man's face. He had always been able to read his emotions better than anyone else.

 

"What's the matter, duizhang? Jealous?"

 

When Kris didn't reply, Luhan chuckled and walked past him, bumping against his shoulder lightly.

 

Luhan's question gave him pause. He wasn't jealous...was he? What was there to be jealous of? But then again, why did he want to rip his teammate limb to limb when he hugged you? Was it why the feeling that the two of you had become closer irked him greatly, when he should have been glad that Luhan was finally opening up to someone? Was jealousy the answer? 

 

But why was he jealous? What were you to him? You were a respected mentor, perhaps an acquaintance, right? That was all! His brows furrowed as thoughts came crashing into his mind, uninvited and unrelated. Thoughts about what drew him to you. The sisterly way in which you treated Tao, the way you childishly bickered with Kai. The innocent way you laughed with Chanyeol and Xiumin. Your grouchiness when you came to the track after getting up too early in the morning without your daily coffee. 

 

The way your face would turn pink whenever you caught him looking at you. The way you'd attempt to hold his stare before giving in and finding an excuse to turn somewhere else. 

 

The way you looked wearing his jacket-

 

.

 

He nearly let out a growl of frustration. What was this? 

 

What was this, that made him wish he were in Luhan's position when you'd embraced him?

 

 

 

--

 

8D

 

Hai. Hai. Hai guise hai. 

 

So I just remembered that I promised you all fluff a few chapters ago. That was supposed to be the gala. But uh, as you can see, this is not the gala. Nor do I think the Gala will be completely fluffy. Instead you get a pile of emotions! YAY EMOTIONS. 

 

...honestly, I did not plan for this chapter to happen at all. When I started writing it, I honestly didn't think it would blow up to be something this huge. But Luhan sort of just swanned in and stole the show.

 

For those wondering, this is still a Kris/OC fic. Probably. I just felt it a good opportunity to show a bit more of Luhan's feelings, since he has one of the roughest pasts, and hint a little more at Jinhye's history as well, and her feelings on the whole matter.

 

....also a little bit of Kris's feelings at the end there. LOL KRIS YOU POOR DUMB ANGRY BIRD YOU--as I was saying

 

I'm kind of sad that only one person commented on the last chapter, especially since AFF ate a lot of the previous ones, hence the later update. I'm not one of the people that go "NOT UPDATING UNTIL I GET AT LEAST _insert number_ REVIEWS NOPE NOPE NOPE", but I did feel kind of discouraged. :(

But I guess the desire to write the Gala scene and its preludes won over. 

 

*sigh* And there's my ability to rant, again. 

 

TL;DR: HAVE SOME SMEXY LUHAN.

 

 

AND SOME CUTE LUHAN 

 

THAT'S HIM MAKING A WISH FOR YOU TO REVIEW/SUBSCRIBE, OKAY? 83

 

- Ace