You felt warm and comfortable, and for some inexplicable reason, safe and content. Though your subconscious was stirring, your conscious was still very much asleep. In this foggy state, you burrowed closer to the warmth radiating from the body beside you, uninhibited, for the moment, by questions of how, who, when, where, or why. A satisfied hum left you when the body shifted in sync with your movement to wrap you further into his embrace.

 

Unfortunately, despite your complacence, the movements had set off your biological awakening processes. Your rationality was a bit slow in catching up, however, which was why it took you a few moments of sleepy blinking to acknowlege the fact that you were staring at a patch of pale, smooth skin, exposed by a white dress shirt, ed halfway. From that starting point, you became aware of the long, lean arms wrapped snugly around your torso, the gentle puffs of breath on the top of your head, the steady pulse of heartbeat beneath your hand, pressed against his chest.

 

Said heartbeat began to speed up slightly, causing you to look up at the face of the man beside you, confirming your hazy suspicions.

 

Kris stared down at you, his face impassive, though his still-sleepy eyes roiled with a typhoon of emotions too complicated for you to decipher in your slightly befuddled state.

 

Everything was silent and still for a moment, while you each watched the other. It might have been almost serene, were it not for the rapid thumping underneath your palm, which had not moved from its position, mirroring the actions of your own heart. 

 

Then, suddenly, Kris removed himself from you with actions so quick you barely had time to react when he was already at the door. You raised yourself on your elbows, trying to formulate a coherent question from the disarray of thoughts in your head. He paused, back facing you, and turned his head slightly to the side.

 

"I'm sorry I'm not Jaejoong, but you said you were cold."

 

Before you could say a word, he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

You slumped back onto your pillows, throwing an arm over your face, and groaned. Given your knowledge of your habits from when you were sick in the past, his statement caused guilt, frustration, and embarassment to spout like a fountain inside you.

 

"I'm so stupid."

 

Guilt, because you had a pretty good idea of what had happened, and knew how unfair it was to Kris. You'd done the same to Yunho and Yoochun at least half a dozen times before Jaejoong, furious at finding his friends in your bed after being mistaken for himself, decided to ban them all from your room whenever your anemia gave you immunity problems. With them, however, guilt had never been a problem, since you knew for a fact your relationships were purely platonic. With Kris, the knowledge of the idea that he (supposedly) felt something beyond mere friendship for you made you feel like a manipulative , even though, granted, you had not exactly been lucid, and therefore not really in control of your actions.

 

Then came the frustration, its source transient and unplaceable. Why did you still have such a ridiculous problem? Why were you still so subconsciously dependent on Jaejoong? Why did it have to be him, out of all people? 

 

Finally, embarassment, because you had just slept with a guy you knew next to nothing about , attraction or lack thereof be damned.  Your position upon waking up left nothing to the imagination about how exactly that had gone physically, either. You tugged your blankets up to cover your head as you cringed and blushed and rocked from side to side, trying to get rid of the tremors in your stomach. You refused to call them butterflies, because that would be akin to admitting that waking up beside Kris gave you butterflies. Which was completely false. It could have been anyone else, and it would still have been just as bad.

 

A knock on your door interrupted your fervent throes of denial.

 

"It's open," you griped out, still hiding beneath your covers.

 

Sooyoung popped her head in, pinpointing the flailing lump underneath the blankets. Shaking her head, she walked in and plopped down on the mattress beside you. 

 

"Jiiiinniieee~" she said in an almost sing-song voice. "Feeling better after a good night's sleep?"

 

The way that she asked that, innocent but heavily hinting, caused you to flip the covers down from your head in a snap to give her your worst evil eye.

 

"You."

 

"Hmm?" Sooyoung smiled at you brightly, seeming for all the world unaware of your suspicions.

 

"You set this up, didn't you."

 

"What?" she asked, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

 

Having known the woman for as long as you had, you saw through the act immediately.

 

"Uuunnnieeeee, why would you do that??" 

 

"I have no idea what you're-"

 

"No idea, my ! Why did you let him in?!"

 

"He just wanted to see you-"

 

"You know what I get like when I'm sick!"

 

"So you cuddled, big deal. He probably thought it was cute-"

 

"What- you- he- insane!" you spluttered, feeling your cheeks burn. "Sooyoung!"

 

Sooyoung watched your actions with amusement and exasperation. It was cute to see you so flustered, but at the same time depressing. Despite your evident crush on the guy, you were so vehemently dead set against the idea that the unnecessary grief it caused you was unbelievably frustrating for her.

 

"Jinhye, seriously-"

 

"You don't understand, Sooyoung! I thought he was Jae!" 

 

A ringing silence followed your hysterical cry. The sudden hush not only between yourself and Sooyoung made you realize that your words had been loud enough to carry out the door and into the living room. The quiet murmurs that had permeated the room through the doorway had stopped abruptly. 

 

You covered your head with your pillow, muffling the  garbled stream of incomprehensible whinining from your lips. 

 

"Well, on the bright side, at least you seem to be feeling better!" Sooyoung said weakly, and upon seeing you still motionless on the bed, sighed.

 

"Jinnie, honestly, you're being kind of stupid. Why won't you give him a chance?" 

 

"I don't want to talk about this- "

 

"No. Lee Jinhye, we need to set this straight. I'm not going to stand by and watch you mope the rest of your life away," she said firmly, reaching out and tugging your pillow away. You were about to protest, but then you saw Sooyoung's expression, the one that you had dubbed the No-Nonsense face, and decided against it. You settled for pushing yourself up and clutching your knees to your chest, staring down at them to avoid eye contact.

 

"I just...it wouldn't be fair to him."

 

"Why?"

 

"...you know why, Sooyoung," you muttered to your kneecaps.

 

"No, Jinhye, I don't. Tell me why."

 

You rolled your eyes at her, knowing that she knew full well, but wanted you to say it out loud, for whatever reason.

 

"Because I still love Jaejoong."

 

"No, you don't."

 

You were silent for half a minute from shock.

 

"W-what? What do you mean I don't- " you started indignantly.

 

"Because if you did still love Jaejoong, at least in the way that you think you love him, you wouldn't be attracted to Kris." Seeing you open your mouth to argue, she added, "and don't say you aren't, because you know you are."

 

"I- "

 

"Jinnie, you'll always love Jae in some form, but that doesn't mean you need to block yourself from loving anyone else. Love isn't finite. Right now, it's not a matter of you not being able to love Kris, but that you're not letting yourself love him, because you're clinging to this weird belief that you'd be somehow betraying Jaejoong if you do."

 

"But see? I won't be able to give anyone everything. It wouldn't be fair to him, it wouldn't be fair to anyone- "

 

"Look at what he's done for you, Jinhye. He stayed with you even when you called him Jaejoong, and didn't take advantage of the situation in any way, either. He knows that you're not over Jae yet, but he cares for you anyway. I think he'd accept the fact that Jae meant enough to you that he'll always be there, if you gave him a chance."

 

"It's still not-" you paused when you processed the entirety of what she said. "Wait, how does he know about Jaejoong?"

 

Sooyoung squirmed uncomfortably.

 

"...you talked...while you were unconscious," she replied sheepishly.

 

"...oh God. What exactly did I say?" you asked, dreading her answer.

 

"You sounded like you thought it was that night again."

 

You groaned.

 

"They got curious, obviously, so I had to explain-"

 

"Wait, they?!"

 

"I had to, Jinhye, they deserved answers after being shot at, didn't they?"

 

"About why they were being shot at, yes, not about my personal life!"

 

Sooyoung quailed slightly under your glare. "Hey, next time you can try going against those twelve when they want answers, see how well you handle the situation. Luhan, especially. Kid can be scary as hell when he wants to. I swear I have no idea how a face that pretty can form an expression that makes Siwon's death glare look like some childish pout. And he's an actor, for crying out loud."

 

"Not funny, unnie."

 

"Well, sorree for trying to lighten things up a bit."

 

You were both quiet for a while.

 

"It's not fair though- " you started again, only to be cut off.

 

"I'm pretty sure he'd rather have part of your heart than none at all."

 

That shut you up effectively.

 

Sooyoung scooted over to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. 

 

"He cares a lot, you know, even if he doesn't really know how to show it. Eunmi and I literally had to kick him out of the room in order to get you out of your dress."

 

You stared at her in shock. "What?"

 

"...that came out wrong. The point is," she said hurriedly over your splutters,"he seemed to be more concerned about your well-being than with his teammates'. You might want to consider that."

 

 

--

Short update is short. Next update will have moar EXO and Krisus, I promisu. 

 

IN CASE ANYONE CARES.

The reason I haven't updated as often is because a) I had a minor mindlbock halfway through this chapter and b) LMAO LAST WEEK WAS TERRIBLE FOR ME LIKE YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I had two biology labs at 9 am in the morning, meaning I had to get up at 6:40. I ended up staying on campus and working until earliest 7 each night because of the lab reports, as well as getting through all my readings. And then pchem was being a like usual QAQ the problem sets hate me a;lksfgjds;flska. I was sometimes tired and overworked to the point that I'd forget to eat and end up wondering why they hell I was starving the next morning. XDDDD

I think I'm getting into the swing of things now a bit more though!?! But it could just be because I feel like a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders when IT REALLY HASN'T LOL because I don't have one of the bio labs this week. >_>

 

tl;dr I've been an exhausted cranky crying university student = no updates. apologies! But this is here now, so please don't kill me.

 

Idk, but I find Sooyoung really cute, pretty, and spunky. Her and Sica and Hyoyeon. It might be because I'm not terribly familiar with the rest of SNSD though, so don't come burn my house down with torches because I haven't mentioned the girl you stan! I think they're all beautiful and talented! :)

 

...............omfg wat. WAAAT. I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT MY EMOTIONS AREn'T IN ORDER WITH THIS PIC. A:LKGFSL:DKJ:SAL"

 

;_;

 

Comments and/or subscriptions are love love love love loooooved~ <3

here's hoping you guys won't have to wait more than a week for the next update orz why is my program so horrible to me *sob*

 

PS: If you guys like the pic spams, I suggest you visit tumblr. Here's mine at any rate. Just keep in mind that the site has its own field of gravity that tends to upset anything associated with it. I.e, the rest of your life. So you might want to say goodbye to that before you sign up or whatever. 

 

- Ace