Chapter 14 - Not That Helpless

Sometimes, Yoochun would stare out at the sky, wondering what is life when you don’t know what you’re living for. What is life when all you’re doing is just trudging forward, praying that you will somehow reach your goal one day. Somehow. Someday.

There was no way of actually defining what life really is for is it, he believes. You live for the sake of living. Live despite knowing that you would die one day, and that’s why life is so precious, as some people say because you only live once so don’t screw up. But Yoochun thinks that it’s because you live only once, that’s why you have to screw up as many times as you can else you’ll never get the chance of screwing up again after you die. Or maybe there is an afterlife where you can screw up too, who knows.

But then again, Yoochun thought that he had probably screwed up too many time over in this life now. They - the nameless, faceless entity called the media that thrived on public interest and had the power to make or break your career with just one headline - had been making such a big deal over this entire member-swap thing and the lawsuit. It seemed like the world was ending to them, making every word that any of the TVXQ5 members said as the headlines. He sees newspaper articles reporting on the issue everyday, where they get the energy to keep it going he has no idea. He sees fans screaming everyday when he walked out without disguise, asking questions along the lines of ‘Whether he hated Yunho or Changmin or not.’ and his thoughts of the whole issue.

He doesn’t respond, or rather he has no response for them. What was he to say? That he was upset with SM Entertainment and that they had no rights to add new members to TVXQ? That would cause a bigger scandal which, he was sure, would add more stress to Jaejoong who had been dealing with most of the media interviews and stuff.

“Chun ah, staring at the sky won’t make anything fall down from it.” Jaejoong’s voice drew him out of his musings. He turned to see his hyung entering the front door and dropping his bag on the ground beside the door. Yoochun slide off the window ledge and made his way to kitchen.

“Hmm... How’s the day?” He asked as he busied himself with making coffee for Jaejoong who had now taken a seat at the dining table.

“...” He was greeted with silence.

“Hyung?” Yoochun prompted.

“I saw Yunho and Changmin,” Jaejoong sighed.

Wow. Now that’s a nice twist in life.

“Mm... And?”

“And I chickened out and ran away without talking to them at all. Brilliant isn’t it.”

“Hmm.”

Yoochun handed the steaming mug to Jaejoong and sat himself opposite the elder, watched as the latter took a tentative sip of the hot chocolate.

“So?” He asked.

“So what? I freaked out and ran away and Heechul came finding me later. The conversation didn’t go anywhere.”

“Well... That .”

“Tell me about it.” Jaejoong threw his head back over the chair’s headrest and sighed again. “I screwed up big time.”

“Call Junsu.” Yoochun suggested all of a sudden.

“Junsu?” Jaejoong ra