Chapter 6 - Stars

Jaejoong sighed as he leaned his head against the wall, sitting next to the window, one leg propped up as he stared outside the window. He allowed his fingers to doodle nonsensical figures on the frosted window. His thoughts were far far away from where he literally is now. 

He closed his eyes as his fingers continued to draw mindlessly on the window, shaking his head before taking a shaky breath and opened his eyes. For some reason, every time he closes his eyes, the only thing he could see was the faces of Yunho and Changmin on that night, the night they left them. Those eyes filled with betrayal, regret and disappointment haunted him, even more so when there was that slight glimmer of hope when they wished that JYJ would turn around and laugh it off, claiming that it was all a joke.

As he paused in his line of thoughts to look at what he had doodled, he let out a gasp of surprise. Drawn all over the frosted window, as far as his hand could reach without stretching was scribbles of the letter ‘W’. To normal people, it might seem like senseless scribbling. To astronomers, they would easily identify it as Cassiopeia. To Cassiopeia themselves, it is their fandom sign. But to the DBSK members, it is a sign of a everlasting friendship and brotherhood. Maybe it wasn’t really nonsensical doodles after all. 

Taking a sip from the mug of hot chocolate, he stared at the darkening sky. Stars were going to come out soon. Was it possible for him to see Cassiopeia from where he is? Despite his initial struggle within himself on wanting to see the constellation, he wanted to do so. Even if it could provide him that little light of hope, he wanted to hold on to it.

He closed his eyes and imagined the night sky. There, clearly outlined in the night sky was the constellation. Their constellation. Cassiopeia. Tears unconsciously formed behind his closed eyelids as he stared up at the imaginary night sky in his mind eye, feeling somewhere in his heart that little flutter of hope. Cassiopeia was the only thing that was linking all of them together. Jaejoong. Yunho. Yoochun. Junsu. Changmin. CJES had wanted to name JYJ’s fan club something else, but the members themselves protested furiously. They wanted something, no matter how small it is, something that can anchor them to their other two brothers who were far away from them. He wiped his eyes before opening his eyes. and looked at the night sky. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes and yawned, before standing up and got ready for bed. But something told him to look again. He turned around once more and gasped.

Cassiopeia......

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Yunho stared at the poster that was hanging above the television. A picture of them together, happily laughing, taken when they were filming their DVD in Saipan. A time when happiness actually existed. He turned away, not wanting the pain in his heart to grow further, willing it to stop but to no avail.

He sighed before moving over to the window, pulling open the curtains and pushing open the window, letting the cold winter air brush against his skin. He shivered slightly but made no other move to close the window. He wanted to get rid of the depressed atmosphere in the room before Changmin came in. He knew that it would make the maknae even more sad. How does opening the window help with removing the depressed aura, he has no idea.

“Hyung.”

He turned around to see Changmin standing at the doorframe, leaning against it, with a tired smile on his face.

“Hyung. Come over here. You’re going to get a cold like this.”

Changmin’s genuine concern for his hyung could be heard. Yunho shook his head before gesturing to the maknae.

“No. You come over here.”

Changmin tilted his head and sighed, before moving over to join the elder. Yunho closed his eyes and let his head rest on the maknae’s shoulder.

“Sorry.” He muttered.

He just wanted to disappear now. Or to fall asleep and never wake up to the harsh reality. The pain was slowly torturing him, in and out, day and night. At times, he would wonder to himself just what did he do in his previous lives that made him deserve this. But then again, he thought it was fair punishment for him.

He had failed as a leader. He was unable to keep his group together. He had let s gone through indescribable pain. And yet, he hoped that he can still be forgiven. He needs something to link him to them. Their missing three brothers. Oh that’s right, Cassiopeia eh? Cassiopeia have been very supportive of them, even through their hardest times, Cassiopeia were the ones who stood by them. He was very thankful to them.

He felt Changmin nudged him and opened his eyes. The maknae gestured with his head to the night sky. He turned and froze.

Cassiopeia......

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Junsu sat down on the ground with a thump, too emotionally drained from his previous musing and from seeing Jaejoong’s state. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat there, staring into the distance. He clutched his h