“Talk? What’s there to talk about?” he seemed worried. “This isn’t bad is it? Am I in trouble?”

“No, you’re not in trouble.” We went in the living room where some reality show was playing on mute. “I wanted to talk to you about that letter you wrote me.”

Dae looked away as though he was embarrassed. I could tell that he hadn’t expected me to ever bring it up again. “Oh?” he coughed nervously. “What about it?”

“I think that’s one of the most honest things I’ve heard from somebody in my life,” I said. “I know it must have been hard on you, and I can’t imagine how you dealt with me and Panda all that time. I don’t think I would have been able to watch someone I care about be happy with someone else.” I paused and thought a moment. “Actually, I know I couldn’t handle it otherwise I wouldn’t have ended up in that hospital.”
           

“Youngbae-ah is right, you shouldn’t joke about that,” Dae said quietly.

“If I don’t joke about it, then it’s just sad, and I can’t deal with sad very well.”

“Maknae, you always have to be difficult,” Dae said, shaking his head. “But you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t act that way. To address the first part of your statement though, it was easier to handle when we were all together. When night came, and I was the only one who went to bed without someone in the room with me, it got harder to deal with. I mean, it’s not like Youngbae-ah and JiYong-sshi have anything going on, but at least if they couldn’t sleep they could talk to each other. I was completely alone, and I hated it because all I could think about was you and SeungRi-ah just a few steps down the hall.”

My heart felt heavy as he spoke. “How did you get over it?”

“I haven’t,” he said simply. “I’ve come to the conclusion that I will always love you, and as long as you’re happy then I’ll be able to deal with whatever you decide to do.”

“Oppa…you’re like JiHoo sunbae,” I exclaimed.

“What are you talking about?”

“One of the characters in my k-dramas! You’re like the soul mate although the girl was in love with and married someone else. You’re my JiHoo.” 

“We just had a very serious moment and you compare it to a k-drama?” Dae asked incredulously. “Same old Leah…” He shook his head and just looked at me. “Why do you have on TOP hyung’s jacket?”

I looked down and cursed. “I had Panda steal it for me. I needed something big to hide my belly from my dad.”

“You’re going to get in trouble.”

“Not if you don’t tell,” I shot back. I hurried to replace the jacket and went back to hang out with Dae. “Oppa, I have something important I want to ask you.”

“Why so serious?”

“Do not reference Batman when I’m being for real.”

“Okay, okay. What is it?”

“Will you be Hana’s godfather?”

“Really? I mean, why not have TOP hyung and Dakota be her godparents?”

“Dakota’s the closest thing I have to a sister, so she can play auntie. And I feel like you would be the best person for the job. I mean, I did think of asking Youngbae, but since you are my JiHoo, I thought I should ask you first. I mean, the decision is completely up to you, but I’d really like it.” Hana kicked and I took that as a sign. “I think Hana would like it too.”

“Well if that’s what Hana wants…” We both laughed and there was a moment when the sound died out where it got really tense between us. If it had been a k-drama, or some corny girl movie, we probably would have kissed, but those kinds of things don’t happen in real life…or at least, they don’t happen in my life. We both laughed nervously, and pretended to watch the TV until Youngbae, JiYong and the dogs came home.

“Maknae! I don’t remember the last time I saw you without SeungRi,” JiYong said.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Hush up JiYong. You act like I’m surgically attached to Panda’s hip.”

“Maybe not his hip, but ya’ll are definitely always together,” Youngbae said. “But what brings you here?”

“I wanted to see you guys!” I said, which was kind of true. “I remember being friends with all five of you, not just Panda.”

“You didn’t come here for us, but I’ll take it as a compliment that you feel the need to lie about the fact that you’d rather be here than at home helping your aunt with Hana’s room.”

“Youngbae, you know too much!” I exclaimed.

He gave me one of those smiles that made his eyes disappear. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”

“Where are the cards? I feel the need to whip JiYong’s in poker.”

“What was that maknae? Whip my ?” He laughed. “I’d like to see that happen.”

“Stop talking and deal the cards. Dae, you in?” Daesung was as big a er for a card game as me and JiYong were.

“Deal me in,” Dae said with a smile.

“Youngbae?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Get ready to lose boys…”