I was due next month, but that wasn’t my main concern. In a couple hours my dad’s flight from Baltimore would be coming in. Panda and I were going to pick him up from the airport and all I could do was picture how many different ways this could go wrong.

“Will you quit worrying? You were this worked up when we went to see President Yang and that turned out fine,” Panda said.

“I would rather face Papa YG a hundred times than do this.”

“What are you so worried about?”
            “My dad…I don’t want to disappoint him. It’s just that we’ve always both had all these plans for my life, but I’m more flexible about them than he is.” I sighed. “Whenever I deviate from the plan I feel like I’m letting him down.”

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

“When I was younger, I used to think that maybe if I worked hard enough in school or whatever, that he’d come back. Eventually, I figured out that it didn’t work that way, but that mentality to work as hard as I did stayed.” Panda was quiet and I realized this was the first time I’d spoken to him at length about my father. “I started realizing that I needed to do things for me, but the idea that I was disappointing my dad always stayed in the back of my head.”

“Does your dad know that?”

“I doubt it. In fact, you’re the only person I’ve ever told that to.”

He kissed my forehead. “It’s going to be alright. I promise.”

The intercom announced that passengers from Flight 729 were exiting the flight and all the air in my lungs left. Panda squeezed my hand and I was so grateful to have him with me. He helped me out the hard, uncomfortable waiting chair to go stand by the gate. As we waited, I continually fixed the hoodie I had on to hide myself (actually, it was TOP’s and both he and Dakota would kill me if they knew I had Panda steal it for me).

The last person to appear from beyond the gates was my dad. He had a habit of being the last one off the plane, but I’m pretty sure he did it this time just to spite me. He saw me and headed over, his eyes locked on Panda and I’s intertwined hands.

“Hey Peppermint,” he said.

I twenty years old and he still calls me that. “Hey daddy.” I gave him a quick hug. “Daddy, this is Seung Hyun. Panda, this is my dad, Deron,” I said in ways of introduction.

“Hello sir,” Panda said, shaking my dad’s hand. “You can call me SeungRi, or VI if you like.”

“I haven’t heard much about you. How do you know my daughter?”

I sighed. I could hear the ‘dad tone’ in his voice. It kind of reminded me of JiYong’s Leader Voice. “We’ll get to all that over lunch,” I said quickly. “Let’s go get your bag.”

I walked off, knowing they both would follow. We grabbed my dad’s bag and headed to my truck. I was able to get into the vehicle without assistance and then we were off, Panda driving.

“So daddy, you said I don’t talk about SeungRi, but I think I mentioned him every time we talked while I was gone. And remember my obsession with that Korean group? He’s one of the members,” I said.

“Oh, okay then,” he said. We all got out the car at the restaurant. After we were seated we continued our conversation. “So why exactly is SeungRi here?”

With you was the unspoken part. “The boys are about to have their American debut, and the American branch of their office isn’t far from here. In fact, the guys live next door.”

“That’s exciting,” my dad said. The waiter came and took our order.

“That’s not the only thing to be excited about,” Panda said.

“What else is going on?”

Panda nudged me under the table. “Nu choogle lea?” I threatened, but he just motioned for me to say something.

“Dad, um…SeungRi’s not just my friend. He’s kind of my fiancé.”

“When did this happen?”

“A little while before I came back home,” I answered.

“I thought you went to Korea for school, not a boy.”

Ouch. That was hurtful.

“It wasn’t like that at first sir,” SeungRi said. “To be completely honest, the only reason we put up with her and Dakota was because our boss said we had to. But we finally warmed up to them and gave them a chance. You have an amazing daughter. She’s smart and funny. She’s really cute,” he said with a smile. “I love her, and I know she’s going be a great wife…and mother.”

Our food came then so my dad had to wait until the waiter was out of earshot before he could respond. “Mother? I’m not doubting either of you, but isn’t it a bit soon to be talking about kids? There’s plenty of time for that.”

“There’s less time than you think,” I said. I pulled off my jacket and saw my dad’s eyes widen at the sight of my belly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. He looked more hurt than surprised.

“Honestly, I was terrified. Even now I’m shaking.”

“There’s something you should know Mr. Deron. Leah has a big fear of disappointing you. She kept all this a secret to keep from letting you down.”

“Leah, is that right?”

I nodded. “Ever since I was little and I told you I wanted to be a doctor, that’s all I ever planned on. We both did everything we could to make it come true. But when I realized that I really didn’t want that, I could hear the disappointment in you tone every time we spoke. At this age, having a baby and no degree or job, I just didn’t want to let you down.”
            SeungRi grabbed my hand and I was able to hold back the tears that had sprung up as I was speaking. I looked at my dad and could see a thousand thoughts just under the surface.

“Leah, I’m your father and I want the best for you. Yes, I think this is a lot in a short amount of time, but as long as you’re happy there’s nothing I can really do to change it. I just wish you’d told me all this before now. You have never disappointed me, and I hope you never think that again.”

“Thank you daddy.”

I looked down at my plate but the food was cold and to be honest, I didn’t want to eat anyway. Emotional scenes usually got to me, and seeing how I’d been off my meds for almost nine months, I was kind of taking this to heart. I mean, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was something big. It seemed like everyone had the same mentality, so we got our food packed up and left. I had Panda take me home and let him spend the rest of the day with my dad. Telling my dad everything made me realized that I needed to have an overdue talk with someone else.

I went over to the boy’s house. Youngbae and JiYong had disappeared somewhere, and TOP had gone to the store with Sun Young, leaving Daesung home alone. In a way, I was grateful everyone else was gone because it made what I had to do a lot easier. I shouldn’t be worried about this. This is going to be fine. “Dae-oppa, where are you?” I called through the house.

He appeared from the kitchen with what looked like a bowl of cereal. “Maknae! Where’s Seungri? And your dad?”

“They’re bonding,” I said. “We need to talk.”