It’s like I’m lingering between two different worlds, one filled with ‘what could have been’ and the other filled with ‘what is’. I am in limbo but I had no idea which way was hell, everything just doesn’t seem real. An entire week has gone by; it’s the longest time I’ve been separated from Ji Yong since we were together. I feel… new, as if I’m no longer Lee Ri Ah, the woman who shared her entire life with a man for the past ten months. I have yet to decide whether I liked the change or not. The both of us dealt with the separation in our own way, but neither of us took the time to wallow in our sorrows. I didn’t have to ask, I knew Ji Yong was living out of the YG studio, only ever coming out to eat and sleep, as reaffirmed by Minzy’s emails. This man was so transparent to me. I also knew he hated going back home, for the same reasons that I’ve deferred from going back to his LA apartment. The memory trace of an ‘us’ was still much too prominent.

I was a coward, so I brought Jess along to help me clear my things out of there, where time had remained untouched. The room still smelt of him.

“You think he’d notice if I grab some food?” Jess asked as soon as we arrived.

“You could empty the whole fridge and he still wouldn’t notice, he’s not coming back Jess.”

“True! I’m going all out then,” she chirped.

“I’m going to start packing.” It wasn’t that Jess was being indifferent; I knew that she just wanted to keep me distracted from Ji Yong, which was impossible since everything here screamed of the past. Within half an hour, all of my possessions had neatly filled a single duffle bag.

“That’s it?” Jess was as shocked as me. “Clothes and cosmetics? No couple mugs to throw away? Photos to rip into two? New house plants to kill?”

“Nope. This is it.”

“That’s not fun.”

“It never occurred to me that we needed those things. Ji Yong and I were just happy with the way things were.” Jess just sighed and picked up the bag off the floor.

“I’m going to bring this to the car, you drop off the keys and I’ll meet you down there,” she said and walked out to give me some personal time, something like a last goodbye. It was six at night, usually around this time I would be dozing off on his bed or on his couch after a long day at university. The television would on, usually at a news channel because they work like sleeping pills on me, and he’d come home from work and turn it off. Ji Yong knew I hated to be woken up so he’d go and take a shower, work a little more and then cutely shake me awake when he became too hungry.

“Ri Ah-ya, let’s eat dinner okay?” he’d softly say, hoping that the thought of food would trump my annoyance at being forcefully roused. And every time, his plan would work like a charm. Maybe I was transparent to him as well. I closed my eyes and tried to remember this apartment; this was where we kissed, this was where we ate, this was where we laughed, cried, cooked, talked and made love. And soon, this place would be filled with a stranger’s memories, but I’d never forget it. From my jean pocket I took out the two rings which I bought in Seoul but never ended up giving him. These two little circles, so different but each other’s counterparts could’ve been the only thing tangible that marked the existence of our relationship. I set them down on the kitchen counter and walked out of there, tightly shutting the door behind me. As of now, this chapter of my life was finished.

“Don’t misunderstand me Rika, just hear me out okay?” Jess suddenly said to me on our drive back. I simply nodded. “This was your fault.”

“Huh?”

“What I saw in that apartment wasn’t normal. It looked like you were just crashing there for a night when you guys basically lived together for six months. You know what I think; I think you gave up before you even started. Rika you totally played him.”

“I took him to my parents!”

“Because you were forced to. Look, I’m not denying your feelings for him, even a blind man could see that you guys were in love. All I’m saying is that to you this was just a momentary event, a dream even, and you expected to wake up from it in the end. To Ji Yong though, you were real. Rika you were his life.” I slammed on the brakes as hard as I could which led to a chain reaction of car honking and a shouting of profanity from behind me. That sick feeling from the pit of my stomach emerged once again when I realized that every word she said was the truth.

“I know…” I whispered before I ran out of the car overcome with queasiness and started to vomit on the side of the street. What in the world is wrong with me?

“! Erika!” Jess was quickly at my side pulling my hair out of the way and patting my back. “Honey, are you pregnant?” If I had the energy to smack her I would. Getting accidentally knocked up was not only stupid but to me it was so impossible unless you were too lazy to use a or take the pill. I am not one of those people. Regardless, Jess chucked me into the backseat of the car and sped off to the nearest hospital for a check-up, especially considering that this had happened twice in a week already.

“It looks like a stomach ulcer but I’d need to take a couple of tests to make sure,” the doctor, a middle-aged man with a bald spot and a nice smile said. If family doctors had a stereotypical image, it would be like this.

“But she’s pregnant. She was vomiting all over the place. And she had !” Jess insisted. I regretted bringing her into the examination room with me the moment she opened and said ‘I’m going to be an aunt’.

“Or… she could have a stomach ulcer,” the doctor repeated. “And also had .” Oh. My. God. Someone please save me from this embarrassment.

“Jess, be quiet or the next time I vomit it will be on you,” I warned her. “Did I eat something wrong? I did just come back from overseas.”

“It’s from a bacteria you most likely ingested, but don’t worry too much it looks like it’s not that severe yet. I’d like to run the tests as soon as possible though before I could give you any medication.” Call me naïve, but I trust doctors wholeheartedly so I quickly agreed to schedule an appointment for tomorrow. Jess helped drive me back to my parent’s house and slept over while she was at it.

“I thought it would be like a drama, a baby bringing you two together once again.” We were talking in my bedroom and Jess was being all whimsical once more. At dinner when my parent’s heard I went to the hospital they fussed and started calling friends along with friends of friends about good doctors for ulcers so I could quickly get treated. I think to them walking in to a random hospital and just getting checked there was nonsensical. If Jess had mentioned any word related to pregnant or baby during that meal, the commotion would be a hundred times worse.

“I am so going to pretend that I didn’t hear that. I am still sick you know,” I reminded her. She just laughed then held my hand.

“I totally freaked out when you suddenly ran out of the car. I thought you were pissed at me.”

“No, you were right. I was so bad to him and if I had the chance I’d apologise and try to make it better, but right now I think it’s best if I just disappear from his life. That way I’ll simply remain as a bad memory.”

“Oh, you poor thing.” Jess gave me a giant hug and that finally that familiar feeling of warmth emerged once again. I had family and friends, I thought to myself, they’re all the people who I need to love and protect now.

“Thanks for everything Jess,” I said and gave her a huge hug back. When Jess sleeps over it basically means no sleeping at all. From her stories apparently just as much, or even more drama occurred back here within the same time frame as in Korea. The never-changing appearance of an ex-girlfriend turned out to be the last straw for Jess and she completely walked out on Grey and all the baggage that she just couldn’t deal with. There was shouting, a cat fight and one huge slap involved. So now here we were, two single girls having a slumber party after almost a year of doomed relationships. Hey, at least we still had each other.

AN: Thanks again everyone! I've read all your wonderful comments and I was so glad to hear your thoughts about the previous chapter =D. So, anyone else excited for GD's solo album?