AN: I have no idea what's been going on around here, but I decided to just fix what I could. There are some changes in the dialogue, especially in the end because .... well... I thought there needed to be some. Have a little re-read to freshen your memory, I'm posting the next chapter in a few hours. I'm so sorry for the long wait guys.

The best parts of a city aren’t found through maps or tourist guides; they’re usually discovered in an accidentally-on-purpose type of scenario. I left home that morning with nothing in my bag but my wallet and a borrowed cell phone with a text from Ji Yong telling me to ‘be safe’ along with a note that he would be hungry by one o’clock. Now I just think he’s taking advantage of me. With a few hours to spare, my first instinct is to get to the subway station and go to the areas that I had heard of, and with a light heart I do. There’s just so much in this city that I had no idea where to begin. Every street was like a detour, every store an invitation and every street stall a pit stop. I was being such a tourist, but I was so happy I didn’t care. By mid-afternoon I found myself on the terrace of a small café in Itaewon sipping on a flat white, day dreaming. At this moment time stood stood still, and I relished in this little world of mine while couples and office workers scurried past me in a world of their own. Alone time is good I thought, after spending so much time with each other a little breather was refreshing; but a small part of me couldn’t deny my little selfish wish that Ji Yong was sitting across the table from me right now.

The boys’ lunch came from a cute little sandwich stand just down the street from the café, along with some fresh fruits, smoothies and juice. I think I overestimated my lugging ability, because I ended up calling Nam Gook oppa for a lift to the company. As I was waiting on the kerb, a little table filled with handmade accessories that a girl around my age was displaying caught my eye. Everything was adorable but two rings, one made out of bronze and the other silver stood out the most. They were placed on top of one another, and though they had different designs and material, side-by-side there was some kind of strange suitability. I couldn’t help but think that it was so much like us, and like every impulse buyer, I easily fell in love with it and bought it.

“I’m so sorry for the trouble oppa, I didn’t think they’d be this heavy,” I said apologetically to Ji Yong’s manager as I got into the van. Nam Gook oppa was there in twenty minutes flat with those big black vans I’ve always wanted to ride in.

“I should thank you for picking up their lunch. That’s why I brought this van,” he said. I clapped my hands in glee.

“You remember things really well. Thanks!” The inside of this thing was huge; I could basically tilt the seat back 180 degrees and sleep soundlessly for a while. It was a shame that the ride was so short. Oppa helped me bring everything up to Teddy’s studio, where three of the members were passed out on the lounge outside. I couldn’t see their faces, but I bet Ji Yong wasn’t one of them. I knocked on the door and sure enough, he was fiddling with the computer inside as T.O.P recorded.

“FOOD!” T.O.P screamed into the microphone before I even had a chance to speak. Five heads automatically turned to the door where I stood frozen and that’s when I’m thankful that I was smart enough to buy extra.

“They’re on the table, I hope you like sandwiches,” I told him, laughing.

“You seriously bought a lot,” Ji Yong told me when he saw the display outside. “Now I feel bad.”

“I like seeing people get fed. Now go eat, otherwise there won’t be any for you.” He kissed me on the back of the head and we joined the rest of the boys who now had woken up.

“Ji Yong hyung said you walked around today, where’d you go?” Daesung asked mouth half-full.

“Around, but in Itaewon mostly. That’s where I got the sandwiches. Is it good?”

“Totally. I was getting sick of Korean food,” Young Bae said.

“I thought you were going to cook. You cooked for Daesung hyung,” Seung Ri whinged.

“Ya, Seung Ri-ah, does she look like your mom?” Ji Yong asked. “No, she’s my girlfriend.”

“OoOoHh,” the boys childishly teased. I tried to ignore my rapidly beating heart and kept it cool.

“Because Ji Yong said that, I’ll consider it next time.” I decided. “By the way, don’t forget to eat the fruit guys.”

“But she totally acts like one though. Maybe we should just call her umma,” Seung Ri mumbled.

“What’d you say?” I asked.

“Umma? It sounds fun! I think we should,” T.O.P chirped in.

“It is easier than Erika,” Young Bae said.

“No, please. This is going to be so embarrassing,” I begged. “Ji Yong, say something.”

“I say that I think you just gave birth to four sons I didn’t know about.”

“…”

After the meal, Ji Yong and Young Bae returned to the studio while I played pool with the rest of them. We broke into teams of two, and I was paired with Daesung. I could admit that I wasn’t good at pool, but Daesung was honestly on a league of his own. Sometimes I think his hands and his brain somehow just didn’t connect, but even while I was pissed, I also laughing my off because of his epic failures.

“Umma’s crying again,” Seung Ri pointed out. I was literally crouched on the floor, shaking from laughter, with a stick in my hand and tears streaming down my face after Daesung couldn’t make a straight shot that was literally four inches from the sinkhole. Nothing could save this man.

“Oppa, I think a blind man can play better than you,” I barely managed to say. “I was totally conned into teaming up with you. You guys told me he was good!”

“We just said that you should team up with him. None of us said he was good,” T.O.P said. I was having too much fun anyway that I couldn’t bother with complaining. Our little game was shortly interrupted however when I saw sajangnim’s wife walking across the hallway, unsuccessfully trying to lead three kids onto the elevator.

“Here, let me help you,” I offered, and she gave me a tired smile in return. I waved to the little boy who was probably around two or three years old, but he quickly shied away behind his mom’s legs.

“Say hello,” Eun Joo unni said. “He’s a little passive this one.”

“I heard you have a lot of toys upstairs. Nuna doesn’t have any cool toys. Can you show me your favourite one?”

“Yoo Jin has a Barbie,” the young girl jumped in.

“Really? What’s her name?” I asked while holding out my hand. She happily held it.

“Ji Eun!”

“What about your toy?” I asked the boy again.

“Robot…” he quietly said, but when I held my hand out to him, he cutely grabbed it as well. Then the five of us, including the little newborn in a carrier went into the elevator and up to the 7^th floor.

“You saved me. Going upstairs takes me like five minutes, and that’s even a record,” Eun Joo unni said when the kids were safely in their little play area inside the empty office. “You’re really good with them.”

“I was a baby sitter for a while,” I explained. “They’re really adorable, but having three kids one or two years apart is really difficult. How’re you holding up?”

“Barely. But my mother-in-law comes by from time-to-time to help out and I come here often as well, but I don’t really want to bother oppa that much. He gets distracted when they’re around and just ends up playing with them.”

“He’s the spoiling type of father is he?”

“Like you wouldn’t imagine.” I chuckled a little. It was a refreshing, new image to have of the sajangnim that had more of a scary demeanour.

“Baby-talking as well?”

“To the point that it almost makes me sick. I try to tell him not to do it. But then again he only does it when the family is around, so it’s not that bad.” I looked at the two kids playing with their toys in the corner and got lost in thought. This kind of intimacy within family, I wondered if Ji Yong and I would be able to have it one day as well. I unconsciously shook my head. I was getting way too far ahead of myself; we’d basically only started dating.

“Is it hard, unni?” I asked her. “Being married to a public figure?”

“It is,” she said honestly. “Especially since I wanted to be a singer when I was younger, dating the CEO of your company who’s also twelve years older than you is just bad publicity. We had to be really careful.”

“And your dream of singing?”

“I learnt to prioritize, which was hard to do since I was only 21, a little younger than you in fact.”

“It’s nice to be so sure.” She looked at me and I could sense her sympathy.

“Ji Yong is a really talented and passionate kid and I’ve watched him grow up so I know him quite well. To him it’s always been about music and work first, almost like my husband in fact, so I was surprised when he suddenly came back to Korea with a girl in tow. But most importantly, I’m so glad that it’s someone grounded like you. My husband said really nice things about you Erika, that I was almost a little jealous,” she joked. “But I’m not saying you should do what I did. I mean, if you think about it, I was a little insane to choose a thirty-year-old man to love back then.”

“It still is.” She beamed when I said that.

“What did Ji Yong say?”

“He didn’t say anything. He knows that I have a future in London so he just doesn’t say anything. But I think he wants me to stay.”

“And what do you want?”

“I’m still being selfish. I still want both. To tell you the truth, I don't want to hinder him."

“You mean his popularity?”

“Yes.”

“YG artists have a knack for keeping relationships on the down low, though the fans can in fact be scary. But Ji Yong's a smart man, he's fighitng for you for a reason.”

“I guess so...”

When sajangnim returned to his office a few hours later, I was still talking with unni, but I excused myself immediately. He deserved some family time after a long day’s work.

“Just talk honestly with him okay? Stop having a hard time on your own,” she said, before I walked out. I thanked her and went downstairs to meet Ji Yong. The rest of the members had left by around nine at night, but Ji Yong stayed at the studio. We ended up having a late night dinner there as well.

“I’m really sorry Ri Ah,” he said once again. Ji Yong hadn’t stopped apologising since it was just the two of us, and for the umpteenth time I told him to get over it, I could keep myself occupied pretty easily.

“Did you get much done?” I asked him when we were finally in the car, making our way home.

“The members are pretty much hyped about the comeback, so we got more done than we usually would. By the way you were gone for a few hours, where’d you go?”

“I had a long chat with Eun Joo unni upstairs.”

“About?”

“Everything, but about you mostly. She said you were talented and also a workaholic like sajangnim.”

“Yeah, sorry about today.”

“Seriously, it’s okay,” I said, now a little pissed off. How many more times did I have to say it until he understood? Obviously Ji Yong read my mood, because he stayed silent for a while after that.

“Are you angry?” he finally asked.

“I am now.”

“Because of me?”

“Yes.”

“I said I was so-.” He stopped talking when I glared at him. “I won’t make you wait again like today,” he said.

“It’s not that,” I told him.

“Then? What did I do wrong?” I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself because I knew when I started ranting, things could get worse.

“Don’t worry,” I decided to say.

“If it’s because of me let me fix it. Tell me what I should do and I’ll do it.” I don’t know why, but when Ji Yong said that something in me just snapped.

“What are you? A pushover? You just do what people tell you to do!?”

“What?”

“When I tell you to go back to Big Bang you go. When I say I want to go to London, you let me go. In fact, I don’t even think you’ve made one big decision about our relationship since we’ve been together.”

“Ri Ah, where is this coming from? What happened?”

“Never mind,” I said, giving up. We spent the rest of the ride to the apartment in silence. Ji Yong must have been seething on my words that entire time because as soon as we were in the confines of the apartment he spoke to me in an angry tone.

“Those decisions were made for both our sakes Ri Ah.”

“More like my sake…” I mumbled. “I’m not your group member, Ji Yong. There is no leader in this relationship so stop thinking like you need to take care of everybody, and be yourself.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Seriously? I just told him to grow a backbone and he’s still asking me what to do.

“You want to know what to do Ji Yong? I want you to stop acting like some righteous leader and tell me what you want. Be selfish for once in your life and tell me what you want! Letting ‘life rip us apart’ is not an option.” He takes a step back and registers my words.

“So this is what it’s about.”

“I’m in over my head here trying to figure out what to do. I am helpless and confused and just so, so tired.”

“Then why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I did. But you know why we don’t get anywhere, because you’ll just say the things that I want to hear!”

“I'm just trying to make you happy."

“You’re making it seem so simple. It’s cowardly Ji Yong. It’s taking the easy way out and that’s also why we have never fought.”

“That’s a good thing. We don’t fight because there’s nothing to fight about.”

“No, we don’t fight because you never stand up for anything. Think about your music thing with Cole, I had to tell you to stand up for yourself.”

“Do you seriously want to bring the past into this?”

“It’s happening right now. Sometimes I think like I’m the only one moving this relationship forward and you’re just in it for the ride.”

“You don’t think I’ve been thinking about us? I'm holding back here for your sake!”

“My sake!? What, so I can have my little guilt trip to London when my oh-so-perfect boyfriend let's me do whatever I want?”

“And you’re actually complaining about that!?!? Fine. You want to know what I want? I want you to stay. Happy?”

“This is getting ridiculous,” I said, trying to walk away. This was not how I wanted him to ask me, with anger in both our hearts.

“Seriously you’re walking away!? I don’t get you sometimes. I just told you what I wanted.”

“Clearly you don’t get me Ji Yong.” I walked into the room and shut the door behind me. We were both so pent up with rage that I needed a break. A short while later, when I was in the middle of changing, Ji Yong walked in and silently helped me put on my pyjamas. Then he sat on the edge of the bed, touched my hair a little and took my hand.

“Sometimes in the morning, when I wake up to you, I feel like my heart is going to burst,” he said softly. “I think about what you’re dreaming of, what you’re going to say to me when you wake up and what you’re going to do today. Really useless things like that, but those thoughts make me so, so happy. You’re asking me what I want? I want to be insanely happy just like that for the rest of my life. I want to be with you, hold you, hug you, kiss you, cry with you, laugh with you. I love you Lee Ri Ah.” He stopped talking momentarily and I could tell he was trying not to cry. I had started bawling at ‘sometimes’.

“That sounds perfect,” I whispered. He looked up at me and wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

“It is perfect. It’s like a dream. But that’s all it’s going to be isn’t it?” he asked.

“I want to be with you Ji Yong,” I said.

“But?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“But that’s not me right now.”

“I know.”

“Maybe in five or ten years’ time when there’s no more greed left in me and I start worrying about a happy ever after, but not now.”

“I’m not telling you to marry me Ri Ah. Let’s just be together.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Just look at what happened today. You spent the entire time apologising to me for working all day, what do you think is going to happen when things get more serious?”

“I told you, you’re always first.”

“I don’t want to be first. I don’t want to be an obstacle Ji Yong, just as much as you don’t want to stop me from my dreams.”

“Fine, then I’ll wait.” I couldn’t let him do that. It wasn’t right of me to.

“No. No waiting, no baggage, let’s just stop this,” I pleaded with him. “I beg you, let’s just stop Ji Yong.”

“Why? I don’t understand.”

“It’s too… difficult. We met at a wrong time.”

“So you’ve made up your mind then," he suddenly said. "Tell me, how long ago have you decided to end this?"

“What…”

“If I had known you were the type to bail as soon as the going gets tough, you could've saved me the effort.”

“You know that’s not it.”

“That’s exactly it. What’s the point in dragging it out!?” His raised voiced caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. “I need some air,” Ji Yong said and got up, grabbed his car keys and left the apartment before I could say anything.

About an hour later, I received a message from Young Bae oppa telling me that Ji Yong would be sleeping at his place. And on that night where Ji Yong left his side of the bed cold for the very first time, I cried myself to sleep.