“What do you write anyway?” Sehun asked, sitting on the end of her bed. She looked up giving him a gloomy look.

“Isn’t kind of obvious?” She looked down shaking her head. “I write about him, our relationship; the ups and downs.”

He looked at the notebook, it was thick, and pieces of paper were protruding out after being stuck in there. The cover of what seemed to be of a floral design had faded. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Ever since I started dating him, this isn’t the only one.” She walked over to her closet pulling out a medium sized box, there were at least 12 other notebooks. “I don’t write every day, but they added up.” She shrugged.

“Can I read them?” He was expecting to be rejected, this was her personal writings.

“Um, sure.” She shuffled through the box, looking for the first notebook she had ever written it. She handed over the plain purple notebook, “Don’t tell Luhan, or let any of the guys see it, don’t tell Luhan we talked actually. He got mad last time.”

##

Sehun was in his room, making sure Suho was asleep before taking out her notebook. She had written about how she met her cousin’s new friend, his name was Luhan. She had continued to say that he had smiled at her; Sehun smiled, knowing that she was easily excited about the littlest of things, but what had happened? That certainly wasn’t the Miyoung he knew now. The notebook went on about how she had hung out with him and him hinting stuff, sure it was kind of hard for him since he was learning Korean but he seemed like a fast learner, for her.

They didn’t become a couple at the end though, but Sehun couldn’t deny that Luhan noticeably play with her heart a few times; he finished the first one that night it was a little past 3AM. He couldn’t help but what happened between the two, if they were ever lovey-dovey with one another why did they stop? Sehun wanted to read more.

##

She was waiting up for Luhan; she had sent him a few texts and called him but he didn’t answer them. She heard her phone beep, but her heart dropped; it wasn’t from Luhan. It was Sehun, asking if he could come by and get a few more notebooks to read.

‘If you want, we could meet up now and I could give them to you.’ She sighed. 

‘Why are you awake? You should be asleep.’ He replied a little worried now.

‘I’m waiting up for Luhan, he still hasn’t come home. I’m worried…’

‘I’ll come by right now, maybe we could look for him?’ He got out of bed to change.

She didn’t reply, she was in the living room anyway, still dressed in what she was wearing earlier. She wanted to get ready for bed with Luhan.

##

They were walking all over Downtown Seoul, trying to look for him, they both called him endlessly hoping he would answer but it was not helpful.

“It was interesting, your notebook…” Sehun whispered, she gave him a curious glance. “You’ve changed too; you don’t seem like how you were in high school.” He shrugged and she nodded. It was true, she had changed, and she didn’t know if it was for the good or bad yet though. “I wish I knew that Miyoung, Luhan, he must miss that one too.”

“I don’t know. I’m not anything special, I can’t sing or dance. I didn’t get straight A’s in high school or get into an amazing college.” She looked down. “I didn’t change, I just grew more mature, I mean I was around 16 when I first meet him?”

“What if he’s just dragging you down? I mean every time he goes, well not to sound messed or anything, but you go around.” 

“Like you said, people have needs; if Luhan can’t fulfill them well I have to go someone.”

“Don’t you know how dangerous that is? What if you get pregnant? Or get an STD?”

“Can you just leave it?” She was annoyed now, “Let’s just get back to my apartment, it’s almost 4:30.” She turned around to go back to her car.

##

Once they arrived they noticed Luhan was home, sleeping comfily in her bed. She quickly got the next three notebooks to hand over to Sehun and sent him home. As she changed she would steal glances over at him, checking to see if he was hurt anywhere, but she didn’t see any visible marks. As she lay next to him, she wondered if he would be like this if they decided to seriously move in or even get married.

“Luhan, I hate you sometimes. I hate how you make me worry sometimes I think I could do better. But then I think again, no one can ever compare to you.” She tucked herself, her body facing his. She wanted him to be the first thing she saw in the morning. 

updated~ c:  

vfbhdjsl. thank you new subscribers and commenters. ;u; 

this story might end sooner than i think it might and i've been thinking about endings lately

i'm debating between two right now ;o;