CHAPTER 7

Zhou Mi was in the piano room, which was where trainees practice their piano skills. Many of SM’s top idols trained in that small room. He was absent-mindedly playing with one hand, his other resting upon his lap. This room was his favorite part of the building for its quietness and privacy. Just then the door opened and Victoria appeared.

“Oh. Hi.” He said, quite startled.

“Sorry, were you practicing?” she smiled, though her face looked weary and gloomy. He knew her too well, and it was a sign that she needed him.

“No, I was just relaxing. So what’s up?” he said, scooching to the side to let her sit beside him.

She didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“How’s Nichkhun?” he added, knowing that this was about him.

Unsurprisingly, she flinched at his name and faked a smile.

“He’s good. We’re…fine.” She finally replied, her voice faltering gradually.

“Something’s wrong right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be here faking a happy face. Now tell me the problem before I give you the award for worst acting.” Zhou Mi joked, just like any big brother would.

She turned to him with a natural and small smile, her eyes hinting sadness.

“I’m leaving WGM. In three weeks.” She said flatly.

Zhou Mi’s eyebrows met.

“Oh I see. Company’s orders?” he asked.

She nodded. “We’re having a comeback already and making advances to Japan so…”

“So…what? Does that mean you’re ending it with Nichkhun too?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then what are you so sad about?”

“It’s just that being on that show is the only time we can date out in the open without hate. We rarely meet and see each other, we only get to go out after the filming so we’re going to have a hard time adjusting.”

Zhou Mi got her point immediately and realized that she’s about to learn a lesson.

“Dating in secret won’t be easy huh? Because when people find out, it’s going to be a big mess and a lot of innocent people will be affected. Will everything be worth it if it happens?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean all this rendezvous with Nichkhun, in the end, when everything falls apart because of carelessness, will everything be worth it?”

Victoria did not like these kind of questions. He was always the type to ask these questions and she never once answered him. She was never sure of herself. But maybe that’s the reason why she liked talking to him, because he makes her reflect on her actions. He makes her see aspects of herself that she cannot.

“I don’t know.” It was all she could manage to get out of .

“I knew you’d say that. Look. Clearly you are torn between your feelings and your career. Everybody goes through that. We’ve all been there. I’m not telling you what to do. But I’m telling you to choose whatever makes you happier.”

“Why do I have to choose? Why can’t I have both?”

“You can have both but you will have an extremely hard time to the point where eventually you’ll want to choose in the end. But if your persistence prevails and if you two are very careful, then you can be happy.”

“Do you think I can do it?”

Zhou Mi had to laugh. He felt like he was talking to a cute innocent little girl asking for reassurance.

“If you love him enough, you can.” He answered.

“It’s so suffocating to be in this situation.” She groaned, on the verge of crying.

“Does he know? That you’re leaving the show?” he asked, after patting her head in sympathy.

“No. I don’t think I want to be the one to tell him. The staff will inform him soon enough.”

“Is he treating you right?”

“Yes he is.”

“Good.”

“What if he was a jerk?”

“I’d stop you from dating him of course.”

“Would you have beaten him up?”

“No, but I would make his life in this industry awkward.”

They laughed like the used to during trainee days. This was what idols valued the most—the little happy times when they can be their natural selves without people scrutinizing their every move. Just plain friends, talking about life, love and beating people up.

Days passed like dragging lulls of a grandfather clock. Khun and Victoria had not seen each other in a while, and it was torture to either of them. Khun felt like he was lacking as a boyfriend. All they ever did when they met aside from filming was have and fight. He wanted to give her a real date, he wanted to spend real quality time with his first celebrity girlfriend without . Although he enjoyed that, he also wanted to just hold her hand while talking to her, drive elsewhere while they sing to the songs on the radio. If only it were that easy to go out and run free.

After almost 2 weeks of not being able to meet, they film WGM and it was during this time that Khun had been informed about their virtual divorce. At first he was semi arguing with the PD, but then the conversation all boiled down to Victoria and her company’s demands. All he could do was shut up and bottle up his anger and disappointment. When she arrived on the set of filming (which was a playground in a park) he wanted to run up to her, embrace her, yell at her for not telling him, fight with her, kiss her—all these things he wanted to do all at once but couldn’t.

They locked eyes and gave each other small, almost invisible smiles. There was more to their silence than their words. It was probably the cultural difference or the language barrier. Maybe.

When filming began, they were naturally talking like a real couple. They showed minimal skinship, they laughed a lot and played the innocent couple card, making viewers believe that they’re just doing this for the show. After the PD told everyone to wrap up, the two stayed in the playground, sitting on the swings. It was dark already and the cold air was creeping in.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Khun asked quietly, almost inaudibly, while looking at his feet.

Victoria rested her head on the swing’s rope. She was looking the other way as well.

“I didn’t think it would matter.” She replied in the same volume of voice.

They were silent for what seemed like forever. They just stared at the tiny pond in front of them, the full moon’s light reflecting majestically on its surface.

“We’ll have a hard time meeting up.” Khun said, trying to make it sound light but deep inside he’s wallowing in sadness.

Victoria nodded but smiled at him as if guaranteeing that they will make a way. They’ll always make a way.

Khun propped his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together.

“Do you…love me?” his voice was a bit shaky. He was staring down at his nails as he asked the question that almost had him incoherent as soon as he heard himself say it.

Victoria glanced at her anxious-looking boyfriend who couldn’t look her in the eye. She extended her arm to him, holding out for his hand.

“What do you think, idiot?” she half-laughed, squeezing his hand in hers.

Khun looked at her gleaming face and felt reassured immediately.

A cold gust of wind blew her long hair as they sat there in another phase of comfortable silence.

“I always wanted to fly to the moon.” Victoria blurted out.

Khun stared at her.

“Ever since I was young I always believed I could reach it somehow. I would stare at it, every night and tell myself that someday I would be able to fly to it.” She continued, her gaze fixed on the night sky. Khun did the same, and stared at the full moon with her. He remembered that night in the cottage. He couldn’t believe the mere moon already brought him so many memories to enjoy.

“But everything seems impossible now. A lot of things are impossible. Much like us. We have so many dreams together, so much things we want to do together, but can’t.” she went on, this time her voice tinged with dismay.

Khun felt like admitting to defeat as he stared at the water’s surface on the pond. The full moon’s reflection was shining on it, smiling at him almost. He wanted to throw rocks at the pond, hoping to get rid of the taunting moon that made Victoria’s dream impossible. But just then, he realized something.

“Let me show you something.” He says, as he gets up from the swing and stands behind her.

She held on to the ropes as he starts to push her swing.

“Hold on tight.” He instructed and he pushed her swing hard so that she swung high. She let out a tiny yelp of surprise.

“Look at the pond.” He said, as he continued to push her high.

“Okay?”

“What do you see?”

“Um…water.”

He pushed her higher.

“No. Look harder.”

She stared at the water’s surface and saw what he was talking about.

“The moon?” she said, unsure.

Khun’s lips curled to a smile. “Look again.” He said.

As Victoria continued to swing back and forth, staring at the reflection of the moon on the surface, she gradually noticed that she was seeing her own reflection as well, as if she was flying to the moon. She was flying to the moon.

“I see me and the moon.” Her voice was almost in a whisper as she was thoroughly amazed and touched at the same time she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. At this point Khun stopped pushing her and just stayed there watching her, with his hands in his pockets.

“Don’t tell me it’s impossible. Don’t tell me we can’t.” he simply said.

She got off the swing and slowly approached him. Without even trying to look around if there were people watching, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. A deep, warm kiss that made Khun’s stomach do flips. As if time stopped, they kissed under the moonlight without a care in the world. They were deliriously in love, and nothing could stop them.

A block away from where they stood in each other’s arms, a car was parked by in the dark, an anonymous reporter inside, holding a pro camera.

Click.