Victoria regained her consciousness to the sound of Super Junior’s voices. She fluttered her eyes half-open but couldn’t make out where she was. She seemed to be in the car, everything was shaky. She could hear Heechul talking to someone on the phone, in a very urgent tone of voice. Somebody was clutching her, holding her. From the gentleness of the touch she thought it was Khun, but it wasn’t.

“Hang in there.” Kyuhyun whispered, and then, she was unconscious again.

Victoria woke up in a hospital room. She was still in her dress but she was attached to an IV drip. Her three friends stood up from their seats.

“Thank god!” Eunhyuk exclaimed.

“Are you feeling better now?” Kyuhyun asked as they all rushed to her bedside.

“I have a headeache but…I’m fine.” She said. She did not immediately recall what had happened. She felt like she just woke up from a very long surreal dream.

“What happened?” she asked them.

“Well, first of all, you collapsed on the dance floor. Good thing Kyuhyun here was there to pick you up right away. The crowd didn’t notice much, everyone thought you were just passed out drunk.” Eunhyuk started.

“Everyone’s here. Your manager, your members, and Zhou Mi called asking for you.” Heechul continued.

Victoria grimaced at this piece of information. She caused such a stir.

“Everyone?” she asked.

“Uhm, you’re all over the headlines and articles on the internet right now.” Heechul replied nonchalantly.

Victoria buried her face in her hands. What a way to spend a night.

“The doctor said you were fatigued, and you fainted due to malnutrition and exhaustion.” Kyuhyun said concernedly.

Eunhyuk patted her head. “You won’t stay long. Tomorrow you can be discharged.” He assured her.

They all left, excluding Kyuhyun, who looked immensely worried. He hasn’t seen her in this state. They used to be really close, spending time so much together with Zhou Mi, but ever since Super Junior started touring the world with their Super Show Concerts, they barely had the time to talk anymore.

“Ya, Weird Song, “ Kyuhyun called her by his nickname for her, “What do you think you’re doing to yourself?” he reprimanded.

“I just have a lot of problems.” She murmured.

“I have problems too. But I don’t starve myself. Or cry myself to sleep. Was he really that important to you?”

Victoria looked up at him with pleading eyes, almost begging him not to bring that up. She wasn’t ready. Kyuhyun sighed. He knew that she knew about his feelings for her. Although his feelings weren’t always constant and changed from time to time, he held her close to his heart.

“Did you read my acknowledgments part in our Bonamana album?” he asked her.

“I did. You thanked me.” She said, smiling weakly.

“Exactly. I thanked you because whenever I had problems and whenever I felt like needing someone, you were always there. Why can’t you rely on me in return?”

“You’ve been busy. And honestly, I don’t think you’d even have the time to listen to my womanly woes. Besides, I’m better off by myself at this time.” She argued.

Victoria had a place in her heart for Kyuhyun as well. He was a year younger than her, much like Khun, but she wasn’t sure what category to put him in. There was a point in the past when she viewed him as more than a friend, when they shared this sweet moment in the piano room. Victoria was sure she had felt something for him at that time, but when the moment passed, the feeling went away as well. Although she didn’t see herself being in love with him, she didn’t think of him as just a brother as well. He was somewhere in between. She was drawn to him because he was mature for his age. His wit and sense of humor was unique and they had everything in common. She felt bad that suddenly Super Junior had to travel often so suddenly because it hindered their growing relationship.

Kyuhyun didn’t know why he never formally confessed to her. Although he didn’t need to, since everyone in their company knew about their unusual relationship, he never had the guts to face her and say it out loud. Maybe he was scared that she would distance herself from him, or look at him differently. So instead, he just kept playing the good friend card. But up until now, seeing her torturing herself all because of one guy made him upset and of course, jealous. If only he had the time to be with her, he could’ve prevented all of this.

“You know, dating someone from your own company would be safer.” He suggested, trying to hide a smile. He always did this, and Victoria knew what he was doing.

“Violating interoffice protocol? Yeah that sounds legitimate.” She scoffed.

Kyuhyun sat beside her on her bed. He forgot how comfortable they were with each other.

“I’m just saying, Nichkhun isn’t the only man in this industry. If he wants to sleep around, let him. You can just as much do the same.” He reasoned.

“I am not the kind of girl who would sleep around with different guys.”

“Who said different guys? You can sleep around with just one random guy.”

Kyuhyun did it again, but this time, he was cracking an impish smile. Victoria laughed genuinely and playfully hit his arm. His sense of humor always lit her up. It was the best part of him.

“In all seriousness, he’s not the only one who loves you. You have your friends here in Super Junior and the whole company. I love you. Doesn’t that count?”

“It counts.”

“Good. So if you faint again, I will force you to date me and sleep with me.”

Then they laughed together, like old times.

“It’s a deal.” She smiled.

Then they hugged tightly, as if they haven’t seen each other in a long time.

“Please rest now.” He told her in an almost demanding way.

When Khun saw her collapse to the floor, it was in his intention to go over to her and pick her up. But the moment his feet moved, he saw Kyuhyun was already rushing to pick her up, followed by Eunhyuk and Heechul. He felt that he was obligated to bring her to the hospital with them, but the way Kyuhyun gave him a threatening glance, he knew he was supposed to back off. There was nothing he could do, after he told her to never come near him again. He instantly regretted saying those words. On the way home, he realized he has become a monster.

When he got home, the first thing he did was call his mom. He cried, for the first time in a long time. He didn’t tell her what was wrong, only that he had a hard time and that he missed them badly. It was in this conversation that it dawned on him—no matter how many women he’ll sleep with, it wouldn’t fill in the void; he felt as alone as he was when he first arrived in Korea. Now that Victoria was gone, he has never felt so alone in his life.

Although Victoria was bombarded with photographers on her way out of the hospital, she was feeling much better. Her members came to fetch her along with her manager.

After the incident, strangely, Kyuhyun has been around her more than usual. Since Super Junior started their hiatus, he was around in the company more. During f(x)’s recording for their comeback album, he was there. During practices, he was there. He would treat f(x) to lunch and dinner every time so that he can monitor Victoria to check if she ate a lot.  She was happy again clearly, and when Zhou Mi finally returned bringing good news about her father, her happiness tripled.

At the height leading to f(x)’s comeback, Victoria wrote her “Thanks to” for their album. She didn’t forget to thank Khun. She wanted to include him, because he was still a big part of her.

“Nichkhun-ssi, thank you! You already know why.”

It was a simple sentence, yet a very huge meaning and story behind it. Upon reading this, Kyuhyun threw a jealous fit.

“What are you thanking him for?” he complained.

“He made me happy.”

Kyuhyun frowned like a little kid. Victoria laughed and messed up his hair.

“Aish, you were also in my thanks to message what are you so jealous about?”

“Do I have to have a reason? I’m just jealous, period.” He said, frowning some more. For a grown man, he was exceptionally cute for behaving like this.

Even if she wanted to date Kyuhyun, it wasn’t the best time. And her feelings for him weren’t deep enough. She would only end up hurting him.

“Aren’t you afraid that I might break your heart?” she .

“I don’t mind. You don’t have to like me back.” He said calmly with a shrug.

“I’m not that cruel.”

“No, I actually like it that way.” Kyuhyun said it so nonchalantly with his head resting on his hand. There was something really odd about him.

“You are a very strange person.” She told him.

“Would it really kill you, to, you know, be with me? You don’t have to feel committed, we don’t have to call it dating. We can just be…more than friends.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe I am.”

“Is this your suave way of asking me out? If it is, you need to practice more.”

“I’m not asking you out, I’m telling you to be with me.”

“I don’ think it will work, silly.”

“Why not?”

“Because there’s no love.”

“I told you, you don’t have to love me. No commitment.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Dead serious. Don’t you find me y at all?”

At this, Victoria giggled. She couldn’t believe she was having this weird conversation with him.

“y? Maybe…a little bit. I find you cuter.”

“Cute? Not y?”

“I just don’t see you in a y kind of way.”

Kyuhyun moved closer to her face.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Victoria always caught herself flirting with him since they met. It wasn’t a big deal, they always unconsciously flirted with each other this way but nothing came out of it. Just innocent flirting, they always thought. That was as far as they could go. But this time, Kyuhyun had more courage.

He kissed her. Without warning, he kissed her. Victoria was too shocked to even react. She didn’t move or back away, she just stood there letting him kiss her. After three seconds, he backed away, looking mortified.

“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He stammered.

“Kyuhyun, it’s okay. I just don’t want you to be hurt.”

“I’m already hurt seeing you with him. I’m already hurt knowing you still clearly love him. I was already hurt when you wouldn’t acknowledge my feelings for you even though you knew from the start. I’m already hurt by you.” He said in a quiet voice. His innocence and maturity meshed together through his words.

Victoria couldn’t think of anything to say, to comfort him, but she wanted to say something.

“I know you feel sorry for me, and it’s okay. I know it will be hard for you to forget him but I’m here to help you out. I can help you out if you just let me. Let me into your life.”

Victoria could not fathom his dedication to help her through this rough time. She did not love him the way he expects her to, but she loved him as a long-time crush; a crush that seemed too shallow. She looked at him and saw the years they spent together as friends. But when she looked harder, in his eyes, she could see a real man. Not a friend, not a brother, not a co-worker, but a real man.

Kyuhyun chuckled at his expense. “Sorry for being stupid. I think I’ve scared you. I’m sorry for kissing you.”

“Kiss me again.”

Kyuhyun almost fell off his seat.

“What?”

“I want to see something. Do it properly this time, do it how you really want to kiss me.”

Kyuhyun blinked multiple times. He didn’t think she was being serious at first but she was waiting for him. He leaned in and kissed her again. This time, with great gusto. Victoria had her eyes closed and kissed him back. She wanted to know how it would feel kissing him. It felt different, new, but not unpleasant. There were no fireworks or tingly feelings like it was with Khun. But in that kiss, she felt great security and warmth. She knew she was only doing this because she felt sorry for Kyuhyun and also because she felt she owed him a lot. She thought that maybe by doing this for him, she was repaying him for everything he has done for her. It was wrong, she knows it, but at this point in her life, she needed someone reliable to lean on.

“I feel really bad for doing this.” She told him.

“Don’t. just promise me you won’t get back with him.”

Victoria hesitated. She could see longing in his eyes.

“I promise.” She said without thinking.

Khun was talking to Yoona on the phone. He was telling her how he doesn’t really want any commitment, that what he had done was wrong. He didn’t want her to expect anything more.

“That’s alright, I can be anything you want me to be.” She said.

“What?”

“I can be your bestfriend, your girlfriend, your part-time lover, I don’t care.”

“You mean you’re not looking for a long-term thing too?” he asked her, quite startled.

“No. I just like you, that’s all. Being with you is enough for me, but seeing as how busy we both are, we can’t really commit can we?”

So Khun thought to himself that this was only going to be buddies thing. No strings attached, no commitment, just dating and .

“Are you sure?” he asked her.

“Yeah. I don’t mean to sound presumptuous but you look like you kind of need someone. Someone like me.” She said cheerfully.

Khun laughed heartily. Maybe she was right.

This has now turned into a very complicated love line. Who had feelings for who? This was, after all, the entertainment industry.

Kyuhyun spent every waking hour following and trailer Victoria wherever she went. Around the company building, in their dorm, he was there with her all the way. Victoria felt like she had two managers, only the other one was more handsome and funny. She enjoyed his company and truthfully, day by day, she felt happier because of his presence. When she was still a trainee, it was similar to this, except now they were something of an item. She wanted to get over Khun fast, but she didn’t want to force herself into loving Kyuhyun either. She took it one step at a time. There are moments when her heart would skip a beat or when she would feel all tingly inside. His hugs were, however, the best for her. His hug felt like home. This was the hug she felt when she first came to Korea. This hug was her security. During f(x)’s comeback and album promotions, Kyuhyun was there to support 100%.

Another person who was also supportive was Khun. He had bought their CD on its day of release and monitored their comeback performances. He was happy that she has gained some weight at last, but watching her made his heart ache again. He wanted so badly to call her, tell her she’s doing a great job but he couldn’t, not after what he last said to her.

“Someone please kill me now.” He groaned as he and s watched f(x) perform on TV.

“We would love to but we’re busy watching.” Chansung mumbled, eating a banana again.

After f(x)’s successful comeback stage, Super Junior treated them to big dinner in celebration. Heechul, Shindong, Donghae, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun together with some staff members of f(x) went to a restaurant to have a grand dinner celebration. Then there was heavy drinking involved afterwards. The younger f(x) members had to leave early because they weren’t allowed to drink yet but Victoria stayed with the staff and Super Junior members to continue drinking.

Victoria has never been drunk before but tonight she had too much alcohol intake. From too much happiness, maybe. Until the wee hours of dawn, they drank and sang. When it was time to go home, Kyuhyun offered to drive her home but she refused, thinking he was too drunk to drive.

“I’m fine. I’m better than you.” He told her.

In the end, she relented and he had obliged to drive her back to their dorm. However, as soon as she got into the car she had passed out drunk. Kyuhyun could not carry her all the way up to their dorm because one: he couldn’t carry her in his drunken state and two: men weren’t allowed to enter their dorm at this hour. The only choice he had was to bring her back to Super Junior’s dorm, which was sensible because their dorm was only on the second floor; it was easier to carry her in that distance.

As soon as they arrived in front of Kyuhyun’s building, he nudged her.

“Wake up.” He said.

She moved and groaned. She opened her eyes sleepily.

“We’re in our dorm, come on, let’s go.” He said as he got off the car and opened her door for her. She moved in a wobbly manner, he had to support her as she walked.

“It’s like watching Bambi learn how to walk.” He mumbled to himself as he staggered with her.

“I’m sorry, I’ve had a lot to drink.” She whispered.

“Yes I can see that.” He said as they went up the stairs.

“Is it okay to the oppas if I stay in your dorm?”

“Yes, it’s fine they bring girls all the time.”

They entered the dorm quietly. This was the dorm that he, Ryeowook, Sungmin, Siwon and Yesung shared. The others had a separate dorm upstairs. Everyone was asleep in this one. They tiptoed quietly to Kyuhyun’s room, whispering and hissing in the process.

They fumbled in the dark room, laughing as quietly as they could as they took off their shoes. Victoria laid down on his bed. Kyuhyun followed suit. They were still giggling for no apparent reason even as they lay in bed side by side.

“Thank you.” She said.

“For what?”

“For everything. For being here when I’m down. For supporting me.”

“Don’t feel like you owe me anything.”

But she did. It’s exactly how she felt. She felt like she owed him the world after everything he had done. She was drunk, but she still had a grasp of reality. She turned to face him.

“But I do owe you my life.” She said, putting her palm on his cheek.

He kissed her and she kissed back. But in their drunken state, the hormone levels were high. None of them were thinking straight. Piece by piece, they stripped off their clothes. Touch by touch, they held each other closer. As Kyuhyun got on top of her, Khun’s face popped into her head. She immediately erased it, but with Kyuhyun’s every kiss and touch, she longed for Khun more and more. She closed her eyes to force the feeling away. She had to get rid of Khun once and for all. Khun, who slept with different women, who had with every other pretty celebrity. Anger rose up, and now all she saw was Kyuhyun on top of her, adoring every inch of her.

She held on to his nape and caressed his hair.

“Make love to me.” She slurred the words. It was the alcohol that made her say it, but it was mostly her anger towards Khun.

Kyuhyun did what he was told. They had angry and aggressive , he had to slow her down at one point. She held his bed sheets. He covered with his hand. She bit her lip. She bit his lips. Flashes of Khun’s face would appear now and then. Memories of the nights they spent making love attacked her head as she was exchanging body heat with Kyuhyun. But she would eradicate those memories immediately and see Kyuhyun.

“Harder.” She would say in his ear. She believed the harder he made love to her, the easier it was to erase Khun out of her mind.

They had all night, fulfilling her every command, easing her every pain. They had all night, until they were out of breath, until she was out of sense. They had all night, until they were exhausted and couldn’t do it anymore. They had all night, until she broke down and cried.

“I’m sorry.” Was all she said, as she lay on top of him, body to body.

She sobbed hard on his chest, buried in his embrace. She didn’t say anything else, did not make any other noise other than her sobs. He didn’t say a thing. He only hugged her and caressed her hair, knowing that he knew this would happen eventually. He knew how she felt. He knew she was thinking about Khun the whole time. He knew she was only vulnerable tonight. He knew that she would feel bad doing this. He knew.

They slept for a few hours until the sun rose. They woke up at the same time, finding that they fell asleep hugging each other still.

“Last night…what we did…” she began. She sat up and covered herself with his blanket.

“You regret it right?”

“Not necessarily. We were both drunk. I just feel bad.”

“Well don’t. Stop saying you feel bad about me. Or about what we did. We both know what we were doing, regardless of us being drunk.”

“It’s not fair to you.”

“I told you I don’t care.”

“So is all you want from me? You don’t care if I don’t love you?”

“NO. All I want is for you to be with me.”

At that, Victoria’s phone rang. She scrambled to get her purse, afraid that it was her manager but after taking a look at the screen, she fell still. After a few more rings, she finally answered it.

“Khun?”