CHAPTER 5

Filming WGM today was full of tension. The staff could cut it with a knife—it was that thick. It was obvious that the two had some prior disagreement, their moods were down and the crew did not know how to make the filming work. The cameras haven’t rolled yet but it was clear that the two did not look like they would be acting all nice and romantic anytime soon.

The PD approached them, looking haggard and little bit pissed.

“Listen, whatever you two are dealing with, put it aside for the sake of the show. Our equipment is expensive and we don’t want to waste time and money.” He said straightforwardly to the two.

“I understand, I’m a professional.” Victoria said in a business-like tone.

Khun merely said yes.

“Okay good.” The PD said and signaled the camera to roll.

Like the professionals that they were, they put on a mask of cheerfulness and vigor. Throughout the fiming, Khun was awkward because he was a terrible actor. Even on breaks they wouldn’t talk. The staff lightened up their mood by saying things like “Don’t divorce just yet!” which they both forcefully laughed at. After the filming, Khun couldn’t take it anymore and told Victoria to get in the van with him to have a talk. Hesitantly, she agreed.

While Minjae waited outside, the two sat in the van, with an eerie atmosphere.

“Are you still mad at me?” Khun began.

“I’m not mad. I’m just curious as to what you and Yoona had to talk about when you called her last night.”

“I thought you didn’t care.”

“Oh and I also saw your interview. What a coincidence! You had to choose between me and her. I laughed at the perfect timing. No comment.”

“You don’t really care right? If I chose her over you, you wouldn’t care.”

Victoria pursed her lips and looked at him intently.

“So which one of us then?” she asked.

“Are you seriously going to play this game right now?”

“Why are you avoiding?”

“I don’t like you being like this. Not caring? But making me choose between you and her? So what if I choose her, you wouldn’t care right? If I called her or prefer her or take her out on a date?”

Victoria mustered to hold back tears as she hit Khun on the chest.

“Of course I care you idiot! All I really want to know is how much you’d fight for me, how much you’d really pick me over everything!” she semi-yelled and as tears began to escape her eyes, she slid the door open and got off, running towards her manager’s car waiting for her.

Khun was torn between wanting to run after her and staying there simmering in his anger and frustration. She was confusing. What was her problem? He had no experience in behavior like this. He decided to go to a person who would know the answer. He called in Minjae.

“Hyung, let’s go to Jin Young hyung’s place.” Khun said as Minjae sat in the driver’s seat.

Park Jin Young was the type of boss who was always busy but always made time for his talents whenever they needed him. Khun was very close with him, he was his mentor and teacher and the only one who could ever give him advice. On the way, Nichkhun thought of a way to cover up his story—JYP shouldn’t know he and Victoria were dating for real. He had to be careful in explaining the situation. Khun was grateful that his boss answered his call, he said he only had half an hour to spare so he had to hurry. As soon as he arrived in JYP’s condo unit, JYP already saw the worried look on his protégé’s face.

“You look troubled indeed.” His mentor said as he offered him a seat.

“Yeah. It’s not actually a really big deal but…it’s about Victoria-ssi, my wife, you know her?”

“Ah of course, of course I do. What happened? She wants to quit filming?”

“No. It’s just, she gets mad and sulky and I don’t know why. I don’t understand her. I never make people mad. Never. I can’t make this virtual marriage work if I don’t know how to understand her. Is she crazy?”

At this, JYP laughed amusedly as Khun just looked at him with confused eyes.

“Khun ah, women are all crazy.” He replied with a smile and sat himself comfortably in the armchair across Khun. Khun looked at him as if he was a madman for saying that.

“It’s not a bad thing. Women have different moods. They change from time to time, vary in the intensity scale, but that’s their charm isn’t it? Life would be monochromatic without women changing moods.”

“So…you’re saying we’ll never understand them?”

“Yup.”

Khun was stunned for a while, unable to comprehend the hideousness of this news. Before he lost his wits, JYP continued his fatherly speech.

“You’ve had a girlfriend before right?”

“Yes, but this is different…” Khun replied, trying to be careful with his words.

“Of course this isn’t real. But! Victoria is still a woman who is important to you. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll give you a tip. Women are insecure. Pretty girls especially. When comes the time that they seem like their self-esteem is being trampled upon, that’s when they need men the most. So if you look at Victoria, notice if something’s bothering her. Ask her the problem, why she’s being sad and then make her feel better. Flatter her, grovel at her, make her feel like she’s the most beautiful star on TV. In the end, you’ll win.”

Khun blinked multiple times. JYP looked confident and smug like a pro.

“But what is she doesn’t tell me the problem?” he stuttered.

“Still flatter her, give her confidence a boost without it being so obvious. Even if a woman’s fat—“

“She’s not fat.”

Then it hit Khun. She was ranting to him on the phone about her being called fat.

“Oh I get it now. See, a few days ago, she was having a bad day, venting at me, and I didn’t know how to react I felt as if she was attacking me.” Khun explained.

“Now you know what you should have done.”

Khun nodded, completely enlightened now.

“Khun, a woman is very sensitive. Now I monitored Victoria. She is a strong person, the type who wouldn’t let anyone step on her. But keep in mind that every woman, no matter how strong she is, has a sensitive side. You have to know how to take care of that side of her.”

Khun nodded once again.

“This is just a show but why are you bothered?” JYP asked doubtfully.

“Nothing, it’s just so it won’t get awkward in filming. People are watching too you know. I don’t want them to think I’m a bad husband.” He quickly defended.

“Arasso. Was that all you wanted to know?” JYP asked, looking like he was in a hurry all of a sudden.

“Yes, that’s it. Thank you hyung.” Khun shook his boss’s hand and left with Minjae.

In the car ride, Khun wrote a letter as he listened to his ipod.

He had no idea what he wanted to say to her but he felt like he could explain his feelings better on paper. He began anyway,

“Before I came here to Korea to work, I had a decent life. I was happy. I played around a lot. I’m not going to lie there were girls involved. But I was young then and I had no iota of what the real world was like. I’ve traveled most of my life but fate brought me here. It’s as if this was my final stop. Korea. At first it was really difficult. It was one of the darkest time of my life, and I know that you, of all people, know this feeling.”

He stopped. He felt as if this was too long and boring of an introduction. He wanted to talk about her right away. So he rambled his brain and began a new paragraph.

“The first time I ever made contact with you was on a show where you showed your flexibility. I was amazed beyond imagination. But more than that charisma of yours, you had something from within you that makes me want to be with you. You sat next to me and I couldn’t get a damn word out of my mouth other than ‘I like your songs’ I have never felt so shy in my life, and I’m an idol. You’ll think it ridiculous of me if I say that the first time we sat next to each other I knew I’d marry you. I was struck. It was as if some cupid was randomly aiming at a massive crowd and by chance it struck me. It chose me.

From the first filming we had together, I changed. No more looking at women. Actually there were hundreds of them. I go to work and see a different one each day, except they’re all you. When we ran away and slept in that cottage I watched you while you slept. You were very tranquil and serene, it’s impossible to incorporate you to the radiating acrobat girl that blazes the stage on fire during the day. Your hand was resting on my chest and I could have sworn that it was when I knew my heart was in your hold. And it’s yours. You chose me. I chose you. Just you.”

He felt weird writing it, it was the first time for him to be writing something like this but it made him feel good. He was bad at romantic stuff, but this was the most that he could do. It wasn’t written on beautiful paper and his handwriting but it was something. He knew he had to give it to her. The car had stopped in front of the SM building and he got off clutching that note. He could see Heechul from the lobby, who was waving at him.

“Hyung.” He greeted Heechul as soon as he entered the glass doors.

“Hi. She’s upstairs in the practice room. You can go up.” He said, as he walked him to the elevator.

“I’m sorry for bothering you—“ Khun began but Heechul cut him off.

“Not at all, I’d do anything for love.” He smirked.

Heechul led Khun to the practice room, and made Khun walk two steps behind him. Heechul peeked in through the door where music was emitting.

“Annyeong! Someone came by.” Khun heard Heechul say, his head poking through the door crack. Heechul then beckoned him to go inside.

Khun entered as Heechul closed the door, leaving the two behind. Victoria looked thoroughly surprised. Even without make-up and only in sweatpants, she looked breathtaking, Khun thought. He still had the paper clutched tightly in his fist. He walked towards her and she looked like she was about to open to say something but before she could even do that, he hugged her. Tightly. Not in a suffocating way but in an enamored, almost possessive way. She held on to his jacket awkwardly.

“What are you doing?” she said, her voice muffled by his hug.

He handed her the note he had written.

“I’ll call you tonight no matter what.” He said, before walking away.

He let out a relieved sigh as he went for the door, where Heechul was acting as bodyguard on the other side. No girl has ever made him feel nervous like this.

“So? Success?” Heechul asked curiously, clearly excited.

“I guess you can say that.” He replied anxiously.

He had come up with paranoid thoughts. Even as he rode back home, different scenarios played in his head. She laughed at his letter, threw it away, never read it to begin with, didn’t understand his handwriting, all impossible thoughts festered his brain. He hated her for this. No girl has ever rejected him and made him feel so frustrated and idiotic. He felt so inexperienced even though he has had girlfriends before. She made him want to be better. 

If they were not going to work out, it means they aren't meant to be. But he felt that if that ever happened, it will be a very long time before he ever gets into a relationship again.

Or date.

Or maybe even lay eyes on a woman.