For a while, Khun held a grudge against everybody. He realized that it wasn’t only about Victoria. He realized that all his life he’s been following obediently, taught what to do, saying yes to everyone, being the good angel that he was. For once, he felt a drawback to being a good man. He wanted to rebel, prove to everyone that he can’t be good all the time. He wanted to ruin people’s notion that he is Mr. Goody-two-shoes who can’t do any wrong.

The first thing he did was apologize to s and to his manager. However, he remained timid and cold towards everyone.

Victoria started to eat again, but she still did not have any appetite. It’s a given that her company is overworking her group for their comeback and preparation for their Japan penetration but aside from that, her emotional and mental capacity had taken its toll. She was malnourished and practically catatonic. Not only did she break up and stopped talking with Khun, but Zhou Mi left for China and now news came to her that her father had fallen ill. She was worried sick and wanted to visit him in her hometown but her company did not allow it; not at this critical time of f(x)’s career. It is, by her standards, the lowest and darkest point in her life.

You’ll think it boring and flippant if this story goes on without Khun doing something out of his character. Well, reality bites. Khun did sleep with other girls. He started to date thoughtlessly—models, foreigners, JYP trainees, but most especially gorgeous models. He slept with most of them, but purely one-night stands. He began to date Yoona in secret as well, to s’ approval. They figured that if someone was going to make him happy besides Victoria, it would be Yoona.

Khun did not have the maturity of a man who has experienced relationships, so this was his way of getting revenge for the girl who broke his heart for the first time. Everyone who has ever had their hearts broken by their first real relationship knows what a mess your first heartbreak makes you out to be. This was Khun’s mess. Clearly, he still wanted to keep in contact with Victoria but decided to play push-and-pull to see if Victoria really told the truth about not loving him. So, he pushed through with the Yoona card.

“If I quit the company now…and terminate all the contracts I signed and just go home, will it be too much?” Victoria asked Zhou Mi over the phone.

She just finished dance practice and she wasn’t feeling well. She was pale, and dark circles formed under her eyes. It’s a frightening look.

Zhou Mi sighed on the other end of the line.

“This is not the Song Qian I know. I never took you to be a loser. I befriended you because you had the personality of a tough guy.”

“Well I’m a woman too who can only handle this too much suffering. My dad’s sick and I don’t know what’s happening to him right now.”

“I’ll visit him for you. I’m sure he’s fine. But I don’t think he’ll be fine if I tell him what his daughter looks like right now. Do you want me to tell him what you’ve been going through right now?” he said, threatening her a little bit.

“No, of course not.”

“That’s what I thought. I think his condition will worsen if he finds out that you are a walking zombie.”

Victoria laughed quietly.

“Fine. I’ll do better now.”

“Good girl.”

“I miss you though. Come back soon. Please?”

“I will. Stay put.”

Victoria hung up and felt a little better. How he wished Zhou Mi was beside her at that moment. Suddenly, someone hugged her from behind. She turned around, startled. It was none other than Krystal.

“What’s wrong?” Victoria said, trying to face Krystal but Krystal wouldn’t let go from the hug.

“Nothing.” Krystal whimpered. It was clear that she was crying. She had buried her face on Victoria’s back.

“Ya, come on, face me.” Victoria was able to face Krystal, who was crying like a little child.

“Tell me.” She told her dongsaeng.

Krystal wiped her tears but hung her head low.

“You’re the one that’s supposed to tell me. It really hurts me seeing you like this. But it hurts more that you don’t tell us what’s wrong, what’s making you sad. I may be young but I feel pain just as much as you do.”

Victoria her hair and started to cry as well.

“I think you should know that I don’t like to spread sadness. I keep it to myself. You’re too young to even comprehend what I’m going through. But your mere presence helps me.” Victoria explained thoroughly as she wiped Krystal’s cheeks.

“Even though I have Jessica unnie, I feel that you are my older sister as well. I feel more worried for you.”

Victoria wrapped her arms around Krystal’s head and embraced her in a motherly way.

“Sorry. I’m sorry for making you worry.” She whispered, her eyes blinded by tears.

“It’s just that I broke up with Khun right. And now my father’s sick, and I can’t even get to visit him.” She further explained.

“But why did you break up? You seemed so happy.”

“Because I don’t want to jeopardize anything. Saving the relationship means sabotaging other factors.”

“So you instead saved everything else and sabotaged your relationship?”

“That’s right.”

Is you dad okay?”

“I don’t know. Zhou Mi oppa will visit him for me. It’s the only way.”

“Khun oppa is really mean though. I don’t like him now. Sorry.”

“Don’t say that. He’s kind and genuine. It’s not his fault we broke up.”

“It’s just…last night when I was with SNSD unnies they were talking about him and Yoona unnie. They’re seeing each other now, which is so soon.”

“Well, if he’s happy then it’s okay.”

“Unnie how can you just say it’s okay? It’s not okay. Here you are buried in problems and there he is, happy and dating and checking into hotels.”

Victoria stared at her for a moment and blinked clueless. Hotels?

“What do you mean?” Victoria asked.

She hasn’t heard from him in a long time. She never went out of their company building or dorm. She never talked with anyone except Zhou Mi and her members. She forgot about the outside world.

“I just found out last night. Yoona unnie said that Khun oppa’s been sleeping with high-end models and has been partying a lot in night clubs. Then he stopped when Yoona unnie went out with him. They’ve been going out for a while and last time they checked into a hotel. I don’t know the rest.”

Victoria did not know whether the shift of Khun’s personality is the one that alarmed her or if it’s the fact that he’s gradually moved on. She did not know. This was a stupid move, she knows that for a fact but she didn’t think he’d go as far as checking in a hotel with Yoona.

“Oh. Is that so?” Victoria garbled.

“Unnie. If he’s going to be like this after everything, don’t be so miserable. If he’s happy now, why shouldn’t you?”

“You are absolutely right. I’m only sad because I miss my dad. But right now, we have to keep busy.” Victoria said in a lighter tone.

Khun actually liked Yoona. She was, after all, his first love since he came to Korea. She met all his standards in a girl—pretty, funny, fun to be with, and did I mention very pretty? There was only one flaw though: she wasn’t Victoria. But still, since he kept his rebellious image, he let himself like Yoona, at least physically. From the outside, they were visually perfect for each other. No one can deny that their personalities clicked as well. No doubt he liked looking at her, talking to her, but once in a while, in the middle of their conversations, Victoria would pop in his head for no apparent reason.  As a man, he paid no attention to it, and poured his concentration on Yoona. He didn’t want to be serious with her, nor was he going to play the one-night stand game with her. He just wanted to distract himself. He wanted to like somebody else. And by Yoona’s likeable charm, it’s quite working.

Khun knew they were moving fast, but since Yoona wasn’t complaining, why should he? This time he wasn’t afraid of getting caught by the media because he knows that this won’t last long. Nevertheless, he still wanted to enjoy the temporary things. It’s true that they hold hands, touch, and eventually, kiss. There were no fireworks like it was with Victoria, but still, he was a man with testosterone.

“No wonder Victoria unnie likes you so much.” Yoona suddenly remarked as they were having lunch in a private hotel restaurant.

Khun almost choked on his orange juice. Her mere name caught him off guard.

“Really?” he said, though he did not want her to talk about Victoria any further.

“She used to talk about her ex boyfriend a lot, telling stories of what they would do and such. When you guys married, she kept bragging about how funny you are, how caring you are…but now she barely talks. Maybe it’s because your show ended.”

“How is she…by the way?”

He didn’t want to ask about her but somehow, he couldn’t control himself. He was torturing himself.

“Oh, she’s not good. She lost a lot of weight, and she looks so unhealthy lately. She usually eats out with us a lot but now we barely even see her. I don’t know what happened. “

Khun decided not to picture her in her current state. It would bother him so much, so he blurred everything out and changed the topic.

It’s true that Khun and Yoona checked into a hotel and they did in fact, do something in there. It wasn’t in Khun’s expectations to see Yoona act aggressively on him. He knew she had this innocent and angelic image like him but now he knew a new side to her personality. He never took her for a girl who would sleep with a celebrity after a few dates, but then again, he was like her on so many levels. An angel on the outside, a hidden devil on the inside.

One night, Super Junior members invited Victoria out to a nightclub in Hongdae. Heechul, Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk persuaded her to go out with them since they knew her situation. She usually hung out with girls when going out to nightclubs but she was thankful that there are still male species who would like to go out with her.

“Ya, we have a lot of male model friends too. You can take your pick.” Heechul joked as they drove their way to Hongdae. Victoria dressed up especially for this night since it’s been a long time since she went to a nightclub.

“Yeah, just tell us if you want one, we can call them.” Eunhyuk butted in and Victoria couldn’t help but laugh. She wasn’t into pretty boy models. She already dated who looked like one anyway.

“She’s not into male models.” Kyuhyun retorted. Out of all the Super Junior members, she was closest to him. She hasn’t been able to hang out with him since Super Junior was too busy now.

Kyuhyun always had a soft spot for Victoria. When she first entered SM, he laid eyes one her. Eventually they became friends, but Kyuhyun could never pluck up the courage to confess to her. It’s been four years.

“I don’t want to date anymore.” She said, amused at their offers.

“We’re not telling you to date, we’re telling you to have fun.” Eunhyuk grinned like an idiot.

As they arrived in NB2, the famous hip-hop club that everyone goes to, everyone made way for them. People gawked and turned their heads as usual, but most attention were on Victoria. The way her tight dress fit her now skinny figure stole all the guys’ attention. Despite of her unhealthy state, she looked beautiful with her hair and dress. As expected the place was packed. But as soon as they entered, the three guys she was with started to wild out immediately. The bass of the music was hard-hitting and for dancers, it was haven. For the first time in weeks, Victoria felt free. She was with Super Junior boys, so she felt safe. They got drinks and were given the VIP room. Girls practically followed the Super Junior members around.

“Let’s dance!” Heechul had to yell in Victoria’s ear over the booming music. The four of them made their way into the crowded dance floor and just danced like it was nobody’s business. After much dancing and laughing, Victoria headed back to the VIP room to have another drink. Familiar people from her company came and she greeted and hugged everyone. A few drinks and chats later, Heechul barged in the VIP room looking tipsy with his arm around a tall handsome guy.

It was none other than Khun.

“Look who I found on the dance flooooooor!” Heechul screamed in sing-song and everyone, except Victoria greeted him.

It took Khun a while to notice she was there. She had gotten so thin he did not recognize her at once. His eyes darted to her—her long elegant hair, her small face sparkling with make-up, her flirty dress. It was instant attraction once again. He stared at her, for what seemed like forever.

Victoria almost dropped the martini glass she was holding once Heechul barged in. The moment she and Khun met eyes, the world around them disappeared, and once again, it was just the two of them. But even from afar, she could see a red lipstick mark on his neck. In an instant, her feelings that were once warm and affectionate towards him, dissolved.

“Okay you can go back to dancing now.” Heechul hiccupped at Khun, bringing him back outside. A few seconds ago Khun was laughing and having fun but now he was as quiet as a mouse, his big smile completely gone. He didn’t want to leave, but he didn’t want to be in the same place as her either. He got back to his friends on the dance floor and finished his beer in one gulp.

After a few more drinks, Victoria felt dizzy and felt suffocated. She excused herself and decided to go outside for a breath of air. She squeezed herself out of the dance floor, as random guys ogled at her. Khun saw her from afar.

She stepped out of the club, feeling her head spinning. She did not know whether it was because she was drunk or because it was because of her health condition. She heaved a heavy sigh, closing her eyes to get rid of the rising sense of vomiting.

“Why are you here?” a familiar voice came from behind her. It was him, of course.

She turned around and saw him drunk, once again. She rolled her eyes.

“Why, can’t I go out with my friends?” she said coldly.

Khun had his hands in his pockets as he slowly approached her. As he came near, she smelled alcohol and women’s perfume all over him. It made her feel sicker.

“It’s unlike you to go out like this. Wearing dresses like that.” He said arrogantly.

She shot him a fierce look.

“And it’s unlike you to be sleeping with random women and kissing strangers in the club.”

“I’m like this since I was young. It just triggered back recently.”

“Oh. Well good luck.”

“Why do you sound so catty?”

“Oops let’s not fight in public shall we?” Heechul suddenly butted in from behind them. He put each of his arm over Victoria and Khun’s shoulder and sandwiched between them.

“Why can’t ex-lovers be friends? Why can’t different idol groups get along? Let’s be mature right now okay? Now let’s all go inside and drink.” Hecchul preached but he was exceptionally drunk. He pulled both of them back inside to the roaring crowd and music.

In the middle of the dancefloor, every single person was dancing and moving—except two. Khun and Victoria stared at each other like they were going to kill each other any minute. They were meters apart in a sea of dancing people, staring down at each other like enemies. Then, in a blink of Khun’s eyes, Victoria had disappeared, making her way out of the crowd. Reflexively, he followed her immediately. She was hurrying to the hidden dark hall that led to the comfort rooms.

“What are you trying to run away from? Huh?” he snapped, as he was able to catch up to her.

“Leave me alone.” She shot back.

“You’re the one that broke up with me. Why should you act this way to me?”

“I’m not acting out anything. Do what you want. Have with your models. Or Yoona. I don’t care.”

Khun was taken aback. The way she brought it up so casually suddenly offended him, like she was pushing him and provoking him to do worse.

“Yeah, that’s right. I slept with all of them. And I slept with Yoona, just like you wanted. I had with her all night.”

Victoria slapped him across the face, followed by punches on his chest. She pounded on him with her fists. She pushed him. She cursed at him.

"That’s fine, hit me! Hit me all you want.” He said, taking it all, letting her hurt him with all her strength.

Then, Victoria calmed down and stopped all her hitting. She averted her eyes from him, she couldn’t even look at him.

“From now on, don’t come near me. Don’t talk to me. Pretend we didn’t have anything. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. We’re strangers and our history will be erased. Got it?” Khun said roughly in a low and dark voice.

“Fine with me.” She whispered. She felt neutral. She didn’t feel pain, or sadness or anger—it was worse: she felt nothing at that moment, as if the world did not exist. She had a non-readable expression on her very pale face.

She looked at him with dead eyes one last time before walking away haphazardly and rather slowly, back to the crowd, as Khun watched her go.

Then, just as Kyuhyun was approaching her, she collapsed and fell to the ground.