2093. The Day Suho Enlisted in the Military

                “Hyung, I don’t want you to go,” Sehun whined, clinging onto the leader’s wrist.

                Suho chuckled at him and reached up to pat his head.  “You’ll be okay, Sehun.  You have all your other hyungs to take care of you.”

                Sehun only clung on tighter as something of a whimper came from the back of his throat.  Luhan managed to loosen his grip and pulled the boy into his arms, rubbing his back as he silently accepted reality.

                The others said their goodbyes, patting Suho on the shoulder, wrapping him into their arms, whispering, “Come back soon, hyung.”  Chanyeol and Kris were at the back of group.  Suho glanced at the two standing at an awkward distance from each other and engulfed them both into his seemingly small embrace.  They looked down at him in surprise, ultimately allowing themselves to sink into the group hug.  Chanyeol felt Kris’s fingers trail across his waist, and he shivered as if a faint spark of electricity had given him a light jolt.  No.  You feel nothing, Chanyeol.  There’s nothing.  He pulled away.

                “I’ll miss you, hyung.”  He said it so robotically Suho began to feel skeptical of leaving s to fend for themselves, but as he looked into Chanyeol’s eyes, he saw—after so long—a speck of emotion, of sadness.  From the corner of his eye he saw that Kris had seen it too.

                “I’ll miss you too, Chanyeol.  Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”  He took a small pause and continued, “Kris-hyung, since M will be here for a while, I’m appointing you as Chanyeol’s caretaker.  This one’s a handful.”

                Kris gaped at him for a moment before stammering, “B—But you mean th—that I have to take care of all of them, right?”

                “Of course.  But Chanyeol here,” Suho clapped his hand on Chanyeol’s stiff shoulder, “needs… special attention.”  He watched as the speck grew, a mixture of thoughts now, still unreadable, but an improvement from complete indifference.  “Promise?  I expect him to be in tiptop shape when I return.”

                Kris loosely twined his fingers with Chanyeol’s and nodded hesitantly.  “I promise.”

                Stop.  There’s nothing.  You feel.  Nothing.

                And with a twinkle in his eye, Suho was on his way.

2110.  The Day Baekhyun Asked What They Were

                Chanyeol lay in his bed, facing the wall, his thumb barely grazing the softness of Junior’s ears.  Something pierced into him and he fought to keep his nerves under steady control.  No.

                He heard his name called out timidly from behind him, and he twisted his neck to see Baekhyun shutting the door and padding into the room.  “Hey.”

                Chanyeol nodded once in acknowledgement and sat up to face him.

                “Is it okay if I ask you something?”

                “Sure.”  He saw that Baekhyun looked scared.  Troubled.  Hurt.

                “Yeollie… what are we?”

                “What do you mean?”

                “I mean,” Baekhyun took a breath, “what are we?  What’s going on with us?”

                Looking down at his hands, Chanyeol searched his mind for an answer.  There was nothing.  “I don’t know.  Why does it matter?  Isn’t it okay, what we’re doing right now?”

                “He’s in love with you.”

                Chanyeol brought his gaze up to the other.  “What?”

                “Kris-hyung.  He… The way he’s been watching you lately.”  Baekhyun shook his head with a sad smile.  “He still loves you, Yeollie.  And—”

                “No.  He’s just fulfilling a promise to Suho-hyung.  He—It doesn’t even matter.”

                “Let me finish, would you?”  Chanyeol stared at him expectantly.  “He’s still in love with you.  And you’re still in love with him.”

                The younger man sprung out of the bed.  “No.  No.  I’m not.”

                “Yeollie—”

                “No.”

                “Yeollie, we can’t keep doing whatever it is we’re doing.  You and Kris-hyung, the two of you—It’s—I can’t be in the middle of this anymore.”

                “Baekhyun.”

                “It hurts, Yeollie.”  Chanyeol felt the piercing again, and he fought harder to push it away.  “It hurts when he looks at you like that.  It hurts when I know you’ll never look at me that way.  It hurts when all I see are your deadened eyes, telling me I’m not him, I’ll never be him, I’ll never be the one you want.”

                “Baekhyun.”  Somewhere in his mind he knew Baekhyun was right, knew he had been playing with his feelings.

                “I’m done, Yeollie.  This… this thing we have, I need it to be done.”  He tried with all his might to contain his emotions, but they wove into his features.

               Another pierce.  Chanyeol brought the smaller man into his arms, buried his face into his hair.  “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.  I’m sorry I did this to you.”  He felt Baekhyun quiver.  “I’m so sorry.”