Debut was nearing and the schedules have become extreme. Today is the day before our first performance and we are going for a costume fitting. Manager hyung wanted me in a yellow jacket, shinny white shirt, and white pants. They had measured a few weeks ago which was quiet akward. I feel like the clothes we are trying on today just wont fit. I bet they will make clothes too tight for me. This was my fear as I stripped and began to slip the pants over my legs. When i pulled them up they sagged on my hips I needed a belt or something to keep them up. As I was changing Sungyeol walked on me. My natural reaction would have been to completly cover my body but since Sungyeol had got a full eye of my body I just stood there looking at him. Sungyeol walked in a closed the door. He looked me up and down with wide eyes. He just asked if he could change with me and  I said it was fine. I put on my shirt and my jacket and even though I saw the fat on my body protruding through my jacket the shirt was still very loose. Sungyeol asked the stylist noona for the wrap and belt thqt they had originally picked out for my outfit. He gave me the belt she had set aside and i tightened it to the desired fit. He then wrapped me in the shiny fabric. He wrapped it tight around my hips. When I saw myself in the mirror I could see my fatty hips and I began to feel sad. The fat that was seen was actually his hip bones. Sungyeol had a worried look on his face as we walked out to do our dances.

Manager Hyung didnt seem worried or any of the other's so i thought that Sungyeol was judging me harshly. He cares too much it looks like. After the dress rehersal we were to go and shower and relax. Sungyeol walked up to me immedatly and confronted me. He had a few donuts in his hands and asked me to eat with him. When I said no and that I already had one. Sungyeol threw the largest fit. He screamed you NEVER want to eat with me or any of the other memeber's whats wrong with you!!! and you are so skinny!!! Another donut will do you some good.  Why are you like this! Any othr person would be happy to have another donut. Im sorry I got mad at you but you need to try and eat more with us!

I was in shock.

I was hurt..

How could he not see what is slapping him in the face..

I dont need the food what I need is a dietric

Im not happy can't he see...

Donuts do not fix happiness but push it farther from me.

I ran out as fast as i could and kept running. When I couldnt run anymore I sat down on the ground near our house. that was a good 5 miles away from where I was. I couldnt help it I just cried. What seemed like an hour L found me next to the studio. He sat down next to me and didnt say anything. He just stared at the house. As he sat there I felt myself getting better. I felt safer. I felt like I wasnt alone. L then said that it was best if tomorrow morning I ate breakfast wiht them. He said he will make a little bit for me. He said I know what is happening.. This is a way to recover.

Recover....

from what.....

nothing is wrong with me

I am not sick!

L just left and it seemed that Ana took his place.

She coaxed me and told me that everything will be all right. Eventually I found myself getting sick from the amount of running I had just done and I went to my secret place to purge. Who would have known that L was still there watching and feeling the pain in his heart.

A/n: Thank you for the comments :D and I only write happy endings ;) there needs to be a rock bottom before there is a recovery :) and ps sorry it is short I am secretly writing this in class and it is almost over :) there is more to come