A N O R E X I A

isnt that a skinny person problem.

The people that come to my mind look nothing like me. Surely I am not sick.

I know when i should stop dieting and they dont they go to far. Im clearly far away from skinny how could i be Anorexic. The look i gave L was of complete and utter confusion. What the hell what is wrong with him. Maybe he just worries too much. To calm his nerves i told him Id eat some food tomorrow with him and even make a day of fun just to show him im not suffering from a problem. L seemed over joyed by my sudden change in heart. Of course I dont have a problem so why should he worry himself over my eating habbits. Of course i was ticked off but i made my way back to my room and ran into to Sungyeol. He seemed to be quite cold towards me but of course i didnt care. I went to bed finally and got the sleep i needed.

I woke up to L's pestering he was already dressed and ready to go eat. When I came back to my senses i realized what I had promised L lastl night and immedatly felt regret. I went to the bathroom and turned the water on and purged like normal but this time i made sure I was completly empty dreding the fact id have to eat. I could hear her voice in my head already upset and disapproving. I wiped my mouth with a towel and changed my clothes. L took me to a cute waffle stand on the corner. I could see every calorie inside the whip cream and the fat that dripped from the chocolate syurp. My stomach twisted into knots at the sight of it. I started off small with little bites. As if every bite and made my waist line expand an inch. I could feel the fat slipping into my stomache making me sick. It became too much for me. I began to panic. I look over to L whom seemed to have finished his waffle. L responds to my look and looks at the remainder of my waffle. I had about 3/4's left. I told L it was just a bit too much for me. Of course he looked disapointed since id said i eat but i feel i have eaten enough. Shoving the wafle in his hands L responds well at least you ate something thats the least i could ask for. L and I walked down to the store down the street and back home.

Todays appointments were to begin soon so we all had to shower. Of course before each shower i purge today it was of the most importance. and here I was infront of the mirror like everyday. I could tell the damage I had done to my body by eating that waffle. I could see it went straight to my stomache. In extreme disgust and desperation i purged a few extra times to the point i was dry heaving. I steped in the shower and watched the water run down my body like I had a million times. We soon go into the van and I find myself stuck inbetween sungyeol and Hoya. Sungyeol seemed to have a kinder face today. He seemed to look at me as if i did something worthy of aproval. Sungyeol didnt talk to me but i felt the tense air disperse.

The concert was amazing. I always felt extreme pride after each show. I then slipped out to the back to see Ana. She embraced me and kissed my cheek. I was flustered of course. I held her hand as we walked back to the house.She listened while i explained my day to her. I made sure to not mention this mornings events. She listened joyfully and laughed here and there. Ana always could tell the obvious. She pinched my stomache a bit an i flinched away from her hands. Ate a bit today didnt you. Oh well we have tonight to work it off im sure it wont be a problem. As my main goals slipped back into focus I became more serious. She soon found a place in the park and we began sucides it was 9 PM when we started and i found myself in the dorms at 3AM. The members had all went to sleep.

I sliped into the bathroom to examine my body too see if tonights exercise will create any affect. My face dropped at the sight of my body. Why is it always the same or slightly larger. My face drops.

Sungyeol was right outside of the door seeing the emaciated boy looking back at his reflection cursing his weight and body.

How can some one so thin not see just how thin they really are.

Sungjong cleaned up and showered to remove the smell. He put on his bed clothes the dangerously loose pants hung off his boney hips threatening to fall to the floor sungjong rolled the top to make them stay.

He climbed into bed as sungyeol watched wondering what he could do

AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS :DDDD You all are so nice!!!!! I wish i could make longer updates for you all but its the end of the school year and I have to make the grades :'( but I felt it was time to make an update hahah :D