Sometimes people can be so oblivious to what is right in front of their faces....

It has been a week and no one has noticed my lack of food. 

Not Even manager hung who seemed to be with us every moment of the day.  Some of the members have mentioned about my "skinny body" that "even girls would kill for". We have been together long enough that fake friendship is no longer needed. Fake compliments are not needed to win my heart. The leader is the only one who truly critizes me. I lack in the dancing department. At least compared to many of the other members. I was grateful for the numerous amounts of exercise and our busy schedules. I feel increasingly worried about my image. I haven't weighed myself in a week!! Ana is constantly pestering me about updates I couldn't provide. Tonight I've decided I'll sneak out at night to the practice room and weigh myself alone. Later that night Hoya took ages to fall asleep and when he finally did I grabbed my bag and ran to the practice room. There are mirrors every where. When I'm alone staring at who I am makes me uneasy. Every bit of fat is on full display for my eyes to receive. Sickening. I had invited Ana here. She generally knocked on the door. I let her in. Immediately she grabbed my hand and gave me a kiss. You have been taking my advice so you should be rewarded. Sungjong blushed. He hasn't had a kiss in a very long time and was wondering what would happen if he met her goals for him. 

    Sungjong took off his shirt and blindly stepped on the automatic scale 101 this might as well have said 101000 because that's how I feel. Ana wasn't to happy . But I worked hard she will understand right!!!!

Wow still so much left-Ana 

my face dropped. My journey is far from over. These feelings make me sick. Ana decided to leave...I just want to reach my goals faster. I felt the need to get rid of anything in me. I want to be pure inside. Empty. I want this to end eventually right?

I purge until I am just to drained to do so. I go and brush my teeth and stumble back into bed. Tomorrow is a different day right, :)

an:/ SORRY FOR NO UPDATE :( it is my senior year and I was sooooooo busy everything calmed down so now in back :)