February 15

Hiiiiiiii.... Hellooooo... It’s Kyuhyun again heeeere!

I can’t believe how things had turned over in one night.

Last night in the cafe I was so convinced that Siwon was not happy with my confession. I know I said that I would totally understand if he doesn’t feel the way I do about him, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. Moreover when Ariel came and Siwon’s face turned from confused to relieved. It was all it took for me to know that I’m not the one he wants. And since I couldn’t contain my tears anymore no matter how much I said to myself not to cry, I couldn’t do anything but ran away and left him. The situation was getting too embarrassing anyway, so I thought let’s not torture ourselves some more.

So I went home alone. I took  the bus, cried along the way home, didn’t give a damn about other passengers who were eyeing me with curiosity and pity as to why could a teenager guy like myself cry like a baby in public. Seriously, I don’t care. I have used all my shame tonight, I don’t have anymore left.

I ran inside my house, stormed through my parents in the living room, ignoring their questions, went up to my room, lock the door, then buried my face in my pillows. I tried to find a way to face Siwon and pretend like nothing happened and stay friends with him. But looking at Siwon’s expression tonight, I can’t hope much.

I was half asleep when I thought I heard Siwon’s cell phone ringing. I thought it was only in my sleep. But because it was ringing nonstop, I woke up and realized that it was not a dream, the phone was actually ringing somewhere close. I groaned as I search for the source of the sound. Even the sound of Siwon’s ringtone reminded me of how he might hate me right now. And against my will, I felt a pain in my chest again.

The sound came from outside my window. Can Siwon be possibly outside? I quickly scooted over my window, peek from behind my curtain, and no, Siwon was not there. A teddy bear was there, with his ringing cellphone. And I was like, “Really?! Another teddy bear?! What’s that even suppose to mean, Choi Siwon?!”

The teddy bear was similar to the one he gave for my birthday, but that one was brown, this one was white. There was also a note stuck on the bear’s chest. It said “pick me up, please”. I scoffed. I really don’t understand Siwon’s thought. I really can’t guess what was on his mind. I sighed, then I reached out to take his phone and the bear in. And just then when I picked up the white bear, I saw my diary, there, outside my window, just under the bear.

My heart jumped out of my ribcage. Seriously, I had forgotten about that diary, I was so upset I didn’t really think of anything else tonight. There was another note on the cover of the diary. It said “Kiyu, read me, please.” I went frantic in an instant. I took the diary in a hurry and slammed my window closed. Just then, Siwon’s phone stopped ringing, and I was like “Oh my God! Siwon put my diary there, Siwon saw me took it in, Siwon read my diary?!” Gosh, I felt so embarrassed I wanted to cry!

I thought of multiple ways to get rid of the diary. I MUST DESTROY THE EVIDENCE!! Tear it to pieces? No, too tiring. Ah!! Let’s just burn it! Yes, that’s the easiest way I could think of. But.... I couldn’t help but to peek inside my beloved diary one last time. How far did Siwon read? Why did he ask me to read it? Ah... Curiosity win over me at last.

So I opened it. I read through everything I have written, trying to find any trace that Siwon had been there on that very page. Nothing. Until I reached the page where Siwon’s handwriting was scribbled all over the page. My heart literally skipped a beat. I read carefully, replaying today’s events from Siwon’s point of view.

A single tear dropped on the open page. I can’t hold myself back anymore. The words he wrote were just, lovely. I know the word “lovely” is just too sweet for my standard, and I really don’t like being cheesy, but seriously, I couldn’t find a better word to describe what Siwon wrote in my diary. Thus, lovely it is. I read on through Siwon’s scribbles. Then I reached the bottom of the page. Dawn, Siwon wants to see me at dawn. I can’t wait for dawn! My eyes were puffy, my hair was a mess, my face was swollen, all in all, I look like . But my heart, my heart was light as a feather, happy like a silly bird. Now I’m not making any sense, but... WHO CARES??!!! I’m in love; I think I won’t give a friggin’ damn about making sense. Hahahaha....

Okay, that was hyper. I need to contain myself. Got it!

Anyway, I closed the diary, hugged it in my chest, I paced back and forth, unveiled my curtains to peek out on Siwon’s window across mine, opened my window carefully, had one foot out of my window, changed my mind, climbed back in, then slammed my body onto my bed. I think I did all that for at least 6 rounds before I decided to get some sleep and set everything that has alarm clock in it to 5.30 a.m. I couldn’t afford to be late today.

It took me quite a while to make myself sleep. With all the crazy anxiety and frantic heartbeats, falling asleep is a tad harder to do than Quantum Physics. Believe me, I even did the math. But I finally made it. I managed to get some sleep, and I also managed to wake up on time. Well, okay, maybe a little bit late. But not more than 30 minutes. Okay, I admit, I was late. But thank God, the sun rise at 6.15 today, so yeah, I’m on time! Haha~

But to tell you the truth, I panicked. When I woke up and saw that it was almost 6, I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, then stormed down the stairs, went out the back door, knocked on Siwon’s back door, found it unlocked, let myself in, passed Siwon’s mom in the kitchen, greet her and kissed her cheeks, excused myself, ran upstairs, went to Siwon’s room, and finally climbed out of his window to the roof. If you think that was such a long sentence, try doing all those things in full speed. Let me tell you, it’s freaking exhausting! By the time I reached Siwon’s roof, I already felt like throwing up. I almost fell over the edge when I felt hands grabbed me and turned me over.

It was Siwon. Of course it was Siwon!

“Kiyu! What are you doing?!” He asked worriedly.

That question had me thinking. Siwon didn’t really write why I should come. I didn’t know what I was doing. So I just answer it exactly as it is.

“I’m here to see you.” I said, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

Siwon pulled away, and scratch the back of his head then sat by his window. I followed and sat at the other side of the window.

“Oh. I... uh... Well... I... I like... sunrise!” Siwon stuttered. I frowned.

“Yeah. I know that.” I said. We both fell awkwardly silent for quite a while. I don’t understand Siwon at all. Did he really mean what he wrote in my diary? Why did he look as if he’s hesitating? Did he change his mind? I stared at Siwon’s face, he kept his gaze on the horizon. Minutes passed, and I’m getting uneasy. So I asked him again.

“So? Why exactly am I here?”

Siwon looked at me, but stayed silent. We stared at each other for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Then suddenly someone spoke.

“Just say it already!!! He wanted to say that he loves you, Kyuhyun-ah! Would you be his boyfriend?”

Both Siwon and I turned our heads and saw Siwon’s Dad resting his hands on the window pane.

“Dad!” Siwon shrieked.

“What?!” He asked obliviously. “Aw come on! I saw the way you kids look at each other. You like him too, don’t you, Kyu?” Siwon’s Dad asked again.

“Dad!” Siwon shrieked again, but I can see his eyes full of hope and anticipation. I gulped.

“Oh... Ummm... Yes.” I swear it was so embarrassing I felt like jumping off the roof and die.

I hung my head so low. Everything was silent for a while, I might be exaggerating things, but I think even the wind stopped blowing and the birds stopped chirping all the while. Then someone pulled me into a tight hug. I didn’t have to look up to know who was hugging me, I knew it was Siwon, I can tell it was Siwon just by the warmth and the musky smell of his body. Siwon was hugging me like there’s no tomorrow. I was a bit suffocating, but I didn’t care, because in that very moment, everything just felt right, nothing else matters.

“You’re mine, Kiyu... Be mine forever.” I heard Siwon whispered.

I nodded and smiled. And even though I wasn’t even looking, I knew for sure that Siwon was smiling too. Something in my heart was telling me he must be smiling. We hugged and stayed silent, but not for long, because Siwon’s Dad cut in.

“Ahem, I don’t mean to spoil the mood kids, really, I like seeing you two together, but-ah... you gotta get ready for school.” He said smiling. We nodded. He turned around to leave us, but he came back after just a few steps.

“Ummm... Don’t tell your mothers about your little confessions, okay?” He said. I wasn’t quite sure whether that was a question or a warning.

“Why?” Siwon asked back.

“Just don’t. At least not yet. Can I have your words kids?” He asked again. I nodded, but apparently Siwon didn’t, because then his Dad asked again.

“Siwon? Can I have your word on this?” He shot that look on Siwon. Ah! That look, the famous Choi look that can make everyone obey. I have known by now, that those Chois are always the Alpha male in their surroundings. But clearly Siwon’s Dad was the stronger and more respected one, because after that stern look, I saw Siwon nodded.

“Good kids.” He said as he smiled and hugged us both. “I’ll tell you when your mothers are ready to hear about your love story. Now get to shower!”

I quickly climbed in Siwon’s window and ran for the door, muttering a low “See you later” to both Siwon and his dad. Siwon shouted “I’ll pick you up later, Kiyu!” which I respond with a thumb up. I can’t stop smiling. Really. I used to think that the phrase having a butterfly when one sees the one they love is rather stupid and impossible. But now I know, it really did feel like there were a bunch of butterflies flying around in my stomach. Silly huh?!

So, yeah, that’s the outcome of my dreadful confessions. Everything turned out rather well. I can’t wait to start spending time with Siwon again. And until then, I think it’s good bye, at least for now. ^^

Choi Siwon’s happiest boyfriend,

­-Cho Kyuhyun-

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Aaaaarg.... This is getting even lousier and lousier. I'm really sorry, dear readers... I'll work harder next time. I promise.

Stay with me??