April 26

Future... What do you know about the future? Will this world be more crowded? Will the aliens ever show up? Where would we be? Will there still be you and me? Ah, this talk about the future is getting me a whole lot more melancholic than ever. And it’s really troubling for me.

You see, graduation is coming real soon, and school is keeping me so damn busy I could really go crazy because of it. Luckily, I always have Siwon around with me. We would study for exams together, I would wait over the benches when he plays basketball and soccer, he would sit by the corner when I have a Mathlete activity and music lessons, we would hang out together till late at night until our moms scold us or told us to just go to sleep.

Today, we had career day at school. They were trying to match our potentials and our interests to suggest the most suitable career path and where to pursue our higher education for us. Siwon got a basketball scholarship from SungKyunKwan University. He was planning to study Strategic Management of Global Business to prepare himself to work for his dad’s company. I admire his devotion for both sport and family business. While me, well, I’m having second thoughts.

Remember I wrote that I want to study music? Well, I’m not very sure about that now. I told Siwon I’d probably study law or engineering, whichever one is best at whatever University he chose to study because, I have decided that we will not go to different Universities, not a chance! I don’t think I can ever focus on my study being apart from Siwon. I don’t even want to imagine it.

“You’re not taking music? I thought you wanted to study music? I know you like music. And I love hearing you sing.” Siwon suggested when we continue the talk back home.

Yes, of course I love music. But...

“I don’t know, what if I do? What job will I get afterwards? I don’t think music, or any art for that matter, will make a decent living. How am I gonna make my living through that?” I said doubtfully.

Siwon caressed my cheeks.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Kiyu... I will make a living for you. I’m going to take care if you, you hear that?! So go and do what you really love.” He said. I swear I could have flown out of happiness when I hear it.

“I know... But I don’t want to be a useless boyfriend... Plus, I love you more than anything, even more than math and music.” I said shyly.

“Even more than StarCraft?” he teased.

I decided to back.

“Ummm... Tie. I love you as much as I love StarCraft.” I giggled.

Siwon looked at me intensely. I was lying on my side, facing him on my bed and he was sitting on the floor. I was in shock when he suddenly stood up and come closer to me. His face was only a few inches away from mine. I felt my heartbeat accelerate.

Then he kissed me! He caught me off guard! My body started to tremble from excitement.

“You love me as much as you love StarCraft, but Kiyu... your StarCraft can’t give you this...” He said in his husky voice as he started to kiss me more. First on my lips, then my nose, then my eyes, then my forehead, then my cheeks, then down to my jaws, then my neck... Then he pulled back. He was staring at me when I open my eyes. And I shuddered.

It was just Siwon, the Siwon I’ve known my whole life, the one I’ve loved my whole life, just my Siwon. But at the same time, there was something in Siwon’s eyes, something I’ve never seen before. I can’t even describe what I saw. All I know is that it gave chills down my spine. I felt my face heated up, I didn’t even need to look at myself in the mirror to know that I was blushing like mad. And then Siwon’s eyes went soft. He smiled and he whispered as he leaned closer.

“I love you so much, baby Kiyu...  I really really love you.”

Okay, I’m not gonna write what happened next. I don’t want this diary to be ‘R’ rated. All I’m gonna say that, by the time we had done, we were lying side by side, sweating, panting, trying to catch our breath. Oh no! We didn’t do that! We were just.... Oh you know, just umm.... just... just heavy petting. There! I said it! Aish... It’s embarrassing!

Whatever! So yea, we just laid there on my bed, I was taking deep long breaths, trying my best to contain the exploding excitement going on somewhere inside me. Then someone knocked on my door. I jumped up, reflexively tidying up my crumpled shirt.

My mom poked her head from outside.

“Siwon-ah, are you going to sleep here?” She asked. I hope she didn’t notice the red tint on Siwon’s cheeks, which I’m sure was also on mine.

“I think so, Eommonim.” Siwon answered, nodding his head.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell your mom. And don’t stay up too late, okay?” Mom said again.

Both Siwon and I nodded. Then she left the room.

“Phew! That was close!” I dropped my body back to the bed.

“So Kiyu, do you like music?”

“Of course. You know that.”

“How about engineering?”

“Maybe. It’s mostly like math.”

“Then how about law? Do you like law?”

“Don’t know,” I shrugged, “Never tried it before.”

Then Siwon clapped his hands.

“Then it’s decided! You’re taking music major Kiyu. And I will take business major. So we’re gonna have to find a university that has good faculty for both. Okay?” He said happily.

“But Siwon...” I was gonna argue but Siwon cut me off.

“You don’t want to study music, Kiyu?” he asked.

“I do, it’s just that...”

“Then don’t worry about everything else. We’ll take care of things together.” He smiled.

I blushed. This is the Siwon that I admire. He really thought about other people’s happiness. He’s a hard-worker. And that moment, when I look into his trustful eyes, I realized. When I work hard with him, everything’s gonna be fine. We will look into the future together. And when you step hand in hand, the future will not be so scary anymore.

So I agreed. We have chosen our path. And we’re gonna walk through it together.

“But Kiyu, I think our parents should know about us.” Siwon said as we’re going to sleep.

I sighed. Siwon’s right.

“Yeah, I think we should tell them soon. Plus, it’s getting tiring playing hide and seek about our relationship.” I said.

“Alright, we’ll talk to them together. It’s gonna be easier that way. We’ll settle the time later.” He said again.

I just nodded as I felt sleepiness is going to take over me anytime soon. I’m writing this down fresh thing in the morning, when I can still remember everything. So, this is all for now. Will update more later. Have a nice day!

I’m ready,

-Cho Kyuhyun-