Key was frustrated. He had hoped Taemin had actually understood the friends with benefits agreement, but it didn’t seem like he did. Taemin was acting as if they were a couple again. And he didn’t like it. Okay, he did like it. But he had already told himself that he wasn’t going to get into that relationship again. He needed to move on. Taemin needed to move on.

“I have a headache!” he announced dramatically. “I’m going to lie down in my room. No one disturb me. Hyungs, you look after Taemin, okay?”

“Yup,” said Jonghyun, transfixed to the screen where he was playing Call of Duty with Onew while Minho made the appreciative shouts that blended in with the blasts of gunfire and war. Taemin was curled up on the couch with a blanket, looking on quietly.

“Did you hear me?” asked Key, annoyed.

“Yup,” answered Jonghyun. “Don’t worry Key. Just go to bed already.”

Key flounced to his room and flung himself onto his bed. He didn’t actually have a headache, he just was tired. As much as he liked looking after Taemin, he would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t a tiny bit fed up and sick of it. It wasn’t that Taemin was demanding- in fact Taemin was the opposite- but he liked looking after people when he was in the right mood. He needed to relax.

He closed his eyes and tried to have some semblance of peace while the sounds of bombs exploded in the living room.

After 15 minutes, he couldn’t take it. He was going to rip that playstation out of that damn tv and drop it off the balcony.

He stomped to the hallway and peeked in, seeing if they were really looking after Taemin.

He felt a wave of frustration when he saw that Taemin was sitting upright, holding his blanket tightly around himself. He kept rubbing his arms and looking around, and Key knew that Taemin was cold. But stupid Jonghyun, Onew and Minho kept their eyes on the screen.

He waited a few more minutes watching Taemin look around before he couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t anyone do anything without him?

“Yah,” he said loudly and as angrily as possible. “I told you to look after Taemin!”

“We are,” said Minho, confused. “You’re fine, right Taemin?”

“Really?” snapped Key. “Because Taemin is cold. And if Taemin keeps being cold, he might catch a cold again. Which is very possible because his immune system is down. And Taemin doesn’t need to be sick again.”

He grabbed another blanket off a chair and draped it around Taemin, who looked down.

“Turn that stupid thing off!” yelled Key.

Onew and Jonghyun exchanged a look. Oh no. Key was getting ready to tell them off. Onew paused the game and sighed, while Minho closed his eyes, getting ready for the lecture.

“Why weren’t you looking after Taemin? Do I have to do everything around here? If I didn’t step in, Taemin would’ve gotten sick again. Am I the only one who cares about him?”

Onew, Minho and Jonghyun all looked at different parts of the room, waiting for Key to stop lecturing.

“I am sick of always having to be the one who looks after him! Why can’t you guys look after him for a change?”

“Key, shut up. We’re your hyungs. We’re looking after him, just in our own way,” defended Jonghyun. “Don’t talk to me and Onew hyung like that.”

“Oh don’t play the age card thing now,” snarled Key.

“Key. Learn your place.  Just because we’re not fussing over him like a baby doesn’t mean we aren’t looking after him!” argued back Jonghyun.

“He was cold!” yelled Key. “And you were all sitting there with your eyes and mouths wide open at the ing tv screen while it sounds like a ing war is going off in our dorm, yelling like idiots and you think you were looking after him?”

“If Taemin wanted something, he knows he can ask for it!” shouted Jonghyun. “Jesus Key, the boy- or should I say man- is 20. 20! He’s not a baby! He can do things for himself!”

Key hadn’t felt this angry in ages. “Do I need to remind you that he-“

“He is right here,” interrupted Taemin, who looked sour. “I’m sorry I’m such a burden that you all have to argue about who has to take care of me. I’m sorry Jonghyun hyung, Onew hyung, Minho hyung, Key hyung. Key, Jonghyun hyung’s right. If I want something I can ask for it. Until then, none of you need to worry about me okay? I’ll look after myself.”

“No Taemin, I’m sorry,” called Jonghyun as Taemin stomped to his room. Key watched Taemin’s back and hated himself and felt guilty again for hurting Taemin’s feelings. God, he was a .

Taemin emerged from his room for lunch, still looking angry.

Jonghyun apologised again, but Taemin didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry Taemin,” said Jonghyun again. “I’ll look after you forever.”

Key watched with a sinking feeling as Taemin acted like he hadn’t heard Jonghyun and kept eating his rice.

“I’m sorry Taemin,” said Onew as well.

Taemin also ignored him.

The members knew what this was. Taemin never argued back or got physical when he was truly mad. He got silent. He was an expert at the cold shoulder and making the other members feel so bad about themselves for hurting his feelings. Key would have preferred it if Taemin liked breaking things and shouting- being silent made it obvious that whoever was on the receiving end had hurt Taemin and that Taemin was not ready to forgive.

“Don’t be like this Taemin,” pleaded Jonghyun. “I’m so sorry. I hate it when you are like this. Please don’t be angry with me.”

Taemin finished his rice and placed his chopsticks onto his bowl, ready to put them in the sink.

“I can do it for you Taemin,” offered Key meekly. If people thought Key was scary when he was angry, they had definitely not received Taemin’s silent treatment. Arguing with Key was a lot less stressful than begging for forgiveness from Taemin.

“I can do it myself,” snapped Taemin, dumping his bowl and chopsticks with a clang in the sink.

The other members  groaned when Taemin left the room.

“How are we going to get over this one,” groaned Jonghyun.  “The last time he did this to me, I nearly cried. And I had to buy him food for a month.”

Key saw Taemin struggling with his laundry basket down the hall.

“Here, let me help you,” he said, rushing up.

He felt awful as Taemin ignored him and kept trying to carry the basket himself.

“Give it to me,” he tried again, trying to take over with the handles.

Key heard Taemin mumble something.

“Sorry?” asked Key, making an effort to sound extra nice.

“I didn’t ask for your help!” yelled Taemin.

“I want to help you,” said Key lamely. “Sorry.”

“Why do you do this to me?” pleaded Taemin. “You… you.. you’re horrible to me one second, and then nice the other. I don’t.. make up your mind Key!”

Key stood there, mouth open. Taemin was avoiding his eyes, shaking his head and looking around, bouncing on his heels.

“Why can’t you just decide.. oh never mind what I said. Here, if you want to do it, then do it.”

Taemin dropped the basket on the floor and stormed off.

Key stared at the clothes on the carpet. What was that? What was Taemin talking about?

He sat down and started folding the clothes slowly, feeling numb.

Horrible one second, nice the other? And he had to decide? Decide on what? He didn’t know what Taemin was talking about and yet he did..

His train of thought was interrupted by a large thump and glass shattering in the kitchen. A flash of fear travelled through him as he raced to the kitchen to find Jonghyun, Onew and Minho also having rushed to the scene.

“Are you okay, Taemin?” asked Jonghyun, crouching down and putting his arm around Taemin. “Did you fall?”

Taemin shook Jonghyun’s arm off him and looked down.

“oh Taemin, are you still ignoring me?” asked Jonghyun, looking like he was going to cry.

“Taemin don’t,” said Key as Taemin tried to touch the shards of a broken cup. “I’ll do it.”

This seemed to make Taemin angry as he deliberately reached out for the broken cup and hissed when he cut his finger.

“See? I told you,” nagged Key, pushing Taemin’s hand away. “Did you fall?”

“Yes, I slipped okay? Are you happy?” snarled Taemin.

“No, of course not, why would I be?” asked Key, scared.                                       

“I just want.. I just want…” repeated Taemin, his breath hitching. “Why can’t you..?”

They were all shocked as Taemin started crying.

“I hate you all, I hate you all!” he cried. “Why is it so hard to live here? I just want to be okay and relax and be happy and you just all have to all over it? I just want to relax and be happy, please!” sobbed Taemin.

Key felt like he had discovered the real meaning of guilty. He was not surprised to see Jonghyun’s eyes looking misty.

“I’m so sorry Taemin,” wailed Jonghyun trying to hug him.

“Get the off me!” sobbed Taemin, fighting him off. “ off, please off, I hate you all,” he cried.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” repeated Jonghyun. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” still trying to hug Taemin.

“I’m sorry too Taemin,” Onew said, looking distraught. “I’m sorry we haven’t been good to live with.”

“I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again,” Minho said, looking distraught as well.

“I’m sorry,” apologised Key.

“No don’t apologise! I don’t want you to apologise! I’ve already forgiven you okay but why is it so hard?” cried Taemin, his face wet with tears. “Why,..”

Jonghyun managed to squeeze him once before Taemin shoved him off forcibly.

“I can’t.. I can’t..” he hiccupped.

“What’s wrong?” asked Key. He was near tears himself now. He felt so guilty.

“I can’t breathe,” said Taemin, clutching his chest. “it’s happening again. Why is this happening again?”

Key crawled to Taemin’s side and tentatively put his arm around him and noticed that Taemin’s shoulder’s were heaving.

“It’s happening again, it’s happening again, why? I’m taking my pills, why??” wailed Taemin, and Key realised Taemin was hyperventilating.

He threw caution in the wind, not caring if Taemin decided to fight him and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back and letting Taemin cry and shake against him.

“What’s happening? Is he having one of those panic attacks?” asked Minho, looking like he was going to go into a panic himself.

Jonghyun and Onew looked so scared and lost. Key remembered that Jonghyun and Onew had not seen Taemin go into a panic attack before.

“I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe!” choked out Taemin, obviously freaking out. “Oh my god. Oh my god!”

“It’s okay Taemin, just breathe with me,” said Key into Taemin’s hair, making sure his own breathing was even and steady. “Just relax.”

Key just held Taemin as he sobbed hysterically into his shoulder but seemed to try to slow his breathing down.”

“It’s okay, babe, it’s okay,” he said, rocking them both as the rest of the members looked at Key wide eyed and still scared.

“I’ve been taking my pills, I promise!” sobbed Taemin. “Why is this happening to me. Why does it have to be so hard all the time?”

Key just hugged him tighter. “Your pills are just anti depressants Taemin. Panic attacks are different. But it’s okay. We’ll just breathe okay? Just breathe with me and we’ll be fine.”

Key felt Taemin clutch at his back as if he was scared to let go.

After half an hour of sitting on the kitchen floor, Key thought his and leg had gone to sleep. Taemin was slumped in his arms, having cried himself to sleep. Key was exhausted himself.

“You really are the almighty Key,” said Jonghyun softly. “There’s not a doubt in my mind. You two belong together. You are so good for him Key.”

“Jonghyun’s right,” said Onew. “No one else could have done that for Taemin. We were worse than useless. Key, you should get back together with him.”

“You two are cute,” admitted Minho.

“I don’t know,” sighed Key. “I just don’t know.”

Taemin woke up to his phone ringing. He really needed to change his ringtone. But he loved Taylor Swift.

“Umma?” he answered drowsily, wondering how he got into his bed and was so comfortably tucked in.

“Taemin honey! I heard some rumour that there was some trouble going on in SHINee. Are you okay?” asked his mother.

“No,” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m not okay.”

And for the first time, Taemin told his mother everything that had happened in the last few months.

“We’re going out tonight. You stay and talk to Taemin okay?” said Jonghyun as Onew and Minho put on their coats. “We’re not going to come back until tomorrow. So make up with him. I want to see you two all cuddly and snuggly again.”

“Hmmm,” said Key.

After they left, Key the tv and watched without watching for a while. He was confused.So now the members wanted him to go out with Taemin again. And a part of him wanted to as well. But did Taemin want to again? He didn’t even know. He didn’t know anything.

He decided to check up on Taemin as he had carried him to bed after his panic attack and wanted to know if he was all right.

Taemin was talking on the phone to someone, and Key realised he was talking to his mother.

“Yes. I want to go live with Grandma for a while.”

Key froze. What?

“I think it would be good for me too.”

“As soon as possible.”

Key felt like his heart was dropping.

“Okay. Yeah. I will. I love you too.”

Key tried to pretend like he hadn’t heard anything later on when he walked into Taemin’s room later and asked if he was hungry.

“He looks happier. So did you make up?” asked Jonghyun the next day.

“No,” said Key shortly.

A few days after that, Minho told the members he was going to be at his parent’s house for a few days. Onew thought this was a great idea and immediately made plans to go back to his, while Jonghyun had arranged to go to a fitness camp.

“I’m going to be so frikkin buff you’re going to have to call me Action Man,” he boasted. “Are you going to go anywhere? Key? Taemin?”

Key shook his head. He wasn’t going back to Daegu and telling his parents why he was back. Taemin didn’t answer.

Key walked into their room, seeing Taemin sitting on the floor in front of a suitcase, packing.

“Where..where are you going?” he managed to ask.

“You know my grandma in Hongdae?” Taemin asked.

Key nodded.

“Yeah, I’m going to stay with her for a while.”

“how.. how long?” asked Key.

“A couple of months. I don’t know. Until I’m okay again.”

“What if… what if you don’t feel better by the time our suspension is lifted?” croaked Key.

“Oh.” said Taemin softly. He looked right into Key’s eyes, and Key hated the sadness in those big brown orbs. “Then I don’t think I’ll come back.”

Key swiftly walked out of the room and into the kitchen. He didn’t want to think about what Taemin had said. He had to forget. He had to forget. He opened the fridge and quickly pulled out  the six pack of beer. He wondered when his nights started getting so long.

A/N Sorry sorry sorry for such a late update! But I am soooo busy. I literally did this at university and when I was eating dinner. I have absolutely nooooo time. I am getting my together so I can go to New York for uni/college next year, and I have to get good grades. Plus university is so time consuming. And work is money so. And apparently I have to hang out with my friends if I want to keep them haha.

But I HAVE had time to have a scream over Taemin's fanservice with Jonghyun and now Minho. First the peircings, then the muscles, and now the fanservice. He is creeping closer to my ideal, ideal guy. Like Taemin is becoming close to perfect. Next thing he'll learn to cook, speak english and adopt a kitten hahaha! Zomg if he does then I would be convinced I am meant to be alone forever. Or Taemin's soulmate. Both pretty much the same thing.

And please Taemin, fanservice with Key next! I bet he's going to try tease with all of them :D :D

And I don't know whether I should start a new ff because this one is ending. Seriously, it is a great idea but I don't have the time to write it! i started this when I had holidays and could update regularly, now my schedule will not allow it :( should I???

And PLEASE answer this question. This is CRUCIAL to the ending. You may have noticed that I say that Taemin's ring tone is Taylor Swift. Opinion on her please??

And I STUPIDLY MISTAKENLY deleted my first 'm' chapter. And i don't know how i am going to replace it because it was chapter 14. I was trying to delete another one and just pressed tne one that said 'm'!! I didn't realise until my chapter numbers were out of sync and I was like :O :O :O

Comments and i will try to update faster! No comments and I will procrastinate and not update for ages again hahaha :D