Key fidgeted in the seat of the waiting room chair. He glanced over at Taemin who was playing with his tie. Jonghyun, Minho and Onew were quiet, staring at Lee Soo Man’s door. The only sounds they could hear were the quiet tapping of Lee Soo Man’s receptionist on her computer.

Key could feel his heart hammering and his palms getting sweaty. He knew something bad was going to happen. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. He rubbed the back of his neck and buried his face in his hands.

“It will be okay, hyung,” Taemin whispered. Key could feel Taemin’s hand reach out for his.

“Not now Taemin,” Key growled. He was so nervous and agitated, and he wasn’t in the mood for hand holding and sweet encouragements.  All he could think about was what might happen. What would he do if he got fired? What sort of future did he have? Maybe he could get into art…but no, singing and dancing was the only thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life, he couldn’t do anything else and be happy…

“Lee-seonsaeng is ready to see you now,” the receptionist told them.

They stiffly got up and walked to his office.

Five chairs were set up in the spacious room. Framed pictures of all the SM groups adorned the walls and a book case of CDs greeted them. A few middle aged men got up and bowed to them, and as Key bowed back he recognised one as his lawyer, who had arrived earlier. This was not looking good.

They greeted Lee Soo Man, averting their eyes out of respect.

“Sit down,” he said, and the members swiftly sat in their assigned chairs.

“I’m not going to make small talk. Kim Kibum, Lee Taemin, I’ve been thinking about whether I want to keep you two or not. You’ve made my week absolute hell. I’ll start with you Lee-ssi. Do you not want to be with SM?”

“N-no, I do! SM is my life and my family, what I said that day, I didn’t mean,” Taemin stuttered in a quietly, cowering in his chair. “I was sick.”

“You were sick? So you decide to tell the whole of Korea how much you hate SM? You expect me to not tear up your contract and fire you even though you destroyed the reputation of my company and lost me stakeholders and profit? No amount of PR can erase this.”

“Lee-sunbae,” interrupted one of the middle aged men, who was Taemin’s attorney. “I have a medical certificate from the hospital saying Taemin was under stress, dehydrated and malnutritioned. I have another from the phsychiatrist they visited saying that Taemin was diagnosed with depression.  One could argue this was all bought about from your rigorous schedules that you have assigned him. If you break this contract there is no guaranteeing what my client will say after that, and what the court will say from that either.”

Taemin recognised the words that his lawyer had read off him over the phone rushedly last night and how he had numbly agreed. He couldn’t believe he had the guts to say that to Lee Soo Man.

“You intend to go to court over this?” Lee Soo Man asked angrily.

“This wasn’t my client’s fault, and it can be easily argued that the one in breach of contract and unlawful treatment of employees was you. I don’t recommend getting into that situation.”

Lee Soo Man grunted distastefully. “And now Kim-ssi.”

Key had been staring at the smiling faces of a Super Junior poster.

Please give me strength; please give me strength, he prayed as he concentrated on Leeteuk’s half moon eyes.

“Kim-ssi, you attack on of my employees, and both you and Lee-ssi decide not to do a performance leaving the rest of SHINee to look like bumbling idiots on national TV. Do you intend to see your own band crash and burn, as well as your own contracts? Kim-ssi, I can definitely let you go for assaulting one of my employees.”

“My client has paid the fine that you imposed and has paid the assaulted as well. That matter will not go public,” piped up Key’s lawyer.

Lee Soo Man was quiet, and hotly regarded the five members in front of him. He stared at Onew.

“I made you leader because I thought you would look after your group. Looks like I might have made a mistake.”

Onew flinched and looked down at the ground.

“You are very lucky. I have let people go for a lot less. You are very lucky you have some leverage in this situation,” Lee Soo Man said. “Trust me, if it weren’t for your lawyers bargaining and threatening for weeks, I would have terminated your contracts on the day of your little episode.”

Taemin and Key nodded weakly. Their lawyers had told them that they wouldn’t be fired, but it was  relief to hear the man say it.

“But, I will not let you go so easily. I am proposing new conditions for this group. Suspended for 6 months from all activity, both work and personal matters. I don’t want to see any of your faces on any magazines until I say so. Lee-ssi, Kim-ssi, you will both pay reparations for the damage you have caused my company and profit holdings. I will give you a copy of these conditions for you to read over before you sign. If you don’t like this, I’m afraid there is no future with you and SM.”

Taemin felt his chest sag in relief. All he needed to do was pay and stay at home. He was fine with that. He looked over at Key whose gaze was transfixed at a spot in the wall. He looked like he was going to crack. They all got up and thanked Lee Soo Man, bowing as they left his office.

They were quiet on the elevator lift down, and quiet as they walked briskly out of the building and into their waiting car. Taemin didn’t understand. Shouldn’t they be celebrating that they were going to stay together?

He got into the front seat as the rest piled into the back. He the radio out of habit.

“Turn it off,” snapped Jonghyun.  Taemin jumped and switched it off.

“Why are you all so angry? Aren’t you happy that me and Key will get to stay on?” Taemin asked, hurt and confused.

“We aren’t going to get paid for six months and can’t leave the house, I’m thrilled,” Jonghyun retorted. “My family is going to be equally as proud. And I didn’t even do anything.”

Taemin twisted back in his seat. Jonghyun was glaring out the window. Onew was quietly staring at his hands. Minho was wrestling with his jumper, trying to get it off and noticing Taemin looking.

“Um, could you please not look at me,” Minho asked awkwardly.

“Why?” answered Taemin.

“Because, you know,” Minho squirmed uncomfortably. “Because I’m not comfortable with you looking at me when I’m taking my clothes off because you’re…gay.”

Taemin gasped. He felt like he had been slapped in the face. His face felt like it was fire, his cheeks were stinging with humiliation while boiling hot tears gathered in his eyes. But no. He wasn’t going to cry. He was stronger than that.

“Key…” he trailed off when he saw the boy look back at him coldly.

“My appa is going to kill me.”

Taemin turned back to face the front, fighting back the slimy lump in his throat. Key hadn’t even been listening. He took shaky breaths. You are not going to cry you are not going to cry. He opened his eyes wide and focused on the road ahead, blinking harshly whenever he felt the burning liquid scald his eyes again.

Taemin sat on his bed. When did it all go wrong? They all blamed him. But he was stronger than this. He had so much to live for- that was what the psychiatrist had said. But what did he have to live for? He was never going to get married or have children. He could never debut on his own because he couldn’t sing. This was as good as his life was going to get. Key was the only thing that made him happy. He only had Key. But Key blamed him. He had ruined Key’s career too. No don’t even think about that, Taemin thought. He needed to talk somebody. The doctor had told him, whenever he felt bad, he needed to talk to somebody. He didn’t know who to call. He decided to call his mother.

He listened to the dial tone on his phone for what felt like years before his mother picked up.

“Umma…” Taemin began. How was he going to start this?

“Taemin! Can I talk to you later? I’m so busy at the moment! We’re going out to eat! Call me later tonight okay? Bye!”

Taemin felt numb as his mother hung up. Even his own mother didn’t want to talk to him. No he couldn’t think like this, he couldn’t. He needed to distract himself. He shakily ran his fingers through his hair as he opened up the internet on his phone. He needed to relax.

He got onto the search engine.  He realised he had never searched himself before. Don’t do it, don’t do it, the little voice in his head chimed. You know it will only hurt you. He typed in his name.

He sighed in relief as Wikipedia and pictures of him popped up. Nothing bad. But.. what sort of bad things were they writing about him?

Don’t do it, don’t do it! Reason was hammering into his head. You just got past this. You really want to do this again? You really want to down there again? Everything you did to get out, the pills, the doctor’s appointments, you want to do this all again? He thought.

But I’m better now, he concluded. I’m stronger than yesterday. I can do this.

With shaky fingers he typed in ‘Lee Taemin hate’.

He clicked on the first site.

With eyes clouding over with tears, he scrolled down, reading the comments that were calling him gay, saying he was too skinny, saying how they wanted him to die.

He threw his phone on the floor. He needed Key. He shouldn’t have done this. He got up unsteadily. “Key,” he croaked out. “Where are you?”

“Key!” he called down the hallway, looking through the rooms with blurry vision. “Key!”

He found Key hunched over himself in the laundry room, his head in his hands. Taemin didn’t want to interrupt him but someone needed to know or else he didn’t know what he was going to do.

“Key, please help me,” he pleaded as he knelt down to Key’s level.

“Go away Taemin,” Key groaned. “Please. I don’t want to talk right now.”

“But Key-“

“Go away Taemin! Haven’t you done enough for one day?” Key shouted, lifting his head up finally and meeting Taemin’s eyes. “Go away and leave me alone, please!”

Taemin reeled back at Key’s words. He didn’t mean that he tried to tell himself. Of course Key meant that. He quickly got up and ran out the door, hastily scaling the stairs of the apartment, one hand holding onto the railing for dear life, the other around his mouth to try hold back the harsh, gasping wails.

He sprinted out of the apartment, cold rain pelting on his skin and the strong frigid air blowing his hair around, howling around him. He screamed into the wind, hot tears searing his frozen cheeks. He ran his way to the park where he and Key first kissed, sobbing, his chest heaving up and down as the see saw came into blurry view. 

“ you Key!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “ me. me!” he cried. He slumped onto the wet ground. He hated his life. It couldn’t get any better. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He wanted to escape this. He wanted to disappear.

He wanted to die.

He cried jaggedly as the rain turned into hard little swords that slashed into him and the freezing wind maliciously penetrated into his T shirt and through his skin, raising painful goosebumps all over Taemin. The harder he cried, the worse the storm raged and screamed with him. Maybe when he was gone the sun would finally come out.  

A roaring filled his ears. He lifted his head.

And saw the river, engorged with water and debris, the unforgiving current pulling everything along with devastating power.

And it finally all made sense.

Taemin started laughing, wiping his nose and his eyes.

This was it.

He was going to get in that river, and drown himself to death. He could already imagine being submerged in icy water, how the bitter cold would worm into his heart and hold it with chilly fingers, how he would be die in the smooth arctic arms of the river, and how the river would cradle him to sleep all the way to heaven.

He could already feel the rays now.

I decided not to end this story at Chapter 20! i think compared to a lot of stories it's actually quite short, and i don't think this story is right to seperate into two. This story will go on until Taemin and Key can live happily ever after :) Tell me what you think! Please say something silent readers! I have no idea whether you like this story or not! it is not so hard to just type in the comment box and click 'post'!