Because Taemin <3 Key! :)

Taemin sighed and fiddled with his fingers. He was so bored.  His hyungs always thought he was tired and so never stayed long to keep him company. And he was tired, but he was also really, really bored now.

After his confession of having suicidal thoughts, Onew and Key had forced him to call his therapist. His therapist had rushed over immediately. And to Taemin’s surprise, it had been nice. Someone who listened and nodded and made the right noises when Taemin wanted him too. And he wasn’t scared of hurting him or worrying him like he was when he talked to his hyungs- and the therapist wasn’t afraid of what he was going to say either.

He had told Taemin to keep taking his antidepressants, rest a lot and scheduled appointments with him weekly.

But Taemin was now going crazy of boredom. He had heard every song in his I-pod fifty times. He felt like if he vomited he would spew up the lyrics of the songs that he had been listening to over and over again. He had even listened to his guilty pleasure Taylor Swift so much that the beginning chords of any of her songs made him want to bash his head open.

He had read every book in the house and all the magazines. He wasn’t allowed on his laptop, was too tired to play playstation with the rest of the members and never got a chance to watch tv because he had been confined to his bed.

He had thought Key would entertain him, like every other time he had been sick. Normally when Taemin was stuck in bed, Key would be sitting next to him cracking jokes, showing him things on his laptop, talking about silly things and talking about himself while Taemin made fun of him.

But now.. Key hardly looked him in the eye. He still cared for Taemin, making sure he was warm, giving him food, water and tidying the room. But his fingers now skimmed over Taemin’s skin as if he was holding himself back. Taemin could see Key hesitating before answering the millions of questions that Taemin fired at him, which Key answered as shortly as possible.

Taemin didn’t know what had come over Key. He missed just being with Key. Even when Key was in the room, it felt like he was a million miles away.

“Key hyung… Key! Key!” he shouted. He really wanted to see Key. “Key, come quickly!”

Taemin was pleased when he heard someone running to his room and Key’s body appeared through the door.

“What’s wrong?” huffed Key, looking worried.

Taemin put on his best sad face and pouted. He wasn’t really putting on an act when he actually felt sad, but he did play it up a little.

“Come closer,” he whimpered, knowing that Key was keeping his distance.

“Why?” asked Key.

“Just please,” said Taemin. “I feel sick.”

Taemin closed his eyes for dramatic effect and was happy when Key came closer and leaned over him.

“What’s wrong, babe? I mean, Taemin?” Key said softly, the endearment slipping out of his mouth.

Babe. Taemin actually loved it when Key called him that. Babe meant that Key thought he was hot and a baby at the same time. And the way Key had said those words, so caring, so softly and privately with that deep voice it sent shivers up his spine.

He opened his eyes to see Key’s feline ones looking back at him, those brown nearly black eyes that were only for him.

"Sick of not being able to kiss you.."

He grabbed Key’s arm and pulled him down, making sure that their lips met. He had missed kissing Key. He couldn’t believe it had been so long since he had done this. He deepened their kiss, loving the way Key heatedly responded, the way he echoed the pressure that Taemin was pressing onto his lips. Taemin managed to get inside Key’s mouth before Key pulled back.

“What, what’s wrong?” panted Taemin, slightly hurt.

Key could see Taemin was hurt that he had pulled back. But he couldn’t stop feeling so damn guilty. He Taemin’s cheek, that innocent face blinking up wounded at him.

“I love you,” Taemin said again. “I’ve said it so many times these past few days. Why won’t you say it back? Don’t you love me anymore?”

Key bit his lip at Taemin’s crestfallen face. Once again, Key was making him upset.

“I do love you Taemin,” he replied. “I love you more than anyone else in the world, and I mean it.”

“Then what changed?” said Taemin brokenly. “Why won’t you look at me properly? You won’t touch me properly?”

Key didn’t know how to answer.

“Is it because you got creeped out by me or something when I said I tried to drown myself?” whispered Taemin. “I’m sorry Key.  I know I’m messed up but I’m still me. I’m still the Taemin before that and always will me. You don’t need to be…scared of me. I’m sorry Key.”

He was apologising again. Key was disgusted with himself. He was causing Taemin to apologise for being suicidal. And he had become that right after Key had told him to go away. What kept Key up at night was the fact that Taemin had come to Key before he had run off. He had come to Key. He had asked for help. Key could still remember the scene, Taemin’s face ashen, stepping to him hesitantly asking Key to help him. And he had yelled at him and told him to go away. Taemin had depression. And he was his boyfriend. He couldn’t have treated him worse.

He was so guilty he couldn’t bring himself to look at that beautiful boy who still trusted him so much when he had nearly destroyed him. It churned in his stomach when he was lying awake at night listening to Taemin’s deep sleeping breaths, when he was alone making food for Taemin, when he was in the shower.

He couldn’t help think that if he was on the outside looking in, he would tell Taemin to run and dump him on his sorry . That Taemin deserved better, and that he was hanging on to someone who would only drag him down. He would tell Taemin “why are you with someone who makes you so unhappy? You need someone who makes you smile.”

He had tried to tell himself that the best thing for them was to break up. But he was still obsessed with Taemin. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him. He couldn’t stop thinking about him, wanting to touch him. He had wanted to hold Taemin and kiss him so badly but he always stopped himself. Because he was so damn guilty. But he had tried rehearsing the moment when he broke up with Taemin. He needed to. Jonghyun had been right. Taemin was too young, and was just infatuated with him and clung on. It wasn’t real love, he told himself.

He knew Taemin would cry. He knew Taemin would get hurt again. But hopefully, he would come to realise that their relationship had been too complicated and unhealthy, and be friends with Kibum again. And maybe let Key look after him again. Taemin would find a new boy, one that would treat him like the world and Key would keep his murderous thoughts himself.

It was better for Taemin to cry only one last time because of him then be unhappy because of him forever. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to make Taemin cry. But it would be worth it, Key justified.

“Key?” prompted Taemin. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You shouldn’t be apologising in the first place. See what I do to you? I make you feel bad about yourself and make you feel the need to be sorry for things that are not your fault!”

“Don’t say that hyung…” Taemin trailed off, confused.

He squeezed Taemin in his arms. One last time, he told himself, burying his nose into Taemin’s shoulder and closing his eyes at the warmth.

“Key…” said Taemin in a upset tone, hugging back.

He let go and propped himself up and looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry Taemin. I don’t think I’m the right one for you, even though I love you. I make you cry so much. And I can’t help you get better. You need to be with someone who makes you happy.”

Key could see Taemin’s eyes glittering.

“I don’t understand…” said Taemin in a small voice. “I love you. Don’t you love me anymore?”

“I do,” said Key holding Taemin’s hand in his. “But I’m always making you cry. I’m doing it again now,” Key sniffed, trying to hold back his own tears. “So that’s why.. that’s why…”

“No,” said Taemin vehemently, shaking his head. “No don’t you dare Kibum, don’t say it-“

“Taemin I want to break up.”

Key felt like his heart was getting mashed as he watched a single tear run down Taemin’s temple, threading through his brown hair to meet the pillow. He involuntarily reached out to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb.

“I’m sorry,” he said, swallowing his tears down and trying sniff up the crying feeling. “I’m so sorry. I love you. But I’m sorry. For this. For everything I’ve done. I’m sorry.”

“No no no no no,” Taemin kept repeating in that small voice that killed Key. He couldn’t keep looking at him. He leaned down and gave him a swift kiss on the lips before giving him one last hug. He got up shakily.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “You’ll understand one day.”

“No don’t, don’t!” cried Taemin, his volume escalating as Key turned around and fought to keep his feet moving to the door, fought the urge to turn around and say he was lying, that it was a joke and that he would be Taemin’s forever.

He made it to the corridor before he heard Taemin sobbing out his name.

“Key! Come back! Key please! Key! Key!” he could hear Taemin half cry half shout behind him, his voice muffled through the room and the distance.

Key started crying harshly, his breaths hitching crazily himself as he ran in the direction of the bathroom.

“What happened? Taemin’s calling your name!” Jonghyun said as he bumped into Key, grabbing his arms. “Key, why are you crying? What happened?”

“Key!” Taemin yelled again, now sobbing so loudly the whole house could hear. Through his tears Key could hear Minho and Onew running into Taemin’s room.

“You were right,” choked out Key, gasping for air. “You were right. I-I’m not good for him, I-I don’t deserve him.”

He escaped out of Jonghyun’s grasp and dashed to the bathroom, where he never wanted to come out again.

A/N I think Taekey are tooooo cute! I'm not the sort of shawol who is like 'my OTP is real they are gay don't even talk about wanting him, he's blah blahs'.. I really do think that they are straight. But Taekey! They live together, work together, Key was sooo cute toward Taemin when they debuted :D and now the Taekey is coming back! the Taekey tumblr tag has a lot to tag about haha! They must really know each other, and I think deep down they love each other like brothers :) And eeurrgghh I loooovvee brotherly love thats why The Outsiders killed me haha.

Poor Taemin, now he's getting dumped :'(

comment about what you thought of this chapter pplleeaaassee  and anything else you want to say haha :) <3