a/n: You can watch/listen to this in reference to the last part: Time Lapse

 

 

“Yunjin? Uhm, napadaan ka,” binaba niya saglit ang binabasang libro. It’s her only day off after weeks of hectic schedule and shows. Ngayong araw sana niya gustong ipahinga ang katawan at utak niya.

 

“Ano, uhh— Isasauli ko lang ‘tong book na hiniram ko before,” her friend replied. “I didn’t know you were home, sabi kasi ni Jackson ipatong ko na lang somewhere. Here, I’ll get going na rin.”

 

Yunjin didn’t even wait for her to respond bago tumalikod at maglakad papunta sa pinto.

 

Winter didn’t know kung paano at kung kailan sila nag-umpisang maging awkward ng boardmate niya nung college. She thinks they both know the reason why, but both of them just won’t acknowledge it.

 

She faintly remembers her friend telling her about someone she used to like back in the day. It was too coincidental na hindi na nagsabi si Yunjin about it when Minjeong started dating Jimin.

 

She was too dense to realize it before...

 

“Yun.”

 

Her friend craned her head to look at her, “Yeah?” When she didn’t answer, tuluyan na siyang hinarap ulit ng kaibigan, “Ano ‘yon? May.. gusto ka bang sabihin?”

 

“I.. Uhh.. I’m sure you know about what happened already..” She’s not blind para hindi mapansin how close Yunjin and Karina have gotten over the past months since magkita ulit ang dalawa. “She, uhm, told you?”

 

“She did,” her friend answered with no hesitation.

 

“And are you not going to lecture me about it?” Biro niya dito. Her tone was light and only teasing just to sort of bring back ‘yung pagiging kumportable nila sa isa’t isa.

 

Yunjin only arched her brow at her at mukhang hindi nakikipagbiruan, “You wouldn’t want me to do that. Trust me,” there was an obvious malice sa boses ng kaibigan niya.

 

Which, quite honestly, didn’t sit well on Winter.

 

“Why? Nakakatakot ka naman.”

 

She scoffed, “Then you’d realize how ty you were to Karina even after all these years,” her friend spatted. “Katulad ka pa rin ng dati.”

 

Hindi nakapagsalita si Winter. Both of them are giving each other a cold stare at walang nagpapatinag. The tension is too palpable to ignore. “What’s your problem with me, Yunjin?”

 

“I don’t have a problem with you, Minjeong. But I have a problem with how you handled your whole situation with Karina,” dere-derechong sabi ng kaibigan niya.

 

“How is that any of your business? That’s between me and her, at wala ka na doon,” she defended herself. “S-She ended us in a good way. We both understood why it couldn’t happen. We’re on good terms.”

 

Are they really?

 

After Karina decided to cut off their unofficial relationship, wala naman naging pag-aaway na nangyari between them. However, she could tell Karina was just tired... Mabigat pa rin sa dibdib na isipin.

 

“And you think doon na nagtapos ang lahat?” Bumalik siya sa ulirat. “Do you have any idea how hurt she was when she made that decision na ‘wag ituloy ‘yung inyo? My God, she even felt terrible dahil baka raw nasaktan ka niya!”

 

Parang piniga ang puso ni Winter sa narinig.

 

She doesn’t like confrontations like this. She felt her eyes starting to water sa mga sinasabi ni Yunjin, but there’s no way na magpapakita siya ng kahinaan when her friend is cornering her.

 

“Hindi ka naman bata para hindi isipin kung ano ‘yung magiging sitwasyon niyo, yet you continued giving her false hopes. Mas pinaglapit mo kayo sa isa’t isa, then nung naging mahirap na ang lahat, tsaka mo mare-realize na it probably isn’t going to work out?”

 

Winter greeted her teeth, closing her fists to contain her anger, “You have no idea, not even a tiny bit idea, of how hard it was for me too, Yunjin. I never wanted to hurt her. Kung makapagsalita ka, parang alam mo lahat.”

 

Her friend laughed in a sarcastic manner, “I know one thing, though,” she said pointedly. “I know for a fact that you didn’t deserve her before, and you still don’t deserve her now.”

 

That was like a bullet straight to her heart.

 

“Who does she deserve then? Ikaw?”

 

“Definitely not someone na hindi siya kayang panindigan katulad mo,” Yunjin just kept on hitting the spot and Winter couldn’t do anything about it. “Jusko, Minjeong. She was willing to try para sayo, pero anong ginawa mo?”

 

Her friend scowled at her, “You just can’t communicate to save your life, ‘no? Umpisa pa lang you managed to hurt her already with your lack of communication.”

 

“Stop—”

 

“And the way you denied her in public like that? The lunch with Mark? You made her go through all those nang wala man lang ka-warning warning?! Hindi ka na naawa dun sa tao! She was bawling her eyes out that night!”

 

Winter is doing her best para hindi maluha sa harap ng kaibigan niya, “I— I didn’t have a choice! Biglaan lang lahat ng ‘yon! You won’t understand and I don’t really expect you to.”

 

Hinagod ni Yunjin ang buhok niya bago siya tignan nito ulit, “You always say na wala kang choice. But.. ironically, you chose to pursue her even though you knew the repercussions.”

 

“I love her and I care about her. Hindi ko ‘yun mapipigilan, Yunjin,” she felt weak sa mga tingin ng kaibigan niya sa kanya.

 

“If you really cared about her, umpisa pa lang hindi mo na siya pinilit na mag-work para sayo. Umpisa pa lang, hindi mo na dapat siya nilapit-lapitan, making her fall for your charms again.”

 

Umiling si Yunjin, “But as usual, you always have to think about yourself and your feelings first. Hell, it took you long to properly apologize to her!”

 

Hindi na magawang idepensa pa ni Winter ang sarili niya dahil lahat naman ng sinasabi ni Yunjin ay nagme-make sense. She was too occupied with her feelings before, at siguro nga ay naging selfish talaga siya.

 

“You’re a major red flag, Minjeong. And I hope Karina doesn’t get hurt the third time nang dahil nanaman sayo. She deserves so much better than that.”

 

With that, Yunjin left her standing like a fool sa sarili niyang living room. Her breathing is starting to get uneven from the confrontation, and she felt herself landing on the sofa.

 

“M-Miss Winter, are you okay?” Chenle probably heard her conversation with Yunjin sa lakas ng boses nila. “Don’t worry po, uhm, my mouth is zipped..” Inalalayan siya nitong maka-upo nang maayos.

 

“Thanks, Chenle..” The private chef walked away from the living area para iwan si Winter na mag-isa.

 

The confrontation with her friend felt like a deja vu to her dahil siya rin ang madalas na pagsabihan si Winter before when she left Karina to go to Korea. Tuwing mag-uusap sila, the girl never failed to make her feel like an for leaving.

 

Tumigil lang ang kaibigan sa pagpapagalit nung mawala ang parents ni Winter.

 

She was right sa mga sinabi niya sa akin kanina, though. She’s always right when it comes to Karina.

 

Winter closed her eyes for a while, at imbis na makatulog, bumabalik lang ulit ‘yung memory two weeks ago when Karina broke them off.

 

 

 

A week after she visited Karina’s house, she got the chance to see the assistant manager again. It was unexpected dahil si Chenle na muna ang pumapasok to prepare food…

 

Pero pagbalik niya sa bahay after the early morning shoot for her show, si Karina ang bumungad na nakatayo sa kitchen at nagluluto ng lunch.

 

“Karina?”

 

The girl didn’t look up immediately. Napatigil lang ito sa pagka-cut ng meat. After a few seconds, the girl finally met her gaze, “Hi. Long time.”

 

It sparked hope within her. She thinks Karina finally came back ang give her an answer, and Winter isn’t one to assume things, pero malakas ang kutob niya na baka positive naman ang maging desisyon ni Karina.

 

“Are you.. back for good? Dito?” Suddenly, nawala ang pagod niya from all the meeting, filming, and recording.

 

“Hindi.. Uhm— I swapped with Chenle for the day kasi gusto sana kitang makausap,” her tone was light yet parang may hint of sadness and heartbreak na kasama.

 

Nagsimula nang kabahan si Winter, “O-Ohh.. Okay.”

 

“Pwede ba tayong mag-usap? Sa room mo? Matatapos na rin ako sa food. Para makakain ka na rin.. You look tired and hungry,” she almost cried right then and there sa pagka-caring ng boses ni Karina.

 

She nodded timidly, “Punta ka na lang sa room after mo diyan..”

 

Karina gave her a solemn smile, “Sure.”

 

“Jopay is there pala downstairs,” Giselle told her pagtaas niya ng bahay. “You guys okay na?”

 

“I think she’s gonna break it off..”

 

Bumagsak din ang expression ng kanyang manager, “Baka naman hindi? But.. I could see how it was affecting her. I felt bad minsan na wala akong magawa to protect you, guys. Nag-promise pa man din ako sa kanya.”

 

“Paano pa ako, Gi? I promised her I’d try my best and be better, but look at me,” she shook her head while laughing unamused. “Dapat pala may workshop din before on how to date someone kapag idol ka,” biro na lang niya.

 

They heard footsteps coming from the stairs. Giselle excused herself and Winter entered her room para magkunwaring may ginagawa para naman hindi mahalata masyado ni Karina ang pagiging kabado niya.

 

Kumatok na ang private chef, and Winter had to take a deep breath first before she opened the door, “Katok ka pa diyan,” she greeted Karina in a light note. “Hindi ka naman na kumakatok dito.”

 

It pains her to think that the reason is... is because umiiwas na si Karina sa nakasanayan.

 

“Sige, next time parang SWAT na akong papasok dito,” the girl joked back. They shared a short laugh.

 

Naupo sila pareho sa kama nang magkatabi.

 

Karina didn’t flinch when Winter moved closer to her just to feel her presence a bit more. “May.. decision ka na ba? I know I said maiintindihan ko kung ano ‘yung decision mo, but I’ll still try my best k-kung bibigyan mo pa ng chance..”

 

Pinaglalaruan pa rin ni Karina ang sariling mga daliri at doon lang ito naka-focus. Nakita lang ni Winter ang maliit na ngiti niya sa labi, pero kahit hindi niya kita ang mata ni Karina, alam niyang malungkot ang mga ito.

 

“Nag-isip-isip ako the past week...” Karina stated quietly. “Masyado akong nagpadala sa bugso ng dadamin, Winter. Siguro dahil nasabik din ako sayo. Mas inuna ko ‘yung puso ko kaysa sa sarili ko. Ang rupok-rupok ko kasi..”

 

She smiled, Winter didn’t.

 

“Alam mo ‘yung ano.. kapag masaya ka, you tend to make decisions based off your happiness that moment?” Winter nodded. “Tingin ko ganon ‘yung nangyari during our Boracay trip. I was so willing to make it work, Winter.”

 

Winter finally found the courage to speak, “K-Kung naging better ba ako when it comes to communicating with you, would it have made any difference? Sorry, Karina..”

 

Karina shrugged, “Siguro.. Kasi for a while, parang ako lang ‘yung nagta-try na makipag-communicate sayo. It would have helped kung naging confident ka sa atin. But.. But I guess you were never confident sa ating dalawa. Even before.”

 

The statement didn’t sound accusatory. There was not passive aggressiveness... But it broke Winter’s heart na ganito ang pinaramdam niya kay Karina.

 

“I’m sorry..”

 

Hinawakan siya ni Karina sa kamay, still not looking at her, “That word is starting to lose its meaning coming from you, Win.”

 

“I’m so—” she cut herself off. “I don’t know what to say other than that. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapakita sayo ‘yung care ko—‘yung pagmamahal ko—nang hindi ka nasasaktan,” she managed to say without choking.

 

“At hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko ipapakita ‘yung pagmamahal ko sayo nang hindi ka natatakot,” Karina answered. “Pitong taon na ‘yung nakalipas, yet we still don’t belong to each other.”

 

“I— I can give up my career...” Winter’s voice weakened.

 

“Ayokong gawin mo ‘yon, Winter. At alam kong ayaw mo rin gawin ‘yon.”

 

Natahimik sila saglit. Karina finally met her gaze after a while, her smile looks broken, “We weren’t meant to be nung college girl ka lang, lalo naman siguro ngayong idol ka na,” natawa si Karina.

 

The girl touched her face, “I’m sure marami pang darating na issues sa atin. Marami pang mali-link sayo, marami pang mga statements na kailangan mong bitawan that would hurt me..”

 

Karina started tearing up, “And.. I dont think I’ll ever get used to that feeling. Hindi ko yata kayang gawin ‘yon sa sarili ko. Ayoko rin maipit ka lagi. Some things are just out of your control as well.”

 

“Maybe in another lifetime, we would know how to love each other better,” Karina choked up. “At least we tried, ‘no?” She smiled at Winter despite the tears flowing down her face.

 

Winter held Karina’s hand that’s caressing her face, “I barely did..”

 

“Ayokong magtapos tayo nang hindi maganda, Win. I think that’s the least we can do for each other sa ngayon—have a proper closure.”

 

Tumango si Winter, “Sabi ko sa sarili ko hindi ko na hahayaang mawala ka, yet I’m losing you for the second time around.”

 

“There’s nothing we can do..”

 

Humikbi na si Winter, “C-Can we still be f-friends?”

 

Her tears just won’t stop at pinupunasan lang ito ni Karina, “Y-Yeah, of course. We’ll still see each other. Hindi naman kita iirapan,” pabiro pa nitong pakli. “I’m happy for your success. I really am.”

 

Winter is, too.

 

But at what cost?

 

 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

“Taray, first time ngumiti after a month ah,” pabirong bungad ni Ning sa kanya pagpasok ng TWF. “Daming orders ng KarNing kahapon teh! For tomorrow ‘yung