Throwing his back, Kai downed the drink and extended his cup for the servant to refill. The boy dutifully filled his cup without a word. It didn’t do much for Kai—his body had gotten used to harsher liquor and his dragon blood made it almost impossible to get drunk on ordinary alcohol that would work on other magic users. Though this liquor was specifically brewed for the royal family, it wouldn't last long like he wanted. His blood flushed out all toxins and would repair any damage that any bad habits might cause. Still drinking felt like an appropriate response to the situation.  His personal guard finally couldn't stay quiet after an hour or so since they walked into the library. "Majesty!" Jungkook called. Kai could see the worry in his eyes as well Yuri's. "Take it easy."his desire to help Kai was almost tangible. But no one could help him. Not unless they could turn back time for Kai to undo his mistakes. Snorting, Kai tilted his glass and then tossed back the last of the disappointing liquor. It wasn't strong like Kai wished. The whole bottle wouldn’t make him slur his words. The world rattled along on a fragile balance of disbelief these days. It probably didn’t need Kai to stand up in court to argue that liquor didn’t work they way he wanted. The shadow guard let out a long sigh. "I don't know what happened, but drinking it away is not the way. Kai." Jungkook rarely dropped the honorifics, unless when he wanted to remind Kai, they weren't just emperor and guard, but friends as well. He was right. Kai wasn't one to wallow in alcohol. He was man enough to handle his . But at the moment, he felt raw with emotions he couldn't handle. "Go do your thing Jungkook." He dismissed him, yet again downing another half filled cup in one go.  "Do you even know what you're doing?" Yuri gestured at the book in front of Kai. Kai simply shrugged, not feeling the need to respond. She released the most indelicate, unladylike snort. "There's a reason I don't like him, he's making–." Kai pinned her with a hard look that had her snapping shut as rage swamped him for a moment, strong enough to scare him. "No," he growled, forcing his hand to relax where it was curled around the cup. Breathing deeply, he shoved the anger to one side and examined it, poking at it like a bruise until he found the spot that hurt."Do not speak ill of him. He did nothing wrong" He couldn't have the people closest to him see Sehun as anything but the perfect person he was. Sehun didn't deserve that, not after everything he went through. Yuri glared at him, her eyes saying what couldn't. Huffing, she glanced at Jungkook."Handle him." She threw at Jungkook, before taking her leave in form of mist. She was annoyed and staying could make things bad between Kai and her. He knew why she chose to leave instead. Yuri wasn't the type to stay quiet. Shaking his head, Jungkook let out another sigh, making himself invisible. Kai could feel his presence at far end of the library. "You're excused." Kai told the servant. "Leave the bottle on the table." The boy bowed deeply. "Yes majesty." He placed the bottle down quietly. With another bow, he existed the library. After pouring himself about drink, Kai glanced at the direction he felt Jungkook."Kook, send Wendy to Sehun." He said to the empty space, but knew the guard could hear him. "He needs someone with him." To take care of him.  Jungkook dropped the magic and appeared in a perfectly timed flash of mist in front of Kai. "Wendy?" He sounded a little lost. Jungkook would do as he was told, the bond between them would make sure of it, like a trout strung from the river on a line, but he didn’t have to be enthusiastic about it. "His maidservant." Kai supplied helpfully. "I know who she is, just that I never knew a person being charged for murder has the privilege of a maidservant while in cell." The shadow guard pointed out. "He's innocent." Kai said, slamming the cup on the table. Jungkook raised an eyebrow at him. "You seem certain." "I am." Kai rubbed his temple. "Do you really believe he would do that?" "Do what? Attempt murder on the prince he swore to protect or the pregnancy he claims it's yours?" There was no mockery in his tone, just stating what he believed to be the fact. "Murder." Kai said. They needed to handle it first. "My boyfriend has been berating down my neck, he too is certain Sehun's innocent, however that didn't explain the babe of another man he's carrying." "The babe is mine." Kai told him, he raised a hand when Jungkook made to speak."It sounded unbelievable I know, but not impossible.  Trust me Kook, I swear on my life. Sehun's is carrying my child."  The shadow guard's eyes remained on Kai, with brows ceased in deep thought. He was in daze for a while that Kai thought he'd stunned him silly, then Jungkook's head snapped to Kai's face as though suddenly getting the gist."I–" he dragged in a breath. "Alright. I don't know how it's possible but I trust you Kai."  The sincerity in his tone had Kai letting out a sigh. "Thank you. Now go please. Make sure he's comfortable, I will fix things soon." Jungkook bowed, without words as he vanished. Returning his attention to the book, Kai flipped through the pages, his eyes taking in every information keenly. It was a book about Rebirth and whatnot he'd found in the corner of the library. According to the book It did happened. However in rare occasions, because the prize one needed to pay was too much and many were unwilling to pay. And the Rebirth to a scale that could affect not just one race but an entire empire required a huge prize. What prize did Sehun pay? Kai wondered. From what Sehun had told the paladin didn't seem to offer anything in return. Perhaps Sehun was one of those favored by the Goddesses, like the book had mentioned. Only a handful had existed in millennials. And most, if not all, didn't even know they had the favor to change their pasts and just move on when they died before their destined time. It wasn't that Kai didn't believe Sehun. The problem was that he sincerely believed him, but was unable to accept it. For many reasons, but the one that hurt him the most was being the one to cut Sehun's life short. By his damned hand– more accurately his claws. Kai's chest ached, his breath threatening to stop. He had to remind himself to breath, that Sehun didn't remain dead and so was their child. Yet the knowledge didn't ease the pain in his chest and make it easy to overcome those dreams– memories. Kai had seen how Sehun died in his dreams, had seen what came after, the years since Sehun's death. Subconsciously knowing about them was one of the reasons he was holding onto Sehun, being good to him and refusing to let go even though he'd seen the unspeakable plea in Sehun a few months ago. Deep down Kai knew he was trying to make up for the past mistakes. Sometimes, when you couldn’t change what was going on and you didn’t want to understand it, all you could do was shove it under the bed and make sure your toes didn’t stick out from the covers.That was what he'd done. It had been long since he realized those dreams where more than ordinary, his uncle had hinted so, albeit vaguely. They were memories, that he refused to accept and find solace in lying to himself, to believe they weren't his, it wasn't him, but a different Kai– an from another alternate reality. But not anymore. That was him, alright. He'd come to terms with that today. There was no going about it. He couldn't lie to himself, live in denial, no matter how much he loathed and wouldn't forgive himself. It was the hard truth. Brutal and raw. Hearing Sehun talked about the past, had something in Kai had snapped. It wasn't, just the denial, the stubbornness to live in the present.  It was different. His head throbbing, his vision a blur of colors. His limbs were heavy, and he felt as though he were drowning in liquor, despite not having any. The dragon he hadn't felt for years. It's presence faint, like a tiny organ in him, that he couldn't live without. It had trashed in agony, for what it had done to its mate and their child. It was brief but enough to fuel the misery and guilt. Kai knew he would never take on dragon shape, he didn't have one no longer. What he felt was the remnant of what was left to keep the bloodline going. He wasn't different from any royal with dragon blood. Not when he had exchanged it for something else. Something better. What the hell was he wondering for? The answer was right in his head. Sehun didn't offer anything because Kai had already done that.  With a sigh, he let his mind take a memory trip to the moment he would give anything to change.
*** "–me the heart, now."  "No" Kai shook his head, his fist tightening around something soft. His vision cleared to see the bloody heart in his grip. The horror of what he'd done came crashing. With the evidence right in his hand, Kai was certain he was the one that ripped off Sehun's heart. He had felt the agony of watching the man he loved died, but unable to stop it even as his dragon fought to. Kai didn't know what went wrong. He swore he never had the intention of ending Sehun, despite the crime tied to him. He didn't know how it ended up this way, like Sehun's death was inevitable. If Kai wasn't a royal with a dragon in him, he would have thought he'd been influenced to commit such horrendous act . But no, it was all him. Blinded by his grief for his only son, his sanity had shifted and he– Oh goddesses above. Kai cried out, his voice hoarse. What sort of tragic fate was this? Why would the fates play such cruelty on him? The horror was too great for Kai to accept, and his chest tightened. Breathing became arduous. This day was by far the worst of all. Not even losing his father, nor his empress could come close. Heavily, Kai looked behind and his agony was fueled by the sight. Everything was wrong. That hole in Sehun's chest ,shouldn't be. With legs that didn't feel like his own, Kai shuffled toward the lifeless body of his beloved. Sehun's eyes had remained on Hyunjin until his last moment. Kai's world came undone. His knees grew weak, and he sank to the floor. Chest threatening to explode, Kai put back the heart back. But it was too late. No matter how hard he tried to heal him, the damage wasn't reversible. "Get the healer." He shouted, however no one made a move to do what he asked. Not even his most loyal guards. "Did you not here me?" "K-kai he's not coming back." Rue said, voice trembling. It must have been hard for her to witness Sehun's death. "I am sorry, I should have stopped you." "No, no he's a paladin. The goddesses wouldn't abandon him." He reached within him to call out his dragon, however the creature had disappeared deep beyond his reach. "Please." Kai begged, but the dragon cowered even more. Kai couldn't begin to imagine what it was going through. Just a few days ago, everything was perfect. But now Kai's world had shattered beyond repair, and it was all his fault. He should– "Sehun!"  Kai heard a voice shouted with so much sorrow that it could almost match his own. He glanced to see Baekhyun rushing over. Kai surged, pulling Sehun's body into his arms. "Don't touch him." He said, shaking his head. Fury and hatred oozing out of him, the Fire-Hound pulled out his paladin blade. A promise to give Kai the most cruel death was written all over his grief stricken face. "You did this to him, and you shall pay." Yes Kai deserved to die too. He didn't need anyone to point it out. Now that his head was clear, suddenly he could feel it deep within him, Sehun didn't commit the crime he was accused of. Even if Sehun did, he didn't deserve this. But before Baekhyun could reach Kai, two of the guards grabbed him. The Fire-Hound was so much distraught, in grief. He screamed and trashed, cursing and asking to be let alone. To be let near Sehun. When it didn't work, he began begging earnestly, tears running down his face. Unable to stand the devastation he'd caused, Kai stood up with Sehun's body and forced his legs to walk out of the cold palace. His body was on autopilot, that was how he found himself back in his chambers. Two days later he held a funeral for his son, however was unable to do that for Sehun. It didn't feel right to bury him no matter how he looked at it. Thus Kai had the healer stitched the hole up, with Sehun's heart that would probably never beat again. He cleaned Sehun, dressed him nicely and had  asa glass coffin made to preserve his body before Kai found a way to restore him. Regrettably Kai never realized how much Sehun meant to him until he was no more. He'd taken his concubine for granted, thinking Sehun would forever be with him in life. All Sehun had ever done was loved Kai wholeheartedly. But Kai didn't even realized his feelings until it was ing too late. If only he could turn back the hands of the clock, to the moment he met Sehun. Kai would be good to him, treat him well, they way he deserved, not the pain he had to endure for Kai. Kai knew, had seen it, the pain in Sehun's eyes several times in the past. But because Kai was an arrogant bastard, he had shrugged it off, and dismissed Sehun, when he brought up his concerns. In someway Kai deserved this, to live in agony, in a world without Sehun. He had brought this upon himself. Though Kai deserved this. It didn’t mean he could bear it. It wasn't like he didn't miss his son. It was far from that. No father wouldn't miss their child, besides Hyunjin was his one and only child. Kai missed Hyunjin so ing much, to the point it was maddening. He wished nothing more than to find his real killer and bring him justice so that he could truly rest in peace. There was this nagging feeling at the back of his mind, a thought or a perhaps a memory that could shed some light as to whom Hyunjin's killer was, but unfortunately he couldn't access, like that particular info had been deleted from his brain. The guilt of being the one to end Sehun, was making it hard, it dominated his whole being, that it was truly difficult to let himself feel anything else. Everything was cold, no warmth whatsoever since Sehun's demise. Things had hit Kai hard, Sehun had taken a significant part of Kai with him. Kai was once a man with dignity and grace, however he'd became anything but. Kai could feel himself fading from reality as time went by. Nothing appease him, nothing had a meaning in his life. Kai had become a shell of the man he once was. He no longer attend court, despite his siblings and mom trying hard to make him realize life had to go on, and many depended on him. In the end, none of them could get through him. Hyoyeon had taken the responsibility of the empire upon herself.  Basic things like eating, bathing and shaving, became a luxury as he buried himself in research on how to revive Sehun. The best ma