Track 14 : Ba't Mo Pa Ako Minahal?

The One I Once Loved
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[ Now Playing: Langyang Pag-Ibig by Ben and Ben ]

 

 

"Irene," pagtawag mo sa akin, and I glare at you as you still stubbornly try to move forward towards me, so I did what I had to do; I break away from everyone’s grasps and break into a run out of the hotel, pero naalala kong mas mabilis ka sa akin and didn’t have a hard time chasing after me.

 

You hold my wrist, stopping me from running away, and the cold in your hands and your fingertips stab another wave of that unsettling feeling upon my system, but I do not let it settle in my heart again.

 

Never again.

 

"Irene, wait. Pakinggan mo naman ako—" 

 

"Seulgi, tama na." 

 

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko na pinalo ang kamay niyang nagpupumilit na humawak sa akin palayo, at pinilit kong bigyan ng distansya kaming dalawa dahil alam kong hindi ko kakayanin pag lumapit siya ng sobrang lapit. 

 

"Hindi pa ba sapat na sinaktan mo ako? Bakit ipapakita mo pa iyang pagmumukha mo dito?" sunod-sunod kong tanong, at hindi ko na napigilan ang luhang pilit na tumutulo sa mga pisngi ko—I wipe them away, glaring at her. 

 

"Hindi pa ba sapat na hindi mo tinupad lahat ng pangakong binigay mo sa akin, Seulgi? Hindi pa ba sapat na habambuhay kong dadalhin yung bigat na nararamdaman ko ngayon, kasi nararamdaman kong parang never akong naging enough sa'yo?" 

 

Stop, Irene. 

 

"Irene—" 

 

"Bakit nandito ka? Bakit parang wala lang sa'yo lahat? Bakit kung makapunta ka dito, parang hindi naman ako nasaktan?" I ask with the weight of a thousand questions all pressing down on me, all screaming for me to answer them without fail—it is so overwhelming, and I hate myself more for it. 

 

"Tell me, Seulgi. Minahal mo ba talaga ako?" 

 

I hate that no matter how I try to find it alone, the answers could only come from her. 

 

"Irene, minahal kita." 

 

Stop, before she hurts you again. 

 

"Then why?" I ask, gritting my teeth, knowing that the wounds I thought had already been sewn shut are now opening themselves painfully again. 

 

"Sasaktan mo lang pala ako sa huli eh, bakit mo pa ako minahal?" 

 

Those words are left in the air, and as painful as it is for me, I look at her again and all I find is the same silence she had given me that night, the silence that replaced the chaos I fell in love with. 

 

"Irene, I loved you and it wasn't your fault that I fell out of love, please… maniwala ka sa akin." you say, pero somehow I don't believe you. 

 

Now, I don't. 

 

Paano kita paniniwalaan, eh kung titigan mo ako parang ako ang may kasalanan sa lahat? 

 

"It was never your fault, Irene. Ako yung may kasalanan, and please don't think na you're never enough because you are—" 

 

"Sana ganun lang kadali, Seulgi." I say, walking backwards as she's moving towards me, "Sana ganun lang kadaling maniwala sa'yo pagkatapos mong magsinungaling sa akin ng paulit-ulit."

 

"Irene, please—" 

 

"Bakit ka ba kasi nandito? Hindi ba, tapos na? You finished it all the night you told me na you didn't want to be with me anymore. You finished it all the day you moved out of the home we had, taking everything with you. Hindi ba, tinapos mo na lahat? Bakit magpapakita ka pa sa akin ngayon—"

 

"I'm just here to give you the answers to your questions, Irene, please. Sasagutin ko lahat ng tanong mo, so please, huminahon ka muna and listen to me?" she says, shutting me up completely as she stares at me wildly. 

 

Then she kneels, and Seulgi Kang ing begs. 

 

"Please, Irene. Give me a chance to explain everything, to end this all properly." she says while on her knees, her hands clasped together as I tried to make her stand up, but she just wouldn't budge. 

 

“Seulgi, tumayo ka diyan.” I say, but she does not make a move, does not care about making a scene in front of our hotel and stays in her place, and no matter how I try to pull her upwards hindi siya gumagalaw.

 

“Tangina,” I said, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her upwards, but no matter how I tried to get her to stand up ay hindi niya ginagawa. “Tangina Seulgi, tumayo ka diyan!” 

 

“I-I won’t,” she says with a shaky breath, “I won’t stand up until you tell me na you’ll listen.” 

 

Putangina.

 

“Don’t make a scene here, Seulgi. Pumunta kami dito para mag-enjoy at magbakasyon, hindi yung ginagambala mo kami dito. If you want the both of us to talk, then do it in Manila or forever hold your peace, I don’t even ing care anymore.” inis kong sabi, and in my anger I pushed her with all the force I could muster, causing her to fall down on her back upon the sand.

 

I barely make a few steps forward before she calls my name again.

 

And it’s my name.

 

“Joohyun,” she says, and at that moment I knew I was no longer hers. “Listen to me—”

 

“Irene,” I said, turning back to her and staring at her intently, a glare finding its way on my eyes. “You call me Irene from now on. That name is no longer yours.” 

 

She falters, and I grit my teeth as I walk away—

 

“Irene, please—listen to me kahit isang beses lang—”

 

“No,” I said, gritting my teeth as I know na one more time she begs and I’ll fall apart again, because even if I know that I am no longer hers, the habits of loving her and fighting for her is still there embedded in every word and every memory I’m desperately trying to hold back.

 

“You can never talk to me again—”

 

“Irene, don’t make me go away for good and never have the chance to clear my side to you.” 

 

What?

 

“What did you say?” 

 

“Irene, isang beses na lang. Pakinggan mo ako and after this, I will never show myself to you again.” she says, already standing up and never minding the sand that clung stubbornly upon her clothes. 

 

"Then you could have explained it to me nung nakipagbreak ka sa akin, diba?" 

 

She falters again, and I take the chance to turn back and leave but she stubbornly held on my wrist, the gentleness never sending the warmth I thought it would—

 

Ganun siguro pag sumuko na, no? 

 

Sinukuan ko na eh. 

 

"Seulgi," I say, as calm as I could, "You should have told me everything when you had a chanc

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Comments

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forgotme #1
Chapter 18: Grabe nman mapanakit..
Wala bang part 2 ung continuation 😁✌️
sluggiebearr
#2
Chapter 18: wtf did i just read 😭😭😭😭😭 ang sakit sakit ng puso ko sobra ano to
xantheaverielle
#3
Chapter 18: Sobrang sakit ng fic na 'to. Cried too much from reading this. So beautifully written and so painfully good. Made me realize so much. Thank you for this work, author!
Reveluvteddy #4
Chapter 18: This is really good. Hurt so good 💔
seulsbear
#5
Chapter 5: Ang ganda ng story na 'to! Nasa chapter 4 pa lang ako pero parang may ib-binge read ako ngayon😭

This story deserves more comments and reads! I'm guessing the reason why di gaanong kilala 'tong story na 'to even tho it's so good is because you didn't put a "seulrene" tag on its own sa description. I was only able to find this story through twitter :((
RVSone0105
936 streak #6
Chapter 5: Haist talaga seulrene!! Panindigan niyo rin ang kilig ko sa inyo, galawin niyo na ang barko juseyo 🥺 missed ko na kayo 😭
spagtitty #7
Chapter 18: Thank you so much for this masterpiece, author. I never knew I needed a beautifully written fic in my life. god im so glad dementia runs in my family and because of that i can read this again and again and again and experience catharsis 🧎🏻‍♀️
spagtitty #8
Chapter 14: ṣ̸̛̺̞̯̬̍̏̓̀̅̚̕e̶̘̤̪̟̭̰͑ư̵̳̱̥̙͆͐̌͋̂̈̈̅̍l̵̥̓͐̈́̓̌̃͂̅͝r̶̯͇̪͓͈̭̫̟̉͑͛̏̿̊è̶̛̙̙̭̖̦͐̀̓̐̓̓̇̀ņ̷̖͈̱͍͗́ê̵̬̗̪̫̆́̍͆͛͠f̷͈̹̜̦͍̱̉͐̉̅̈́̃̚͠l̵̫͂͗͆͌̈́̎̃̎͝ủ̶̡̡̻͈̠̤f̵̰̬͎͚͇̯̓̈́̌ͅf̵̡͓̙͕͓̞̳̞̀̍͋̚͜͜͝