Track 15: We Aren't Meant To Be The One

The One I Once Loved
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[ Now Playing: The Ones We Once Loved by Ben and Ben ]

 

 

As I watch you go, I wanted to stand up and chase after you because part of the reason why I’m here is to try and chase you back even if all I’ve become is crazily confusing.

 

But you told me not to. 

 

And even if I want to, I don’t.

 

As I watch you go, the years flash through my mind and in a spur of a moment I stand up to walk towards you, knowing that if you can fight through the years I’ve been too harsh on you alam kong kakayanin ko din na gawin iyon para sa’yo—

 

A smile appears upon your lips, different from the one I know is mine, but still it is wide and it takes away the pain I see in your eyes as I watch you stare at your phone and your fingers rush towards the keyboard to form out a reply.

 

I know that smile.

 

Kahit katiting, kilala kita.

 

Oh.

 

My steps slow down, and for once I feel my heart getting crushed as I see the bitter truth in front of me because I know that I never was a fighter—never was one, even if I do everything I can.

 

I know when to quit, or I’m just too cowardly to even start a fight when I know I’ve already lost or that I’ve already lost the chance to fight so long ago.

 

Ako yung sumuko, tapos ako yung maghahabol ngayon?

 

Tangina.

 

Ang lala mo naman, Seulgi Kang.

 

No. 

 

I can't do that anymore. 

 

You are my dreams once upon a time, but now it's different. 

 

You were my dreams. 

 

Bawat chapter ng buhay ko after I met you, ipininta ko na dun ang plano ko sa buhay na kasama ka—because I just knew back then that you'd be the one I'll spend the rest of my life with. 

 

Forever, I promised, and it lit me with happiness when I saw that you were happy with the promises you trusted me to fulfill, the promises I thought I could fulfill kasi my plans with you were crystal clear and I knew what I wanted, which was to be with you in the forever I promised. 

 

But somehow, it got blurry after graduation. 

 

Akala ko, sapat na yung pagmamahal lang. 

 

Akala ko, sapat na yung mahal kita, na kakayanin kong labanan ang mundo with you by my side like those cheesy tropes na nababasa ko sa librong pinapahiram mo sa akin noon. 

 

Hindi pala. 

 

Kasi no matter how strong my love was for you, naglaho lahat. 

 

Kasi the demons of our reality were still stronger. 

 

Suddenly, the thought of forever was so unbearable that I wanted to leave. 

 

Pero you were silently pleading; I knew you wanted me to stay, so I stayed for as long as I could even if it felt wrong. 

 

Even if I didn't love you anymore, I stayed for as long as I could kasi I could not break your heart like that. 

 

Kasi it was your heart I chose to take the day I called you mine. 

 

Kasi the thought of breaking your heart was the hardest and last thing I'd want to do in this life of mine. 

 

Pero who knew? 

 

Who knew that breaking your heart was easy? 

 

Just by me, leaving like that? 

 

Who knew that a heart so strong could be so fragile at the same time? 

 

You were strong, Irene. 

 

So strong. 

 

And I admired you for that. 

 

And yet, you were fragile in my hands. 

 

But that didn't matter, because the thought of wanting to leave was fixed in my mind so much that I didn't even mind breaking that fragile heart of yours to escape the forever I had doomed myself into. 

 

Ang dami kong pangakong napako. 

 

I'm sorry, Irene. 

 

Alam kong hindi ako pwedeng manghingi ng kapatawaran dahil sa katangahan at kagaguhang ginawa ko sa'yo, but know this. 

 

Sana, in your next life, you won't choose me. 

 

Never choose me again. 

 

So I won't hurt you like I did in this life. 

 

But somehow, I wish you wouldn't do that kasi being loved by you was the greatest thing I've experienced until I figured out that I didn't want it anymore and now I'm ing wishing to take that all back. 

 

Ang gulo ko, diba? 

 

As you walk away from me after I answered all of your questions, I wish to be enough. 

 

I wish to be the Seulgi you fell in love with so I could bring you back here sa tabi ko and bring back everything that we had lost, pero I'm not going to be able to bring back the part of me because I know in myself that I've changed. 

 

I wish to be the Seulgi nung third year where everything is still alright, where all the things I could think about is you, you, you. 

 

You, and nothing else. 

 

Only you and nothing else mattered. 

 

Pero I admit that I've changed. 

 

I won't be able to bring back the girl that you loved, so it's better to leave, right? 

 

Kaysa naman pilitin ko pa ang sarili ko na mahalin ka kahit di ko na kaya, 'di ba? 

 

But as I looked at you, I wondered how you could fight even though you knew that I couldn't. I wondered how you could still give me your heart even if all I do is break you apart. 

 

I wondered how you can still love me even if you know I don't, not anymore. 

 

But all I can do is wonder. 

 

Because I needed to leave you behind. 

 

Because I wanted to be selfish. 

 

Because I was already imagining a world where I reach my dreams without you, even if I promised you that we'd be reaching our dreams together. 

 

It isn't your fault. 

 

It never is. 

 

You're more than enough for me, pero I knew that before I could do more damage to you, kailangan kitang

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Comments

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forgotme #1
Chapter 18: Grabe nman mapanakit..
Wala bang part 2 ung continuation 😁✌️
sluggiebearr
#2
Chapter 18: wtf did i just read 😭😭😭😭😭 ang sakit sakit ng puso ko sobra ano to
xantheaverielle
#3
Chapter 18: Sobrang sakit ng fic na 'to. Cried too much from reading this. So beautifully written and so painfully good. Made me realize so much. Thank you for this work, author!
Reveluvteddy #4
Chapter 18: This is really good. Hurt so good 💔
seulsbear
#5
Chapter 5: Ang ganda ng story na 'to! Nasa chapter 4 pa lang ako pero parang may ib-binge read ako ngayon😭

This story deserves more comments and reads! I'm guessing the reason why di gaanong kilala 'tong story na 'to even tho it's so good is because you didn't put a "seulrene" tag on its own sa description. I was only able to find this story through twitter :((
RVSone0105
968 streak #6
Chapter 5: Haist talaga seulrene!! Panindigan niyo rin ang kilig ko sa inyo, galawin niyo na ang barko juseyo 🥺 missed ko na kayo 😭
spagtitty #7
Chapter 18: Thank you so much for this masterpiece, author. I never knew I needed a beautifully written fic in my life. god im so glad dementia runs in my family and because of that i can read this again and again and again and experience catharsis 🧎🏻‍♀️
spagtitty #8
Chapter 14: ṣ̸̛̺̞̯̬̍̏̓̀̅̚̕e̶̘̤̪̟̭̰͑ư̵̳̱̥̙͆͐̌͋̂̈̈̅̍l̵̥̓͐̈́̓̌̃͂̅͝r̶̯͇̪͓͈̭̫̟̉͑͛̏̿̊è̶̛̙̙̭̖̦͐̀̓̐̓̓̇̀ņ̷̖͈̱͍͗́ê̵̬̗̪̫̆́̍͆͛͠f̷͈̹̜̦͍̱̉͐̉̅̈́̃̚͠l̵̫͂͗͆͌̈́̎̃̎͝ủ̶̡̡̻͈̠̤f̵̰̬͎͚͇̯̓̈́̌ͅf̵̡͓̙͕͓̞̳̞̀̍͋̚͜͜͝