Track 04: Kahit Sa Pagtanda, Ako'y Sa'yo

The One I Once Loved
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[ Now Playing: Paninindigan Kita by Ben and Ben ]

 

 

What if crush kita? 

 

Seulgi Kang, what do I do with you? 

 

My heart is beating crazy since earlier, na kahit alam kong I'm keeping control between the two of us, you threw me off with those words of yours because I misread you. 

 

Akala ko, hindi mo kayang sabihin yun. 

 

Kahit obvious, I heard from stories na torpe ka daw, and I smile knowing that I have such an effect on you. 

 

It's already 2 AM, and even if it's a Saturday tomorrow which means there's no classes, I haven't had even a wink of sleep.

 

I don't know if it's because I slept a lot earlier or because these thoughts are still keeping my mind awake, unable to fall asleep. 

 

Oh, Seulgi. 

 

I find myself swooning over you, sa di malamang dahilan. 

 

Just a few months ago I was still Irene the stranger, and yet in a few months' time you were able to turn me into someone you knew so well—you've turned me into a friend, a close friend, and now… 

 

Seulgi, you're a terrible liar. 

 

And a terrible pretender, even. 

 

Kitang kita ko sa mga mata mo, kung paano ka tumitig sa akin every time na magsasalita ako or even if I don't do anything, alam kong iba pagtingin mo sa akin than kay Wendy or Joy, both your closest friends, but somehow I'm in a different level in that spectrum of yours. 

 

I dare you. 

 

Let yourself fall, then. 

 

Sasaluhin naman kita eh. 

 

No matter what. 

 

What if crush din kita? 

 

Would you be able to handle it? 

 

I find myself smiling wide kahit sobrang nakakangawit na dahil kanina pa ako nakangiti simula nang ihatid mo ako sa bus stop na sasakyan ko, hanggang sa makauwi ako at kahit ngayon nakangiti pa rin ako like a lovesick girl. 

 

Grabe ka na, Miss Kang. 

 

No matter how I toss and turn, hindi pa rin ako madalaw ng antok, but I don't mind as long as I get to process all of these thoughts occupying my head, because it's long overdue. 

 

So, that naturally takes me back to reminiscing—something I've never done because all I've done these past few months is to live in the moment, my thoughts filled with you. 

 

Did you know na I've always felt you staring at me when we were in that Psychology class? 

 

Nakakatawa nga eh, you got my attention since day one, since you introduced yourself to be Seulgi Kang, Third Year majoring in Dance and for funsies, you told the whole class na namisclick mo yung pagsign-up for this class, kasi nagmamadali ka na to get by the enrollment deadline (which is the reason why you got on Prof Sunny's bad side, I just know it). 

 

I had to feign ignorance and feign not knowing your name or why you took Psychology just to not make it look so creepy, and it certainly gave me the urge to laugh nang sabihin mo na you were really interested with Psych even if alam kong lagi ka lang kumokopya dun sa friend mo.

 

Pero yun nga, hindi ko naman talaga inasahan na uupo ako sa tabi mo that day eh, but when your friend, Wendy, told you na she's going to help another classmate with that activity we had, I knew I had to make a move or something. 

 

'Di naman pwede yung tititigan mo lang ako the whole sem, right? 

 

Fridays. 

 

It was something I dreaded since even if Psychology certainly perks up my mind, the professor's standards are almost unbearable and starkly high, to the point na hindi talaga ako papasok ng part time job ko just to make sure that everything I pass to her is topnotch and more than what she expects of me, since nakaupo nga ako sa front row—and I've heard that Prof Sunny's front row students are expected to be the best. 

 

Not until you came, anyway. 

 

I didn't really expect na papalipatin ako sa fourth row, a place I've never sat at in any of my classes because I always preferred being near the board for discussions, pero somehow I liked being at the fourth row, even if I also unconsciously became a target for Prof Sunny's terror recitations. 

 

Or baka gusto lang talaga kita katabi? 

 

Siguro nga. 

 

Fridays became a thing I looked forward to, pero it was one Friday that stuck out to me the most. 

 

Yun yung Friday na sobrang antok ako because I could not sleep the night before, kasi biglang nagback-out yung papalit sa akin na staff dun sa work ko, so the boss told me to work overtime hanggang sa nag-umaga na, and I had to go to the univ straight na hindi natutulog. The pay was astoundingly high, yes, pero gosh I could not even keep my eyes open for three seconds or more. 

 

I may have underestimated how you stare at me most of the time, because you immediately noticed that something was not right with me the moment na tumapak ako sa loob ng classroom. 

 

"Sandal ka muna sa'kin," You said, and I've always wondered how those few simple words almost brought me to tears but I held back—instead I did as you wanted me to, and in that moment I decided that your warmth is slowly becoming my favorite thing in the world, and it was something I was slowly craving more of. 

 

It's funny how I could easily sleep when I'm with you—tawang tawa pa din ako na nagturo ka pa ng mga lugar

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Comments

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forgotme #1
Chapter 18: Grabe nman mapanakit..
Wala bang part 2 ung continuation 😁✌️
sluggiebearr
#2
Chapter 18: wtf did i just read 😭😭😭😭😭 ang sakit sakit ng puso ko sobra ano to
xantheaverielle
#3
Chapter 18: Sobrang sakit ng fic na 'to. Cried too much from reading this. So beautifully written and so painfully good. Made me realize so much. Thank you for this work, author!
Reveluvteddy #4
Chapter 18: This is really good. Hurt so good 💔
seulsbear
#5
Chapter 5: Ang ganda ng story na 'to! Nasa chapter 4 pa lang ako pero parang may ib-binge read ako ngayon😭

This story deserves more comments and reads! I'm guessing the reason why di gaanong kilala 'tong story na 'to even tho it's so good is because you didn't put a "seulrene" tag on its own sa description. I was only able to find this story through twitter :((
RVSone0105
936 streak #6
Chapter 5: Haist talaga seulrene!! Panindigan niyo rin ang kilig ko sa inyo, galawin niyo na ang barko juseyo 🥺 missed ko na kayo 😭
spagtitty #7
Chapter 18: Thank you so much for this masterpiece, author. I never knew I needed a beautifully written fic in my life. god im so glad dementia runs in my family and because of that i can read this again and again and again and experience catharsis 🧎🏻‍♀️
spagtitty #8
Chapter 14: ṣ̸̛̺̞̯̬̍̏̓̀̅̚̕e̶̘̤̪̟̭̰͑ư̵̳̱̥̙͆͐̌͋̂̈̈̅̍l̵̥̓͐̈́̓̌̃͂̅͝r̶̯͇̪͓͈̭̫̟̉͑͛̏̿̊è̶̛̙̙̭̖̦͐̀̓̐̓̓̇̀ņ̷̖͈̱͍͗́ê̵̬̗̪̫̆́̍͆͛͠f̷͈̹̜̦͍̱̉͐̉̅̈́̃̚͠l̵̫͂͗͆͌̈́̎̃̎͝ủ̶̡̡̻͈̠̤f̵̰̬͎͚͇̯̓̈́̌ͅf̵̡͓̙͕͓̞̳̞̀̍͋̚͜͜͝