Bargaining

It was at that moment that Jieun regretted not wearing comfy shoes. She tried to keep her balance as she ran towards Changmo’s retreating figure, praying that her high heels won’t make her trip.

She can’t mess this up. It was embarrassing enough that she took the first step of going to the RAIN Company building in hopes of seeing Jihoon; it’s going to be worse and more pathetic if nothing came out of this.

“Oppa, please!”

It was practically begging at this point. Changmo already said he’s not free to give the information that she’s asking for, but she just can’t take that no.

Did she regret sending Jihoon that angry message two weeks ago? Yes.

Will she take it back if she had the chance? Probably not.

She’s angry, but desperation and a sense that she’s on the losing end is growing deep within her. She can’t let Jihoon leave Korea without sorting this out with him. And she just can’t believe that he’s leaving like that, without even talking to her. There must be a reason. There has to be a reason.

The Jihoon she knows loves her and has stood by her through the worst. This can’t be the end.

“I just need to talk to him..He’s –“

Jieun caught herself before she spilled it. She was just about to say that Jihoon has been ignoring her calls and messages. Now his number cannot be reached – the heartless prick probably changed his number, and it sent her to this place of desperation that she thought she would never reach - begging for Changmo to tell Jihoon that they need to meet.

When the rumors of him leaving for Los Angeles started growing, she felt that her time was running out, and he wouldn’t even tell her if he is indeed leaving soon. She needed to see him because training in L.A. meant he’s going to be gone for months. Then filming would probably eat up the rest of his year as well. And her schedule was no piece of cake, either. It was now or never.

“Jieun..” Changmo paused, looking pained. “I was specifically asked not to give his new number. He wanted to focus on work, I’m sorry. I wish I could..”

Specifically asked.

Wow.

She sighed, feeling like she deserved better than this. It was as if Jihoon did a complete 180 on her, and it hurts.

“It’s fine, oppa. It’s not your fault.” She managed to give him a reassuring smile.

Changmo returned her smile, but it looked pained.

Jieun’s feet were glued to the ground, unable to decide where to go to next. She didn’t have anything for the day so she was intent on seeing Jihoon and talking it out with him, but it seemed that lady luck is not on her side.  Exasperated, she let out a big sigh, unaware that Changmo had his heel, making his way back to where she was.

“Don’t tell him you got it from me.” He said, out of the blue, grabbing Jieun’s attention.

“Oppa- “

Changmo gave her a look that betrayed his thoughts. It seemed like he knew more than he let on, and he sympathizes.

“Just take it before I change my mind.” He said, a tiny piece of paper firmly placed between the tips of his fingers.

She clasped the tiny paper in her hands, scared the wind would take it away.

“Thank you, oppa. I –“ Jieun couldn’t  think of the words to say without spilling her heart out in the middle of the street. Changmo seemed to understand and put a hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me…it’s fine, Jieun. I hope you two sort it out.” He said, smiling a little easier now than earlier.

**

Finally safe within the confines of her room, Jieun put the tiny piece of paper on her bed and stared at it. She thought calling Jihoon up would come easy but now that the phone number is just in front of her, her insides started feeling funny. Maybe it’s the thought that Jihoon didn’t want to be reached…it made her feel insignificant. Like she suddenly didn’t matter to him and it’s chipping away at her determination.

What if calling him up will make things worse?

Jieun kicked off her slippers and lay on the bed.

This is harder than she thought.

Oh, to be back to those days when she was worried about being engaged to him. She was worried, but at least they were together. There was a chance of them sorting it out; all she needed to do was to tell him how she felt.

But now, everything seems to be slipping farther and farther away from her. And Jihoon seemed intent on building that wall between them.

Suddenly her phone pinged, taking her attention away from her thoughts.

It was a text message from her mother.

Jieun-ah, is Jihoon leaving soon? Tell him to drop by. I want to send him some side dishes for his trip.

She stared at her phonescreen. Bless her mom’s soul, she has no clue whatsoever.

This wasn’t what she needed, but it gave her a much needed nudge. It was a nudge that was starting to outweigh her fears and the guilt that she’s been trying to avoid for months. It wasn’t a secret that she had serious doubts about marrying Jihoon, and the thought that she brought this upon herself gnaws at her continuously.

She’s going to call him tomorrow.

Just more time to gather up enough courage and she’ll do it.  

Yes. Tomorrow.

But before she slept, she sent Jihoon a text, asking him to meet up. Maybe, just maybe he’ll respond.

Maybe.

Slowly, her eyes started to droop, and vivid images of Jihoon smiling at her as they baked muffins filled her head. It was all just a dream of a distant memory, but somehow it made her glad that in her dreams, Jihoon stayed.

**

Inna looked at her in a funny way when she told her she’s willing to babysit Yerin for as long as she needs.

“What?! Didn’t you tell me you needed help since your eomma left Seoul?”

Jieun was hanging out at Inna’s since early morning. She couldn’t sleep so she decided to grab some breakfast and brought some at her friend’s house. She knew that they were having trouble looking for someone to babysit Yerin while they work so she thought about offering help.

Inna still looked unconvinced, both arms crossed over her chest, her eyes scrunitizing Jieun’s face closely.

“I know…but ‘for as long as I need’ doesn’t sound like you, Jieun. I love you like a sister, but we both know you can’t stop working even if you tried.” She paused, biting her lip, her eyes looking like lasers ready to examine Jieun. “Besides, don’t you have that movie to film?”

Jieun chose her words well. She knew Inna would find out eventually (because that’s just how it goes), but for now she’s choosing to deal with it on her own. It hurts to even think about getting rejected, even more if Inna finds out. Her bestfriend will probably baby her to death, which will probably make her feel depressed than comforted. Something about your closest people acknowledging your own pain makes the pain even worse for some reason. For now, she’d rather deal with it alone.

“Oh, the schedule changed so I have some free time.” She tried to sound as nonchalant as she can. “Eomma and Appa also noticed how I’ve been too busy, and I think they’re right..so I’m taking a short breather.”

Her friend squinted her eyes at her, but she slowly nodded.

“Fine..I guess I should thank you. Work has been hectic and it’s hard to find a babysitter. If I can only quit my job and stay home..”

Her friend’s face turned somber. She can’t believe that this is the same person who looked like her world is turned upside down when Yerin was born.

“Do you mean that?” Jieun asked, curious.

“Hmm? Which one?”

“Wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. I can’t believe you’ll say that, honestly.”

A tender smile broke out on Inna’s face.

“I do. Babies are weird, Jieun. They ruin your life, but in a good way. I was scared out of my mind when Yerin came – it felt like I had no idea what I got myself into, but it’s the most rewarding thing ever. Seeing Yerin smile at me is the purest thing in the world. I wonder how I’ll be able to handle it when she starts talking and calling me ‘eomma’.”

“Wow.” She can’t think of anything else to say. Somehow, she envied Inna’s certainty about her life, which